Best Simpsons Quotes

The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television.

The Top Ten

1 Doh - Homer Simpson

The most common quote used is always the best one. A nice classic one that is repeated several times!

when I die these are going to be my last words - westofohio

Whenever I get unlucky or (I hope very long in the future) die I'll always say this is that clear

Good ole Homer Simpson.

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2 Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz

Best quote by Lionel hutz ever, when I heard it I had to think about it for a second and then I just started laughing my head off hahahahah... Wait did he say son and repeatedly... Hahahahah

RIP Phil Hartman. Funniest man ever

Thats Hilarious Mess up but Vary Hilarious I Found MY Status For Today lol(

Ah, Lionel Hutz. Funny and humorous great character.

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3 Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum

This is only 14?! That's unpossible!

Ralph is my favorite character! This just proves that Ralph is a brilliant character. He's so dumb and is so greatly strange.

This should definitely be in the top 10. This is a great and funny quote. The fact this quote is 14 is an outrage.

Ralph wiggum for life!

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4 I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. - Homer Simpson

One of my favorite quotes in simpsons history. And bravo to the simpson's, not lote of shows last for 500th episodes

I just think it's a funny line, reminds me of what my biker friend used to say, all I need is a cold beer and a fat broad!

Typical slacker moment. Haw haw!

5 Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' - Homer Simpson

I guess this has to be my favorite Simpson's quote of all time.

I have made a list of my favourite homer simpsons qoutes so look at that and I forgot to put this one in so add it in and when homer said that I never seen the episode one of the few I have missed - aido17

I guess you CAN vote twice. Awesome... I love this quite too! What if I just vote in everything? - Lina1028


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6 Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak

Funny as... Moe is my favourite character, because he says loads of weird and disturbing things! E. G I'm gonna getcha brain juice and use it to paint my walls! L O L

Really depressing but hilarious. - Toms_system

MOE is also my favorite. Such misery wrapped in hideous disgust.

Also love the Crustyman. Such Schamltz weaved into corny and greedy narcissism


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7 "Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson

It's an awesome quote that is even better when you hear the inflections in his voice and see that he leaves the room, then comes back in to add, "By the way, I was being sarcastic" with total sincerity. Marge's come-back is a classic part of the quote: "Well, duh. "

When I heard this quote on T.V., I couldn't stop laughing. It is got to be my favourite quote of the Simpsons. Homer simpson you are one of the legends

Why is this 7th?!? It should be at least be second or third.

This should be 2nd and doh should still be first

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8 I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you. - Abe Simpson

This is sort of scary, but there is wisdom to Abe Simpsons' saying. It's about growing older, and the inevitability of loosing touch with hipness.

Funny and True : )

Story of my life! Laugh out loud

Honestly He's just a funny character.

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9 Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me. [P.O. Worker: Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?] I don't know... - Homer Simpson

I don't know... Haha, priceless

Haw haw
- Nelson Muntz

Haw haw


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10 Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie

Willie is so funny and his accent doe. that's not what Scottish people sound like and I know cause I'm British

I’d take French if groundskeeper Willie was the teacher. - MJfan119

The Contenders

11 They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go. - Otto the Bus Driver

Hoo hoo!

12 You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

That's something I would say, but would add, I'm also wearing a sombrero!

Haw haw!

Legs and EARS?

Lol this quote is so funny but were is lenny in the epesode when they thought mr burns was an alian


Lol hilarious

13 I don't hate your mother, Marge. I just wouldn't be sad if she died. - Homer

I felt that way when my grandpa died

Haha funny because its true! we've all felt that way at some time about someone right?

14 Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No.

Holy crap! Why isint this higher this is hilarious haha

15 This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. - Ralph Wiggum

I died at this part

16 That's where I saw the leprechaun... He told me to burn things. - Ralph Wiggum

Oh gosh wiggum

One of my Favourites, lol

17 To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems! - Homer Simpson

No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.

A classic, enough said.

He speaks the truth

18 I am the lizard queen! - Lisa Simpson

I suppose Lisa Simpson will be remembered as the Lizard Queen.

The real Lisa Simpson is the Lizard Queen!

Long live the Lizard Queen!

All hail the Lizard Queen.

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19 Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! - Ralph Wiggum

omg this had me laughing for ages - whufc

So love this quote it gives me so many laughs and I never watched the episode

This was when he was on he computer thing when lisa came in.


I always crack up when I hear this.
Before I saw this I was gonna add it myself! - SkylandersFan

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20 We are just slowly dying. - Homer Simpson
21 English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson

I live in England

Ok I don't know any of you /
I've the flu
And funniest thing,...
Now - return to dying.
It was perfect. Kid came in. Mummydearest how can I help? Oh can I help you find your wallet?

22 I choo choo choose you - Ralph Wiggum

It's: You choo choo choose me?

23 How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me? - Homer Simpson

It's funny because the stupidest person said it.

24 Bart: Dad You Killed Zombie Flanders! Homer: He Was A Zombie?

Funny because Flanders sucks.

25 Ha-ha - Nelson

My friends dad can do a lovely impression

This is so funny. Most iconic laugh ever!

DOH! This should be higher

More like haw haw

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26 Eat my shorts - Bart Simpson

How on earth is this so low? I mean this is the second best after "'Oh! "... Come on people eat my shorts is just awesome!

WHAT THIS IS FROM THE BREAKFAST CLUB I THOUGHT Oops, maybe I'm wrong. Am I? Well, to show you, search 'Breakfast Club Eat My Shorts Scene'

My favourite character and hilarious catch should be in the top ten just saying au caramba eat my shorts all his catch phrases are hilarious


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27 Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that. - Homer Simpson

0.7% people voted for this - gemcloben

The least you could do is 2 get the quote right

28 I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman. - Homer Simpson

One can only hope Homeboy. - hhutc9

I usually say that but with Maynard James Keenan - CrypticDeath666

29 If you don't like your job you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half assed, that's the american way- Homer Simpson

One of thousands of cultural references that speak the truth and let you laugh at the same time. - mgenet

A surreal testimony to the third rate nation the U. S. has become.

30 Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, Like Englishmen and Scots, Welshmen and Scots, Or Japanese and Scots, Or Scots and Scots, Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland!

This is even funnier if you're a Scot and reading this (yeah, I'm Scottish) - TwilightKitsune

I feel sorry for the scottish, but it is kind of true

Nobody wrote it but I assume it's willie

So good, I can't stop smiling!

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31 I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T! - Homer

At the same time he burnt his high school diploma and started a fire.

Also an accident but added to the script.

32 What do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking something like No TV and No Beer Make Homer Something Something. [Marge: Go Crazy?] Don't mind if I do! (goes crazy) - Homer Simpson

LOL XD Homer is a legende - Snowflake1992

Homer is by far the best!

Whop, whop whop.. Nanananagaagaa.. Wabububub...

33 I Call the Big One Bitey - Homer Simpson

Hang on a minute. Isn't this one of Matt Groening's all time favorite quotes? Shouldn't this be higher? Oh well...

34 If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time. - Lisa Simpson
35 I'm trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron! - Homer Simpson

I ROFL'd at this for hours! - nic1997ps3

It is the funniest Simpson line ever

Which episode was this?

HAHAAHA I love this one

36 Look! I'm a unitard! - Ralph dressed as a unicorn
37 Maude Flanders: I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N! Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!
38 Gah, Stupid sexy Flanders! - Homer

Laugh out loud, this is so funny - Harri666

39 Chew through my ball sack. - Principal Skinner while tied up in a dodge ball sack

This has to be one of the most funniest things I have ever heard in a long time. Honestly I was rolling around with tears in my eyes. Thank you "SKINNER"

Which ball sack, Mr. Skinner? - SwagFlicks

40 Back in Edinburg, we had a coal miners strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive, not even Willie! - Groundskeeper Willie

Chalmers after this is so funny. "SKINNER! I hate to interrupt your advice from THE JANITOR... "

41 Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing.&quo

Ahh Mr. Burns... Eases the pain.

42 Ow! My eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! - Lenny

I love Lenny. Best background character!

This is one of my favorites! I thought it would be higher

I think Lenny has a problem... - SwagFlicks

43 I'm already feeling like a chicken, I just made an egg in my pants - Ralph Wiggum at a chicken pox party
44 "Hello Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on!" - Mr Burns

Uum? You'd probably should ignore that. (Smithers to Lisa after his screen saver is revealed to be a naked Mr Burns).

45 I was saying Boo-urns... - Hans Moleman

Hilarious quote by Moleman, haha this one is applicable every day!

Love this one. One of my favourites

"I was saying Boo-urns."
That's classic in so many ways. - SwagFlicks

46 What?s a wedding? Webster?s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one?s garden. - Homer Simpson


47 My cat Mittens smells like cat food - Ralph Wiggum
48 Can you open my milk Mommy? - Ralph Wiggum
49 Close your eyes, Marge. I have a surprise for you - Homer Simpson (whilst pointing a gun at her face)
50 There, pretty as a picture ... Ach! Zombies! ... There, pretty as a picture. - Groundskeeper Willie
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Best Homer Simpson Quotes Best Simpsons Movie Quotes Best Lisa Simpson Quotes Best Marge Simpson Quotes Top 10 Jessica Simpson Quotes

List Stats

3,000 votes
177 listings
13 years, 88 days old

Top Remixes (9)

1. "Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson
2. English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson
3. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
1. Doh - Homer Simpson
2. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
3. I Call the Big One Bitey - Homer Simpson
1. Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz
2. Maude Flanders: I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N! Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!
3. Gah, Stupid sexy Flanders! - Homer

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