Best Simpsons Quotes

The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television.

The Top Ten

Doh - Homer Simpson

The most common quote used is always the best one. A nice classic one that is repeated several times!

This quote is in the Oxford dictionary. That's how popular it is

when I die these are going to be my last words

Whenever I get unlucky or (I hope very long in the future) die I'll always say this is that clear

Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz

Best quote by Lionel hutz ever, when I heard it I had to think about it for a second and then I just started laughing my head off hahahahah... Wait did he say son and repeatedly... Hahahahah

RIP Phil Hartman. Funniest man ever

Thats Hilarious Mess up but Vary Hilarious I Found MY Status For Today lol(

Most of these are so good, but I have to go with this one! Dang it why can't we vote more than once!?

Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum

Thees is nombar 3? that's unpossible! Should be number 2 behind doh.

This is only 14?! That's unpossible!

Ralph is my favorite character! This just proves that Ralph is a brilliant character. He's so dumb and is so greatly strange.

My dad and I watch The Simpsons together all the time and this is one of our favorite quotes!

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. - Homer Simpson

One of my favorite quotes in simpsons history. And bravo to the simpson's, not lote of shows last for 500th episodes

I just think it's a funny line, reminds me of what my biker friend used to say, all I need is a cold beer and a fat broad!

Me to homer, me to!

Typical slacker moment. Haw haw!

Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' - Homer Simpson

I guess this has to be my favorite Simpson's quote of all time.

I have made a list of my favourite homer simpsons qoutes so look at that and I forgot to put this one in so add it in and when homer said that I never seen the episode one of the few I have missed

I guess you CAN vote twice. Awesome... I love this quite too! What if I just vote in everything?

This is my all-time favorite quote. I've even used it at times.

Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak

Funny as... Moe is my favourite character, because he says loads of weird and disturbing things! E. G I'm gonna getcha brain juice and use it to paint my walls! L O L

Really depressing but hilarious.

MOE is also my favorite. Such misery wrapped in hideous disgust.

Also love the Crustyman. Such Schamltz weaved into corny and greedy narcissism

Hobo quote

"Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson

It's an awesome quote that is even better when you hear the inflections in his voice and see that he leaves the room, then comes back in to add, "By the way, I was being sarcastic" with total sincerity. Marge's come-back is a classic part of the quote: "Well, duh. "

When I heard this quote on T.V., I couldn't stop laughing. It is got to be my favourite quote of the Simpsons. Homer simpson you are one of the legends

Why is this 7th?!? It should be at least be second or third.

This should be 2nd and doh should still be first

Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me. [P.O. Worker: Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?] I don't know... - Homer Simpson

I don't know... Haha, priceless

Haw haw
- Nelson Muntz

"i don't know" I die at this, every time!

Haw haw

I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you. - Abe Simpson

This is sort of scary, but there is wisdom to Abe Simpsons' saying. It's about growing older, and the inevitability of loosing touch with hipness.

Funny and True : )

Story of my life! Laugh out loud

Honestly He's just a funny character.

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

That's something I would say, but would add, I'm also wearing a sombrero!

Ha ha!

Legs and EARS?

Marge is such a bitch in that scene!

The Contenders

Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie

Willie is so funny and his accent doe. that's not what Scottish people sound like and I know cause I'm British

I’d take French if groundskeeper Willie was the teacher.

They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go. - Otto the Bus Driver

Hoo hoo!

I don't hate your mother, Marge. I just wouldn't be sad if she died. - Homer

One of my favorite things to say to my brother is 'I'm not saying I hate you, I just wouldn't be sad if you died.' For a few years, I was wondering were I got this from. Then I started watching The Simpson's again!

I felt that way when my grandpa died

Sounds like me

Haha funny because its true! we've all felt that way at some time about someone right?

To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems! - Homer Simpson

The good thing about Homer is that he says what everyone's thinking!

No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.

A classic, enough said.

He speaks the truth

Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No.

Holy crap! Why isint this higher this is hilarious haha

This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. - Ralph Wiggum

I died at this part

Stupid people

ha ha

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! - Ralph Wiggum

omg this had me laughing for ages

So love this quote it gives me so many laughs and I never watched the episode

This was when he was on he computer thing when lisa came in.

Classic Ralph, too funny

That's where I saw the leprechaun... He told me to burn things. - Ralph Wiggum

Oh gosh wiggum

One of my Favourites, lol

And did you?

I am the lizard queen! - Lisa Simpson

I suppose Lisa Simpson will be remembered as the Lizard Queen.

The real Lisa Simpson is the Lizard Queen!

Long live the Lizard Queen!

All hail the Lizard Queen.

I choo choo choose you - Ralph Wiggum

It's: You choo choo choose me?

English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson

I live in England

HA HA HA!

Funniest thing Homer's ever said! 🤣

Ok I don't know any of you /
I've the flu
And funniest thing,...
Now - return to dying.
Nooo
It was perfect. Kid came in. Mummydearest how can I help? Oh can I help you find your wallet?

How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me? - Homer Simpson

It's funny because the stupidest person said it.

Hm... *Insert Jeopardy thinking music here*

We are just slowly dying. - Homer Simpson
Ha-ha - Nelson

Our home phone makes a sound like this when we put it on it's charger so, ever since we were little, my siblings and I always say 'Ha ha' when we put our phone back! That then evolved into a competition of who could get the best sounding impression!

When the bully made fun of you and say this...

That quote should be number two after Homer's ICONIC quote.

My friends dad can do a lovely impression

Eat my shorts - Bart Simpson

I don't know why they removed this - Unnamed Google User Remade

How on earth is this so low? I mean this is the second best after "'Oh! "... Come on people eat my shorts is just awesome!

WHAT THIS IS FROM THE BREAKFAST CLUB I THOUGHT Oops, maybe I'm wrong. Am I? Well, to show you, search 'Breakfast Club Eat My Shorts Scene'

How is this not #1?

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