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Best Simpsons Quotes
The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television.The Top Ten
1 Doh - Homer Simpson
The most common quote used is always the best one. A nice classic one that is repeated several times!
when I die these are going to be my last words - westofohio
Whenever I get unlucky or (I hope very long in the future) die I'll always say this is that clear
Good ole Homer Simpson.
V 18 Comments
2 Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz
Best quote by Lionel hutz ever, when I heard it I had to think about it for a second and then I just started laughing my head off hahahahah... Wait did he say son and repeatedly... Hahahahah
RIP Phil Hartman. Funniest man ever
Thats Hilarious Mess up but Vary Hilarious I Found MY Status For Today lol(
Ah, Lionel Hutz. Funny and humorous great character.
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3 Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
This is only 14?! That's unpossible!
Ralph is my favorite character! This just proves that Ralph is a brilliant character. He's so dumb and is so greatly strange.
This should definitely be in the top 10. This is a great and funny quote. The fact this quote is 14 is an outrage.
This is the best of ralph
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4 I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. - Homer Simpson
One of my favorite quotes in simpsons history. And bravo to the simpson's, not lote of shows last for 500th episodes
I just think it's a funny line, reminds me of what my biker friend used to say, all I need is a cold beer and a fat broad!
Typical slacker moment. Haw haw!
5 Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' - Homer Simpson
I guess this has to be my favorite Simpson's quote of all time.
I have made a list of my favourite homer simpsons qoutes so look at that and I forgot to put this one in so add it in and when homer said that I never seen the episode one of the few I have missed - aido17
I guess you CAN vote twice. Awesome... I love this quite too! What if I just vote in everything? - Lina1028
Best - quote - ever
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6 Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak
Funny as... Moe is my favourite character, because he says loads of weird and disturbing things! E. G I'm gonna getcha brain juice and use it to paint my walls! L O L
Really depressing but hilarious. - Toms_system
MOE is also my favorite. Such misery wrapped in hideous disgust.
Also love the Crustyman. Such Schamltz weaved into corny and greedy narcissism
lol
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7 "Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson
It's an awesome quote that is even better when you hear the inflections in his voice and see that he leaves the room, then comes back in to add, "By the way, I was being sarcastic" with total sincerity. Marge's come-back is a classic part of the quote: "Well, duh. "
When I heard this quote on T.V., I couldn't stop laughing. It is got to be my favourite quote of the Simpsons. Homer simpson you are one of the legends
Why is this 7th?!? It should be at least be second or third.
This should be 2nd and doh should still be first
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8 I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you. - Abe Simpson
This is sort of scary, but there is wisdom to Abe Simpsons' saying. It's about growing older, and the inevitability of loosing touch with hipness.
Funny and True : )
Story of my life! Laugh out loud
Factual quote. Aging is wise and ugly.
9 Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me. [P.O. Worker: Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?] I don't know... - Homer Simpson
I don't know... Haha, priceless
Haw haw
- Nelson Muntz
Haw haw
Hilarious.
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10 Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie
Willie is so funny and his accent doe. that's not what Scottish people sound like and I know cause I'm British
I’d take French if groundskeeper Willie was the teacher. - MJfan119
The Contenders
11 They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go. - Otto the Bus Driver
Hoo hoo!
12 You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. - Homer Simpson, when on the phone
That's something I would say, but would add, I'm also wearing a sombrero!
Haw haw!
Legs and EARS?
Lol this quote is so funny but were is lenny in the epesode when they thought mr burns was an alian
CHOP HIS LEGS OFF!
Lol hilarious
13 I don't hate your mother, Marge. I just wouldn't be sad if she died. - Homer
I felt that way when my grandpa died
Haha funny because its true! we've all felt that way at some time about someone right?
14 Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No.
Holy crap! Why isint this higher this is hilarious haha
15 This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. - Ralph Wiggum
I died at this part
16 That's where I saw the leprechaun... He told me to burn things. - Ralph Wiggum
Oh gosh wiggum
One of my Favourites, lol
17 To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems! - Homer Simpson
No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.
A classic, enough said.
He speaks the truth
18 I am the lizard queen! - Lisa Simpson
I suppose Lisa Simpson will be remembered as the Lizard Queen.
The real Lisa Simpson is the Lizard Queen!
Long live the Lizard Queen!
All hail the Lizard Queen.
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19 Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! - Ralph Wiggum
omg this had me laughing for ages - whufc
So love this quote it gives me so many laughs and I never watched the episode
This was when he was on he computer thing when lisa came in.
I'M LEARRINING!
I always crack up when I hear this.
Before I saw this I was gonna add it myself! - SkylandersFan
20 We are just slowly dying. - Homer Simpson
21 English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson
I live in England
Ok I don't know any of you /
I've the flu
And funniest thing,...
Now - return to dying.
Nooo
It was perfect. Kid came in. Mummydearest how can I help? Oh can I help you find your wallet?
22 I choo choo choose you - Ralph Wiggum
It's: You choo choo choose me?
23 How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me? - Homer Simpson
It's funny because the stupidest person said it.
24 Bart: Dad You Killed Zombie Flanders! Homer: He Was A Zombie?
Funny because Flanders sucks.
25 Ha-ha - Nelson
My friends dad can do a lovely impression
This is so funny. Most iconic laugh ever!
DOH! This should be higher
More like haw haw
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26 Eat my shorts - Bart Simpson
How on earth is this so low? I mean this is the second best after "'Oh! "... Come on people eat my shorts is just awesome!
WHAT THIS IS FROM THE BREAKFAST CLUB I THOUGHT Oops, maybe I'm wrong. Am I? Well, to show you, search 'Breakfast Club Eat My Shorts Scene'
My favourite character and hilarious catch should be in the top ten just saying au caramba eat my shorts all his catch phrases are hilarious
Iconic.
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27 Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that. - Homer Simpson
0.7% people voted for this - gemcloben
The least you could do is 2 get the quote right
28 I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman. - Homer Simpson
One can only hope Homeboy. - hhutc9
I usually say that but with Maynard James Keenan - CrypticDeath666
29 If you don't like your job you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half assed, that's the american way- Homer Simpson
One of thousands of cultural references that speak the truth and let you laugh at the same time. - mgenet
A surreal testimony to the third rate nation the U. S. has become.
30 Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, Like Englishmen and Scots, Welshmen and Scots, Or Japanese and Scots, Or Scots and Scots, Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland!
This is even funnier if you're a Scot and reading this (yeah, I'm Scottish) - TwilightKitsune
I feel sorry for the scottish, but it is kind of true
Nobody wrote it but I assume it's willie
So good, I can't stop smiling!
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31 I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T! - Homer
At the same time he burnt his high school diploma and started a fire.
Also an accident but added to the script.
32 What do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking something like No TV and No Beer Make Homer Something Something. [Marge: Go Crazy?] Don't mind if I do! (goes crazy) - Homer Simpson
LOL XD Homer is a legende - Snowflake1992
Homer is by far the best!
Whop, whop whop.. Nanananagaagaa.. Wabububub...
33 If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time. - Lisa Simpson
34 Look! I'm a unitard! - Ralph dressed as a unicorn
35 Maude Flanders: I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N! Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!
36 I Call the Big One Bitey - Homer Simpson
Hang on a minute. Isn't this one of Matt Groening's all time favorite quotes? Shouldn't this be higher? Oh well...
37 I'm trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron! - Homer Simpson
I ROFL'd at this for hours! - nic1997ps3
It is the funniest Simpson line ever
Which episode was this?
HAHAAHA I love this one
38 Gah, Stupid sexy Flanders! - Homer
Laugh out loud, this is so funny - Harri666
39 Chew through my ball sack. - Principal Skinner while tied up in a dodge ball sack
This has to be one of the most funniest things I have ever heard in a long time. Honestly I was rolling around with tears in my eyes. Thank you "SKINNER"
Which ball sack, Mr. Skinner? - SwagFlicks
40 Back in Edinburg, we had a coal miners strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive, not even Willie! - Groundskeeper Willie
Chalmers after this is so funny. "SKINNER! I hate to interrupt your advice from THE JANITOR... "
41 Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing.&quo
Ahh Mr. Burns... Eases the pain.
42 Ow! My eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! - Lenny
I love Lenny. Best background character!
This is one of my favorites! I thought it would be higher
I think Lenny has a problem... - SwagFlicks
43 I'm already feeling like a chicken, I just made an egg in my pants - Ralph Wiggum at a chicken pox party
44 "Hello Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on!" - Mr Burns
Uum? You'd probably should ignore that. (Smithers to Lisa after his screen saver is revealed to be a naked Mr Burns).
45 I was saying Boo-urns... - Hans Moleman
Hilarious quote by Moleman, haha this one is applicable every day!
Love this one. One of my favourites
Boo!
"I was saying Boo-urns."
That's classic in so many ways. - SwagFlicks
46 What?s a wedding? Webster?s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one?s garden. - Homer Simpson
classic
47 My cat Mittens smells like cat food - Ralph Wiggum
48 Can you open my milk Mommy? - Ralph Wiggum
49 Close your eyes, Marge. I have a surprise for you - Homer Simpson (whilst pointing a gun at her face)
50 There, pretty as a picture ... Ach! Zombies! ... There, pretty as a picture. - Groundskeeper Willie
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3,000 votes
177 listings
12 years, 268 days old
177 listings
12 years, 268 days old
Top Remixes (9)
1. "Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson
2. English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson
3. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
UltimateHybridX
2. English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson
3. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
UltimateHybridX
1. Doh - Homer Simpson
2. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
3. I Call the Big One Bitey - Homer Simpson
RickyReeves
2. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
3. I Call the Big One Bitey - Homer Simpson
RickyReeves
1. Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz
2. Maude Flanders: I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N! Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!
3. Gah, Stupid sexy Flanders! - Homer
SwagFlicks
2. Maude Flanders: I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N! Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!
3. Gah, Stupid sexy Flanders! - Homer
SwagFlicks
View All 9
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