Best The Simpsons Quotes

The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television.
The Top Ten
1 Doh - Homer Simpson

I use it every time I find out that something bad is going to happen, when it's happening to me, or just when I want to. This is why Homer Simpsson is my favorite character. Wait, D'OH! I misspelled Simpson.

Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door?

Homer: D'oh!

Marge: Homer, when you remembered to lock the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?

Homer: D'oh! D'oh!

Lisa: We forgot Grampa back at the gas station! What about Gramps?

The most common quote used is always the best one. A nice classic one that is repeated several times!

This is way better than the ran-over dog, son thing. This is the most memorable quote in The Simpsons!

2 Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz

Best quote by Lionel Hutz ever! When I heard it, I had to think about it for a second, and then I just started laughing my head off, hahahahah... Wait, did he say "son" repeatedly? Hahahahah.

Most of these are so good, but I have to go with this one! Dang it, why can't we vote more than once?!

Lionel Hutz was the funniest character, and this is from his funniest episode.

Lionel Hutz was hilarious. It's too bad the actor died. May he rest in peace.

3 Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum

Ralph is my favorite character! This just proves that Ralph is a brilliant character. He's so dumb and is so greatly strange.

This should definitely be in the top 10. This is a great and funny quote. The fact this quote is 14 is an outrage.

My dad and I watch The Simpsons together all the time and this is one of our favorite quotes!

Ralph may be dumb, but he's supposed to be in a funny way. That's unpossible for him to be smart!

4 I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. - Homer Simpson

One of my favorite quotes in Simpsons history. And bravo to The Simpsons, not a lot of shows last for 500th episodes.

I just think it's a funny line. It reminds me of what my biker friend used to say: "All I need is a cold beer and a fat broad!"

Typical slacker moment. Haw haw!

Me too, Homer, me too!

5 Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' - Homer Simpson

I guess this has to be my favorite Simpsons quote of all time.

This is my all-time favorite quote. I've even used it at times.

6 Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak

MOE is also my favorite. Such misery wrapped in hideous disgust.

Also love the Crustyman. Such schmaltz weaved into corny and greedy narcissism.

Really depressing but hilarious.

7 Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic... - Homer Simpson

It's an awesome quote that is even better when you hear the inflections in his voice and see that he leaves the room, then comes back in to add, "By the way, I was being sarcastic" with total sincerity. Marge's comeback is a classic part of the quote: "Well, duh."

This has gotta be one of my favorite Simpsons quotes ever!

Why is this 7th?! It should be at least second or third.

This joke almost killed me - I couldn't breathe.

8 Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! - Ralph Wiggum

I love this quote! It gives me so many laughs, and I've never watched the episode.

I've never heard this in the program, but that is so freaking funny!

This was when he was on the computer thing when Lisa came in.

Classic Ralph, too funny.

9 I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you. - Abe Simpson

This is sort of scary, but there is wisdom to Abe Simpson's saying. It's about growing older and the inevitability of losing touch with hipness.

Honestly, he's just a funny character.

Factual quote. Aging is wise and ugly.

Story of my life! Laugh out loud.

10 Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me. [P.O. Worker: Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?] I don't know... - Homer Simpson

"I don't know". I die at this, every time!

I don't know... Haha, priceless.

The Contenders
11 Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie

Willie is so funny and his accent, though. That's not what Scottish people sound like, and I know because I'm British.

I'd take French if groundskeeper Willie was the teacher.

12 You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

That's something I would say, but would add, I'm also wearing a sombrero!

13 They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go. - Otto the Bus Driver
14 That's where I saw the leprechaun... He told me to burn things. - Ralph Wiggum
15 I don't hate your mother, Marge. I just wouldn't be sad if she died. - Homer

One of my favorite things to say to my brother is "I'm not saying I hate you, I just wouldn't be sad if you died." For a few years, I was wondering where I got this from. Then I started watching The Simpsons again!

Haha, funny because it's true! We've all felt that way at some time about someone, right?

Sounds like me.

16 I bent my wookie - Ralph Wiggum

Can't believe this isn't top 5, let alone top 50. Ralph is awesome.

17 To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems! - Homer Simpson

The good thing about Homer is that he says what everyone's thinking!

No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.

A classic, enough said.

Drunks in a nutshell.

18 Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.
19 Look! I'm a unitard! - Ralph dressed as a unicorn

Unicorn + retard

20 This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. - Ralph Wiggum

I died at this part.

21 I sleep in a race car bed, do you? - Kirk Van Houten

Kirk is single and lonely again.

22 I am the lizard queen! - Lisa Simpson

I suppose Lisa Simpson will be remembered as the Lizard Queen.

Long live the Lizard Queen!

All hail the Lizard Queen.

Hail to the Lizard Queen!

23 I choo choo choose you - Ralph Wiggum
24 How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me? - Homer Simpson

It's funny because the stupidest person said it.

Hmm... *Insert Jeopardy thinking music here*

25 English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson
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