Best The Simpsons Quotes

The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television.
The Top Ten
1 Doh - Homer Simpson

Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door?

Homer: DOH!

Marge: Homer, when you remembered to lock the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?

Homer: DOH! DOH!

Lisa: we forgot grampa back at the gas station! what bout gramps?

I use it every time I find out that something bad is going to happen, when it's happening to me, or just when I want to. This is why Homer Simpsson is my favourite character. wait, DO'H! I misspelled Simpson.

Everyone knows what "d'oh" is from. It still blows my mind just a bit how I can run up to someone and shout this, and instantly Homer will enter their mind.

The most common quote used is always the best one. A nice classic one that is repeated several times!

2 Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz

Best quote by Lionel hutz ever, when I heard it I had to think about it for a second and then I just started laughing my head off hahahahah... Wait did he say son and repeatedly... Hahahahah

Most of these are so good, but I have to go with this one! Dang it why can't we vote more than once!?

That's really funny but also really messed up but hey who has not been there they know what

Lionel Hutz was the funniest character, and this is from his funniest episode.

3 Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum

Ralph is my favorite character! This just proves that Ralph is a brilliant character. He's so dumb and is so greatly strange.

This should definitely be in the top 10. This is a great and funny quote. The fact this quote is 14 is an outrage.

My dad and I watch The Simpsons together all the time and this is one of our favorite quotes!

Ralph may be dumb, but he's supposed to be in a funny way. That's unpossible for him to be smart!

4 I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. - Homer Simpson

I just think it's a funny line, reminds me of what my biker friend used to say, all I need is a cold beer and a fat broad!

One of my favorite quotes in simpsons history. And bravo to the simpson's, not lote of shows last for 500th episodes

Typical slacker moment. Haw haw!

Me to homer, me to!

5 Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' - Homer Simpson

I guess you CAN vote twice. Awesome... I love this quite too! What if I just vote in everything?

I guess this has to be my favorite Simpson's quote of all time.

This is my all-time favorite quote. I've even used it at times.

This is by far the best quote EVER

6 Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak

Funny as... Moe is my favourite character, because he says loads of weird and disturbing things! E. G I'm gonna getcha brain juice and use it to paint my walls! L O L

MOE is also my favorite. Such misery wrapped in hideous disgust.

Also love the Crustyman. Such Schamltz weaved into corny and greedy narcissism

Really depressing but hilarious.

Poor moe he gets a hard time

7 "Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson

It's an awesome quote that is even better when you hear the inflections in his voice and see that he leaves the room, then comes back in to add, "By the way, I was being sarcastic" with total sincerity. Marge's come-back is a classic part of the quote: "Well, duh. "

When I heard this quote on T.V., I couldn't stop laughing. It is got to be my favourite quote of the Simpsons. Homer simpson you are one of the legends

I love this quote so much it is so funny I put it as my Favourite quote on Facebook! Vote for this quot

This has gotta be one of my favorite Simpsons quotes ever!

8 Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me. [P.O. Worker: Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?] I don't know... - Homer Simpson

No, its like this,
Hello, I'm mister Burns,
I believe you have a letter for me.
P.O worker Ok Mister Burns whats your first name?
Uh... Mister Burns
Whats your first name
I don't know...

"I don't know" I die at this, every time!

I don't know... Haha, priceless

Haw haw
- Nelson Muntz

9 I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you. - Abe Simpson

This is sort of scary, but there is wisdom to Abe Simpsons' saying. It's about growing older, and the inevitability of loosing touch with hipness.

Honestly He's just a funny character.

Factual quote. Aging is wise and ugly.

Story of my life! Laugh out loud

10 You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

Lol this quote is so funny but were is lenny in the epesode when they thought mr burns was an alian


Lol hilarious

That's something I would say, but would add, I'm also wearing a sombrero!

Marge is such a bitch in that scene!

The Contenders
11 Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie

Willie is so funny and his accent doe. that's not what Scottish people sound like and I know cause I'm British

I’d take French if groundskeeper Willie was the teacher.

Groundskeeper Willie = Best French Teacher

12 They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go. - Otto the Bus Driver
13 I don't hate your mother, Marge. I just wouldn't be sad if she died. - Homer

One of my favorite things to say to my brother is 'I'm not saying I hate you, I just wouldn't be sad if you died.' For a few years, I was wondering were I got this from. Then I started watching The Simpson's again!

Haha funny because its true! we've all felt that way at some time about someone right?

I felt that way when my grandpa died

Sounds like me

14 To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems! - Homer Simpson

The good thing about Homer is that he says what everyone's thinking!

No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.

A classic, enough said.

Drunks in a nut-shell.

15 Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.

Holy crap! Why isint this higher this is hilarious haha

16 This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. - Ralph Wiggum

I died at this part

Stupid people


17 Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! - Ralph Wiggum

So love this quote it gives me so many laughs and I never watched the episode

This was when he was on he computer thing when lisa came in.

I've never heard this in the program, but that is so frikin funny!

Classic Ralph, too funny

18 That's where I saw the leprechaun... He told me to burn things. - Ralph Wiggum

Oh gosh wiggum

One of my Favourites, lol

19 I am the lizard queen! - Lisa Simpson

I suppose Lisa Simpson will be remembered as the Lizard Queen.

The real Lisa Simpson is the Lizard Queen!

Long live the Lizard Queen!

All hail the Lizard Queen.

20 I choo choo choose you - Ralph Wiggum

It's: You choo choo choose me?

21 English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson

Ok I don't know any of you /
I've the flu
And funniest thing,...
Now - return to dying.
It was perfect. Kid came in. Mummydearest how can I help? Oh can I help you find your wallet?

I live in England

Funniest thing Homer's ever said! 🤣

22 How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me? - Homer Simpson

It's funny because the stupidest person said it.

Hm... *Insert Jeopardy thinking music here*

23 We are just slowly dying. - Homer Simpson
24 Ha-ha - Nelson

Our home phone makes a sound like this when we put it on it's charger so, ever since we were little, my siblings and I always say 'Ha ha' when we put our phone back! That then evolved into a competition of who could get the best sounding impression!

When the bully made fun of you and say this...

My friends dad can do a lovely impression

This is so funny. Most iconic laugh ever!

25 Eat my shorts - Bart Simpson

How on earth is this so low? I mean this is the second best after "'Oh! "... Come on people eat my shorts is just awesome!

I don't know why they removed this - Unnamed Google User Remade

How is this not #1?

Eat my shorts!

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