Top Ten Funniest 'Check Please' Quotes From Goodness Gracious Me

For those who don't know, the "Check Please" guy in GGM is this guy who makes various obnoxious comments on various dinner dates with various girls who simply walk out on him after every comment, before he awkwardly asks, "Check Please".

And these comments are all bloody obnoxious! I feel bad for all of those girls that were with him.

Comment yourself with caution.

The Top Ten

1 Girl: "I'm chivalrous." 'Check Please' Guy: "Well, you'd never get that arse under the table otherwise."

I was laughing HARD. I rarely laugh like I did the day I saw this. Without this quote, what is this list? - PositronWildhawk

This Is my favorite. I was laughing more than any other one. - CoolCat999

2 I just want to say those three little words. Ahem. YOU'RE TOO FAT!

I broke my spleen ha ha ha ha ha

3 'Check Please' Guy: "I'd love it if you were to come back to my place tonight." Girl: "Aww. And what's the magic word?" 'Check Please' Guy: "Twenty quid." (She leaves) 'Check Please' Guy: "OK, Forty?"

Money just really doesn't buy happiness, does it? - PositronWildhawk

4 Your parents must be very beautiful people. Because they often skip a generation, innit?
5 'Check Please' Guy: "I know it's old-fashioned, but I think it's important to get to know a girl's family in depth before starting a relationship." Girl: "Oh, that's so sweet." 'Check Please' Guy: "Yeah. It's Why I'm sleeping with your sister, innit?"

I LOVE THIS LIST! Posthing you have made my day. This one made my jaw drop! Thank you! Haha! - Britgirl

Top depth ANALysis innit - Puga

6 'Check Please' Guy: "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Girl: "Yeah, I have 4 sisters." 'Check Please' Guy: "Do they all look like you?" Girl: "Yeah, I guess we all look alike." 'Check Please' Guy: "Wow. A right family of dogs, innit?"

Please, don't get romance tips from this moron. - PositronWildhawk

7 'Check Please' Guy: "Do you believe in pre-marriage sex?" Girl: "Why?" 'Check Please' Guy: "Well, I'm getting married next week, so shall we shag now?"
8 So pleased to have met a woman like you. You remind me of one of my best friends. Dave.

Funny, too great for television, sometimes!

9 'Check Please' Guy: "Even though we haven't been out long, I feel like I know everything about you." Girl: "And why's that?" 'Check Please' Guy: "Because I've been watching you through the telescope for months, innit?"
10 'Check Please' Guy: "Many people say that most women these days will sleep with anyone." Girl: "I know, that's so ridiculous." 'Check Please' Guy: "I know! Well, you do, don't you?"

Anyone who says this should not have a soulmate. It's just a crime against dignity. - PositronWildhawk

The Contenders

11 'Check Please' Guy: "I know where you've been!" Girl: "I was just powdering my nose." 'Check Please' Guy: "Bet that geezer twenty quid you was havin' a s***!"
12 Girl: "So romantic, holding hands under the table." (He raises his hands)

I choked on my food LMAO

13 I believe it's important to get to know each other's opinions on things. So tell me, spit or swallow?
14 'Check Please' Guy: "If you were to change something about you, what would it be?" Girl: "My nose. I hate it really. You?" 'Check Please' Guy: "I'd give you bigger tits, for a start."

This was in the amazing reunion special. Man, I wish the show was still going. - PositronWildhawk

15 'Check Please' Guy: "I really respect you." Girl: "Yeah?" 'Check Please' Guy: "You're a middle-class Asian woman who's broken away from all of those third-world gender roles." Girl: "Thank you." 'Check Please' Guy: "And you've got great tits and all."
16 Girl: "Your Tie Is Knotted" 'Check Please' Guy: "Well, you got a big nose and fat arse, innit?"
17 Girl: "Do you exfoliate?" 'Check Please' Guy: "Yeah, do you?" Girl: "Yes. What do you use?" 'Check Please' Guy: "Usually, a picture of Carol Vorderman and an old football sock."
18 'Check Please' Guy: "You must all be models." Girl in Group of 3: "Why's that?" 'Check Please' Guy: "Well, you're all downright thick, innit?"
19 (He appears) Girl: "You were gone so long." 'Check Please' Guy: "I was havin' a dump, innit?"
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