1 Everybody! It's the Soviets charging toward us! Duck and cover! Duck and cover! Remember to cover your entire neck, too!
Sorry Bert the Turtle, you offer horrible advice. Same goes for you, narrator in that video.
2 Hey everybody, let's play a game. All of you will stay in this room while I leave. I'll offer a piece of candy to everyone still inside the room after an hour. Good luck!
You'd be more asinine than the speaker if you actually took that deal.
3 Hey guys, I'm going to tell all of you, regardless of age, to smoke this crack in the room because I'm locking the doors and windows. Have fun and rest in pepperoni pizza!
Something Towelie would agree to before he went to rehab. Also, get the reference I made to another user?
4 I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're all gonna die. The good news is that I won't have to deal with any of you retards anymore.
Hey, when you're nearing possible death, why not let it all out? Also reveal the fact that you're an absolute douchebag!
I'm surprised I haven't heard this one already.
5 Everybody, the guy who started the fire was named Spartacus! And I will say I'm Spartacus!
If nobody else replies that they're Spartacus, that means nobody else in the school's stoned.
Cheers! Cause now Spartacus is famous!
6 Who wants to take all the freshmen and use them as sacrifices? Hey, they'll be tasty afterward...
7 Really? You're scared of a fire? I've gone through worse. Like yesterday, I spilled my Mountain Dew on my mom's coffee table and had to clean it up.
8 It's a fire? I've lit plenty of fireworks before, I bet it's time for me to light yours.
Even weirder if you say it to someone of the same gender... And that person was straight.
9 Panic all you want, but I'll be sure not to panic at all. AHHHHHH!
10 There's a fire in the school? TIME TO GET THE KEROSENE!
Yeah, because kerosene puts out fires.
The Contenders
11 It wasn't me this time!
12 There's a fire and we're all going to die!
I kid you not, once the fire bell went off when I was at school, and a student ran into the class and yelled this at the top of his lungs.
13 Escape to India, bitches!