Top Ten Questions People Answer With Lies

The Top Ten
1 How old are you?

Asians lie about their kids' ages just to get their kids to eat free at buffets. They do it to save money because Asians are known for being frugal.

(Asian family goes to buffet to eat with their 6 yr old kid)
Employee: Hi
Family: Hi
Employee: The price is $5 for kids ages 6-12, $10 for adults, and free for kids ages 5 and under. How old is the kid?
Asian parent: 5 years old
Kid: hey I'm 6
Asian parent: (covers kid's mouth)
Employee: how old is the kid age 5 or 6?
Asian parent: 5 is the real age.
Employee: OK

1 billion years old.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

I forgot's been a long, long while since I last checked my age. the last time I checked it was during the Civil War

Asians lie about kids' ages to get them into buffets for free.

2 Have you read the terms and conditions?

No. I'm too lazy to read that. I know already about it.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

Website: Have you agreed to the terms and conditions?
Me: (Is too lazy to read it) *checks box*
Website: You can now do *insert things here*

Only answer it to proceed. It's like asking "do you want to enter the site? " after you've already taken the trouble to get there

Strangely this is the only listed question that I usually (actually always) answer with a lie.

3 How much do you weigh?

For most of my life, I was overweight--even obese--but over the past couple years, I've successfully gotten in shape. My exact weight is somewhere between 140 and 145 pounds--ideal for my age and height.

217 pounds (height is why I'm heavier. I'm 6'1)

I don't know but between 50 and 55 kilos.

About 45 stone, give or take 1 pound.

4 What are your religious beliefs?


Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

I can't answer this truthfully, since I have no idea what mine are.

Why would you lie haha

I never lie about this.

5 What are your political views?

I am completely honest about my political views.
Sanders should be president
Never should Trump
What about Hillary?
That thought gives me a bump.
Maybe Kasich,
Maybe Cruz too,
Which candidate is right for you?
Ben dropped-
Oh wait, more than 10 dropped.
People like Clinton,
People like Trump,
All of those people
Are like food I have never bitten!

I don't lie about this. Ever. I'm a proud Republican!

Could you at least narrow that down?

I'm somewhat fascist in a manner.

6 Do you smoke or drink?

Yes, I can drink a planet of beer.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

Nah... I actually hate smokers & Drinkers, really sorry if I hurt someone, but I just say what's on my mind

I smoke all day, everyday and I drink like no one's business.

Everybody says No... Me? :/

7 Did you finish your homework?

I remember in 7th grade, in Civics, I never listened to the teacher, I did my homework at the last minute in Civics when the teacher was checking homework, I chatted with my friend the whole time, and, and I got a 5 on the Civics FSA!

No. Homework is noo.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

Yes, yes I did. I finished it on the bus, like always and I got a 100% on it.

Yeah. I finished not doing it!

8 Are you married?

Let me tell you a story, when I was 16 I got my girlfriend pregnant with QUADRUPLETS! So after her parents forced me to get married her. Our kids names are Karen, Steve, Tony, and Ellie.

I love the way you lie, so I married the way you lie.

I got a lovely wife, and great kids (not! )

Oh Boy... I'm too young for this, haha

9 How many children do you have?

I have about 9 children. Can't remember their names though.

I have 2 kids. Brian Rose Quinn and Halsey Rose Quinn. My last name is not Quinn.

10 How tall are you?

I can answer this truthfully and be cool.

I will answer this truthfully. I'm almost 5'7.

The Contenders
11 Do you masturbate?

I don't know what that means, so probably not!

I would get mad and yell NO!, but really I do.

Of course not!

12 How are you?

I think this has become just a greeting like "Hello" or "What's up"... They are not actually asking how you are

Ask me how I'm doing, I'll say "okay," but ain't that what we all say?

Ok. My shoulder hurts, but my mood is in control

Well thanks and you?

13 Who do you like?

Who? It's a matter of what. ( I don't know what that means ) I like the song Heaven In Hiding.

I wouldn't lie about this. I'd either tell the truth or be like, "why do you want to know? "

Well, I really like Halsey and Twenty One Pilots. They have good music.

14 Are you depressed?

At one point I was

15 Are you sexually active?

Yes, not with my wife though, I'm cheating on her.

16 Are you ok?

People instinctively say yes because the questioner is being polite and not sincere!

High functionally sane as ever... yes

I am not as fine as I seem!

17 Does your family have any history of medical problems?

Tricky question, how about middle mixed.

I actually have no idea.

The common cold, my friends and family have all gotten it but I haven't

18 Do you like someone?

I did, and they leave typical.

Yes, someone who isn't my wife.

19 Do you have any suicidal thoughts?

No. Not right now

20 Can you draw me?

No, because I can't draw people to save my life!

I draw badly. So yes, just not well!

In a stick figure, yes.

21 How much money do you make?

Um, well, I make no money because I'm 99 years old and unemployed.
But I get that senior discount at the Dollar Tree!

1 dollar I work 1 hour a week.

Exactly 0.00 dollars a year

22 Did you fart?
23 Where do babies come from?
24 Are you lost?

Yes, I'm lost. I've fallen out of love with my wife, I've been cheating on her for 5 months now...what should I do?

I'm lost somewhere in outer space in a hotel room where demons play.

Yes. Can you save me than from my agony?

Yes. Yes I am. Now, you get lost.

25 Can you help me with this?

If you can help me polarize, help me polarize, help me out!

I most likely can, but I refuse to do so.

I'm kinda busy.

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