Top Ten Questions People Answer With Lies

The Top Ten
1 How old are you?

Asians lie about their kids' ages just to get their kids to eat free at buffets. They do it to save money because Asians are known for being frugal.

(Asian family goes to buffet to eat with their 6 yr old kid)
Employee: Hi
Family: Hi
Employee: The price is $5 for kids ages 6-12, $10 for adults, and free for kids ages 5 and under. How old is the kid?
Asian parent: 5 years old
Kid: hey I'm 6
Asian parent: (covers kid's mouth)
Employee: how old is the kid age 5 or 6?
Asian parent: 5 is the real age.
Employee: OK

1 billion years old.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

I forgot honestly...it's been a long, long while since I last checked my age. the last time I checked it was during the Civil War

2 Have you read the terms and conditions?

No. I'm too lazy to read that. I know already about it.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

Website: Have you agreed to the terms and conditions?
Me: (Is too lazy to read it) *checks box*
Website: You can now do *insert things here*

Only answer it to proceed. It's like asking "do you want to enter the site? " after you've already taken the trouble to get there

3 What are your religious beliefs?

Animism.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

I can't answer this truthfully, since I have no idea what mine are.

Why would you lie haha

4 How much do you weigh?

For most of my life, I was overweight--even obese--but over the past couple years, I've successfully gotten in shape. My exact weight is somewhere between 140 and 145 pounds--ideal for my age and height.

217 pounds (height is why I'm heavier. I'm 6'1)

I don't know but between 50 and 55 kilos.

5 What are your political views?

I am completely honest about my political views.
Sanders should be president
Never should Trump
What about Hillary?
That thought gives me a bump.
Maybe Kasich,
Maybe Cruz too,
Which candidate is right for you?
Ben dropped-
Oh wait, more than 10 dropped.
People like Clinton,
People like Trump,
All of those people
Are like food I have never bitten!

I don't lie about this. Ever. I'm a proud Republican!

Could you at least narrow that down?

6 Do you smoke or drink?

Yes, I can drink a planet of beer.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

Nah... I actually hate smokers & Drinkers, really sorry if I hurt someone, but I just say what's on my mind

I smoke all day, everyday and I drink like no one's business.

7 Are you married?

Let me tell you a story, when I was 16 I got my girlfriend pregnant with QUADRUPLETS! So after her parents forced me to get married her. Our kids names are Karen, Steve, Tony, and Ellie.

I love the way you lie, so I married the way you lie.

I got a lovely wife, and great kids (not! )

8 Did you finish your homework?

I remember in 7th grade, in Civics, I never listened to the teacher, I did my homework at the last minute in Civics when the teacher was checking homework, I chatted with my friend the whole time, and, and I got a 5 on the Civics FSA!

No. Homework is noo.

Take note: This is just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.

Yes, yes I did. I finished it on the bus, like always and I got a 100% on it.

9 How many children do you have?

I have about 9 children. Can't remember their names though.

I have 2 kids. Brian Rose Quinn and Halsey Rose Quinn. My last name is not Quinn.

10 How tall are you?

I can answer this truthfully and be cool.

I will answer this truthfully. I'm almost 5'7.

The Contenders
11 Do you masturbate?

I don't know what that means, so probably not!

I would get mad and yell NO!, but really I do.

Of course not!

12 How are you?

I think this has become just a greeting like "Hello" or "What's up"... They are not actually asking how you are

Ask me how I'm doing, I'll say "okay," but ain't that what we all say?

Ok. My shoulder hurts, but my mood is in control

13 Who do you like?

Who? It's a matter of what. ( I don't know what that means ) I like the song Heaven In Hiding.

I wouldn't lie about this. I'd either tell the truth or be like, "why do you want to know? "

Well, I really like Halsey and Twenty One Pilots. They have good music.

14 Do you like someone?

I did, and they leave typical.

Yes, someone who isn't my wife.

I don't know anymore.

15 Are you depressed?

At one point I was

16 Are you sexually active?

Yes, not with my wife though, I'm cheating on her.

17 Are you ok?

People instinctively say yes because the questioner is being polite and not sincere!

High functionally sane as ever... yes

I am not as fine as I seem!

18 Does your family have any history of medical problems?

Tricky question, how about middle mixed.

I actually have no idea.

The common cold, my friends and family have all gotten it but I haven't

19 Did you fart?
20 Are you lost?

I'm lost after everything I've done. I've done everything and received nothing in return. I'm tired of fighting. Human stupidity surpasses cancer.

I don't know what else to do after everything I've done. Stupidity and violence keep cancer alive. I'm tired and exhausted of crying. Violence and stupidity is a self-fulfilling prophecy that's no different than hell itself.

I'm tired, tired, tired. Tired, tired, tired. What did I do to deserve this? Tired of violence and tired of stupidity. I refuse to be a part of it. I'm not committing suicide, regardless.

I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm tired... The stupidity of violence shattered my spirit and my heart.

Yes, I'm lost. I've fallen out of love with my wife, I've been cheating on her for 5 months now...what should I do?

I'm lost somewhere in outer space in a hotel room where demons play.

21 Can you draw me?

No, because I can't draw people to save my life!

I draw badly. So yes, just not well!

In a stick figure, yes.

22 How much money do you make?

Um, well, I make no money because I'm 99 years old and unemployed.
But I get that senior discount at the Dollar Tree!

1 dollar I work 1 hour a week.

Exactly 0.00 dollars a year

23 Do you have any suicidal thoughts?

No. Not right now

24 Were you bad today?
25 Where do babies come from?
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