Top 10 Signs You May End Up Dying Alone

The Top Ten
1 You never exercise because of your self diagnosed asthma

I've had asthma since I was two years old, TWO YEARS OLD! even babies aren't safe from asthma, if I never had asthma I would have accomplished/achieved questionable milestones, hell I would have discovered the largest animal ever before anyone else in the world which is larger than the Blue Whale & eats whales n dinosaurs

Sure, if I could, I would go for a hike, run on the treadmill, lift some weights, take the stairs... but, you know, my asthma. Also, it's because my knees are bad that I weigh 300 pounds. Certainly, my knees aren't bad because hauling around my massive gut has turned them to powder.

2 You're worried about having to find a new place to live when your parents die

Where did the last 25 years go? Seems like high school was just yesterday, and now Dad's ticker is going out.

3 You have declined an invitation in order to spend time with Mother

Not to be confused with having existing plans with family or even wanting to visit with our parents. This is "you're pretty and I think you're really swell, but on Friday nights I always have dinner with Mother before helping her with her bath".

4 You don't know your best friend's given name, only their online handle
5 Your cat's name starts with Mr.

As in Mr. Fluffy or Mr. Sprinkles. Once your cat takes the role of the man in your life, it's hard to come back. Once you go cat, you don't go back.

6 Despite your numerous qualifications, you chose to work graveyard shift tech support

Probably show up dressed in a trench coat too, no matter the weather.

7 You have camped outside a theater waiting for a movie premier while dressed in an authentic movie costume

Unless you are a chick of course. Because of the grossly disproportionate dude to chick ratio in this demographic, if you have a couple X chromosomes, you're darn near a unicorn.

I know someone who camped outside a video game store for this. I feel sorry for him in general.

8 You're convinced you're superior to everyone you come in contact with, despite all the evidence to the contrary

Maybe it's our everyone wins a trophy society or parents who always tell their daughters they are princesses that's to blame. It seems some people are holding on to their pipe dream of ending up with a Victoria's Secret model or boyband member. And it's not necessarily that it's never going to happen because of the fat, pimply face staring back at them in the mirror, it's because those types of people don't really exist. They're just manufactured idols.

9 You are able to converse in a fictional language

Yeah, when Google added Klingon as a language in their settings, it was a joke. If you didn't realize it was s joke or don't get it, that could be a problem.

10 Your favorite sport is Quidditch

And we're not talking that ridiculous Muggle Quidditch either. That game is a joke. Viktor Krum is the greatest athlete of all time! He would destroy Messi or LeBron.

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