Top Ten Ways to Annoy an American

The Top Ten
Speak to them in a non-English language

I've been spoken to in Japanese, Korean, and Cantonese before... and I'm barely even fluent in Mandarin!

I'm American and I can speak German and Dutch. Most Americans can speak Spanish.

Because the only language they know is English.

Try to kick them out of the country because they aren't Native Americans

Many white bigots are trying to kick every immigrant, even if they're legally here, out of the country. Talk about irony.

My ancient ancestors came by boat. Your ancient ancestors walked via the Bering Land Bridge. Quit making a big deal about it.

Think all of them are fat

We aren't all fat, but I'd say a good chunk of us are really unhealthy. It's not because we're gluttonous sloths. Our brains are surrounded by so many rich and sugary foods that our brains find really hard to resist.

Think they do nothing right

There are things we do right. It's really sad that some people don't realize that.

Refer to soccer as football

This does sometimes cause an issue when talking to elementary-age kids, but anyone from high school age and older may ask you to clarify, "American football or soccer?" It's actually up to you as the one speaking to clarify what you mean. How else are they supposed to know? Flip a coin?

I like how people criticize us for not knowing football/soccer. Just because we use a different term doesn't mean we don't know what it is. I know a whole bunch of kids at my school who probably know more about football/soccer than you guys do!

Only serve them McDonald's

I used to like McDonald's until I learned in science that a French fry from there will never mold because of all the added things! GROSS! I'm sorry for all those people who go there and never knew this!

A lot of us are beginning to hate McDonald's. We love good-quality food too. There's a whole mix of cuisines in America. There's always something that will satisfy your appetite.

Talk about Islam

From what I understand, this issue is very prevalent in many other countries as well. Ignorance and intolerance are not exclusive to or a creation of America (USA) and are definitely not something this country led to fruition throughout the world.

America: A land with religious freedom. Yeah, right. Many people are protesting against Islam. Once, when I was on the I-5, I saw a banner that said, "No Islam." That just sickens me. It's really hard on American Muslims.

Be atheist

This definitely makes them easily offended, especially since I'm in the Bible Belt myself. Data shows that many Americans refuse to vote for an atheist for president and even for governor.

America is probably one of the worst first-world countries if you're an atheist. You'd probably be forced to follow the gospel. It's totally unlike Europe.

You'll see an American trying to disprove this point, but deep down, they know it's true.

Refer to the U.S. as 'South Canada'

I feel like Americans don't like Canada because... well, I don't know.

This wouldn't bother too many people, but for those in America who are really patriotic, this will count as an insult. You may want to step back.

Tell them the moon landing was faked

Probably the greatest thing for the world is that the first human in space was Russian. It sparked the Space Race that really got American technological innovations going and took the U.S. from being second into space by a few months to landing on the moon in just 8 years.

We are still benefiting today from the tech breakthroughs created by the American aerospace industry.

Or tell them that the first man in space was a Russian cosmonaut.

Why does nobody have any faith in our space program?

The Newcomers

? Make a sweeping generalization
? Tell them they are not #1

Most Americans - probably not an American reading this - are just over-patriotic egomaniacs. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but they get really mad when you talk trash about their country.

The Contenders
Tell them about socialism
Believe the stereotypes about them are facts

I've been here all my life, and I know enough people from outside of my country to believe this. The stereotype that we're ignorant and fat is horrible and inaccurate.

Keep shouting in a cowboy voice, "y'all come on down to the Walmart!"

A lot of people think that America is full of cowboys.

Bite them

Well, they are always saying "BITE ME!" when they're arguing with someone.

Tell them how terrible their government is
Talking about slavery

I think it would be a good way to criticize American people about slavery by making them feel ashamed of themselves or guilty - especially white Americans. You could tell them that the country is not good enough for Black people and has no respect for them at all.

Also, thinking their dreams of changing the country are fake or unnecessary could be another angle.

Root for a non-American sports team
Flip them off
Say Puerto Rico is better than the USA

Puerto Rico is part of the USA, as are Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and a few other territories/protectorates. Their residents are U.S. citizens, but they are just not a state.

It’s aluminium not aloominum
Talk about guns
Only refer to New York as "The Big Apple"
Ask if New York is the capital
Talk about communism
Tell them Russia rules
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