Top 10 Signs You are a People Pleaser
Being a nice person seems like a good virtue to practice, as it is generally accepted by society. However, when helping others comes at the expense of your own well-being, it might mean you are misunderstanding or misapplying the "nice" trait. Seeking validation from others and focusing too much on pleasing everyone can be harmful.
At first glance, pleasing others might seem beneficial to both yourself and those around you. People often go out of their way to perform as many kind deeds as possible in hopes of receiving praise from others. Unfortunately, this can end up damaging both their own mental health and their relationships in the long term.
For many, people-pleasing is a difficult habit to break. However, your body and mind will thank you if you find a balance between caring for others and looking after yourself. This list will help you identify some general signs to watch out for.
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People have higher expectations of you
If you consistently do nice deeds for other people, they will raise their expectations of you, expecting you to always help whenever there is a problem. In workplaces, such nice people often tend to receive extra work, which usually does not come with additional benefits to the person who is doing the kind acts.
People that put higher expectations on you, especially when you always presented yourself as a helpful person, will most likely break the relationship with you if you do not agree to help them, even with a good reason.
True. I always try to please everyone I know.
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You are being used without realizing it
Being nice is considered a good trait in society, but many people tend to take advantage of these kinds of people pleasers. Sure, you may do good deeds, but when it comes to expecting things back, that's almost never going to happen.
In the workforce, some people habitually tend to put in extra work as a kind act. This can over time result in receiving more work and favors from needy people, only to find out they are getting the same benefits as ordinary workers. This can lead to mental frustration in the long term.
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You are desperate to maintain relationships
This is a major sign of low self-confidence which speaks for itself here, mostly due to being concerned about other people's thoughts in fear that conflict would arise in relationships. It's common for people pleasers (with the belief that it's selfish to reject other people's offers) to get along with the wrong people, which can lead to unstable relationships later on.
For instance, if a group of people (assuming you are acquainted with them) wants you to be a part of their party in a place with other people you are uncomfortable with, but you proceed anyway in fear that people will end their relationships with you or shame you, or even though you need to focus on more important priorities, then it is a good sign that you need to self-reflect rather than blindly getting along with other people. Trying to get along with people you find uncomfortable is basically asking for abuse.
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You have difficulty saying no
People pleasers usually tend to be yes-men in fear that they would be shamed or judged by other people if they do not accept their offer. If someone requests help in a situation which for some reason pressures you when you do not want to help that person, it's probably best to listen to your gut instead. This can be a hard obstacle for some people to overcome, but your body will thank you for it. Determining whether it's better to say yes or no is always a good virtue to practice depending on the situation, rather than blindly saying "yes" no matter how uncomfortable it is.
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You have difficulty sharing your own opinions
The habit of sugarcoating your opinions in order to make them as agreeable as possible prevents you from developing as a unique person. There's no shame in sharing your genuine opinions despite them seemingly being contrary to other people's opinions. People will more likely see you as an honest person that way.
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You constantly agree with others
You can be an agreeable person, but not in a fake manner in order to achieve satisfaction from other people's opinions. Sometimes you may agree to other people's ideas no matter how disagreeable your gut tells you it is. That's being dishonest. If you do happen to find yourself in that situation, it's always better to show genuine disagreement rather than fake-agreeing just for the sake of pleasing others.
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You often give things away
Gifting stuff to a person is fine if done occasionally, once in a while. But if you do give away things to multiple people on almost a weekly or even a daily basis, then most people you have interacted with are likely to grow needy. This can lead to unstable relationships if you happen to decline giving away things in the future.
Imagine just giving things away for no reason.
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You put others before yourself
A self-explanatory sign which describes the term "people pleaser". If you have been helping people often, whether it's for genuinely helping or trying to seek approval from others, it's probably the best time to go look after yourself and have some "me" time. It's best to set some boundaries for yourself rather than always looking after the concerns of other people.
Ditching your self-interests and hobbies for the sake of "helping others" is not the best method for maintaining stable relationships, as pleasers often tend to feel regret later if something wrong happens. Remember that self-care is always a good priority.
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You seek validation from others
People pleasers often seek approval, as they quickly grow concerned about what other people think of them. So they present themselves as a helpful person (in a superficial manner), always ready to do kind deeds whenever they get the chance in order to get the person to appreciate them.
It's normal to help people once in a while, but constantly helping others in order to get the image of a kind person isn't the best approach. Remember that you will not always satisfy other people's expectations no matter how "nice" you are. That's not how the world works.
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You often say sorry to others
It's normal to feel sorry when an accident happens which is caused by you, or you accidentally bump someone else's shoulder while in public. But if you do find yourself frequently saying sorry even when the accident is not caused by you, then it's a sign you are taking a step a little too far.
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You neglect your own needs