Top 10 Best Ralph Wiggum Quotes

Springfield's favorite resident oddball is a veritable goldmine of unintentional philosophical genius. According to leading cartoon linguists, roughly ninety percent of all playground confusion originates directly from the mouth of Police Chief Wiggum's delightfully clueless son.

We have compiled a definitive ranking of his most baffling utterances to celebrate this pint-sized prophet of pure nonsense. Prepare your brain for a total logic meltdown. Cast your vote for the hilariously absurd statements that truly make you question the very fabric of reality.

The Top Ten

  1. Me fail English? That's unpossible.

    My favorite. But no quotes from earlier episodes like "What man can tame her" (Lisa's Pony), or "That's candle wax," when Ralph was telling Homer he is eating candle wax.

    I think you missed, "I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there," when he was talking to Lisa. But this one's hilarious.

    This is the best one, by far.

  2. I wanna be a triangle.

  3. My cat's breath smells like cat food.

    I throw this one out as often as anything else in my lexicon. It's important people know.

    This was my message on an answering machine. It confused people.

    This is something that keeps me alive in the mornings.

  4. When I grow up, I want to be a principal, or a caterpillar!

    Ralph is the best TV character of all time, that's for sure, no doubt about it.

    Best quote from a bad episode.

  5. I bent my Wookiee.

    How do you even do that?

    It is random.

    Great Star Wars reference.

  6. When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University.

  7. And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.

  8. I'm learnding!

  9. This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end.

  10. Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

    It is the best quote because the guy's name is "Superintendent Chalmers," and he has obviously changed to something that rhymes with the name "Super Nintendo Chalmers." Lol.

    Haha, Super Nintendo.

    11. The Newcomers
  11. ?

    I'm a Star Wars!

  12. ?

    Can you open my milk, Mommy?

    Early Ralph when kids might accidentally say that.

    That would be the most embarrassing thing I would ever say in kindergarten

    13. The Contenders

  13. My grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box.

    It's funny, and my friend thinks so.

    Yes! Should be number 1.

  14. My imaginary friend thinks you're stupid.

  15. I cheated wrong. I copied the Lisa name and used the Ralph answers.

    Best quote ever! It really made me laugh! This guy is unbelievable! In my opinion, this one should be in first place.

    You can't cheat wrong!

    Been there, done that.

  16. I drink blue juice from under the sink!

    Just plain comedy from a hilarious character.

  17. I glued my head to my shoulder.

    Come on! I was actually looking for that specific quote. It has to be his best!

    It's amazingly funny.

  18. Sour juice come out of my front tail.

    This made me laugh for three minutes straight.

    First, it's sour, then it's always disgusting.

  19. That's where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things.

  20. I like men now.

    This was where I lost it. Yes, this should be at the top!

    This is by far the best one!

  21. I'm in danger.

    Best meme ever.

  22. I'm a unitard!

    He is the boss.

  23. I choo-choo-choose you.

    On the card: "You Choo-Choo Choose Me?"

  24. Um, Miss Hoover? There's a dog in the vent.

    Best Ralph quote ever.

  25. Now there's two types of wet in my pants.

    Disgusting, but I burst out laughing.

  26. Daddy's gun tastes like pennies!

  27. My daddy shoots people!

8Load More
PSearch List