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1I will beat you with a small child.
2One time I died but I got better.
3Don't freak out but my neighbor lives next to me.
4Sometimes when I'm alone I like to dress up in all brown, lay on the floor and pretend I'm a potato.
5Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Therefore, I am a potato.
7Isn't it weird that, pineapples never wear bikinis.
9Shhh, the jalapenos are sleeping.
10This is like retards humping a door nob
11Once I saw a purple flying cow and I named it Phillip.
12Salty sticks of brilliance.
13Everyone freeze! The T-Rex's can't see us if we don't move!
14Yay! We're all gonna die! I'm so happy!
16Excuse me everyone, I have AIDS virus.
19"Have you seen my dog? He is 6 foot tall and hates heights, he is brown and thinks he's got swag"
20This is a great jumping song
21Sometimes, I dream about cheese...
23I like taking hot bath tubs with my cat
25I think I have forgotten how to breathe
26My name is Doof and you'll do what I'll say whoop whoop
27You're a lizard, Harry.
28Have you seen the Fighting Pudding? He peeled Banana Head and made Onion cry.
31Don't freak out but I am part of a highly secretive agency and I have been sent to observe your every move because we have found DNA in your blood that does not belong to any living substance on earth.
32Dolphin Fell On Tree Therefore I Am Related to Cake.
33When my mom's not home I like to go to her garden and cover myself with dirt and pretend I'm a carrot.
34I feel weird hugging my mom with a boner
35I've been living in your closet for the past 2 days
36*someone looks at you* STOP LOOKING!! *you cover yourself* STOP LOOKING!!!
37Run! The mole has a gun!
38"OMG it's One Direction!"
40A balloon just flew out my ass
41I like big butts and I can not lie
42Hit me baby one more time! *Hit yourself!" Oh you bitch!
43No! I am too sexy for you!
44Remember those black dots that used to come out of corners and attack you?
45*Tap on the person's shoulder* Imma be lurkin yer bushes. Ssss.....
46Excuse me. That was me...
47There's a snake in my boot.
49I like to stuff cats into a beanbag chair... Don't worry they are dead
50If I can't roast a monkey with a green wagon, then when will Christians poop on forks?
51Can you MMMMMEEEOOOWWW like that very strange looking lampost? Lampost, show 'em! *MEOW*
52"Sir have you seen my hooker? She has big boobs, a large ass and says she is sick of looking at my storkerish face? Can you help me out with this?"
54"I'm breaking up with you, it's just too hard"
55Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order? Not really I want your kid
56Where Are My Cookies You Hibrid Mutant Llama?! I Know You Ate Them!! You Are Impure! Diieeeee!!!!!
57Warm kitty, soft kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
58Why do pink dolphins that suffer from delfiniphobia lack the containment of small watermelons while they engulfed in boiling acid concealed deep within the Southern Hemisphere of earth?
59Paint me like one of your French girls and get the hell out of my office.
60Several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict.
61If you traveling 5 mph upstream how many pancakes does it take to ghetto the moon on Thursday morning
63Does your fridge say Ékeefoò when you open it?
64You are like the roses in my vase. You should know that my roses are fake, smell bad, and have thorns which tries to harm you in every way possible. And guess what I hate my roses. Did I tell you that you are like the roses in my vase?
65If you poop it will most likely fly back up your butt and take over your mind!
66Have a sandwich it'll be alright
67Sleeping on the floor with a purple blankies is my favourite hobby. What is Fred Flintstone's?
68Oh my god! You're one of them! *back away slowly*
69A zombie ate my brainsssss but they were nice and replaced it with a peanut! Now me and the zombie are friends.
70I love the smell of a baby's burning flesh in the morning. *Sigh*
71Leedle leedle leedle leedle
73Shut up. I'm busy feeling unpeeled grapes to my sofa.
74On April 27, people of my religion asking "Are you the Lemon?" When someone says that they're the Lemon, they're chained up and forced to say "Monkeys tell no lies" 482 times to Journey's Greatest Hits.
75I swear I didn't remove the padding in your brassiere!
76I like to fry up babies and pretend they're sizzling bacon.
77Messy birds in garlic soda berries
78I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.
80I have a zombie in my head!
81One time when I was sitting outside my neighbor waved to me so I waved back and my brother walked outside naked while eating a moist tomatoe... it was really moist.
82There's a purple mushroom in my backyard singing tacos.
83I like to eat raw potatoes from in between my toes. How bout you?
84I sell kids on eBay... want one? They're on sale
85Look, a penis enlargement ad
86I have a pet cactus named Charlie Daveyson
87I am Herbert Hoover president of pink bananas
89Every knees bent, ass out. Arms out. Then you're ready to play volleyball
90There's 6 apples and 29 pencils, how many pancakes did she eat?
92Shush... he's watching us!
94There is a monkey in me
95Is there hot sauce in space?
96Stay calmer when you want to harm a llama call a llama farmer
98Woah! i was just kitten! *Meow* don't pull out your gun now.
99I like shorts, they're easy and comfy to wear
100I'm a barbie girl, in a cat...
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