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2I will beat you with a small child.
3Don't freak out but my neighbor lives next to me.
4One time I died but I got better.
5Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Therefore, I am a potato.
6Sometimes when I'm alone I like to dress up in all brown, lay on the floor and pretend I'm a potato.
7Shhh, the jalapenos are sleeping.
8Isn't it weird that, pineapples never wear bikinis.
10Once I saw a purple flying cow and I named it Phillip.
12This is like retards humping a door nob
13Excuse me everyone, I have AIDS virus.
14Everyone freeze! The T-Rex's can't see us if we don't move!
15Salty sticks of brilliance.
18This is a great jumping song
19Yay! We're all gonna die! I'm so happy!
20I like taking hot bath tubs with my cat
21"Have you seen my dog? He is 6 foot tall and hates heights, he is brown and thinks he's got swag"
22You're a lizard, Harry.
25*someone looks at you* STOP LOOKING!! *you cover yourself* STOP LOOKING!!!
26Don't freak out but I am part of a highly secretive agency and I have been sent to observe your every move because we have found DNA in your blood that does not belong to any living substance on earth.
27Have you seen the Fighting Pudding? He peeled Banana Head and made Onion cry.
29Run! The mole has a gun!
30I like big butts and I can not lie
31My name is Doof and you'll do what I'll say whoop whoop
32Remember those black dots that used to come out of corners and attack you?
34No! I am too sexy for you!
35Hit me baby one more time! *Hit yourself!" Oh you bitch!
36"OMG it's One Direction!"
37I've been living in your closet for the past 2 days
38A balloon just flew out my ass
39When my mom's not home I like to go to her garden and cover myself with dirt and pretend I'm a carrot.
41*Tap on the person's shoulder* Imma be lurkin yer bushes. Ssss.....
43I feel weird hugging my mom with a boner
44There's a snake in my boot.
45I like to stuff cats into a beanbag chair... Don't worry they are dead
46Where Are My Cookies You Hibrid Mutant Llama?! I Know You Ate Them!! You Are Impure! Diieeeee!!!!!
47If I can't roast a monkey with a green wagon, then when will Christians poop on forks?
48Excuse me. That was me...
49Can you MMMMMEEEOOOWWW like that very strange looking lampost? Lampost, show 'em! *MEOW*
50"Sir have you seen my hooker? She has big boobs, a large ass and says she is sick of looking at my storkerish face? Can you help me out with this?"
52"I'm breaking up with you, it's just too hard"
53Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order? Not really I want your kid
54Warm kitty, soft kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
55Why do pink dolphins that suffer from delfiniphobia lack the containment of small watermelons while they engulfed in boiling acid concealed deep within the Southern Hemisphere of earth?
56Paint me like one of your French girls and get the hell out of my office.
57Several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict.
58If you traveling 5 mph upstream how many pancakes does it take to ghetto the moon on Thursday morning
59Does your fridge say Ékeefoò when you open it?
60You are like the roses in my vase. You should know that my roses are fake, smell bad, and have thorns which tries to harm you in every way possible. And guess what I hate my roses. Did I tell you that you are like the roses in my vase?
61If you poop it will most likely fly back up your butt and take over your mind!
62Dolphin Fell On Tree Therefore I Am Related to Cake.
63Have a sandwich it'll be alright
64Sleeping on the floor with a purple blankies is my favourite hobby. What is Fred Flintstone's?
65Oh my god! You're one of them! *back away slowly*
67A zombie ate my brainsssss but they were nice and replaced it with a peanut! Now me and the zombie are friends.
68I love the smell of a baby's burning flesh in the morning. *Sigh*
69Leedle leedle leedle leedle
72Shut up. I'm busy feeling unpeeled grapes to my sofa.
73I swear I didn't remove the padding in your brassiere!
74I like to fry up babies and pretend they're sizzling bacon.
75Messy birds in garlic soda berries
76On April 27, people of my religion asking "Are you the Lemon?" When someone says that they're the Lemon, they're chained up and forced to say "Monkeys tell no lies" 482 times to Journey's Greatest Hits.
77I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.
79I have a zombie in my head!
80One time when I was sitting outside my neighbor waved to me so I waved back and my brother walked outside naked while eating a moist tomatoe... it was really moist.
81There's a purple mushroom in my backyard singing tacos.
82I like to eat raw potatoes from in between my toes. How bout you?
83Look, a penis enlargement ad
84I have a pet cactus named Charlie Daveyson
85I am Herbert Hoover president of pink bananas
87Every knees bent, ass out. Arms out. Then you're ready to play volleyball
88There's 6 apples and 29 pencils, how many pancakes did she eat?
89Shush... he's watching us!
91There is a monkey in me
92Is there hot sauce in space?
93Stay calmer when you want to harm a llama call a llama farmer
95Woah! i was just kitten! *Meow* don't pull out your gun now.
96I like shorts, they're easy and comfy to wear
97I'm a barbie girl, in a cat...
98I like boogers. They're sexy
100I had an eyelash named Simon... I killed him.
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