Top Ten Best Family Guy Quotes

The best one liners from the most irreverant show on network television. Only because it is animated do the writers get away with all the stuff they do.
The Top Ten
1 You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert. - Peter

Fabulous! So funny that it makes me laugh every single time! Watch it over and over again and I still burst out laughing!

Hilarious. Funniest quote I've hard in a while. I love you Peter Griffin, even though you are on a cartoon television show.

Tears of laughter everywhere - peter is such an idiot and comedian at the same time

Its awesome and I laugh my but off every time I see that episode.

2 Giggity giggity giggity - Quagmire

This is simply hilarious! It should trade places with #4 because this is Quagmire's better known catchphrase. (I personally thought that one was funnier than this one but you know, a classic is a classic... ) You go Quagmire

If Quagmire didn't exist, the show, and the world as we know it, would implode into a black hole. In my humble opinion

Quagmire is just hillarious family guy would be nothing without him. Well, it would still have Brian who is a largely unfunny dick but you know.

Definitaly an good word, but in the latest season he dosen't say that annymore :( But like when he said in that episode when Quagmire dates Meg he said: Peter, You daughter is old enough now, Peter: I guess you right, Quagmire: Besides (Its my turn now), that funny haha, buttscratchers, haha giggity giggity giggity, well family guy is a fu#king good show :) I love it!

3 Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... Lois, this is not my Batman glass. - Peter

One of my other favourite quotes from Peter Griffin lol

I died when I saw this episode

Haha that's truly funny

By Far the 2nd best qoute in family guy history

4 Mum mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy mummy Lois... Hi - Stewie

Oh, my mom loves this. I joke around with her. Until it actually starts to get annoying.

Still after 14 seasons, to me this is still the funniest line in Family Guy

Stewie is a speck of Eminem and a whole load of crazy put together

This should be #1 My whole family think's this is funny.

5 Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time. - Quagmire

This is the funniest quote by Quagmire by far!
Had me dying of laughter

Oh my god I saw that episode... So funny!

Where did it get tuck last time? O_O

And kids, this is why you use lube!

6 Because you touch yourself at night - Museum tour guide

This one will never get old. Genius. All of the catchphrases are so boring now, but this one is so god damn hilarious! Love it!

I use this one all the time when I want to shut someone up!

LOLOL I'm gonna use that line whenever I'm asked a question like that

This one cracks me up every time!

7 The life of the wife is ended by the knife. - Stewie

Laugh out loud! Hysterical!
The Raain in Spain Stays Mainly in the Plains!

Man this one is the best from Stewie

That episode was on yesterday

Love it laugh out loud

8 I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about. - Peter

Yup. Definitely a classic. "Leafers! "

Family guy should certainly stick to the their classic jokes. Not the ridiculousness they've now resorted to.

This is something that Fry would say in Futurama and I still love it.
It's just so funny, I mean come on guys and gals

This is where it all falls out.. I mean come on.. Let the man of the house talk.. Laugh out loud

I agree with everyone here. This IS a classic quote.

9 So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? - Stewie

Actually made me poke my head out of the kitchen and ask, "What did he just say? "

Most epic quote, I physically shot Pepsi out of my nose when I saw it.

Stewie is a pervert inside a lil boy body

Best quote of the whole series by far.

10 Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. - Stewie

Thi is so funny I making a little gift myself

Stewie is my favorite. Love his diaper moments.

Stewie please come to Real Life

This is the funniest one here

The Contenders
11 Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it. - Stewie

This and when Stewie says that he's always wanted to have a sexy party. He's great

This is by far my favorite moment of family guy

12 Eh, you're overreacting Lois and you can't spell overreacting without ovary... 'cause you're a girl. - Peter

It's funny 'cause it's true!

13 Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. - Peter

Should definitely be higher up! I love this one!

That should be number one. The herpes from a toilet seat isn't even on here but should be second.

14 Buttscratcher! Buttscrather! Buttscratcher! - Peter

Love it! My fiance and I first bonded over our love of this show and still to this day randomly start shouting this line. Always brings a smile to both of our faces. Two Thumbs Up!

This is probably my favorite Family Guy reference of all. I also love Roadhouse; that's high on the list too.

I love this! I always say it! And shapoopi hahahaha BUTT SCRATCHER! Family guy is totally awesome :-) oh god I need to go watch family guy now!

That is halarious

15 Oh, Brian, I can't wait 'til after dinner, 'cause then we'll go home and you can watch me have my period. - Stewie

Love this one, especially Brian's reaction to it afterward

That one got it all love it

16 Yes, we're gonna douche the night away. - Stewie
17 Shut up, Meg - Peter

This was one of the best family guy moments ever, when peter goes feral and meg "saves" him

Mila Kunis: How were you yesterday ?
Me: Shut up, Meg.

18 All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. - Peter Griffin

This is just too funny

19 Alright everyone but Chris keep your pants on and let's figure this out. - Herbert the Pervert

I can do a good herbert impression

This is the best quote ever!

Damn feel good to be leader

Herbert is just... wow

20 No Quagmire, we're not esupposed to! - Peter

Reminds me of my husband and his friends. Peter griffin is my husbands alter ego for sure. I can relate to this show far too often.

Funny from season 8? I think

21 Her fists are so dangerous she's not allowed to be a lesbian. - Brian

About diere jackson the female boxer, definitely one of the funniest

Wow, this is hilarious

22 Lois, men aren't fat, only fat women are fat - Peter

Sad but true

23 I'd do her... do her... wouldn't do her... Whew! who hasn't done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we'll talk... - Stewie


24 Hey guys, wanna go play some base (voice drops) ball? Excuse me, I'm gonna go masturbate - Peter
25 NONONONONONO! - Cleveland

Nononononono I can't feel my legs welcome to the party mister oh wait there they are aww

WUT the HAYL?! No no no No no NOO! Haha don't take a bath while Peter is doing his daily shenanigans

Uh uh I don't get it... (Cleveland Show reference if you were wondering... )

This is just filler.. Zlsdkjf ;ilsr;xmclkv

8Load More
PSearch List