Top Ten Best Family Guy Quotes

The best one liners from the most irreverant show on network television. Only because it is animated do the writers get away with all the stuff they do.

The Top Ten

1 You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert. - Peter

This is pretty darn hilarious

Fabulous! So funny that it makes me laugh every single time! Watch it over and over again and I still burst out laughing!

Tears of laughter everywhere - peter is such an idiot and comedian at the same time

Hilarious. Funniest quote I've hard in a while. I love you Peter Griffin, even though you are on a cartoon television show.

2 Giggity giggity giggity - Quagmire

giggity giggity, all right

If Quagmire didn't exist, the show, and the world as we know it, would implode into a black hole. In my humble opinion

how could this not make number 1 or at least 2 man!

This is simply hilarious! It should trade places with #4 because this is Quagmire's better known catchphrase. (I personally thought that one was funnier than this one but you know, a classic is a classic... ) You go Quagmire

3 Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... Lois, this is not my Batman glass. - Peter

haha i just watched that episode, came here, and saw this.. it was so funny.

Haha that's truly funny

One of my other favourite quotes from Peter Griffin lol

I died when I saw this episode

4 Mum mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy mummy Lois... Hi - Stewie

This should be #1 My whole family think's this is funny.

Oh, my mom loves this. I joke around with her. Until it actually starts to get annoying.

Stewie is a speck of Eminem and a whole load of crazy put together

Still after 14 seasons, to me this is still the funniest line in Family Guy

5 Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time. - Quagmire

A 'hard' one not to vote for! Giggigity, giggity, giggity!!!

Hilarious amazing best ever watch it forever now NOW ASDRASHDSEDRSGNDFA anyway this is like the best easily so vote for it everyone

On the floor funny, what sells the joke to me is that he says this time which implies this is a common thing

Where did it get tuck last time? O_O

6 Because you touch yourself at night - Museum tour guide

This one cracks me up every time!

This one will never get old. Genius. All of the catchphrases are so boring now, but this one is so god damn hilarious! Love it!

I use this one all the time when I want to shut someone up!

This is first by far

7 The life of the wife is ended by the knife. - Stewie

That episode was on yesterday

That's so good

Man this one is the best from Stewie

Love it laugh out loud

8 I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about. - Peter

This is where it all falls out.. I mean come on.. Let the man of the house talk.. Laugh out loud

This is something that Fry would say in Futurama and I still love it.
It's just so funny, I mean come on guys and gals

Yup. Definitely a classic. "Leafers! "

Family guy should certainly stick to the their classic jokes. Not the ridiculousness they've now resorted to.

I agree with everyone here. This IS a classic quote.

9 So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? - Stewie

Actually made me poke my head out of the kitchen and ask, "What did he just say? "

Most epic quote, I physically shot Pepsi out of my nose when I saw it.

Stewie is a pervert inside a lil boy body

Best quote of the whole series by far.

10 Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. - Stewie

Stewie is the best

Thi is so funny I making a little gift myself

Peter would probley think it was a toaster

Stewie please come to Real Life

The Newcomers

? Bring it on! - Joe Swanson
? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Get Some! Get Some! Yeah! Sex! Sex!! Sex!!! - Joe Swanson

The Contenders

11 Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it. - Stewie

This is by far my favorite moment of family guy

This and when Stewie says that he's always wanted to have a sexy party. He's great

Hi, this is Anne Curtis
..could you give us next time a quotes that is all about love? Haha.thank U..

12 Eh, you're overreacting Lois and you can't spell overreacting without ovary... 'cause you're a girl. - Peter

It's funny 'cause it's true!


13 Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. - Peter

Should definitely be higher up! I love this one!

Word up.

That should be number one. The herpes from a toilet seat isn't even on here but should be second.

14 Buttscratcher! Buttscrather! Buttscratcher! - Peter

I love this! I always say it! And shapoopi hahahaha BUTT SCRATCHER! Family guy is totally awesome :-) oh god I need to go watch family guy now!

Love it! My fiance and I first bonded over our love of this show and still to this day randomly start shouting this line. Always brings a smile to both of our faces. Two Thumbs Up!

Get your buttscratcher here! :D

This is probably my favorite Family Guy reference of all. I also love Roadhouse; that's high on the list too.

15 Oh, Brian, I can't wait 'til after dinner, 'cause then we'll go home and you can watch me have my period. - Stewie

Love this one, especially Brian's reaction to it afterward

That one got it all love it

16 Yes, we're gonna douche the night away. - Stewie


Love Stewie

17 Shut up, Meg - Peter

This was one of the best family guy moments ever, when peter goes feral and meg "saves" him

18 All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. - Peter Griffin

This is just too funny

19 Alright everyone but Chris keep your pants on and let's figure this out. - Herbert the Pervert

This is the best quote ever!

I can do a good herbert impression

Damn feel good to be leader

Herbert is just... wow

20 No Quagmire, we're not esupposed to! - Peter

Reminds me of my husband and his friends. Peter griffin is my husbands alter ego for sure. I can relate to this show far too often.

Funny from season 8? I think

21 Her fists are so dangerous she's not allowed to be a lesbian. - Brian

Wow, this is hilarious

About diere jackson the female boxer, definitely one of the funniest

22 Lois, men aren't fat, only fat women are fat - Peter

Screw that Peter Fat Bastard Griffin! He's a jerk!

Sad but true

23 I'd do her... do her... wouldn't do her... Whew! who hasn't done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we'll talk... - Stewie


24 Hey guys, wanna go play some base (voice drops) ball? Excuse me, I'm gonna go masturbate - Peter


25 NONONONONONO! - Cleveland

Nononononono I can't feel my legs welcome to the party mister oh wait there they are aww

WUT the HAYL?! No no no No no NOO! Haha don't take a bath while Peter is doing his daily shenanigans

Uh uh I don't get it... (Cleveland Show reference if you were wondering... )

This is just filler.. Zlsdkjf ;ilsr;xmclkv


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