Top Ten Stupid Reasons Why You Might Find Suspicious-Looking Russians In Salisbury, UK
I trust that there's nothing to worry about. Little old Vlad wouldn't cause an international incident.Because one has only got to take advantage of a buy one get one free tourist break offer to stay in East London, travel to Salisbury from somewhere far from any train station, ask a guy who looked a tad like Sergei Skirpal for directions, and appear conspicuous only by carrying women's perfume.
If your vacation story is really that stupid, you might just be a Russian spy who didn't exactly give your shifty schemes much thought.
At least make it a good excuse Russians
But I assure you, there is no connection whatsoever. At the time, I was just down by the wine shop, getting some Chateau Sarin.
And tracking down Russian fugitives is one of them, apparently.
Once you're there, you're there. There's plenty of things to do in Salisbury, like spreading lethal nerve agents. But obviously nobody ever did that.
Why the hell wouldn't you? You can get on a train out of there unspeakably quickly! Perfect for either going somewhere more interesting, or getting away with attempted murder.
Yah. Salisbury. It's THE place to be if: A - you're suspicious-looking, B - you're Russian, and C - if you're a suspicious-looking Russian. If you're none of the above, then Tring is the place for you.
I'm your biggest fan! Will you sign this death warrant?...