Top 10 Weirdest Things For Jesus Christ to Say If He Actually Returns

Note: This list is only a joke. Please don't take it too seriously.

The Top Ten

1 "I've got more holes than anyone. Why else do people think I'm the most holy person of all time?"

I don't know what to say... - Misfire

I think if he said anything so colloquially at all (especially since this is just as he's returned), it would be quite amusing - kempokid

I didn't think I would laugh harder than I thought I would. lol - TheFourthWorld

2 "I actually wasn't the reason I found your car keys. You can thank Ganesh for that."
3 "One of the oddest miracles I performed was being a white guy in the Middle East!"
4 "Yikes! What's with the crosses everywhere?! I'm scared to death of them!"
5 "I actually wish I wasn't perfect in every way because it honestly gets boring for me to beat Dante's Inferno all the time."
6 "America is the greatest country in the world? Wouldn't Palestine technically be considering how I, the Son of God was actually born there?"

Oh, that's funny, you don't even think of it as a country any longer? - PositronWildhawk

Russia>America

7 "Why is it that so many people think I'm handsome? Don't they realize I was actually ugly during the time?"
8 "The pentacle is actually a Christian symbol. It's times like this where people have been fearing one of my holy symbols."

It can also be used as a way to cast stronger spells (if you believe in the trash that I do)

9 "What if I told you I actually did came back? I was just reincarnated as a common basilisk!"
10 "It's that awkward moment when you realize that all the racist Christians (including the Ku Klux Klan) have been worshiping an Arab this whole time."

The Contenders

11 "Deicide is in my playlist."
12 "What if I was a woman?"

:O *gasps*
What if? - Misfire

13 I delayed my return because of Jesus freaks, abusing the meaning of Christianity but most of them are dead now in Hell.

Christian Wars.

Ahem Jack Chick.
I wonder what happened to the bloke who ran CapAlert he seemed to hate movies.

14 "There's no way I would wanna visit most countries on earth considering how their flags have crosses on them. Eik!"

haha! - Metal_Treasure

15 "I'm an atheist."

An interesting twist... - Metal_Treasure

16 "Who's up for wine or Mountain Dew?"
17 "I think ham should be forbidden in Easter considering how I'm king of the Jews."
18 "All the satanists can thank St. Peter for turning my cross around. If you guys love it so much then give him all the credit."
19 "My religion honestly has too many knockoffs."
20 "I actually don't mind doing it in the rear end. If only it was with a guy though."
21 "Christianity's holy symbol is already enough to turn me off."
22 "What if I told you my middle name is actually Horus?"
23 "What if Horus was crucified instead? Would we all be worshipping birds as our saviors?"
24 "You people still use the white Jesus? Why is it that my followers always ignore their holy book?"
25 "I rode into town on an ass. White guy ass that is!"
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