Top Ten Worst Things to Say at a Job Interview

As long as it's funny, and not execrably offensive, add it.

The Top Ten

1 I'm always alert, and focused on the main details, and I work extra late. Especially if there's a charming secretary about.
2 You're the boss, huh? How did you rise from Carl the Coffee-maker to this?

I could not add this without laughing. Loudly. - PositronWildhawk

3 I did go to Yale. I moved house because of it. Unlocking many new doors.

A clever joke that may make you look professional, or just plain stupid. - PositronWildhawk

True, but not the ideal quote for your CV. - PositronWildhawk

P.W: I guess that would all depend on the boss' sense of humour, wouldn't it? - Britgirl

4 Yeah, security clearance is no biggie. Just do the secret knock, and if nobody answers, just scream for help demanding that they open the door.

And then the boss goes all Sheldon Cooper on you.

5 Yeah, it's a pretty tough thing, but it's basically just leaning back, pressing some random buttons and lunch, right?

Yeah, come back next year after you learn to identify those random buttons, and also your job. Bye! - Kiteretsunu

6 Another day, another box of free pens? Wow.
7 This is my eighty-third job so far!

This may actually work in your favour. Think of all the experience you'd have! - Britgirl

Although, having had 82 previous jobs in a short time, that won't look good. If you're 496 years old, teriffic, plus you own a world record, but not if you're young. - PositronWildhawk

8 Can I get a raise? My girlfriend needs a new car

Not on an interview buddy - Antonio89

9 You don't mind if I turn up late, do you?

Hm...yep. Perhaps not the best thing to say. He'd probably tell you to take a long run off a very short pier! - Britgirl

10 If you don't give me this job I will kill myself

He will call for you/get you help

The Contenders

11 I'm only here 'cos the job centre told me they'd stop my benefits if I didn't attend
12 I am SO much smarter than you!
13 I Can Sing and Dance Like Justin Bieber

Please, for the love of God, do not make the whole JB situation worse! - PositronWildhawk


14 Can I smell your hair

Umm...I don't know. Can you? - Britgirl

15 I could have done this job when I was four!
16 If being a homicidal maniac counts as a job, no, I haven't been employed before.
17 I'm pretty open with times and stuff, except every 20 minutes I DO have to take a quick cocaine break.

Yep. That's up there. - PositronWildhawk

18 Yo jerk, I'm gay
19 I'm a Transgender
20 Do you allow sex at work?

Imagine if the boss said yes

Of course!

21 I don't want this job, I just need a job for the money

That would probably make you not hired, and look like you don't care

22 What's your mothers name? I'm pretty sure she was at my bachelor party
23 This is the first time I went for this kinda job, and I must say, you look like you don't think to pay 'em much!
24 Some days are better than others. Today is a great day to act like a pigeon.

Especially if you were only asked what kind of a manager you would make! - Britgirl

25 I'm too sexy....
26 Shut up
27 Can I have a raise?
28 Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
29 My butt is itchy

Good for you

30 I had a really fun time with your wife/husband

Who would tell them this in general? - CartoonCriticizer

31 I'd like to order a Big Mac, large fries, a large drink and a sundae.
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