Top 10 Alternative Titles for Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day really is a miracle of branding. One random square on the calendar gets turned into a glitter-covered hostage situation involving roses, overpriced prix fixe dinners, and enough red packaging to suffocate a small village.

So naturally, it deserves alternative titles that sound a little more honest and a lot less nauseating.

The Top Ten

  1. Singles Awareness Day

    LOL, nice and funny list, yet these items may actually be true.

  2. Wastage of Packaging Paper Day

  3. Cavities Day

  4. I Will Be a Virgin for Life Day

    I put this here as a joke. Don't take it seriously.

    I'm A-okay with that.

  5. Wastage of Chocolates Day

  6. Heartbreak Day

  7. Everyone Else Has a Girlfriend but Me Day

    In my point of view, everyone else has a boyfriend but me day.

  8. Never Finding Love Day

  9. Day That I Don't Care About

    I'm one of those people who don't care.

  10. Stupidtines Day

    11. The Newcomers
  11. ?

    Looking at the Dark History and Not Enjoying Day

  12. ?

    Special Snowflakes Upset Day

    13. The Contenders

  13. Red and Pink Hurt My Eyes Day

  14. Sad Day

    Who added this? This is hilarious!

  15. Men Wanting to Divorce Day

    #DivorceDay

  16. Masturbation Day

  17. Men Angry at Women Day

  18. Single People Tears Day

    I don't cry. I just buy myself seasonal candy, do some baking, and hug my family and pets.

  19. Being Rejected and Eating Ice Cream Day

    People have many different reasons why they would reject someone. People who aren't interested in dating anyone at all and are happily single don't owe the person asking them out anything.

    If someone is a controlling person and the other person doesn't like people like that, or is even scared of that person, it would be unfair to the person being asked out. Having similar interests and the ability to communicate without walking on eggshells is important. It's also important not to base the relationship too much on fragile physical things like looks and physical touch.

    Me: (to the crush who left me, while holding a wrapped gift) It's been a long time since the day we met and the day you transferred to our elementary school. Well, to be honest, ever since middle school began, I started to grow feelings for you. (Turns my face away while holding the gift still.)

    Crush: Well, that's nice and all, but to me, you're just a friend. You are kind of like a sibling to me and such, but I just don't really like you that way. (Leaves to see the 7th-grade girl without caring about the wrapped gift for him.)

    Me: (falls down dramatically while sad music plays in the background)

    Me: (gets a big cup of ice cream from the middle of nowhere, and a spoon) Why? (Eats the ice cream slowly.)

  20. The Day St. Valentine Got Executed

    Yeah, a pretty weird and somewhat creepy origin for a holiday that's all about love and relationships.

    We celebrate his death with chocolates and flowers!

  21. Amatonormativity Day

    AKA thinking that everyone wants a romantic relationship and should be in one. Shipping sounds like that, IMO.

  22. Yanks Take It Too Serious Day

  23. Lost the Point Day

  24. Overhyped "Love" Day

  25. Restaurant Cash-In Day

  26. Valentine's Day Massacre

  27. Day Where People Force Others to Have Boyfriends and Girlfriends for a Day

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