Top Ten Things the British Might Be Doing On U.S. Independence Day

To my numerous American friends on TheTopTens, wishing you a Happy Independence! Though I'm not sure if that is what's customary to say? No? What about, "You Should Have Stayed With Us!", as an ice-breaker?
The Top Ten
1 Contemplating the greater freedoms that Britain has than America

Americans think that they're so great and amazing when they're all idiots and fail to realize how other countries are a lot better than them. I'm an American though, and am ashamed of my horrendous country, so I wouldn't mind if foreigners just laughed in our faces and were as rude to those arrogant Americans as possible.

Happy 4th of July!

I wonder if any of you lot are thinking the same thing. Probably not on this particular day, but come July 5th...

I agree! They think they are free because they do not know better!

2 Living life normally and not caring that they lost a colony

We might have given a damn back in 1776, but we simply don't care anymore. I have been asked by an American whether we celebrate the Fourth of July, and my reaction was, why would we? Besides getting rid of you lot! Ha ha!

3 Telling Scotland to keep dreaming

Scotland only recently tried to go independent, and well, that didn't work out for them. But one can certainly imagine them becoming a debt-ridden, partially racist, overly patriotic gun range on their own.

Scotland was an independent country once, from the Middle Ages to the 18th century. England and Scotland both united into Great Britain in 1707.

There's some people who have lived in the northern part of the British Isles called Scotland long ago.

Ha! You will never gain independence!

4 Parading their way across the Atlantic in 18th Century Dress, ready for an attack

Take cover, the British are coming! And they're beyond drunk!

5 Celebrating the fact that they don't get blamed for things the same way

I do feel sorry for the good people having to put up with the hate they get. The country has serious problems, but that's no reason to hate and generalize American people.

But at the same time, I'm pointing out that we are better off in that respect.

6 Thinking back to three days ago, when Canada Day slipped past them

Gotta hand it to them, Canadians are not overly patriotic, and so much more modest. With the exception of their mainstream pop musicians.

I normally would have taken a hint, but on this day in 2015, southern Britain was experiencing a record high temperature. Believe me, it was an absolutely unbearable heatwave, much unlike cool Canada.

7 Acknowledging that Independence Day is proof that Americans do, in fact, acknowledge the existence of a country other than their own

Who else would they have gained Independence from?

8 Colouring everything that's British red, white, and blue to see if the Americans can tell the difference

Would you Americans find it hard to believe that the British also do this for patriotism? In fact, we were the originators.

For instance, a red, white, and blue Jaguar E-Type is much better than a red, white, and blue Shelby Mustang. And a red, white, and blue Eton Mess is much better than a red, white, and blue greaseburger.

9 Flying into America just to see whether they get chased by parading nationalists

I haven't been in the States on July 4th, but I'd be interested to see how they react to me. The people there are very polite, helpful, and accommodating on a normal day, I'll give them that.

One thing I remember seeing on my visits is the American flag appearing absolutely everywhere. How much of your own territory do you have to keep claiming?

Our flags are on every block. To tell you the truth, we are too patriotic for our own good.

Now this is wonderful. And yes, we have an absurd amount of flags.

10 Eating themselves fat

Britain actually has a pretty fat population, with 30% of people being overweight. But still, you see clearly, Britannia rules the waves because it won't sink under the weight of its people.

Apologies for that ice-breaker, or Earth-breaker.

The Newcomers

? Noting that Americans may not understand how their harsh words can affect the British
? Dealing with online bullying from Americans for historical actions they did not personally commit
The Contenders
11 Celebrating by playing the British national anthem at full volume
12 Drinking salty tea
13 Celebrating the anniversary of getting rid of their least profitable colony
14 Silently chuckling to themselves
15 Laughing at their stupidity
16 Brushing up on their German-language skills
17 Discovering the difference between Girl Guides and Girl Scouts

Girl Scouts was used in old Britain when it started, but they dropped it and changed it to Girl Guides.

I used to have a history book about it.

18 Not being bothered by not really knowing what Americans do besides fireworks
19 Not thinking about American holidays
20 Changing the name of the language to Americanish

We call it English (Traditional). We call your dialect English (Simplified).

Now my friend will finally have proper grammar.

21 Making a list of things they might be doing on U.S. Independence Day
22 Studying the history of America
23 Discovering that much of American English originates from Anglo-Saxon, which is considered "dead" English in Britain
24 Learning that the term "mom" originated from the Midlands
25 Understanding that there is no significant difference between the terms "math" and "maths"
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