Top Ten Things the British Might Be Doing On U.S. Independence Day

To my numerous American friends on TheTopTens, wishing you a Happy Independence! Though I'm not sure if that is what's customary to say? No? What about, "You Should Have Stayed With Us!", as an ice-breaker?
The Top Ten
1 Contemplating upon the greater freedoms that Britain has than America

This is simply not true. In Britain, there is no right to bear arms (and London still has more crime than New York), no freedom of the press, and the government has a much larger control over people's daily lives. That's why the US has more arguments about the government. Because all of the power that the government wants has already been legal in Britain.

Americans think that they're so great and amazing when they're all idiots and fail to really how other countries are a lot better than them. I'm an American though, and am ashamed of my horrendous country, so I wouldn't mind if foreigners just laughed in our faces and be as rude to those arrogant Americans as possible.

Happy 4th of July!

In Britain we don't have the 4th of July. Instead, we celebrate 5th November and the anniversary of the Guy Fawkes Gunpowder Plot.

I wonder if any of you lot are thinking the same thing. Probably not on this particular day, but come July 5th...

2 Living life normally and not caring that they lost a colony

We might have given a damn back in 1776, but we simply don't care anymore. But I have been asked by an American whether we celebrate the fourth of July, and my reaction was, why would we? Besides getting rid of you lot! Ha ha!

You guys lost thirteen colonies, for the record.

3 Telling Scotland to keep dreaming

Scotland was an independent country once in Middle Ages to 18th century, England and Scotland both united into Great Britian in 1707, there's some people who have lived in northern part of British Isles called Scotland long ago.

Scotland only recently tried to go independent, and well, that didn't work out for them. But one can certainly imagine them becoming a debt-ridden, partially racist, overly patriotic gun range on their own.

Ha! You will never gain independence!

4 Parading their way across the Atlantic in 18th Century Dress, ready for attack

Take cover, the British are coming! And they're beyond drunk!

5 Celebrating the fact that they don't get blamed for things the same way

I do feel sorry for the good people having to put up with the hate they get. The country has serious problems, but that's no reason to hate and generalise American people. But at the same time, I'm pointing out that we are better off in that respect.

I agree with you.

6 Thinking back to three days ago, when Canada Day slipped past them

Gotta hand it to them, Canadians are not overly patriotic, and so much more modest. With the exception of their mainstream pop musicians.
I normally would have taken a hint, but on this day in 2015, southern Britain was experiencing a record high temperature. Believe me, it was an absolutely unbearable heatwave, much unlike cool Canada.

Canada is never noticed

7 Acknowledging that Independence Day is proof that Americans do, in fact, acknowledge the existence of a country other than their own

Who else would they have gained Independence from?

8 Colouring everything that's British red, white and blue to see if the Americans can tell the difference

Would you Americans find it hard to believe that the British also do this for patriotism? In fact, we were the originators. For instance, a red, white and blue Jaguar E-Type is much better than a red, white and blue Shelby Mustang; and a red, white and blue Eton Mess is much better than a red, white and blue greaseburger.

We both have these colours!

9 Flying in to America just to see whether they get chased by parading nationalists

I haven't been in the States on July 4th, but I'd be interested to see how they saw me all of a sudden. The people there are very polite, helpful and accommodating on a normal day, I'll give them that.
One thing I remember seeing on my visits is the American flag appearing absolutely everywhere. How much of your own territory do you have to keep claiming?

Our flags are on every block. To tell you the truth, we are too patriotic for our own good.

Now this is wonderful. And yes, we have an absurd amount of flags.

10 Eating themselves fat

Britain actually has a pretty fat population, with 30% of people being overweight. But still, you see clearly, Britannia rules the waves because it won't sink under the weight of its people. Apologies for that ice-breaker, or Earth-breaker.

The Contenders
11 Discovering the difference between Girl Guides and Girl Scouts.

Girl Scouts was used in old Britain when it started, but dropped it and changed it to Girl Guides.
I used to have a history book about it.

12 Celebrating by playing the British national anthem at full volume
13 Drinking salty tea
14 Changing the name of the language to Americanish

We call it English (Traditional). We call your dialect English (Simplified).

Now my friend will finally have proper grammar.

15 Celebrating the anniversary of getting rid of their least profitable colony
16 Silently chuckling to themselves
17 Make a list on things the British might be doing on U.S. Independence Day
18 Laughing at their stupidity

Do you mean ours or theirs?

19 Brushing up on their German-language skills
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