Top 10 Absurd Ways Santa Claus Could Be a Communist

We all know that Santa Claus is one of the biggest western influences of Christmas, but there is some speculation that Santa could be a communist. How? Let's check the reasons... And by the way, don't take this list too seriously.
The Top Ten
1 He looks like Karl Marx

Santa's original name, Father Christmas, used to be a skinny man who wore green.

Santa is a communist because he doesn't wink in the Coca-Cola advert anymore.

You know, the founder of Communism.

2 He wears red

This is an obese elderly man who is older than any human being. He can deliver presents to kids in one night. He has a flying sleigh and flying reindeer, one of which has a red nose that lights the sky for him. He also has elves to make the toys and drinks booze from every house he goes to. How many homes have chimneys nowadays?

He seems fine with other men younger than him impersonating him in "Santa's Grotto."

Santa wears red. So does Satan. Spell Santa differently, and you get Satan. Satan wears red. The USSR is red. Satan is USSR confirmed.

3 He wants to redistribute the wealth of everyone, like the Communists do

But how come upper-class kids get so many different presents, and working-class kids get a select few?

4 Most of his gifts are "Made In China"

This is actually a pretty good reason. I have never gotten a present that says "Made in the USA" or some other country.

Lots of items are manufactured in China for some reason.

And we all know that China is a communist country.

5 He has a beard, like Stalin, Lenin, Fidel Castro and other communists

He has a beard like Saint Nicholas and the Father Christmases of the UK before the Victorian era (when the American Santa Claus came).

Stalin didn't have a beard, neither did Lenin (they had amazing mustaches though).

6 Santa's reindeer is red-nosed

The other reindeer made fun of Rudolph until Santa realized that he could help him.

7 "Santa Claus is coming to town" is more like a communist parade

No doubt, this line refers to the KGB: "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake." The KGB knows everything.

Yes, and the song says, "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake," which just shows an example of the vice grip of Communist governments.

8 "Ho Ho Ho" means "Workers Unite!"

You know, the motto of the Soviet Union was "Workers of the world, unite!"

9 The KGB has its list of who's naughty and nice, like Santa Claus!

And they put glowing hot coal in your stockings while your feet were still in them.

10 Rudolf is a Russian name

Rudolf is a Germanic name, and I guess Santa got Rudolf, the red-nosed reindeer, from the Marxist wing of the German Communist Party.

Russia was the biggest communist country in the world, and Rudolf was Santa's reindeer.

The Contenders
11 If you play "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" backwards, you'll hear "Die, American Capitalist pigs, die!"

Another song we all know but where there is a hidden message in reverse.

This is honestly the funniest thing ever!

12 He is always watching
13 Part of Russia is in the Arctic Circle
14 He loves vodka
15 He has God powers
16 His original name was Father Christmas
17 This is a man who can deliver presents to kids on one night, has elves. He can go down a chimney he is also obese, he drinks loads of booze from the houses.

And how many homes even have chimneys nowadays?

18 We don't know his wife's first name
19 He is immortal
20 He is fine with other men dressing up as him and giving kids a present
21 He flies faster than the speed of light
22 He flies on a Space-Race era sled around the world in one night. (Powered by unknown forces.)
23 He can open doors with a magic key
24 He sees you when you're sleeping... he knows when you're awake...
25 He knows if you've been good or bad
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