Top 10 Worst First Names for a Boy

The Top Ten
1 Gaylord

Back in the 1930s and 40s, "gay" was used to describe happiness. But it's no longer just that since it became popular as a term for homosexuals, and sometimes lesbians. Since everyone only knows its modern meaning, anyone named Gaylord will get extremely bullied every day at school. I feel bad for them. These parents need to explain why they named their child this.

Come on, come on! The poor little thing will get bullied. I mean, just think - your mum or dad calling you across the park, 'Gaylord!' or during the register... John, here miss. Emily, here miss. Sophie, here miss. Gaylord, here miss. And then everyone sniggers. Who the hell came up with this name? I don't know! Freakshow (no offense), laugh out loud.

2 Dick

Like, for real? Do you hate your child that much? Because I know if a guy came up to me and said, "Hey, my name's Dick!" I would give him hell for it, and then laugh and walk off. And that's not even to be mean! It's just that funny!

It's kind of a funny name, but if there were a president named Dick, I would stop thinking dirty thoughts. But for now, laugh out loud. Sorry to anyone who gets offended. This thing won't let me get off.

Um... I was going to say something funny, but some people might get offended. Don't worry, I have a funny name too.

3 Satan

It sounds like some parents are going a little overboard in trying to stick it to those 'dumb Christians' by naming their child after a devil in a religion. In my opinion, that angst would be better spent on some picket sign or debate somewhere instead of making your kid wear it around. Very unoriginal.

"There are fewer than 1,624 people in the U.S. with the first name Satan. The estimate for this name is not absolute. There may be fewer people with this name, or none at all. Click here for more details." So I found this on a site. These parents are cuckolds.

4 Adolf

After WWII, nobody ever wanted to name their child after him because of how his acts affected the world. Kids with the name today will get non-stop bullying every day. If Hitler had died before "Mein Kampf" was released, then "Adolf" wouldn't be that bad.

Who would name their kid "Adolf"? It would be terrible if the kid's middle or last name was Hitler. The parents might have been taking drugs at the time. Also, this should be considered equally or more dreadful than the name Gaylord, or just Gay/Gaye.

After the Second World War, no kid on earth ever got called Adolf anymore. If someone calls their child that, they should not be surprised if people look at his son like he's the devil.

5 Osama

Nobody wants to name their child after the infamous terrorist who planned a hateful act against the United States on 9/11. Kids with this name will get bullied in school. It's so bad that it sounds like Obama's evil twin.

To all parents who name their kid this, if you thought you were the world's greatest mom and dad, it's because you read too much of those Father's Day and Mother's Day cards that belong to your neighbor.

What? Your child will be named after a terrorist. What happened to the world? I wish no one would name their child like this.

6 Cannon

This is my name, and my childhood was miserable. But, I can always get my name on any social network, or email, or website. I've always felt bad for people named John. It's like you say the name and nine other people pop up. So lame.

It would be bad if your last name was "Ball." How would you feel? I see nothing wrong with Ian or Colin, though.

This is a joke. I think the parents were not ready to have a child, and they wanted to blow him away through a cannon.

7 Elmo

I don't even understand why someone would name their kid Elmo. Of all the names you could have chosen, you chose Elmo? Like why? Kids would be asking him if their pet rocks could actually talk to him.

Elmo? What? The parents must be huge fans of Elmo and watched too much Sesame Street to name their kid that. "Hi Elmo, do you want to go play with your friends at Sesame Street?"

This is the name of that red monster from Sesame Street. These kids with the name "Elmo" will get bullied in school. I feel really bad for all the kids with these names.

8 Ib

Ib is the name of a horror RPG character in the game "Ib the game." The character Ib is a girl, and it's pronounced as "Eve," like in Christmas Eve, or sometimes "Eeb." It's a good game (awesome game, honestly! It isn't really scary at all, just to say that you should check it out).

However, it really doesn't make a good name. What were the parents of the RPG character Ib thinking? Even worse if you're using it for a boy. Although it sounds pretty bad for both boys and girls.

This is not a name! What a sad guy who would name his child this. It sounds like something you say when you're bored. Seriously, is anyone even called this?

9 Ian

If I had a dog, I'd name it Ian, as a joke. Wolfgang is a beautiful name by comparison. Ian deserves to be at the top of this list. All those unfortunate Ians out there would at least be able to sleep at night knowing that they were at the top of a list for once. No offense intended.

I've hated my name ever since Lee and Herring mocked the name Ian in various comedy programmes such as Fist of Fun and The Ian News. If only I could go by my middle name, but that's Iain, which is nearly as bad.

Why would you call your son "it"? He's a person too, not some wild animal that you could buy in a pet store.

10 Angus

The only Angus I know is from that Disney Channel show, Ant Farm. He was a chubby, lazy computer geek who liked to eat. He couldn't even do one sit-up! Plus, this name also sounds like a huge burger you would get from a fast food restaurant.

How the heck are Va and Ollie better than this name? When these people show up at my house and ask for an apple, well guess what? I say, No, no, yes, no! Then I'll throw the apple at them. From Chupacabra

Sounds too much like 'Anus'. When he gets in middle school and people know about this stuff, have fun.

The Contenders
11 Shrek

It isn't good to name your child made-up names from cartoon characters. I get that Shrek is a funny movie, but you still can't name your child that because he will get annoyed in school.

Yes, there are people named Shrek. In my Grade 6 Camp, the manager was Shrek. And I thought he was Shrek the Ogre in disguise or something. That name's pretty ridiculous.

If people actually name their children this, then DreamWorks Universal should go bankrupt for buying the rights to this series.

12 Wolfgang

Even though this is the name of a great composer, seriously, who would name their kid this? Wolf + Gang is a gang of wolves.

Seriously, you might even want your child to join a pack of wolves instead of a group of nursery children.

It must have been a cool name in the Mozart generation. But don't name your kid this in the generation we live in now.

13 Pinocchio

My name is Pinocchio. And I want to get something straight with you guys. My nose does not grow when I lie. I don't know why my parents chose to give me such an awful name, but I learned to live with it. But it was hard being a kid in school with this name.

If I were a little boy, I'd barf if my name was Pinocchio. Would my daddy have to be named Geppetto, too? Then there's the problem with crickets. I'm allergic to them, even if they might be named "Jiminy" and can sing better than Rebecca Black. What a doozy.

Who would name their child Pinocchio? Everyone will judge him and believe that he is made of wood and tells lies often, when technically he doesn't and isn't made of wood.

14 Caillou

Don't name your child that since the name is mainly associated with the show. This leads to your child getting bullied non-stop in school. What's also weird about this name is that it means "pebble" in French.

15 Seaman

It is not necessary for you to lavish so much attention on Seaman. I hope that Seaman is not disturbing your daily routine.

"Hey look, Tom Cruise has Seaman on his back!"

Seaman... Like the dog on the Lewis and Clark expedition?

16 Ashley

Among the worst names for a boy, alongside Lara, Alexis, and Beau. It's one of those names well-suited for gender ambiguity.

This is traditionally a boy's name. It was a boy's name for decades and only since the 1970s has it been popularized as a girl's name.

It's an okay name if you're the Ashley man from Gone with the Wind. Some people might tease a guy with a feminine-sounding name.

17 Joe

This is not really a real name. It's a nickname for Joseph.

It's not terrible, but it's extremely bland.

18 Camel

I'm going to name my kid this. And if I have another kid, I am going to name them Cow.

I hate to bully anyone, but in my head, those people have a hunchback.

19 Bart

I like The Simpsons as much as anybody else, but it's short for Bartholomew. This is the twenty-first century. That is not an okay name.

This is the name of Impulse from Young Justice, and Bart is awesome!

At least you're named after a character from The Simpsons.

20 Nick

Nick isn't such a bad name. It's just so common that soon every boy will be named Nick. Then, when the teacher calls on Nick, every boy will answer.

It's so common. There are three or four Nicks in my classes, and the people in my classes are only a fourth of my grade.

Nick is not really a real name. It's short for Nicholas.

21 Buster

Good name for a pet. Not so much for a human.

22 Zane

My brother is 14, his name is Zane, and everybody thinks his name is awful because it has the same pronunciation as the one from ID, but he really hates them.

Zane is a name from a famous western author. It's not so bad to name a child this if you like country music.

What a loser. He has the worst name of everyone I have met.

23 Barney

The name sounded a bit off to begin with, but then Barney the Dinosaur entered the picture. On the plus side, anyone with the name Barney will probably grow up with thick skin.

This could cause your child to be bullied at school, thanks to Barney the Dinosaur. If the character didn't exist, then nothing would happen.

What kind of parent would name their kid after a dinosaur?

24 Bieber

It seems like whoever named their child Bieber is obsessed with Justin Bieber. I don't know if Bieber was common as a first name before the celebrity (which is his last name), but don't name your child this. He or she would get harassed at school.

What a dumb name. There is one person in the world whose last name was Bieber.

25 Baby

I can't even begin to cover this. How embarrassing. It would be better as a one-year parent nickname, only to be said with their kid.

Not even original, but I won't stop someone from naming them.

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