Best Quotes from "Quote's Bad Hair Day: Rated R for Retelling of Cave Story"

xandermartin98

The Top Ten

1 I'll allow my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing repressed memories of my high school years to come flooding back into my tranquil mind once again, while masturbating with my right hand, and writing love letters with my left! - Jack
2 The Doctor likes me! I set him up, turned your DUMB little island into a battleground, got innocent little Mimigas executed, UNFAIRLY, put several others including you into therapy, AND HE STILL LIKES ME!!! - Misery
3 The book contained a lot of random, stupid tabloid bullshit, like how to grow marijuana on the moon, or how to tie your own pubic hair into knots, but more importantly, it showed how to service flooded robots! - Narrator
4 SATAN'S MECHANICAL DILDO IS SALTY!!! - Ma Pignon
5 I've been SAVING this one for you, mon frére! "COME" to Papa! - Jack
6 You be JonTron, I'll be Jacques! - Mahin
7 And so Mahin grabbed Jack's leg, and Jack grabbed Mahin's esophagus, and Mahin bit off Jack's ear, and Jack chewed off Mahin's eyebrows, and Mahin took out Jack's appendix, and Jack gave Mahin a colonic irrigation! - Narrator
8 Goodbye, Misery. - Jack
9 A ROAD ISN'T A F****** VERB, YOU DUMBASS! - Quote
10 That type of difficulty spike stings harder than my periods! - Curly

The Contenders

11 None of that Final Fantasy junk is enough to fulfill your kingdom hearts! Enslavement! Enslavement is what makes life worth living! Enslave, enslave, enslave! Let's enslave everyone! - The Doctor
12 Well, at least my father didn't make his living doing some stupid clichéd "knight in shining armor" bullsh**! - Misery
13 Pray to the stone. Worship the stone. TOUCH the stone. LICK the stone...lickthestone, lickthestone, lickthestone, lickthestone, lickthestone, lickthestone - Jack
14 Goddamned bats, why must so many platformer games have them? - Quote
15 There'll be plenty of time for mercy when you're roasting in Curly's stomach, pu**y! - Quote
16 WHEE! Give me hugs, bees! Buggie wuggie wuggie wuggie wuggie! YAY! - Toroko
17 You're not going to RAPE me, are you, Mr. Toaster? - Toroko

LOL, the name Mr. Toaster sounds like a rapist. - xandermartin98

18 Oh no, I've got the ouchie-wouchies in my chubby-wubby-tubby little tummy! WAAH! - Toroko
19 I'll take a red flower...AND EAT IT!!! - Jack
20 Smell My Foot's Wondrous Aroma of Week-Old Limburger Cheese! - Jack
21 Umm...I've been thinking a lot about SNAILS recently! They're SLIMY! - Jack
22 What in the f*** am I reading? - Mahin
23 I can even still see my ribcage! I call her Ribbie! - Jack
24 The way I feel right now, even carrots have lost their subtle charm. - Jack
25 How would you like to suck my ba***? (OH MY GOD, I WOULD LOVE TO!) That'll be $5.25, please; after all, I'm not wearing skinny jeans. - Jack
26 Get it? Corny? Sappy? Because...you know...soda has corn syrup in it? - The Doctor
27 Wir müssen die Kaninchen ausrotten!!! - The Doctor
28 What is a Mimiga? A miserable little pile of furry pornography! - The Doctor
29 I even got CRAAAZY STRAAAWS!!! - The Doctor
30 Can I take Toroko home, please? She's SO CUTE! I just wanna nuzzle her big fluffy ears to death and squeeze her until she explodes like a giant balloon full of confetti! AWW!!! - The Doctor
31 Using my exceptionally fermented butt sweat and the chemical compounds from several different types of perfume, I have created my latest contribution to the wonderful world of science...GAY GUY GENE GAS! - Jack
32 This isn't lemonade, this is f***ing piss! - Jack
33 T-thank y-you f-for y-your p-patronage... - Jack
34 J-just t-thinking about it m-makes me so excited I could just...OoOOOOOOoOoOOH!!! - Jack
35 FACE IT, Jack, I'M SMARTER THAN YOU!!! HA HAAAAAA!!! - Misery
36 Oh, congratu-f***ing-lations, you're SMARTER than me! You hate everyone and everyone hates you! F***ING GENIUS! - Jack
37 Quit...while you're A HEAD! - Quote
38 TRIPLE MOTHER****ING LASER BEAM OWNAGE ATTACK! - Quote and Curly
39 This room is flooding like an E3 press conference! - The Doctor
40 Why must the good guys always win? THIS IS WHY I F***ING HATE VIDEO GAMES! - Misery
41 I've been to some of the sleaziest places on Earth! France, Las Vegas, New York, Justin Bieber's underwear drawer... - Jack
42 HA! Gayyy!!! - God
43 What are we supposed to do now? Play f***ing Mahjongg? Drown ourselves to death? I've had more fun watching Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore for God's sake! - Curly
44 FALCON PUNCH!!! - Quote
45 Rub lotion on our backs and we'll rub lotion on yours! - Jack
46 If there's one thing you should know about Internet trolls, it's the fact that they can never quite stomach the things that they can dish out; in fact, this is actually their primary weakness, believe it or not. - Ballos
47 YOU DARE INSULT MY FLAWLESSLY MEMORABLE PATTERN?! - Ballos
48 Whee! I love you so much, you're my favorite friend in the whole wide world! Look at me, I'm still just an adorable huggable cuddly-wuddly lil' bunny! Sweeter than a marshmallow! Huggie wuggie wuggie! Let's snuggle! YAY! - Toroko
49 What is this, Metroid? Well, TWO can play at THAT game! - Quote
50 Toroko? Toroko? Uh, fuzz-bunny? Fluffy-kins? Kirby-on-steroids? Beady-eyes? Puffy-little-cotton-ball-thing? Umm...sweetie-weetie? - Quote
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3 years, 110 days old

Top Remixes

1. I'll allow my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing repressed memories of my high school years to come flooding back into my tranquil mind once again, while masturbating with my right hand, and writing love letters with my left! - Jack
2. The Doctor likes me! I set him up, turned your DUMB little island into a battleground, got innocent little Mimigas executed, UNFAIRLY, put several others including you into therapy, AND HE STILL LIKES ME!!! - Misery
3. The book contained a lot of random, stupid tabloid bullshit, like how to grow marijuana on the moon, or how to tie your own pubic hair into knots, but more importantly, it showed how to service flooded robots! - Narrator
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