Top Ten Random Comments to Make As a Food Critic
The Top Ten
1 Just by seeing your food doesn't give me any goosebumps. Sorry, but your food has no entertainment value.
2 So who is the hero and the villain in your dish?
3 I will first have this dish tasted by my pet dog. If he likes it, then it would be my turn to taste it.
What if they both taste the same bowl of food?
4 Yeah, your dish was brilliant. But my favorite food is potato chips. Sorry, you have failed.
Nothing can beat potato chips for this man.
Ah... Exotic food just doesn't compare with chips, does it?
Kiteretsunu... You have passed!
Ya can't beat 'dem potato chips.
This is funny! Good list!
5 You made this dish without love and affection. You have failed.
6 Your dish has the right amount of spice and olive oil. But still no Brownian motion of the spice particles is visible in your dish to my naked eyes.
If you don't know what Brownian motion is, search it in Wikipedia. Good luck!
7 Just explain the chemical reactions which occurred in your dish while you were cooking it. If you don't know this basic stuff, sorry, but your dish is not upto the mark.
For him a cook must be a good chemist too.
8 Show me the registration certificate of your newly made dish. If you don't have one then don't worry. You just have to pay me $100 and I'll write favorable reviews on my article about your dish and your restaurant.
9 So you made Fried Chicken. FRIED CHICKEN!?!? This is animal cruelty. How can you kill an innocent bird? Your dish and your restaurant have failed.
10 What your dish lacks is blood. Real BLOOD! So just make sure this mistake doesn't happen again.
This has happened to me before. It's not pretty.
The Contenders
11 I can confirm that I think your restaurant has excellent ambience. Do you know what ambience is? It's an emergency services vehicle! You need one for the dreadful food you're serving!
12 Hey do have chocolate ice cream? If you don't your restaurant will be shut down.
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