Top 10 Best Squidward Tentacles Quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

The Top Ten
1 I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for forty years and then we die.

This is my dad's favorite quote!

"And then we die" is the best part.

That's true on many levels.

It's just a stupid boulder!

2 Too bad that didn't kill me

I think we all feel like this sometimes, especially his fellow food service workers...

Anyone could say this is a perfect catchphrase.

This is my favorite line!

That was so funny.

3 Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.

Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't play with their big meaty claws.

4 If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have I'd have one dollar

This quote is said in the episode "Naughty Nautical Neighbors," during when Squidward is destroying SpongeBob and Patrick's friendship.

I feel like Squidward had a stroke.

5 I hate all of you.

Relatable on a huge level.

Doesn't he say that a lot?

I love that one.

6 You can't fool me I listen to public radio

What's that supposed to mean?

Squidward is a liberal?

7 When I die, you stay away from my funeral

This is the best.

8 No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument...

Horseradish is not an instrument either.

This is the best line from Patrick.

This quote is pretty iconic.

Neither is horseradish.

9 I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.
10 The 1st place Snail Racing cup presented to Squidward... TORTELLINI?!

I laughed so hard because of this.

Will he ever win?

Will I ever win?

The Contenders
11 Future! Future!

This should be #1 in the Future! Future!

Squidward: Future!, Future!. Spongetron: drops a brick on his head.

12 I feel like a... I feel like a...*donkey noises* big jerk!

The thing is, it's not really funny to me, but it's one of the things that shows that although SpongeBob annoys Squidward a lot, the cephalopod does care for him deep down inside.

The donkey noises mean ass, so that's cool.

Had a hint of Tom and Jerry in that one.

What have I done to poor SpongeBob?

13 Patrick go be stupid somewhere else!

Uh uh uh, Squidward.

14 Spongebob isn't here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here

Sometimes, I really don't get his quotes.

Squidward was so happy.

15 Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent.

We understand you have a dying animal on the premises.

16 One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I'm standing right here!?

The second one is true.

17 Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where the Clock of Evolution ticks backwards.

My dad died when he heard this.

De-evolution is probably real.

18 I'm not rushing perfection, I'm rushing you!

Well, I guess it's true...?

He's got a point.

19 Oh no he's hot!!

Imagine him in his underwear.

20 Please come again... when I'm not working

Let's be honest. ALL of Squidward's quotes are iconic.

21 I have no soul
22 We serve food here, sir.

I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe on a raft, animal style. Extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it SWIM.

Dang, dude, you are a legend! Get your own show! Please!

Squidward is such a savage that THAT same quote was on a roast compilation.

23 Just do me a favor and stop doing me favors!

Isn't that a favor?

24 Does this look unsure to you?

That face killed me.

25 I'm a winner, see my prize! You're a loser who sits and cries!

That is awesome! I'm going to have to say that sometime!

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