Best Squidward Tentacles Quotes On SpongeBob SquarePants

The Top Ten
1 I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for forty years and then we die.

This is my Dad's favourite quote!

That's true on many levels.

Its just a stupid bolder!

2 Too bad that didn't kill me

I think we all feel like this sometimes. Especially his fellow food service workers...

That was so funny

3 Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.

Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't play with their big meaty claws.

4 If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have I'd have one dollar

This quote is said in the episode "Naughty Nautical Neighbors" during when Squidward is destroying SpongeBob and Patrick friendship.

I feel like Squidward had a stroke.

5 I hate all of you.

Relatable on a huge level.

I love that one.

6 You can't fool me I listen to public radio

What's that supposed to mean?

Squidward is a liberal?

7 No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument...

Horse radish is not an instrument either.

8 The 1st place Snail Racing cup presented to Squidward... TORTELLINI?!

Will he ever win?

Will I ever win?

9 When I die, you stay away from my funeral

This is the best.

10 Future! Future!

This should be #1 in the Future! Future!

Squidward: Future!, Future!. Spongetron: drops a brick on his head

The Contenders
11 I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.
12 I feel like a... I feel like a...*donkey noises* big jerk!

The thing is, it's not really funny to me, but it's one of the things that shows that although SpongeBob annoys Squidward a lot, the cephalopod does care for his bro deep down inside.

Had a hint of Tom and Jerry in that one.

What have I done to poor Spongebob?

13 Patrick go be stupid somewhere else!

Uh uh uh Squidward

14 Spongebob isn't here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here

Squidward was so happy

15 Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent.
16 One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I' m standing right here!?

The second one is true

17 I'm not rushing perfection, I'm rushing you!

Well, I guess it's true...?

He's got a point

18 Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where the Clock of Evolution ticks backwards.

De-evolution is probably real.

19 Oh no he's hot!!
20 I have no soul
21 Just do me a favor and stop doing me favors!

Isn't that a favor?

22 Please come again... when I'm not working

Let's be honest. ALL of Squidward's quotes are iconic.

23 We serve food here, sir.

I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe on a raft animal style. extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it SWIM.

Dang dude, you are a legend! Get your own show! Please!

Squidward is such a savage that THAT same quote was on a roast compilation

24 Does this look unsure to you?

That face killed me

25 I'm a winner, see my prize! You're a loser who sits and cries!

That is awesome! I'm gonna have to say that some time!

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