Top Ten Asinine Ways to Try to Fall Asleep

Why did I make this list? Because I can't bloody sleep!

The Top Ten

1 Get someone to come up behind you and knock you unconscious with a hammer

Not joking, I've considered it... It would've been stupid if I had done it, but that's what sleep deprivation does to you! - keycha1n

Then sleep for life.. - paasadani

This is suchsuch a white girl list

2 Expend all of your energy by making enough noise to keep everyone else in the world awake

You'd need to act as a polar satellite to account for all the different time zones. Much like Santa Claus would. Once you're done, you'll sleep like a log! - PositronWildhawk

3 Put chloroform on your pillow and bury your face into it

I'll let you know if it works when I've woken up. - Britgirl

4 Attach a shocker which shocks you every time your eyes open or your body moves

I have did this before, I passed out and then I woke up with a picture of Nicki Minaj on it, I passed out again. - funnyuser

It would work as positive punishment after a while. - PositronWildhawk

But it may condition you into being scared of moving... - keycha1n

5 Slow the rotation of the Earth by spinning continuously with opposing angular momentum so the night is longer for you to get sleep

What an ingeniouse idea,so how do we do it - Toucan

6 Write a fantasy thriller series about an evil warlock who uses his dark magic to prevent sleep throughout his fantasy world
7 Prank call your ex and get so embarrassed that you pass out
8 Make a heartbreaking song about sleep deprivation affecting your life and make a heavy dubstep remix of it for you to play on a loop
9 Imagine what life is like for someone who can sleep perfectly

One time I stayed up for three days straight... When I was in first grade. A normal sleep schedule is just unimaginable. - keycha1n

It's perfect. I value my nine hour long beauty sleep. - DogsUnleashed

I wish I could. It's just too hard. - AnonymousChick

10 Recall from memory the length of time you have been asleep for ten thousand previous nights and find an appropriate statistical distribution

Too bad I've only lived for 6,611 nights so far. None of them had perfect sleep in them, or so it seems. - PositronWildhawk

The Contenders

11 Take drugs until you black out
12 Watching the SpongeBob episode "Waiting" and falling asleep from boredom
13 Hide in a mattress store before it closes and when all the staff leaves, just sleep on one of their mattresses.
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