Top 10 Dumbest Things Greg Heffley from Diary of a Wimpy Kid Has Done

This list will document every action Greg Heffley in Diary of a Wimpy Kid did that was so dumb, you would feel stupid if you did the same things yourself. These were actions that Greg Heffley didn't get reprimanded for, but made Greg feel stupid in a way that would put him in a disadvantage.
The Top Ten
1 Worried about getting attacked by The Muddy Hand (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, Book)

Earlier in the book, Greg invites Rowley over for a sleepover and watch one of Rodrick's movies about a disembodied hand titled "Hello, You're Dead". After the movie, Greg starts to worry that he will be the muddy hand's next victim. I have no words for how idiotic of an assumption Greg made about a fictional hand. He actually thinks that a fictional dismembered hand will attack him after watching a horror movie. How can the muddy hand leap out of the television screen? How can the muddy hand Greg is afraid of fit into a 4.7 gigabyte DVD for this movie? Does the hand's freaking payload activate once the movie is over? I could ask all sorts of question's regarding this incident, but we would be here all day if that were the case.

2 Wasted his money on useless novelty toys (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw)

Just a friendly reminder that most of these entries are from The Last Straw. Your welcome in advance. In the "Two Fruits and No Snacks" story arc of the book, Greg talks about how he wasted his money on novelty toys he saw being advertised in one of his comic books that were supposed to "change his life". And wasted his money he did. Let's go over every "life changing" invention that Greg ordered. The Cash Machine allows the user to insert a blank piece of paper into the machine and roll out a 5 dollar bill, and Greg said that it is a magic trick where you have to insert your own money in order for it to function. Obviously it is a magic trick, because how would the cash machine print legitimate money? Would it steal ink cartridges from the United States treasury to create real dollar bills? How would the throw your voice thingy transfer vocal chords to another person? How would the X-Ray goggles create miniature cameras to see through clothes and walls? And how would a freaking hover ...more

3 Tried using the force from Star Wars to grab the TV remote. (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw)

In this part of the story, Greg complains about how there is nothing to do on a lazy Saturday, and that the only sports he could watch on TV at this time are bowling or golf so he wants to change the channel to find a more enthralling television program to watch. Unfortunately for him, he deals with the classic first world problem of being too comfy to get up off the couch to grab the remote, so what does he do? He tried using the force from the Star Wars movies to get the TV remote, but it does not work for him. It should not take a genius to figure out why the force is not a quality of life feature you can absorb from watching movies. If Greg claimed to have use the force a million times prior, shouldn't he have figured out by now that the force does not work in real life? And good on Mr. Heffley for telling Greg to go outside and get some exercise, because Greg has dozens of other hobbies he can occupy himself with instead of dealing with silly first world problems and trying to ...more

I still laugh about this

4 Did not do his laundry for the remainder of the school year, and admitted to Mrs. Heffley and Uncle Charlie that he was too lazy to pick up after himself. (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw)

During this book's holiday season, Greg gets a gift from his Uncle Charlie called the Laundry Hoop. The purpose of this consumer product is to act as a basketball hoop that you could throw your clothes in, kind of like how you would throw a basketball into a hoop to score points. It claims to make doing your laundry fun, but that is not what Greg agrees with. He then tells everyone that his mother picks up after him and all of his stained clothes come back clean and folded days later. Since Greg openly admitted to not picking up after himself, Mrs. Heffley commends Charlie for giving Greg the laundry hoop, and told Greg that he is going to do his own laundry from here on out. It is for this reason Greg is obsessive about finding clean clothes to wear in the rest of the story. All because Greg is too lazy to do his own laundry.

5 Wore his Body Blankie to school (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Hard Luck)

Another run-in with an "Americans will buy anything" type of consumer product. Greg goes to his Mom's closet with the help of his Magic 8 Ball (more on that later), and finds his Bodie Blankie stowed away in the shelf. The Body Blankie is a footsie pajama that you can wear, and you can feel nice and warm with it on. You use it if you want to grab something while you watch TV, but do not want to remove your blanket because you are too comfy to do so. Greg finds the Body Blankie, and decides to take it to school so he can emulate being in a nice and warm bed while at school, but the realities of Greg taking his Body Blankie to school are not one on one with what he fantasized. Since the Body Blankie is made out of flannel, Greg starts to trickle sweat during his Physical Education class, and when he tried to unzip himself, he ended up breaking the zipper, and that caused him to get trapped inside the Body Blankie for the remainder of the day. The Body Blankie may be good for movie ...more

People would've teased him good. Also he could've waited until pajama day.

6 Relied on a Magic 8 Ball for answers (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Hard Luck)

The books cover artwork depicts Greg trying to endure a rain shower of Magic 8 Balls falling onto him. That serves as a metaphor for Greg's over reliance on the Magic 8 Ball he found under Rodrick's bed. He uses the Magic 8 Ball to help make decisions for him, excusing himself from mandatory chores, and even relied on the toy to help him with his school work. If Greg has ever seen the Magic 8 Ball at a toy store, he should already know that it is not meant to provide Greg with any quality of life features, and his dependency on the Magic 8 Ball really shows you how much Greg loves to look for shortcuts in life.

7 Tried to win Heather Hills over (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days) (Book)

Who could forget this classic one. Greg makes the most out of being in the community pool by trying to get close to Heather Hills, who is the elder sister of Holly Hills, the girl Greg was infatuated by in the last book. Heather Hills's role in this story is being the lifeguard of Greg's local swimming pool, and Greg tries to win her over by following her to every lifeguard chair she was transferred to, filling her water bottle when she needed it, and even asked Mrs. Heffley to take a picture of him and Heather together. The problem is that Heather did not display any signs of affection back to Greg, and if Greg was unable to be in a relationship with Holly Hills, how much of a chance would Greg be able to be in a relationship with her sister? And about that time Heather gave Greg a facial expression that the latter interpreted as a prompt to clean up the regurgitation behind Heather's chair, I think it was because Heather has had enough of Greg stalking her, and the dirty look was ...more

8 Went to his grandmother's bingo game on a school night to avoid discussion about his midterm report cards (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw)

Greg comes home for school, and his mother is disappointed at him because his mid-quarter report cards recorded his lousy academic performance thus far. Greg is now paranoid about his Dad's reaction to the news, so what does he do? He invites his grandmother over because Mr. Heffley can control his anger better when Greg's grandmother is around the house. But the icing on the cake is when Greg tags along to go to the former's bingo game, so that Greg can avoid discussion about his midterm report cards. The bingo game itself was nothing too hectic, except for Greg's grandmother informing him that the bingo players hate it when a newcomer wins. The aftereffects are what makes this decision a total bust, because the next day, Greg talks about how he bombed his science test after wasting hours he could have spent on studying on playing bingo. Greg probably did not think that it was a school night when he came up with this plan.

9 Assumed that Uncle Gary was going to have a bachelor party for his wedding because he had to wear a tuxedo (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth)

On the ride to Gammie's house for Uncle Gary's wedding Greg is glum that he has to miss Jordan Jury's party, as well as getting a coming of age lecture from Gammie. However, Greg's tune is immediately changed when his family have to stop at a clothing store to get his tuxedo. Since Greg never wore a tuxedo for any of Uncle Gary's prior weddings, Greg starts to assume that he is one of the groomsmen for the wedding, and envisions throwing a bachelor party the night before Uncle Gary's wedding, riding a limousine, and getting paired up with one of the bridesmaids, mirroring what Greg sees in popular culture.. Greg mentioned earlier in the book that Uncle Gary is bad a saving money, so the latter cannot afford any of the things Greg fantasized. Greg finds out that the groomsmen thing is out of the window by discovering that his role in the wedding is to scatter rose petals along the Altair with the help of Manny, but I think Greg should have found out what his role in the wedding was ...more

10 Assumed that his dad was going to send him to military school for the summer (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw)

I know I am going to get some backlash for this, but please hear me out. The latter half of The Last Straw is spent on Greg dreading his first day of Spag Union military school after his dad informs him that he is going to sign him up. What's important to know was that Mr. Heffley was using future tense to inform Greg about signing him up. That means he has not signed Greg up yet. If Greg was making a commitment to go to military school, he would have had to sign some paperwork in the days leading up to his first day in military school, but Greg does not mention anywhere in the story that he signed commitment paperwork, nor does he mention being reminded by his Dad that his first day of military school is coming up. And as you could imagine, Mr. Heffley does not send Greg to military school, and Greg can now enjoy his summer vacation in peace. And the casual reader should have figured out that Greg was going to get a happy ending, because when Greg and Mr. Heffley went back to their ...more

I don't think anybody's parents are that cruel. That place is really only for teens.

The Contenders
11 Changed the map to go to Gaming Convention (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul)
BAdd New Item