Top Ten Alternative Jobs for Donald Trump
A lot of people, namely ignorant, ill-witted lunatics, will look upon this list with disdain. But let's face the facts: Trump has blown billions of dollars over a long history of his corporations filing for bankruptcy. His net worth has been questioned, with some analyses suggesting that he would have been wealthier had he simply invested his inheritance into an index fund.
He has also been linked to organized crime, faced public accusations of racial and misogynistic discrimination, and been involved in a number of scandals over the years. The list of controversies surrounding him goes on.
To be fair, he was never really a man of business or politics, and I doubt he'd make a great president. Is there something else Trump could be doing, maybe something he'd be better at? Let's see...
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Clown
Why do you say this when he acts like one?
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Marriage Counselor
Divorced twice and has a thing for his daughter, Ivanka? Why yes, he is fit for the job.
Anything other than president.
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Therapist
Let's hope the silly Billy's head doesn't get confused and turn him into the-rapist instead.
He is the one who needs one. He definitely cannot be a therapist.
I think he needs to see a mental therapist first...
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Underwear Model
This would be nasty to watch and weird! Why would he model for this? If he does, then he should do it for Fruit of the Loom and promote it to stores like Walmart: "Fruit of the Loom Men's Underwear Donald Trump Edition!"
Excuse me, I gotta go throw up. But it's kind of degrading to hate him for his looks. Looks don't matter - it's what's inside that counts, and that makes Trump even uglier than he is now.
That's a visual no one wants burned in their mind. Gross.
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Catholic Priest
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Kindergarten Teacher
All Kindergarten students in Catholic schools already know how to build a wall since Vatican City is completely surrounded by a very large wall, with only four possible ways to go in or out.
After school:
Mom: So how was your day, Mike?
Mike: The teacher was ugly and mean, Mommy!
Mom: MIKE! That's very rude - *sees Trump* Oh, I see.
"This is what we'll learn today, kids:
- Why Kim Jong Un is a good leader, with an essay written by me.
- How to build a wall
- What to do when you see a Mexican."
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Lawyer
He is good at lying too... somewhat. Anyway, he sure knows how to not give up and lie.
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Janitor
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Pit Toilet Cleaner
He would be disgusted if he cleaned up toilets since he is used to being rich and clean. He would have to pick up poop and clean up pee.
Never thought it'd be possible for Trump to look even more like a craphead.
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Gynecologist
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?
Landlord
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?
Judge
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Jack-o-Lantern Model
What a perfect career for someone as orange as Ronald McDonald Trump.
The most terrifying one of all. Now no kids will steal your candy.
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Rapper
"I am Donald Trump and I wanna build a wall. I want people off my wall and they should get a ball. Yo, DJ Trump is gonna be president (4 times)."
I make very bad lyrics, but yeah, this is what Trump would probably rap.
No! He will make rap even more overhated than before.
He would make a great rapper... for racists.
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Hostage Negotiator
I think he's already volunteered for this one...
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Fast Food Employee
You want French fries? Go to France! We only serve American fries here!
The only job that actually fits him, in my opinion!
I can already imagine McDonald's nicknaming him "Ronald McDonald Trump."
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Garbage Collector
I would die laughing if I saw him collecting garbage.
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Medusa's Eye Doctor
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Cat Food Taster
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Septic Tank Cleaner
Haha, "septic tank" is London rhyming slang for "Yank." Will he give all the septic tanks a good scrub down then?
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Elephant Clean-Up Crew Member
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Stripper
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Sewer Cleaner
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Police Officer
Do you know what he would do if he had this job?
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Comedian
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Middle School Bus Driver
If he can handle this, he can handle any foreign diplomat. It is well known that middle school students are the most annoying and immature demographic in the world, and middle school bus drivers are among the most abused workers in the world.
A great way to train his temper so that he can become a better person.
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Sex Worker