Top 10 Ways to Annoy a Conservative

The right-wing Republicans of Texas do not approve.

1. Play the Rainbow Road level in Mario Kart

   

   I don't mind playing on this course, but I keep falling off the road whenever I make a turn. Conservatives, however, would be more offended, though.

   It's a level in a video game. Sure, it's rainbow-themed, but the level has nothing to do with homosexuality! And yes, I'm a conservative.

   Ahh! Too many colors! Back in my day, everything was black and white, and since I'm conservative, it should stay that way!

2. Teach them 7th grade biology

   Biology can explain if the chicken or egg came first.

   If the theory of evolution is true, then chickens evolved from another species way back when because the first organisms were unicellular prokaryotes, which evolved into more complex life forms.

   The definition of separate species is two species that are unable to mate.

   If the species of chicken is unable to mate with any other species, that means the first chicken evolved as a result of reproductive isolation and, at one point, was unable to mate with the parent species.

   This means that genetic mutations or recombination caused the change in variety that made the chicken unable to mate with other species.

   Therefore, the egg came first and from it hatched the very first chicken.

   SCIENCE!

3. Ask if they think the Earth is flat

4. Tell them that they lost the Civil War

   It WAS lost by Democrats, but back then, Democrats were conservative and Republicans were liberal.

   150 years later, people like me are still talking about it.

5. Say that Ronald Reagan was liberal

6. Diss Fox News

   

7. Play "Highway to Hell" really loud on a radio

   While you're at it, play anything by Slayer, Gwar, Marilyn Manson, Slipknot, and any death metal band.

   Play some Rammstein songs while you're at it.

   Rammstein albums annoy them too.

8. Read the First Amendment to them

   It clearly states that there's freedom of religion and freedom of speech in the government. I wonder how those Islamophobic, theocratic conservatives would react.

9. Tell them that they'd look good in a hijab

   And that they'd be a good fit for the Taliban - wait. That's a tad too far.

   No, they look better in a bikini.

10. Start a religious flame war

    I'm just gonna stay out of it and eat some popcorn.

    Mm mm! I love me some religious wars!

The Newcomers
11. ?

    Be a feminist

    I am a feminist and a leftist and I believe that we all should have equal rights. No matter what race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, etc, we all should have equal rights.

    Saying that "a group being superior to other groups" is just taking it way too far.

    I don't care if you're female, male, nonbinary, etc, as long as you're chill and treat everyone fairly. ;)

    Talking about women's rights, safety, and bodily autonomy is going to very likely make them bark.

12. ?

    Talk about women's rights

The Contenders

13. Kiss someone of the same sex in front of them

14. Become an atheist

    

15. Give money to the poor

    Give money to feed or house the poor WITHOUT going through your political or religious organization. They take up to 95% of the money given.

16. Have a threesome

17. Read them The God Delusion

    They also like reading "On the Origin of Species" by Charles Darwin. (Sarcasm intended)

18. Tell them the truth

19. Run around naked

20. Enroll them in a college critical thinking class

21. Force them to watch gory horror movies

22. Tell them that homosexuals are nice people

23. Be gay

24. Talk about gun control

25. Say you don't like Trump

26. Wear an Antichrist Superstar T-shirt

27. Tell them that God listens to rock and roll

    Is this blasphemy, or does it just mean God allows it?