Top 10 Questions We'd Like to Ask God When We Die

So. Now you're face-to-face with the Great Man Himself. What's the first question you would ask Him? Add anything you like: random, funny, serious. Anything goes!

1. If we are all your children, why did you favor Jesus?

   I've created a fascinating/interesting conspiracy theory that Jesus is the favorite name of the Creator of everything.

   I've wondered and debated this for years!

   I like Jesus, but it's still favouring.

2. Who's your boss?

   We all have to answer to someone, right?

   God has never, ever had a boss.

3. Do you believe in God?

   You'd want to know if He believes in Himself, wouldn't you? Well, wouldn't you?

   Reminds me of the God debate in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Look up the babel fish.

4. If you play dice with the universe, how often do you win?

5. If you weren't God, who or what would you be?

   I often wonder if He'd rather be a film star, a great philosopher, or a writer. Instead of an agony uncle.

   Around Jesus' time, an alchemist. Nowadays, a politician.

   A construction foreman, perhaps?

6. Did you cameo in The Simpsons?

7. Why am I fat?

8. Do I get to choose who and what I come back as?

   And experience male puberty instead? Female puberty felt like a curse!

   A three-way answer, that being yes, no, and maybe.

   I'd want to come back as a better me.

9. How long am I here?

   However long God decides you should stay, and then return and come back to Earth however you please.

10. Is my old neighbor Ada here? If she is, can I be sent somewhere nicer, like hell?

    I just realized, heaven would be a lot like hell. Just think, if all your worst enemies are Christian, that means they would be in heaven with you. Since there is no sin in heaven, you would basically become a mindless robot. At least in hell, you can be free.

    Please send me down for thoughts I harbor of a sweet old lady.

The Newcomers
11. ?

    Do you laugh at the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

    I think God is supposed to have a great sense of humour.

    So if there is a God then he would laugh at all the jokes about him probably, but not send anyone to Hell unless they are evil because he is not a loving God and that is not a God you should worship.

12. ?

    Can people ask for their age to be changed?

    And their sex too? Like if a woman hated being female?

The Contenders

13. Are there drinking limitations here?

14. Can I get takeaway up here?

    Hot Madras SLURP Yes, I have some of that!

15. Exactly what are you?

    That is a question I'd ask straight away if God and Heaven are real. I'd be questioning him, like do I have to burn for not believing? There is too much conflict on earth to believe.

16. Is this the place where all the lost odd socks, keys, and watches end up?

    Ever lose something that you never find again? Heaven may have it!

17. How come you never reveal yourself to us?

    I think we need him to reveal himself by now. The world and the chance of a decent life are royally doomed by human hands. The world and humanity are eating themselves.

    God did reveal themselves before. It's been a LONG while since God last showed themselves.

    Yeah! I mean, look around at all the atheists, other religions than Christianity.

18. Why did you kill all those innocent children and babies?

    Those are collective and individual tests.

    Lol, yeah, he did.

19. Are you actually a dog because your name is 'dog' backwards?

    That goes with asking Him, "What are you?"

20. Am I dead?

    Although you'd probably already know the answer, there's no harm in a second opinion, is there?

    Well, no harm in being curious. Laugh out loud!

21. Is being Protestant a sin?

22. Do you like black metal?

    "Yes! Would you like to hear my favorite album by Rotting Christ?"

23. Is marijuana legal up here?

24. Will our fantasies come true up here?

25. If I had a personality, then had amnesia, would the first or second personality be here, or would it be a mutual mix?

    Hey, I still don't understand how this would work.

26. Could you create a rock so heavy that you can't move it?

    It would prove that he isn't omnipotent.

27. Wouldn't it have been much fairer to women if you made Jesus (your one and only son) female?

    Women already have to deal with menstrual periods varying in heaviness (which can interfere with daily life and heighten the risk of anemia), pain (which can be excruciating), and length, boobs that in many cases can be too heavy (and feel in the way and be unwanted entirely), pregnancy, and, on average, being weaker than men. Women got the short straw in puberty and the unwanted effects of such.