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The Top Ten
1Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory More comments about Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory
2Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is
3You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen More comments about You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen
4It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork
5You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering
6Your family tree is a cactus because everybody on it is a prick
7You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.
8If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid
9Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
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11I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.
12Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it
13Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
14We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
15I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
16If you really want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents
17I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said
18You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
19Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones
20Hey, you have somthing on your chin... 3rd one down
21The only positive thing about you is your HIV status
22When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.
23With a face like yours, I wish I was blind
24Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?
25You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC
26Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singin We Are Family
27Your momma so fat, when she went to a doctor, she stepped on a scale and the doctor said Hey, thats my phone number
28Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday
29You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit
30Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
31Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?
32Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag
33Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change
34Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.
35Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn't make the same mistake, twice.
36Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma
37I may be fat but you're ugly and I can diet.
38Yo mama so fat she's got more chins thin a chinese phone book
39You're so fake that Barbie is more real than you
40Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal
41You only annoy me when you're breathing.
42I wish cancer on you and all your family More comments about I wish cancer on you and all your family
43You're so stupid you got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the w's
44Your momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone
45Yo mama's so fat that she's got smaller fat people orbiting around her
46Yo mamma is so fat, her pants size is Bitch lose some weight.
47The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave
48Please, I could remove 90% of your 'beauty' with a tissue
49You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.
50Ever since I have seen you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down.
51Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example
52You're so ugly you make the second ugliest person in the world look like a super model
53Your momma is so ugly... she gotta be your momma
54Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.
55Yo mammas so fat you could slap her legs and ride the waves
56You're so stupid you tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order!
57Yo mama so ugly she scared the crap out of the toilet
58You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You got drug through dumbass forest.
59I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
60Your head is so big you have to step into your shirts
61Stop bullying fat people, they have enough on their plate
62Are you always an idiot or just when I'm around?
63You're so ugly when you were born the doctors didn't know if they should put you in a cradle or a cage
64You're so ugly, apes want to adopt you
65Your mother's teeth are so yellow, I cant believe it's not butter
66You're so fat you had to be baptised in Sea World
67The only thing that goes erect when I'm near you is my middle finger.
68Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles
69I...... words can not express how much I hate you
70"Dude you're fat" "It runs in the family" "Mate, no one runs in your family"
71You're so stupid, brain surgeons are having a hard time
72The moment you were born, a time paradox was created. The world will explode because of you!
73Your mom must have a really loud bark!
74Nice tan, orange is my favourite colour
75What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first?
76Question: How could a person like you lose 50 pounds of ugly fat in 1 second? Answer: By cutting off your head!
77Look, you aint funny. Your life is just a joke.
78You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat
79You was born on a motorway cause that's where most accidents happen
80Your mom's so ugly she made Chuck Norris have a heart attack
81You so dumb you thought a quarterback was a refund
82Go away I was looking at something better than you
83You look as if a pig and a elephant got married, and you're their offspring.
84Your teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when you smile
85Everyone has a right to be ugly but you abuse the privilege.
86You say I look bad yet whenever I look at you, you give me pharyngitis.
87You're so big when you jump for joy you get stuck
88Dude stop acting like a girl. My bad, forgot you are one!
89You're so fat you gave your mom a heart attack
90You're so fat, when you run it looks like you're walking
91If I wanted to kill myself, I could just climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
92Your mama is so fat it takes her 3 hours just to get out of her car
93If I had a penny for every brain cell you have I'd have nothing
94I bet you fart rainbows you plumpy platypus
95Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps
96You're so poor when I walked in your front door I fell out the back door
97You're so fat you thought the marathon was 2.6 centimeters
98I have a brother who weighs fourty-five pounds. His weight is your IQ.
99I'll be honest; I can't tell if your mom is even human.
100Your mum is so stupid she needed to get home with the 44 bus so she took the 22 one twice
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Yo mamma jokes
This list was created 9 years, 162 days ago and has been voted on over 46,000 times. This top ten list contains 1,960 items, has been remixed 80 times and has been blogged about 16 times.
Updated Monday, April 27, 2015
Updated Monday, April 27, 2015
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