Best Insults

heather

The Top TenXW

1Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!

I don't like insulting people. I guess I'm different from most people. - Oliveleaf

Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!

Amazing, I used this on an idiot from my school! I love this website, it's really cool.

I laughed right when I read it oh and I'm starting to cry just from laughing

V629 Comments
2You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

I Said This To My Low Life Of A Friend Who Would Always Take The Piss Out Of Me And He Said "What's A Condom? " I Instantly Replied "What Would Of Stopped The Biggest Mistake In The World"

This is awesome I love it I tried it on this girl and people around up cracked up laughing at her facial expression haha you should of been there when it happened hey I have a good one on how to annoy someone stare at them until they say what the hell are you looking at then you say I'll let you no when I figure it out

My favorite insult for debate. Especially for a certain ass cap on my team who just loves being a pain in my neck. Whoever thought of this comment deserves to be a billionaire.

Is this joke saying your parents have sex? That would be a double diss, AWESOME!

V311 Comments
3You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.

I WILL USE THIS JOKE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON I SEE ANYWHERE I GO IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!

I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.

This is the funniest this I've heard all day!

I am going to use this on my friend he has been mean to me in the past

V749 Comments
4Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.

I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here

This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate

This is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!

I said this to a kid who got on my nerves

V482 Comments
5You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. Im gonna use this on my enemy when the time comes... or maybe even tomorrow! LOLOL Love it. Whoever first said this was a genius. (:

Laugh out loud I used this comeback on a girl and she got offended badly she went crying to her mommy any way love THE COMEBACK

genious! lol this is a good one and I'm so gonna use it!

So funny every body sono

V357 Comments
6It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.

That was seriously funny who ever came up with that is a legend laugh out loud

I laugh so much at this one! Laugh out loud
Dude this was really cool

I will use this!

V275 Comments
7You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem

This is serious I'll use this one aww the person is gonna die when he hears this

this one is a killer by kush
hahahahaha who put you on this one man you got crack up connections

This was great, so hilarious. Time to say this to a bully...

V517 Comments
8If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

I think is the best dis ever, you can say it anyone calls you dumb or brag about themselves

That's hilarious! I'm gonna use it on my mean cousins!

Hi. Not much of an opinion. Oh well this was still really hilarious.

That looks like a perfect roast

V216 Comments
9Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

Say it in a Mychonny accent and it becomes GENIUS AND WILL own ANYONE!

I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere! - leniv

Great... it's super funny. I use it on my sister and cousins and they always end up speechless!

V142 Comments
10Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

This one is epic, can't believe no one has realized this yet! Great twist at the end

Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...

I couldn't stop laughing. This is a funny insult that I would use on a lot of people because their mothers would've said the same thing!

That is so funny

V147 Comments

The Newcomers

?I'm not going to fight you, I'd rather fight a punching bag than a trash bag.V2 Comments
?I like the sound you make when you shut up.

This is so so funny, this must be the funniest finish line ever. Well I think

Lol Awesome... I am pretty sure my teacher says that

I love this I have a talkative sit partner who think he is so adorable when he talks and smile that stupid weird simile of his,I thinks this will nicely proof my point

V4 Comments

The Contenders

11Dumbass.

Red Forman is a winner. How many times has he insulted people with this? How many times has it fit? 'enough said.

I started cracking up seeing it this high on the list and just seeing the word "dumbass"...

A classic! Always use it haha. The absolute best of all time. People will say this always no matter what

Amazing I'll use this

V280 Comments
12We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

I used it on my friend and she didn't get it. She really didn't spring at all - BrokenSong

this is so perfect for my one enemy he's goin down thank you so much

I actually spat out my drink when I read this! Made me laugh a lot! Still chuckling about it now!

This is so funny

V79 Comments
13I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.

Hilarious still laughing the best joke ever since number 1 I used it on my friends but he didn't get it but the rest of the table got it perfectly and started laughing so hard we got in trouble

Stupid but understandable! I like it. It took me a minute to understand but I finally got it! :) laugh out loud

This was so mean that when I said it to my ex boyfriend he walked off and stated crying

Here is a good one: "Your penis belongs in your pants, not your personality.""

V37 Comments
14I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

This one's really good because it's two insults in one. Really good for saying to a mean girl that's sensitive to their age.

This one was mine and I put it here, is it bad if I said this to my teacher and my parents. Sad sdf sdfg

This is so funny I'm going to use this on my enemy he is like a couple years older than me so thank you for putting out this joke because its really god thank you a lot

Two insults in one- "You're Old" and "You're Stupid". I loved it!

V103 Comments
15Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...

Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!

It's Hilarious! and a bit mean.. I could tell this to anyone I'm sure they will laugh as much as me :D... even my mother did!

Nice one I all most made my bully cry

V40 Comments
16If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

Haha using this all the time, you'll never forget this Xx

LMFAO that's so hilarious I'm going to use it the next time I want to hurt someone BADLY

This is a good crack up, but if the person is a savage it is easily countered. Sometimes the low burning ones aren't easy to counter but nonetheless still a good one!

Roasted my bully with this along with more he respects me now

V104 Comments
17I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said.

Hilarious! Why is this 85, it has to be 15th at LEAST!

Haha to funny, going to use this one

So funny I am so gonna use this when this kid messages me back he is already pissed off with this he is going to have a spazz attack I just did it and he is so mad I mean mad like spazz attack mad yeah that mad

I love it this never will get old!

V249 Comments
18When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome - CaptainComedy17

K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend

Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!

It is pretty darn good

V60 Comments
19Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.

I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing

lol! I used this on this guy at school and even HE laughed so hard he fell over!

Haha this is so funny I can't even stand it I love it so much lol! I'm gonna use that on my dad. Hopefully I don't get a slap lol

LOL I'm going to use this on my friend

V111 Comments
20Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.

That's the best 1 I herd in a long time

This is the best one I have heard so far. I'm going to use this. Thanks! P. S my friend used this and a guy cried. A lot of people use it at school

I laughing so hard that I almost pissed on my pants and I could not talk

Again, a lame recycled yo mama joke

V63 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 9 Dec 2016

59,000 votes
2,534 listings
11 years, 24 days old

Top Remixes (116)

1. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
PositronWildhawk
1. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
2. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
3. Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Elvisjackson
1. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
2. You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.
3. I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
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Yo mamma jokes
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