Best Insults

heather

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The Top Ten

1
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory
This is an exceptional little phrase which can be used in any situation, whether it be orthodox or unorthodox. Furthermore I hope that anyone who uses this cracking little nugget of pure wit uses it well, as the results could be explosive.
I literally laughed my ass off off when I read this, so going to use it at school!
This is a great diss, which implies that their birth was a big mistake, caused by a failed condom. Perfect to use to someone who you think has no purpose of doing anything, and just tries to target you for no reason.
[Newest]Awesome! I'm going to use this at school... and hopefully nobody will cry like little babies.

Pretty much everyone in my school uses some of these comebacks and sometimes, they don't even make sense.
More comments about Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

2Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is
GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!
Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!
Amazing, I used this on an idiot from my school! I love this website, it's really cool.
[Newest]So using this on a girl at my school

3You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen
I WILL USE THIS JOKE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON I SEE ANYWHERE I GO IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!
I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.
This is the funniest this I've heard all day!
[Newest]I said that to someone and they were like " dude that's like the oldest joke ever"
More comments about You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen

4It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork
This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.
That was seriously funny who ever came up with that is a legend laugh out loud
I laugh so much at this one! Laugh out loud
Dude this was really cool
[Newest]Haha my friend used this on someone!

5You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering
That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem
This is serious I'll use this one aww the person is gonna die when he hears this
this one is a killer by kush
hahahahaha who put you on this one man you got crack up connections
[Newest]I LOVe it THanks MUM 4 that

6Your family tree is a cactus because everybody on it is a prick
I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here
This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate
this is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!
[Newest]Out of all the one's here this one made me laugh. This is definitely the one I will use.

7You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. Im gonna use this on my enemy when the time comes... or maybe even tomorrow! LOLOL Love it. Whoever first said this was a genius. (:
Laugh out loud I used this comeback on a girl and she got offended badly she went crying to her mommy any way love THE COMEBACK
genious! lol this is a good one and I'm so gonna use it!
[Newest]Just amazing. I can't wait to use this on someone

8If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid
I think is the best dis ever, you can say it anyone calls you dumb or brag about themselves
That's hilarious! I'm gonna use it on my mean cousins!
Hi. Not much of an opinion. Oh well this was still really hilarious.

[Newest]This is one I'm always gonna keep in my mind lol

9Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
Say it in a Mychonny accent and it becomes GENIUS AND WILL own ANYONE!
I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.
I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere!

leniv

[Newest]Better yet, do a snape voice ( Harry potter)

10Dumbass
Red Forman is a winner. How many times has he insulted people with this? How many times has it fit? 'enough said.
I started cracking up seeing it this high on the list and just seeing the word "dumbass"...
A classic! Always use it haha. The absolute best of all time. People will say this always no matter what
[Newest]THIS SUCKS what "DUMBASS" Use This! I know why they call this a "blind date." Because now that I've seen you, I wish I were blind and Use this diss I've seen tables with nicer looking legs than yours.

The Contenders

11I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.
Hilarious still laughing the best joke ever since number 1 I used it on my friends but he didn't get it but the rest of the table got it perfectly and started laughing so hard we got in trouble
Stupid but understandable! I like it. It took me a minute to understand but I finally got it! :) laugh out loud
This was so mean that when I said it to my ex boyfriend he walked off and stated crying
[Newest]This thing is CRAZY MEAN but it is dead funny... # I got to write this down

12Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it
This one is epic, can't believe no one has realized this yet! Great twist at the end
Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...
I couldn't stop laughing. This is a funny insult that I would use on a lot of people because their mothers would've said the same thing!
[Newest]Best insult ever. gonna use it one day

13Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...
Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!
It's Hilarious! and a bit mean.. I could tell this to anyone I'm sure they will laugh as much as me :D... even my mother did!
[Newest]It was pretty awesome

14We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
I used it on my friend and she didn't get it. She really didn't spring at all

BrokenSong

this is so perfect for my one enemy he's goin down thank you so much
I actually spat out my drink when I read this! Made me laugh a lot! Still chuckling about it now!
[Newest]This is perfect if your enemy is a close-minded Christian fundamentalist who believes in Creation.

Bonus points if they reply with a stupid comment like, "If evolution is real, how come we still have monkeys and humans? "

15I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
Double insult... On how old you are and in your stupidity. Especially if you ask someone sensetive to their age
This one's really good because it's two insults in one. Really good for saying to a mean girl that's sensitive to their age.
This one was mine and I put it here, is it bad if I said this to my teacher and my parents. Sad sdf sdfg
[Newest]Another one I used on a teacher. I almost felt bad... Almost.

16If you really want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents
That is so cruel... Laugh out loud
Haha using this all the time, you'll never forget this Xx
LMFAO that's so hilarious I'm going to use it the next time I want to hurt someone BADLY
[Newest]Actually the greatest Insult I've heard in awhile. should be in the top 10

17I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said
Hilarious! Why is this 85, it has to be 15th at LEAST!
Haha to funny, going to use this one
So funny I am so gonna use this when this kid messages me back he is already pissed off with this he is going to have a spazz attack I just did it and he is so mad I mean mad like spazz attack mad yeah that mad
[Newest]So funny I'm going to say this to my friend that I mad at


18You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
this is so cool! who thought of this? I know someone like this and I never got to explain my thoughts about him.

lala222

Love it, this is a first class insult.
Best one ever I am so using this on my math class friend. It's hilarious

[Newest]I'm sure everyone has met this person in their lives

19Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones
That's the best 1 I herd in a long time
This is the best one I have heard so far. I'm going to use this. Thanks! P. S my friend used this and a guy cried. A lot of people use it at school
I laughing so hard that I almost pissed on my pants and I could not talk
[Newest]Man best I heard in years! Ha ha ha

20Hey, you have somthing on your chin... 3rd one down
I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing
lol! I used this on this guy at school and even HE laughed so hard he fell over!
Haha this is so funny I can't even stand it I love it so much lol! I'm gonna use that on my dad. Hopefully I don't get a slap lol
[Newest]I don't get it someone please reply and thank you.

21The only positive thing about you is your HIV status
This is a funny insult. DOUBLE HIT! I told this to my ex girlfriend. She was really sexy and she liked me, and now I can't talk to her. IT WAS STILL WORTH IT
WAY TOO EPIC! How did you even invent such a cruel insult? You must be such a d* in real life
This was surprisingly satisfying, not only does it offend them behavior wise but also offends them in a decent manner instead of trying to insult in a rude way..
[Newest]Haha that's great I'm using that

22When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.
took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome

CaptainComedy17

Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!
K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend
[Newest]So good, am gonna use that in class

23With a face like yours, I wish I was blind
HAHA SO FUNNY! THIS IS FAR THE MOST BEST JOKE ever! I SAID IT TO MY BRO AND HE STARTED CRYING LIKE HELL
So funny... Laugh out loud ^____^... (as well as so insulting)... Plus this is the best
I did the same to my bro and he cry out loud

Say something bad but it still funny
Hahaha

[Newest]This is so funny great way to insult your enemy 😊

24Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?
That would make someone cry, I'm a hurtful person but this joke makes me seem like a nice person, It's funny and extremely mean
OMG! I FREAKING LOVE THIS! I'M GONNA SAY IT TO YOU!
THIS IS so AMAZING. PERFECT, ORIGINAL! CAN PICTURE SOMEONE THAT UGLY, ACTUALLY I KNOW SOMEONE THAT UGLY! BEST EVER!
[Newest]Now THAT is a great insult!

25You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC
Oh this is hot
I'm using this on my dad
I thought that was funny. I'm totally using that diss in a dissing contest
[Newest]I'm so using this on my sis

26Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singin We Are Family
I can't get over this... I've been laughing at my laptop for half an hour now
I have an obsession with yo mamma's so fat jokes. Thanks for the mental image. LAWL. Your mamma's not halal if she's related to whales...
Oh my gad this is so... I can even use that to my worst friend I can't get hold of laughters now laugh out loud laugh out loud
[Newest]We are family. Even though you're bigger then me.

27Your momma so fat, when she went to a doctor, she stepped on a scale and the doctor said Hey, thats my phone number
Genius. Made me laugh so hard
Haha me and my bestie couldn't stop laughing 4 ages
This joke is a better version then the I asked your weight not your phone number who ever thought of this is a legend
[Newest]Nice! But I'm scared if I use this people at school wont get it

28Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday
It is so funny it made me fall of my chair because my brother started crying
This is epic - using it tomorrow for sure. Whoever made this is an epic genius
This ones a total puller when you wanna bust the hell outta your opponent in a crisp sentence...
[Newest]Can't breath... So damn funny!

29You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit
This is so funny whoever made it up is a friken genius:]
That is so awesome
! Funniest thing I have Heard All Day! Still laughing! Ha Ha!
[Newest]I play Wii fit and I need cheat codes.

30Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
Absolute AMAZING one! The lad went walking away like his mothers FAT backside
Oh my gawd! Hilarious, I said this to my little brother and he got really baffled because I don't think he even knows what eBay is! Whew, I'm still cracking up.
I said it to my crush (That I used to hate). All he can said is "stupid hoe". Lmfao! Then I said if he's so stupid that brain surgeon are having a hard time. God damn! He doesn't give any respond. He can't say anything!
[Newest]This disses are cool let me add one:you mama is so poor she got pregnant for the free milk

31Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?
Call the fire department, cause you just got burned
Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..
It is amazingly funny! I totally am gonna share this with my bff! AMAZING! HILARIOUS
[Newest]Please apply cold water to that BURN!

32Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag
Laugh out loud THAT WAS HILARIOUS THREE THUMBS UP MAN! BRAVO BRAVO!
Funny ill use it on everyone I know, almost as funny as number fifty eight
Rofl. This one cracked me up. I'll use it for sure
[Newest]Damn that was cold


33Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change
Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )
Wicked I would use that on nearly all my enemys
That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it
[Newest]That's hilarious I'm gonna use it on the know it all kid in my class and I'll probably be considered a hero

34Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.
That... Is beautiful. Even more-so because they person you've said it to would hardly understand.
I love taking the "You're an idiot" grounds on someone with something like that.
Said it to my friend didn't have a clue but my teacher was cracking up!
Hilarious! I can't wait to use this the next time I'm in line somewhere. Wish I could've used this today when the stinky guy behind me at the bank hunched over me like he was about to hump. Lmfao, great one!
[Newest]My friend was stunned as I said this, she barely understood a single word but still cracked up laughing so thanks for this awesome insult!

35Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn't make the same mistake, twice.
This diss makes my friends diss sound like
Its stupid lolollololollololol as soon as I saw this big paragraph without even reading it I knew it was going to be a good 1
Ah haha love this this kid at my school just cried and never took the piss out of me again
That's so frisking funny. Imma use this to a kid who's always annoying and acts tuff.

36Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma
A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent
Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself
This is the best joke so far on here! I love it like it no love it!
[Newest]That could make someone really depressed and wouldn't you feel bad if they committed suicide because of this rude comment

37I may be fat but you're ugly and I can diet.
Oh my god! I love this and I am so totally gonna use it!
That is pretty dang awesome! A fantastic insult! I love this! Totally going to use it! didn't expect somethign to be this good, but it was completly awesome!
Winston Churchill said something like this... I think it was 'I may be drunk and rude madam, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly'. Really good insult if someone obnoxious is sensitive about their looks
Another one, think it was Churchill too. A pretty woman approached him and said, "We should make love because with my looks and your brains we would have perfect children". He replied, "But what if they have my looks and your brains? " Genius!
[Newest]This is so bad but so funny

38Yo mama so fat she's got more chins thin a chinese phone book
That is so cool, I could use it against my enemy in bahrain!
Amazing. Just amazing. I have a feeling that a Chinese made that one up originally. This one needs to be fifth and traded out with that hello kitty one, cause those who don't watch hello kitty... Well 'me', wont get the meaning. But this one is great. Nice job.
I have used this on a couple of different occasions and I got the best reaction from it! :) And older sort of insult but still extremely funny and you will always get a great reaction from it!
[Newest]This one is great

39You're so fake that Barbie is more real than you
Hahaha that's really funny I love it...
going to use that on someone for sure
A better one would be your so fake barbie is jealous
Laugh out loud! I'm totally using this on my friend! We diss each other every day for fun in Drama class.. Can't wait til tomorrow
[Newest]I would dare somebody to say that to nick minaj's face.

40Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal
This is so funny! My little brother wanted to play cards with me and I didn't want to but he kept asking me and I said that^ LMAO
I could use this on a coupple people. Some of them are so annoying and they just need that thing to make them shut the hell up. Especially at school.
So funny! You could say pie hole instead of just hole though. I am definitely using this on a guy at school. Hope he is hurt! :]
[Newest]That's sups heal riots it's amazing I'm gonna use it on my enemy and his cousin because they can shut up

41You only annoy me when you're breathing.
Oh come on!? No one else voted for this?
EPIC BURN
Haha! Used this when someone asked how do I annoy you? After I told him he was more irritating than teachers with stutters
Laugh out loud so gon use this on my ex
[Newest]I should tell my friend this

42I wish cancer on you and all your family
That is like so mean! Especially if you family were affected by cancer! I would say never to use this! It is one of those things that you should o my ever use on a really really close friend...
I used to have a curable cancer and it was hell. I honestly am okay with cancer jokes though, and I make a few myself. But, to post it online so the world can see it? I'm sorry, I don't horridly dislike this, but people will get offended. You can bet your money on that, some people have actually had family members that got this disease.
Wow that's just the meanest thing I have ever read kick rocks and eat dirt!
[Newest]No way I'm ever using this.. too harsh and offensive to people who have cancer because... Its serious
More comments about I wish cancer on you and all your family

43You're so stupid you got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the w's
O man! wait till i tell my friend about this 1!
Pretty funny, didn't expect to like any of these, but this one was great! ^___^
This is off the chart's funny! !
[Newest]I am so gonna use this and it's so hard to find one that you don't already know but this is new and I love it! πŸ‘Œ

44Your momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone
That's so funny! Why can't it be in like the top 10 or something? Sheesh, either American's don't have a sense of humor, or we just can't seem to press the right button
I'm sitting in Mythology class right now, so that's pretty epic.
Awesome! I love it! It's so funny, I don't understand why people don't think it's funny. It should definitely be on the top 30+, I think it's really awesome!
[Newest]Good on people who know well about Greek Mythology

45Yo mama's so fat that she's got smaller fat people orbiting around her
BEST YO MAMMA JOKE EVER. I DON'T NORMALLY LAUGH A LOT, BUT THIS ONE CRACKED ME UP!
The only one that made me laugh, Im probably gonna use it at some point xD Genious!
Never cried while laughing before but that made made me! Who ever thought this up is a pure genius and my thanks go to you! I will use this till I die... Then have it on my grave
[Newest]This was the best yo mamma joke ever!

46Yo mamma is so fat, her pants size is Bitch lose some weight.
Oh my gosh! This is the best diss ever. Really got me laughing hella hard! What would the next size up in pant size be? Like: hey does anyone have some butter handy so this lady can fit into her pants?
Wow, this will actually encourage people to lose some weight!
I love it I used it on some one at my home place
[Newest]LOVE THIS! Going to use it at school to a girl in my form

47The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave
oh snap this is perfect thing for a girl to say to someone hitting on her, it's so cold.
Oh that hurts what an awesome brush off dude!

Bec

That is awesome. Really funny! I'll remember that one next time! Cause it is really hilarious!
[Newest]I said this to some1 and he replied with: 'well you'd be the death of me"

48Please, I could remove 90% of your 'beauty' with a tissue
Said this to my friend and she started cryingπŸ˜‚
I love this one, I could use this in a lot of people from my class, all the girls in my class look like clowns, just so you know what I am dealing with here.
Jeez I'm so using this LMFAO rating is ten out of ten
[Newest]I'll tell my mom this πŸ˜…

49You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.
I said this to a guy at my school and he actually cried afterward. It is so cruel that it could make anyone burst into tears at that moment! This insult has to be the greatest insult you can ever say to someone you hate!
LMFAO, I'm using this
This ones straight up cruel- AMAZING
[Newest]I'm using this one

50Ever since I have seen you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down.
A cracking good one that will baffle the wits of my brother.
Jolly good.
That is so hilarious. A girl stole my best friend yesterday... Watch out.
Oh man There is this one is great for a dumb ass boy in my school named Lucas he's going down down down!
[Newest]Your family tree mus be a cactus because everyone on it must be a prick

51Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example
Laugh out loud definitely using dis one
I used this on a guy in my class that makes fun of my name. He said "oh yeah, well least I'm not the ugly one here! " Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback". He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me cameback bill
That was the worlds best diss I wish this true to all commenters but me
[Newest]Love this can't believe some of the jokes above it laugh out loud my favorite

52You're so ugly you make the second ugliest person in the world look like a super model
Ahaha. The best insult here. Made me vote. Really like your website here.
I'm so gonna use on a girl 2tommorow at school that I hate so much. Thanks for the brilliant diss! πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
The best diss can't wait till tomorrow because there is this girl who gets on my friends nerve and mine and I can use this joke
[Newest]That's the an amazing insults

53Your momma is so ugly... she gotta be your momma
Simple, but made me laugh as soon as I read it, well done
That's actually pretty damn funny.
That's so smart yet funny! I think I heard it before, from your mother?!
[Newest]I got an insult, is this:(this is for if someone that kisses there teeth at you) you can't kiss your teeth because your teeth doesn't love you

54Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.
This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!
HAHA, No one ever uses the term "visible fart". Awesome writer!
I cracked up so hard! Never heard anything like that before!

55Yo mammas so fat you could slap her legs and ride the waves
This one is it
Wow I love this diss so much I used it on all my friends they found it hilarious and I told them to come onto this sight to look at the best disses ever?!?!
Jesus that's good
Said it to my girlfriend
[Newest]Lmfao great imagination by the way.

56You're so stupid you tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order!
I can't wait to do that one
This won't work unless they actually did that. I would use a "your momma"joke with this like: "Your mom is so stupid, she tried to out m&m's in alphabetical order."
That's true this one is totally funny, I almost got a stomach ach for laughing so hard!
[Newest]I want to do this with skittles.

57Yo mama so ugly she scared the crap out of the toilet
! So funny I'm gonna use that some day
This joke is so hilarious! Now I can use it on my enemy shawn he is so ugly
Laugh out loud! Good one! I wish I said that years ago to my dog!
[Newest]Laughed my ass off!

58You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You got drug through dumbass forest.
Clearly you were the one who dragged them through dumbass forest
I Died laughing from this one. COMPLETE GENIUS! Gotta use this on a hater sometime soon...
I used this on one of my friends and she didn't get it.
...
she got drug through the forest a few times.
[Newest]I laughed so hard that I spat everywhere!

59I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
This made me laugh out loud!

MusicGirl

This made me legitimately laugh out loud
I did the same thing to the girl I like and she broke up with him and came with me! -if you think that's mean the guy was a huge bully at my school
[Newest]I said this to my friend and he sucker punched me and then he throat jabbed me then he thought about it and started laughing like hell

60Your head is so big you have to step into your shirts
Amazing I am going to use this loads laugh out loud
Laugh out loud to howevers got a big head. Nice One
This is so funny I laughed so hard! I swear this is one of the best cuss I've ever heard!

61Stop bullying fat people, they have enough on their plate
This is awful... Awfully funny. I'm sorry... This made me laugh so ' hard. I mean, yeah, stop bullying people in general. But, MUAHAHAHA.
THIS MADE ME LMAO SO HARD ITS AWFUL BUT HILARIOUS! IT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I NEARLY CHOCKED! LMAO I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR ONTO THE GROUND! Love this one I'm gonna use it A LOT this is definitely my favourite joke YET :D oahahah if you didn't notice I'm still laughing.
Laugh out loud When I saw this, I cracked up! Best one I've seen here
[Newest]Wow laugh out loud made me laugh so hard my mom came over to see if I was having a heart attack!

62Are you always an idiot or just when I'm around?
It's very nice man for people like us
Haha AWESOME JOKE USED IT ON MY ARCH ENEMY GOOD ONE
Now that's a risky one... because the answer could be: "Yes only in your present, to make you feel you're not the only one."

63You're so ugly when you were born the doctors didn't know if they should put you in a cradle or a cage
this is going to be a good one for a bully at our school
OW! That's gotta hurt, dawg!
OUCH! Biggest insult in insult HiStOrY!
[Newest]I love this I said it to a mean kid at are school and he started crying I can't believe someone 15 years old can be such a wimp

64You're so ugly, apes want to adopt you
I said this to the person who's bulling me... he said "i um... well you... ugh you win" I celebrated so hard that I slapped him XD hahahahahaha I still hate that smoking freak XD
No more like "you're so ugly not even apes want to adopt you" Love this one :-)
Thought about saying this to a friend, insulting each other is apart of our friendship, but then decided to say"You're so ugly, apes don't even want to adopt you! "

65Your mother's teeth are so yellow, I cant believe it's not butter
! That's just like, laugh out loud!, had the best argument with this nerd and I TOTALLY won!
, I'm laughing on silent mode!
I can not believe it
[Newest]Definitely gonna use this on the insult tournament

66You're so fat you had to be baptised in Sea World
Oh my god I'm laughing so hard I can't get over this one I think its hilarious how is this not at least in the top ten?
Makes me laugh every time! I don't have much of a sense of humor but this one cracked me up. I just get a picture of someone actually being baptised in sea world... :D
Why is this not rated higher?
[Newest]First Yo Momma joke in this list that made me laugh.

67The only thing that goes erect when I'm near you is my middle finger.
This insult is so cruel that it could make your mother cry. If you ever say this to someone they will either punch you or burst into a weeping ball of nothing. Nobody can say this insult sucks!
Haha did this to some random girl that I liked and she was like I love you
Lolololololol 20 minutes later I'm still laughing. I'm going to see how many of my friends cry with this.
[Newest]One of the best on here! Can't wait to use it

68Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles
SO MEAN! I was bullied and people beat me up because of what? Oh wait yeah my ears. But those who think its funny I'm glad you have a good sense of humor:) I'm not judging I just mean Somme of these jokes go too far
This one is so funny even though I was angry it made me laugh... Nice one
Don't think this is a good one. it makes the person seem like a trophy

69I...... words can not express how much I hate you
I hate everybody so this is great! I play WoW and people piss me off to no end on this game, so this is going to work great!
I this quote so much, I hate everybody so this really works.
To insult the person this lines will be the best.
[Newest]I... Words can not express how much I love this quote

70"Dude you're fat" "It runs in the family" "Mate, no one runs in your family"
Amazing, me and my friends had a right laugh using this thanks!
Hilarious mate! LOVE IT! That was so ' EPIC! Oh lord
Laugh out loud. That's hilarious! Could not stop laughing for 15 minutes.
[Newest]The funniest quote EVER πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

71You're so stupid, brain surgeons are having a hard time
I know a few people who deserve to receive this insult

Nerdface2000

Love this one haha

72The moment you were born, a time paradox was created. The world will explode because of you!
Man that was so funny not
Why is this "joke" even in the top 50? It is not even remotely funny.
It is an anti humor joke it isn't supost to be funny at all...
[Newest]It is not funny

73Your mom must have a really loud bark!
Ha ha that was rude laugh out loud
Funny stuff man made me laugh so loud I woke my dog up
Too cold to comprehend.. Wordless, not speechless, wordless!

74Nice tan, orange is my favourite colour
Too funny there's this girl in my class and we hate each other I also bitchslapped her. Anyway she wears so much bronzer she looks orange this will work perfectly on her.
There's a fine line between tan and looking like you rolled in Doritos!
"you must be so rich in Vitamin C, that you looks so Orange! On your skin tone...
Carrots have far more vitamin A, so it will be vitamin A instead

Harri666

[Newest]I have a comeback for that: "mines brown, that's why I love your teeth!

75What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first?
hahhaha! I used this one a lot! :D hillaarious! x)
So cool. I loved it. I'm am so going to use that on all the people I hate This will be perfect.
Laugh out loud! This is the best joke ever, I said it to a bully at my school and he left the gym crying!
[Newest]Yo mama is so fat she left the house with high heels and came back wearing flip flopsπŸ‘ 

76Question: How could a person like you lose 50 pounds of ugly fat in 1 second? Answer: By cutting off your head!
This one is funny because it's so true. Especially about YOU! Thumbs up!
That is so mean laugh out loud
Oh lord this great for an enemy
[Newest]Haha I know someone stupid I could say this to, and they'd be like, "what? "

77Look, you aint funny. Your life is just a joke.
Nice! I used this today on my contractor who is a wannabe funny kinda a guy. But I said it this way:

Look man just cause your life is a joke doesn't mean you're funny, alright.
Okay this is perfect I know someone who always tries to be funny this will work great!
This is the best comeback in the world if someone trying to make a joke So funny great job on whoever made this Another one I like is there is your mom... No it isn't that's my dad... Well how am I suppose to tell
[Newest]This is really offensive because God made all men equally no one is a mistake and no one is a joke

78You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat
Very harsh, I love it

79You was born on a motorway cause that's where most accidents happen
Better go get a firetruck, because you just got BURNED.
What a classic joke. I said that to my brother and he tried punching me. He hit me and then he sprained his wrist. Had a splint fo
"You was born on a motorway" or "You WERE born on a motorway"?... Funny joke though but I have to be fair.
It is basically like the other insult you must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen otherwise really good insult
[Newest]This is so icy it was added twice.

80Your mom's so ugly she made Chuck Norris have a heart attack
Funny compared to Chuck Norris can do anything!
Chuck Norris can't die. Therefor he passed his death onto the lady

81You so dumb you thought a quarterback was a refund
Great insult I tried it on my mum and got grounded but still so funny
Haha hillarious I told all my friends this and they kept laughing :D best insult :D
Laugh out loud, so funny

82Go away I was looking at something better than you
Absolute Classic. Something that can be said as though you yourself have come up with it.
Brilliant! This had me laughing all night. It's so simple it still gonna hurt! I must use this soon
This was amazing! I laughed so hard I laughed all morning! Just the most brilliant thing I've heard in a long time
[Newest]PERFECT, makes my friends laugh every time

83You look as if a pig and a elephant got married, and you're their offspring.
Haha, this is like that episode of South Park, "An Elephant Makes Love To A Pig". Loved That episode, I'm so saying this to someone, that's hilarious.
Its awesome whoever made this is Einstein himself :::
So so funny I croaked up when I read this! πŸ˜πŸ˜‚
[Newest]Lol is a great insult made my brother cry cause of it

84Your teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when you smile
Your teeth are so rotten when you smile the traffic goes faster and no one gets a chance to cross
So cool, I'll use it on my 7 year old brother he seriously needs to brush his teeth.
THANKS for the insult.
That's peek seriously that's funny trust me I'm gonna use this on a monkey shagger called Katy because her teeth are quite yellow
[Newest]Cousin said this to me I said you're so ugly, traffic kept driving so they wouldn't have to look at you anymore and knocked your teeth out!

85Everyone has a right to be ugly but you abuse the privilege.
Thanks gonna get back at the school bully
Yes this is actually funny, unlike all the other jokes made by sad losers with no lives. They will probably become underpaid temps.

THEGreatLordOfAll

You're so stinky, even the people you've just suffocated still hold their hands over their mouth!

86You say I look bad yet whenever I look at you, you give me pharyngitis.
My favourite insult of all time

ItsDaWorldOfSNuGGLEZ


87You're so big when you jump for joy you get stuck
Laugh out loud I'M FREAKED OUT ABOUT THAT

88Dude stop acting like a girl. My bad, forgot you are one!
I would love to say this to Justin Bieber...

Minecraftcrazy530

I love this! I'm so using this on people at school :D I can only imagine their reaction... He'd probably react like a girl too
Not really a burn...
[Newest]This isn't good against girls though

89You're so fat you gave your mom a heart attack
I said it to my cousin the other day. He told his mom and I got grounded.
Hahaahahaahahaahahaahahaahahaahaha I'm just laughing because your mums dead

90You're so fat, when you run it looks like you're walking
Dude did you leave your computer open, I think your mom posted something. If not you obviously don't get out a lot
Laugh out loud so funny
Ha laugh out loud using this

91If I wanted to kill myself, I could just climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
I think this should be added because it is witty with a gallon of humor. It's perfect if somebody just told you to die. This comeback is something they won't expect.

Dragonlindy


92Your mama is so fat it takes her 3 hours just to get out of her car
She doesn't need a car! She's already the size of the planet, so there's no need to travel.
Sick I loved this one definitely gonna use this in skool
Where would she go, anyway? It takes a bus and two trains just to get around her ass

93If I had a penny for every brain cell you have I'd have nothing
This is perfect for ignorant people, or trolls.
Laugh out loud. I'm surrounded by people like this, so this is close to home...
If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd be one dollar.
[Newest]If I had a dollar for each brain cell you have, I'd have 50 cents

94I bet you fart rainbows you plumpy platypus
Here's one: I would agree with you but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass
This is actually funny
Mean but funny. LOL

95Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps
I have used this one plenty of times an its just as funny every time laugh out loud
Pretty good. I can just picture this woman running down to the buffet, knocking all these people out of her way.
Best one why is this not number one best joke I've heard in my life
[Newest]This is so funny I told it to my bus driver and she fell over laughing!

96You're so poor when I walked in your front door I fell out the back door
Haha! Excellent insult for som littl twat at my school! Lemme show him who he really is! This is like so funny
I have a better one. when I walked into your house I said I have to go toilet and you said pick a corner
Jeez, so rude when I said it 2 my bigger sister who lives in a huge house... she fainted
[Newest]Very funny I used it with my friend and started crying 😩😫

97You're so fat you thought the marathon was 2.6 centimeters

98I have a brother who weighs fourty-five pounds. His weight is your IQ.
Ha! Here's another joke: your so dumb that the dumbest person in the world thought you were dumb.
LMFAO! Using this tomorrow on my friend!

99I'll be honest; I can't tell if your mom is even human.
How is this not in the top 10?
I told my friend about it and he almost pissed himself laughing! This insult makes you seem intelligent, I don't know why, but its just so awesome!
On of the best ones I've ever heard.

100Your mum is so stupid she needed to get home with the 44 bus so she took the 22 one twice
Awesome joke! I've never heard anything that original! Keep up the good work!
That's awesome! Honest! If I said that to someone they would be speechless because its hard to think what to say its so good! Well done to you! You deserve to win!
Well then at least your mom knows how to do math!
[Newest]This joke is in a class of its own. Masterpiece!

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This list was created 9 years, 162 days ago and has been voted on over 46,000 times. This top ten list contains 1,960 items, has been remixed 80 times and has been blogged about 16 times.

Updated Monday, April 27, 2015


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