Best Insults

heather

The Top TenXW

1Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!

Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!

Amazing, I used this on an idiot from my school! I love this website, it's really cool.

Ha ha that's great

V477 Comments
2You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.

I WILL USE THIS JOKE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON I SEE ANYWHERE I GO IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!

I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.

This is the funniest this I've heard all day!

I got to use this.

V586 Comments
3You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

I Said This To My Low Life Of A Friend Who Would Always Take The Piss Out Of Me And He Said "What's A Condom? " I Instantly Replied "What Would Of Stopped The Biggest Mistake In The World"

This is awesome I love it I tried it on this girl and people around up cracked up laughing at her facial expression haha you should of been there when it happened hey I have a good one on how to annoy someone stare at them until they say what the hell are you looking at then you say I'll let you no when I figure it out

My favorite insult for debate. Especially for a certain ass cap on my team who just loves being a pain in my neck. Whoever thought of this comment deserves to be a billionaire.

Extremely funny

V213 Comments
4It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.

That was seriously funny who ever came up with that is a legend laugh out loud

I laugh so much at this one! Laugh out loud
Dude this was really cool

I like this I think I might tell that to my friend.

V229 Comments
5Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.

I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here

This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate

This is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!

This is the best diss I've ever heard

V390 Comments
6You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. Im gonna use this on my enemy when the time comes... or maybe even tomorrow! LOLOL Love it. Whoever first said this was a genius. (:

Laugh out loud I used this comeback on a girl and she got offended badly she went crying to her mommy any way love THE COMEBACK

genious! lol this is a good one and I'm so gonna use it!

This is a good one- it's also one I made up - NeedinLove

V278 Comments
7You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem

This is serious I'll use this one aww the person is gonna die when he hears this

this one is a killer by kush
hahahahaha who put you on this one man you got crack up connections

This one is killer and a great burn

V419 Comments
8If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

I think is the best dis ever, you can say it anyone calls you dumb or brag about themselves

That's hilarious! I'm gonna use it on my mean cousins!

Hi. Not much of an opinion. Oh well this was still really hilarious.

My friends were stunned when they heard this

V168 Comments
9Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

Say it in a Mychonny accent and it becomes GENIUS AND WILL own ANYONE!

I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere! - leniv

I love how subtle and honest it is. You'd just need some tea, or something consumable.

V109 Comments
10Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

This one is epic, can't believe no one has realized this yet! Great twist at the end

Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...

I couldn't stop laughing. This is a funny insult that I would use on a lot of people because their mothers would've said the same thing!

This one is so cool. I could use against someone I know

V113 Comments

The Newcomers

?You're so fat, when you put on a bright yellow shirt, everyone says: Look, the sun's outV2 Comments
?But you have the intelligence of a stick!V1 Comment

The Contenders

11Dumbass.

Red Forman is a winner. How many times has he insulted people with this? How many times has it fit? 'enough said.

I started cracking up seeing it this high on the list and just seeing the word "dumbass"...

A classic! Always use it haha. The absolute best of all time. People will say this always no matter what

I vote for trump

V232 Comments
12We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

I used it on my friend and she didn't get it. She really didn't spring at all - BrokenSong

this is so perfect for my one enemy he's goin down thank you so much

I actually spat out my drink when I read this! Made me laugh a lot! Still chuckling about it now!

Don't work because not everyone believe that sos

V54 Comments
13I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.

Hilarious still laughing the best joke ever since number 1 I used it on my friends but he didn't get it but the rest of the table got it perfectly and started laughing so hard we got in trouble

Stupid but understandable! I like it. It took me a minute to understand but I finally got it! :) laugh out loud

This was so mean that when I said it to my ex boyfriend he walked off and stated crying

I love me nothing but a monster with two heads.

V27 Comments
14Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...

Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!

It's Hilarious! and a bit mean.. I could tell this to anyone I'm sure they will laugh as much as me :D... even my mother did!

Mean but I like it

V30 Comments
15I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

This one's really good because it's two insults in one. Really good for saying to a mean girl that's sensitive to their age.

This one was mine and I put it here, is it bad if I said this to my teacher and my parents. Sad sdf sdfg

This is so funny I'm going to use this on my enemy he is like a couple years older than me so thank you for putting out this joke because its really god thank you a lot

This will be perfect for this idiot I know. He keeps changing what his "age" is.

V67 Comments
16If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

Haha using this all the time, you'll never forget this Xx

LMFAO that's so hilarious I'm going to use it the next time I want to hurt someone BADLY

That's the insult I used on one of my friends that I really started hating for a good reason. - airplain313

Kinda like this haha

V80 Comments
17I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said.

Hilarious! Why is this 85, it has to be 15th at LEAST!

Haha to funny, going to use this one

So funny I am so gonna use this when this kid messages me back he is already pissed off with this he is going to have a spazz attack I just did it and he is so mad I mean mad like spazz attack mad yeah that mad

My favorite one yet

V160 Comments
18When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome - CaptainComedy17

K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend

Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!

Random and sweet

V44 Comments
19Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.

I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing

lol! I used this on this guy at school and even HE laughed so hard he fell over!

Haha this is so funny I can't even stand it I love it so much lol! I'm gonna use that on my dad. Hopefully I don't get a slap lol

I kinda don't get it but I do at the same time bute anyways I used this burn at my school some dude mad a way better comeback but I think this is good

V80 Comments
20Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.

That's the best 1 I herd in a long time

This is the best one I have heard so far. I'm going to use this. Thanks! P. S my friend used this and a guy cried. A lot of people use it at school

I laughing so hard that I almost pissed on my pants and I could not talk

This is AWESOME! Made me laugh hard! Kinda pissed my pants a little lol

V35 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 30 Apr 2016

50,000 votes
2,480 listings
10 years, 166 days old

Top Remixes (97)

1. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
PositronWildhawk
1. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
2. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
3. Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Elvisjackson
1. You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
THEN3RD

WRemix
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Yo mamma jokes
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