Best Insults


August 4, 2015 - Don't agree with the list? Vote for an existing item you think should be ranked higher or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on or create your own version of this list.

The Top Ten

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
This is an exceptional little phrase which can be used in any situation, whether it be orthodox or unorthodox. Furthermore I hope that anyone who uses this cracking little nugget of pure wit uses it well, as the results could be explosive.
I literally laughed my ass off off when I read this, so going to use it at school!
This is a great diss, which implies that their birth was a big mistake, caused by a failed condom. Perfect to use to someone who you think has no purpose of doing anything, and just tries to target you for no reason.
[Newest]This is so mean and funny!
More comments about Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

2Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!
Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!
Amazing, I used this on an idiot from my school! I love this website, it's really cool.
[Newest]Who maid this it is so stupid yah I cuss even know I am 10years old

3You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.
This is the funniest this I've heard all day!
[Newest]Peak just so peak
More comments about You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.

4It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.
This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.
That was seriously funny who ever came up with that is a legend laugh out loud
I laugh so much at this one! Laugh out loud
Dude this was really cool
[Newest]Lol I'm gonna use that on my older brother because he always makes fun of me because I eat slow :(

5You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. Im gonna use this on my enemy when the time comes... or maybe even tomorrow! LOLOL Love it. Whoever first said this was a genius. (:
Laugh out loud I used this comeback on a girl and she got offended badly she went crying to her mommy any way love THE COMEBACK
genious! lol this is a good one and I'm so gonna use it!
[Newest]I love this one

6Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here
This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate
this is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!
[Newest]How do people come up with these brilliant insults

7You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem
This is serious I'll use this one aww the person is gonna die when he hears this
this one is a killer by kush
hahahahaha who put you on this one man you got crack up connections
[Newest]Some one rush to the hospital because they got burned

8If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
I think is the best dis ever, you can say it anyone calls you dumb or brag about themselves
That's hilarious! I'm gonna use it on my mean cousins!
Hi. Not much of an opinion. Oh well this was still really hilarious.

[Newest]This is so funny

9Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
Say it in a Mychonny accent and it becomes GENIUS AND WILL own ANYONE!
I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.
I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere!


[Newest]Wow nice irony. Person told that to will be totally SPEECHLESS!

Red Forman is a winner. How many times has he insulted people with this? How many times has it fit? 'enough said.
I started cracking up seeing it this high on the list and just seeing the word "dumbass"...
A classic! Always use it haha. The absolute best of all time. People will say this always no matter what
[Newest]You can never beat a classic. People might try, but they'll never succeed.

The Contenders

11Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it
This one is epic, can't believe no one has realized this yet! Great twist at the end
Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...
I couldn't stop laughing. This is a funny insult that I would use on a lot of people because their mothers would've said the same thing!
[Newest]I can't stop commenting on these they are crazy

12We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
I used it on my friend and she didn't get it. She really didn't spring at all


this is so perfect for my one enemy he's goin down thank you so much
I actually spat out my drink when I read this! Made me laugh a lot! Still chuckling about it now!
[Newest]You remained to be uncivilized barbaric apes?

13I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.
Hilarious still laughing the best joke ever since number 1 I used it on my friends but he didn't get it but the rest of the table got it perfectly and started laughing so hard we got in trouble
Stupid but understandable! I like it. It took me a minute to understand but I finally got it! :) laugh out loud
This was so mean that when I said it to my ex boyfriend he walked off and stated crying
[Newest]This thing is CRAZY MEAN but it is dead funny... # I got to write this down

14Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...
Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!
It's Hilarious! and a bit mean.. I could tell this to anyone I'm sure they will laugh as much as me :D... even my mother did!
[Newest]Maybe you can add on...'Out of 100000 sperm you were the fastest? Speed must've been to make up for your stupidity.

15I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
Double insult... On how old you are and in your stupidity. Especially if you ask someone sensetive to their age
This one's really good because it's two insults in one. Really good for saying to a mean girl that's sensitive to their age.
This one was mine and I put it here, is it bad if I said this to my teacher and my parents. Sad sdf sdfg
[Newest]That's a pretty good diss

16If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
That is so cruel... Laugh out loud
Haha using this all the time, you'll never forget this Xx
LMFAO that's so hilarious I'm going to use it the next time I want to hurt someone BADLY
[Newest]That's so rude lol😃

17I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said.
Hilarious! Why is this 85, it has to be 15th at LEAST!
Haha to funny, going to use this one
So funny I am so gonna use this when this kid messages me back he is already pissed off with this he is going to have a spazz attack I just did it and he is so mad I mean mad like spazz attack mad yeah that mad
[Newest]This is so good I might use it one time

18When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.
took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome


Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!
K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend
[Newest]That is true for some people in this world

19Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing
lol! I used this on this guy at school and even HE laughed so hard he fell over!
Haha this is so funny I can't even stand it I love it so much lol! I'm gonna use that on my dad. Hopefully I don't get a slap lol
[Newest]I used on a fat ass named Ethan and he cried half of first period

20You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
this is so cool! who thought of this? I know someone like this and I never got to explain my thoughts about him.


Love it, this is a first class insult.
Best one ever I am so using this on my math class friend. It's hilarious

[Newest]I love math jokes but truth be told not many Americans get them

Comments About This List

Featured Lists
Popular Lists
New Lists

Top Remixes of This List






see more...

Posts About This List

Yo mamma jokes


List Info

This list was created 9 years, 261 days ago and has been voted on over 48,000 times. This top ten list contains 2,050 items, has been remixed 86 times and has been blogged about 16 times.

Updated Tuesday, August 04, 2015

List Error Reporting

See an item on this list that's misspelled, duplicated, or doesn't belong? Let us know. Click here to report the error.