Top 10 Best Chuck Norris Facts

The Top Ten
1 Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

This is a good one! I've heard a lot of Chuck Norris jokes but this is one of the best! This should be number one on the list for sure!

Here's a related joke: Jesus can walk on water. Humans are made of 70% water. So therefore if I stand on someone I am 70% Jesus!

Holy Jesus, I can't stop laughing. I would definitely say this because I'm a boss and boss people say boss jokes and this is so - oh my god, I really want to swear - let's just say it's REALLY funny…

This is the best joke about 'Chuck Norris' I have ever heard in my life. I laughed the whole night, couldn't stop laughing. Haha! Chuck is great. Swimming on land. It should be number 1. I have never heard like this. Top tens in great.

2 If Chuck Norris falls into a river, he doesn't get wet. The river gets Chuck Norrised.

"Chuck Norrised"… Haha! Virtual bouquet of flowers to whoever came up with this one! Awesome. Oddly enough, I haven't come across this one before, but as so many have declared - this one is gold.

Haha! I love Chuck Norris facts! Here's another good one. "There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but they changed its name because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives."

Oh, that's good! Chuck Norrised - yeah! This deserves to be in first place. In my opinion, this fact is epic, mostly because it's true!

3 Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.

This is too damn hilarious. This was the best fact ever created. So simple, yet so complex in its true sentence. I probably just saw god… Okay no, not really. But this is better than any other, and some even get kind of… Blah? I guess, this never gets old.

This fact really made my day! I laughed so hard as soon as I read it! Chuck Norris FTW!

P.S.: Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone… xD

Best Chuck Norris fact ever. Next best: when Chuck Norris was born, the only one who cried was the doctor.

4 Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

I would have to say this one is the funniest and most original. I wonder what Waldo did to piss Chuck Norris off so much. Hope I can avoid such a mistake.

Awesome! Definitely a good pop-culture joke! Although Chuck Norris Jokes are pretty old, introducing new ones is always accepted!

This fact is obviously the best one out there. I was laughing for such a long time the first time I heard it.

5 Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

This is so brilliant! The person who invented this is a genius. But not more of a genius than Chuck Norris. Definitely not… Who are you? NO! Please don't! I'm gonna -

This is just the best one out there! Props to whoever made it up.

It's really only funny for those who have actually tried to delete the recycling bin.

6 Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Wow. I don't think that I have ever heard one this funny before. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard it. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding is funny too, but I like this one better.

Laugh out loud, this one is just so amazing. How can it be number four when it should be number one and then some with a side of chips well done and medium rare.

This would be a funny idea because if MC Hammer said that Chuck Norris can't touch him, then Chuck is going to touch him anyways.

7 Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. It's a shame he's never cried.

I love the added it's a shame he never cried at the end. Laugh out loud. This one is by far the funniest. I hadn't seen this one before but it rules.

The ironic nature of this fact shows both how God-like Chuck is, while showing how uncompassionate and manly he is.

Then the president of each country asks Chuck Norris to cut onions in a cancer hospital. He then got a Nobel prize.

8 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Ah! That was the funniest thing ever! Literally laughing my ass off! I wish I was a cat because cats can laugh more and have 9 lives.

Well, that is just really weird, you know. I mean when I go to sleep the room is filled with boogiemen. I guess they chose to hide in my room. Laugh out loud.

We don't have to worry about the boogieman anymore because Chuck Norris is scaring him away for us. I can sleep tonight now.

9 Chuck Norris converted God to atheism.

But Chuck Norris is god. This implies that he converted himself to another religion. Logically speaking, this is the worst fact of all. By the way, did you know that fear of Chuck Norris is called 'logic?'

Guys, come on, I know we can laugh but that's just disrespectful to GOD. Even if I wasn't a Christian it still wouldn't be that funny. There are plenty of funny Chuck Norris jokes out there.

So there is a God, Chuck Norris saw him and spoke to him, and anyway converted God to atheism? Epic one. Can't believe it didn't make it to the top 10…

10 Behind Chuck Norris' beard, there is no chin, there is only another fist.

Man, this joke is awesome.

Family Guy! Made me smile.

That's kind of disturbing.

The Contenders
11 There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control.

I cracked up the moment I heard this. In my opinion, this is one of the best Norris jokes ever.

That's so very true. Chuck Norris is always in control.

12 Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

Just brilliant. Florence from Slovenia.

No! I wanted to fool him!

Best one, in my opinion.

13 There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

I love it when these facts can come up in intense debates. Nothing better than throwing someone off with some Chuck Norris!

A very good one indeed, it really reflects Chuck's longevity, he's been roundhouse kicking dinosaurs into extinction.

Oh my gosh! This made my day. So damn funny.

14 If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google, it doesn't ask what you meant. It simply comes back as RUN.

Because he's watching! Nice change from the usual pattern of Chuck Norris jokes, which let's just say are a teensy bit repetitive.

Laugh out loud, most of the Chuck Norris jokes are quite repetitive but this one is just plain awesome. Good job to whoever made this up.

Wow, it's just like mine. If you spell my name wrong in real life, then you're advised to run because you can't hide, only run.

15 Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After two weeks of pain, the knife died.

The real question is: who is good enough to stab Chuck Norris?

Although this one is a classic, I love it.

Unexpected, will be higher up in the list.

16 Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

This is the most popular and the funniest. Simple and plain. Norris is a beast.

Who does he kill?

17 When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the world down.

Chuck Norris is the funniest guy I've ever met. The #11 statement is absolutely true. I wish I get a chance to meet Chuck Norris someday!

I imagine when he was doing pull-ups. Maybe the sky is drawn down below - laugh out loud.

This is how severe weather happens.

18 Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

This is so awesome. All you people don't know math to see how funny this is. (It is impossible to divide by zero)

He can. But he never revealed the answer. Otherwise, mathematicians will lose their morale.

19 Chuck Norris clogs the toilet every time he pisses.

This one really took the cake! Just as the underestimated: "Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun".

I thought it was going to be vulgar but then I laughed my ass off. Only Chuck could clog a toilet with urine. Sulfur-filled urine.

This one really made my day. It deserves at least 5th place. Thumbs up if you agree.

20 Chuck Norris invented the spoon. Killing with a knife was too easy.
21 Chuck Norris died ten years ago. The Grim Reaper just can't build up the courage to tell him.

Damn good one. I heard Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. But this, this is hilarious.

That has to be the best fact. Hands down.

Chuck Norris is dead? NO.

22 Toronto made a replica of Chuck Norris's penis. They just used his initials and called it the CN Tower.

Laugh out loud. Funny jokes, dude. I can't stop laughing after reading this one. But the best joke is at number 17. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

So when people come out of the CN Tower, are they basically Chuck Norris' seed?

Nice, I actually laughed at this one.

23 Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Simply laugh out loud. I laughed my butt off after hearing this one. It's simple and funny.

Simply laugh out loud. I laughed my butt off after hearing this one. It's simple and funny.

He won't tell us, though. I'm not saying he should.

24 Chuck Norris can speak braille.

This is the best one I have ever heard. The other good ones made me chuckle but this one seriously made me burst out laughing. Please go look up braille if you don't know what it is!

He can also speak French in Russian. He can hear sign language too.

So he can speak to dots to blind people? Genius!

25 Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag girls. He potato sacks them.

This one is different than the usually stupid Chuck Norris jokes. Love it. I actually laughed at this one.

I'm actually crying, this is one of the only ones on this list to make me laugh out loud. Love it.

Laugh out loud, I'll never look at a potato sack the same way.

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