Top 10 Funniest Insults

Some insults cut deep, some are just plain mean, and then there are the ones that are so absurdly clever you can't help but laugh, even if they're directed at you. This list is all about those insults, the ones that make you appreciate the sheer creativity behind a well-timed burn. These are the jokes that make you shake your head and say, Ouch... but also, well played.
The Top Ten
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

This is amazing. It should be, "Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me amazing, what the hell happened to you?" By the way, if it is "pretty," only a girl can say they are pretty, not a guy. So, AMAZING, okay? AMAZING.

Wow, that is low! I would really hate it if this were used on me. For real, you're talking about beauty, and that's something you don't mess with.

Ridiculous! My friend and I told this to someone!

You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street. I asked you what you were doing, and you said moving.

I like this one. Can't say it's the best but... yeah.

That's a great comeback. I would have never thought of that in my life.

- Jason 300

We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

I will have to use this on all of the teachers on the last day of school.

I would love to use this on my enemy, but I'm meant to be the "nice girl."

Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

This is so funny. I am totally going to use this when my uncle disses me again. Just wait because this insult will be used. I guarantee you that this is the best insult ever to be found. Please use it because I am.

This is so funny! I am so going to use this on my friends when they're making fun of me again. I'll bet this will make them shut up.

I love this one. I'm totally using it on someone from my school. It's totally going to shut them up!

Oh, I'm sorry, did I give you the impression that I wanted your opinion? It won't happen again.

This one is great. I like that it doesn't revolve around the target being the worst thing ever. It's just a sharp point to someone that they aren't important.

Hey, I looked up a hobo in the dictionary, and the definition was you.

It's funny because it was true. I used to live under a tarp with my bicycle.

Yes! I did it on my friends. Their faces turned red.

I tried that on my sister and got slapped.

Yo mama so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection walked away.

Not even the mirror can stand looking at my momma.

Every horrible and plain stupid mom would need this. Hilarious!

I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

Nice one! Always wanted to try this, just waiting for the chance to try it! I totally agree with this one though.

Hey, I can use this on my math teacher. I don't really know why she took her degree in math. She is dumber than my brother.

I love this joke. It is so funny. This kid who lives behind me always insults me, and I insult him back!

Hey, I just met you, and you look crazy, what brand's your makeup, Crayola, maybe?

YAS, LOVE IT! This one is more funny than insulting. Plus, basing it off the song Call Me Maybe gives this roast extra brownie points. I should totally use this on my friend and see how hard she laughs.

I'm a girl myself, but I must give this insult credit.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

That's awesome without being too insulting or hurtful to someone's family or looks! I will use this today.

This joke is way better than the other ones. It's funny, it makes sense, and it doesn't sound like some three-year-old is trying to make fun of you.

This is perfect to use on a mean boy at my school. Thanks!

The Newcomers

? You’re so bad at singing you make Dance Monkey look like Bohemian Rhapsody
? OMG it’s a drowned rat! Oh wait, it’s just you…
The Contenders
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

That is a true burn. The one true burn. BURN! Be it Indian, Chinese, or just leaned on a soldering iron, it's a BURN!

Wow, this is perfect. "Yo mama" jokes are cruel and unfunny. But this? This is comic gold!

This is great, just great. I absolutely love it! I'm gonna use this on everyone I know!

You're so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper.
You want the stick? Fetch!

That's insulting towards dogs!

Please take a break from fooling yourself.
You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

Laugh out loud! This is the funniest one I've seen in a while!

That's hilarious. "Ma'am, I tried to get rid of it, but the window threw it back." Mother: "Dang it."

Ah, laugh out loud, an old classic!

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Used it already! Very good insult to use on people, love it. You should use it too. It messes people up a lot. Amazing!

Haha, that's funny. It would take a while for the person to catch on! Laugh out loud.

Yo mama so stupid, she still can't figure out how to tie her shoes.
You married Barney.

I think one should be, "You're so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye to you!"

Oxygen thief.
I believe in respect for the dead. In fact, I could only respect you if you were dead.

He or she might only be confused because they are stupid enough to be your enemy. You are too good to waste your time on that person.

This is very cruel. What if I tell my boyfriend this...

Your mum's so fat, not even Dora could explore her.
Did your mum drop you on your head when you were little because you don't seem that bright.

I personally made this up. It's so funny.

Your dad's condom is bigger than your personality.

Awesome insult! I'm going to be telling that to the next guy who pisses me off.

Fartpooh

Oh my lord, this is just... Brilliant...

Yo mama so poor, she had to get her clothes from a dumpster.
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