Top 10 Funniest Insults

A good insult is a tiny verbal banana peel. You know someone is about to fall, you know it is probably rude to enjoy it, and yet there you are, grinning like you did not just witness emotional property damage.

This list celebrates the burns that are too ridiculous, too sharp, or too perfectly timed to be dismissed as ordinary trash talk. They are not just angry little word grenades. The best ones have structure, surprise, and just enough nonsense to make you laugh before your dignity files a formal complaint.

Vote for the funniest insults, the ones that make you wince, snort, and maybe feel grateful you were not standing in the line of fire. Comedy can be cruel, but when the wording is this good, at least the roast comes with seasoning.

1. You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street. I asked you what you were doing, and you said moving.

   I like this one. Can't say it's the best but... yeah.

   That's a great comeback. I would have never thought of that in my life.

   - Jason 300

2. Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

   This is amazing. It should be, "Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me amazing, what the hell happened to you?" By the way, if it is "pretty," only a girl can say they are pretty, not a guy. So, AMAZING, okay? AMAZING.

   Wow, that is low! I would really hate it if this were used on me. For real, you're talking about beauty, and that's something you don't mess with.

   Ridiculous! My friend and I told this to someone!

3. We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

   I will have to use this on all of the teachers on the last day of school.

   I would love to use this on my enemy, but I'm meant to be the "nice girl."

4. Hey, I looked up a hobo in the dictionary, and the definition was you.

   It's funny because it was true. I used to live under a tarp with my bicycle.

   Yes! I did it on my friends. Their faces turned red.

   I tried that on my sister and got slapped.

5. Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

   This is so funny. I am totally going to use this when my uncle disses me again. Just wait because this insult will be used. I guarantee you that this is the best insult ever to be found. Please use it because I am.

   This is so funny! I am so going to use this on my friends when they're making fun of me again. I'll bet this will make them shut up.

   I love this one. I'm totally using it on someone from my school. It's totally going to shut them up!

6. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

   That is a true burn. The one true burn. BURN! Be it Indian, Chinese, or just leaned on a soldering iron, it's a BURN!

   Wow, this is perfect. "Yo mama" jokes are cruel and unfunny. But this? This is comic gold!

   This is great, just great. I absolutely love it! I'm gonna use this on everyone I know!

7. Dumbass.

   Just a classic use of insults since it always leaves your enemy slack-jawed and pissed off. I did this to my mates, and they were owned.

   I started laughing my ass off when all I saw was dumbass. That's a word, not an insult.

   Classic... always offends everyone.

8. Your dad's condom is bigger than your personality.

   Awesome insult! I'm going to be telling that to the next guy who pisses me off.

9. You married Barney.

   I think one should be, "You're so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye to you!"

10. Yo mama so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection walked away.

    Not even the mirror can stand looking at my momma.

    Every horrible and plain stupid mom would need this. Hilarious!

The Newcomers
11. ?

    They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

    This is the funniest one I've seen for sure.

12. ?

    Mirrors can't talk. Lucky for you, they can't laugh either.

    I had to laugh at this. This is just crazy.

The Contenders

13. Oh, I'm sorry, did I give you the impression that I wanted your opinion? It won't happen again.

    This one is great. I like that it doesn't revolve around the target being the worst thing ever. It's just a sharp point to someone that they aren't important.

14. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

    Nice one! Always wanted to try this, just waiting for the chance to try it! I totally agree with this one though.

    Hey, I can use this on my math teacher. I don't really know why she took her degree in math. She is dumber than my brother.

    I love this joke. It is so funny. This kid who lives behind me always insults me, and I insult him back!

15. You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

    Laugh out loud! This is the funniest one I've seen in a while!

    That's hilarious. "Ma'am, I tried to get rid of it, but the window threw it back." Mother: "Dang it."

    Ah, laugh out loud, an old classic!

16. I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

    That's awesome without being too insulting or hurtful to someone's family or looks! I will use this today.

    This joke is way better than the other ones. It's funny, it makes sense, and it doesn't sound like some three-year-old is trying to make fun of you.

    This is perfect to use on a mean boy at my school. Thanks!

17. Hey, I just met you, and you look crazy, what brand's your makeup, Crayola, maybe?

    YAS, LOVE IT! This one is more funny than insulting. Plus, basing it off the song Call Me Maybe gives this roast extra brownie points. I should totally use this on my friend and see how hard she laughs.

    I'm a girl myself, but I must give this insult credit.

18. You're so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper.

19. Ahhh!!! Run, a bear, oh wait, that's just your mom.

    Well, my mom is a bear. That is why she weighs 1,000 pounds. I am half human and half bear.

20. Everybody makes mistakes, even God did when he made your face.

    Yeah, he only made mistakes because your mom was his wise adviser on people's personalities and faces. She just tries to make everyone's faces like hers, and she succeeded.

    That is some epic cuss. I gotta use that tomorrow at school.

    That is the most offensive insult I have ever heard.

21. You have enough fat to make another human.

    This is the best thing I have heard in a while! This is so offensive but so bloody hilarious!

    Man, this is so offensive, but it's also hilarious at the same time.

22. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

    I tried this on one of the people I don't like, and they started crying. It was hella funny, though.

    Damn funny! My favorite until now!

23. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

    Used it already! Very good insult to use on people, love it. You should use it too. It messes people up a lot. Amazing!

    Haha, that's funny. It would take a while for the person to catch on! Laugh out loud.

24. Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

    So hilarious. I can use it on my enemies who have dates and break them up.

25. You want the stick? Fetch!

26. Please take a break from fooling yourself.

27. Yo mama so stupid, she still can't figure out how to tie her shoes.