Top 10 Best Insults, Disses, and Burns

The Top Ten
1 You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.

I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.

This is the funniest this I've heard all day!

Pfft. I can't use this, I'll just diss myself. You know why?

I wasn't ment to be born, my mother messed up her birth control, then she got pregnent with me, someone mentioned abortion and my mom said "No, that's wrong! ". I have to thank her for not aborting me. This is no joke, and no, I can't do anything about it.

"The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane."
Then say: Oh, look at you. Poor you. You've went down to your little friend's level--the highway. Your face got crushed--was anyone else hurt in the accident? "

2 You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

This is absolutely amazing! Why isn't this number one? It's the most creative one I've seen that I haven't heard before. This is something to say to that person who bullies your friend or that guy who stole your bike. It's so original and I definitely will use this on all the Asses I have to deal with.

My favorite insult for debate. Especially for a certain ass cap on my team who just loves being a pain in my neck. Whoever thought of this comment deserves to be a billionaire.

This was a great one and I will only use this one when it is really needed A.K. A fighting with my brother and he gets on my nerves, laugh out loud I hope that people will use this is only the moments that people think are necessary

Yup, perfect for the idiotic trolls out there on YouTube so I really appreciate this. It was actually pretty funny on how I used it on the person, as now he is reverting to the argument as "entertainment"

3 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!

Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!

I just used this line in a battle of wits with my best friend! I laughed so hard when I heard this. He eventually lost the battle of insults, and this was my first stepping stone to victory! And yes, I would totally use this in any context. It's absolutely hilarious... Could get you into fights though.

There was a teacher in my school, and he almost gave me detention for telling someone the day. Later on, I got off the hook.
But when I thought I was really still gonna get it, I told everyone I knew:
"Mr. S will never be the man his mother was. "
And everyone cracked up. This insult is the best.

4 It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.

My sister told me this the other day and she also said hey you must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down! And she also said did you fall from heaven because your face is seriously messed up! Laugh out loud love her!

I'm right now picturing the perfect way to use this fabulous diss. Props to whoever made this because I'm dying of laughter! But, it's not one of those insults that will make the person you're insulting laugh out loud, too.

I'll punch the person who said that to me and say:, now you look as if a hog blew up your eye and some kid thought- why ain't this gigantic blueberry purple and painted it with a permanent marker.

5 Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.

I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here

This is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!

This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate

This works AMAZING! It doesn't offend anyone too much, but god my friend's reaction was so funny! Whoever thought this one up deserves a certificate to commemorate their awesomeness.

6 You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem

The person who said he was Eminem at the comment about this isn't Eminem cause Eminem does use computers or smartphones. He doesn't use them and he has someone at shady records working his Facebook, twitter, instagram etc..

When I read this I started crying cause it was just funny I might just be over tired but either way that's a good joke... Whoever came up with it should get a gold star!

This insult made me and my friends laugh and settled the argument that we had with her ex-boyfriend. Thanks to this insult I won and he did not beat me. Keep the insults comming...

7 Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

This is so amazing. My mom laughed when I told this to my brother. We were in the kitchen and my brother called me a Dumbass. And then, I said, "Your so ugly when you popped out of your mum the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it! " My mom laughed her ass off and my brother was like, "For once in a laugh time I actually feel insulted." Yeah, you feel insulted because you are embarrassed cause all the girls who used to like you all hate you now because they see your Frankenstein hair. Haha!

Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...

This one right here seems like it could be a great thing for a comedy movie! Whoever came up with this insult needs to have that put in some sort of comedy movie or a comic strip or something.

I said this to a girl and she borrowed someones phone to call her mom and beg not to be buried. She takes everything so seriously, its not even fun to insult her. It was funny to here though.

8 You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

I said this to my boyfriend, he got so insulted.. But was impressed at how witty I was! Love Hello Kitty though, classic toy. This is so genius and easy to remember, I'm gonna use it all the time! Thanks to this website my boyfriend is even winding me up so I give him more witty insults, brilliant!

When I read this I started laughing and I couldn't stop for a minute. When my parents asked me what was so funny I tried to tell them but I couldn't because I was laughing too much. This isn't even that funny. I don't know why I laughed so much but I will use this!

Best diss here! Laugh out loud all the other ones are so straightforward but this is so inventive for taking a well known figure and using it against someone! Now I'm imagining hello kitty saying goodbye to an annoying boy in my class! Laugh out loud.

No, just no, that is bad. So bad. Seriously, if I said this to the school bully he'd come up with some mean remark about babies and children programmes and ridicule me! So bad, not voting for this one.

9 Your mama is so fat not even Dora could explore her

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly.

Yes this diss is very good, though I heard many people in my school say this to one - another couldn't you of thought of any other disses it's not really that hard.

HAHA so funny I used this in a cuss fight with my enemie and he was speech less! Me and my friends were laughing their heads off and he was like his usual shocked face with his mouth streched! It even funnier because he wears glasses but you can't say I'm being rude to peeps who wear glasses because I wear glasses myself! HEHEHEHEEH can't STOP LAUGHING WAY TO GO girl! P.S. I don't CARE IF your A BOY

I laughed my head off a bridge in a while ago but the fact I can get it right away with the best of the year of high quality of life and the best of the year before the end zone. Drs Dora Dora dora

10 Hey, you have something on your chin... 3rd one down.

I mentioned an adversary upon whom the alphabet soup one would be extremely effective. The same applies for this one. I'm surprised my adversary hasn't won a world record for obesity or stupidity.

I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing

I did this to my mom as a prank because she always complains he has a double chin, but now I'm grounded. Be careful what you say cause it can get you places you don't want to be.

This one's so funny! I used it on this guy at school after telling me to go "jump off of the Empire State Building" and it was true he had something on his third chin

The Contenders
11 Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...

Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!

I hope I can remember this next time I need a comeback off the top of my head... So far out of all the comments this is by far my favorite. Hilarious!

I think it is one of the best, shortest & complete insults. Says so much with so little. I will definitely be using it in the future.

12 Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

Talking of actual insults Brilliant... In whichever way insult can be. Not even that funny but insidious, witty, natural-it could never sound practiced out (unless you're deadly anti-theatrical) and above all, so mean.

Haha that's JUST AMAZING! ! This is very helpful to me because many annoying and boring guests come to my home to disturb me and my COOL life! ! Uh just hate those people! ! I will use it on each and every annoying guest! !

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere!

I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.

13 When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

Hilarious! That burn includes the entire victims family and throws him/her under the bus too!

Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!

That joke is like the funnyiest joke in the history of funny jokes I just have to try it with somebody!

That is so hilarious, now I know what to use on those creeps near my high school! Laugh out loud

14 Take that mask off, Halloween isn't until October

Yeh honestly, a great roast it's really funny and a great way to tell someone that they're ugly without saying it. The thing is, what if it is October or close to Halloween

I have a great diss ok so first you say are you gay? Then they will probably no, so then you have to ask does your momma know you gay then it's a choice. If they say no then that means their momma don't know they gay but if they say they still ain't gay then they ain't it doesn't have to be true but it's a great diss

LOL! If I were to end that, I would try touching their face and peel it off and then say "this isn't a mask? Feel sorry for you, your sibling must of superglued it on you when you were still young. At least your parents don't have to spend much money on your Halloween costume every year! " Sorry it's a bit long, but I think I improved it a bit!

Super funny. I'm definitely going to use this. The problem is the person could come back and say, "I know isn't my mask beautiful though? " Or something like that.

15 Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.

This is the best one I have heard so far. I'm going to use this. Thanks! P. S my friend used this and a guy cried. A lot of people use it at school

HAHA its useful for stupid people who wont know what you're talking about... I laughed so much at this one! Gonna use it on my enemy!

Yo mama jokes? I was waiting for something better but this is still awesome I am gonna use it on my bully. Website is awesome thanks keep it up

My crush and I were having a roast battle and said this to me but saying you're instead of my mum. Haha, nice try Harvey.

16 Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..

I tried this on this real annoying kid
Spoiler alert: nobody heard it.

Please apply cold ice to burned area because you just got burned!

That would be a good one to use on me 'cause I love nature.

17 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

There's these boys in my school (who is a pain in the butt and annoying but hey that's boys for ya) so we had a roast battle and of coursed I used this one. I nearly got in trouble because of this since they're such snitches.

I'm going to try that on my friend. We diss each other a lot, and he always gets fake mad, then I have to say sorry, otherwise he won't talk to me.

This isn't much of a diss. If that person was from a different country, yes, they would be an 'alien'. So it's not very funny when you think about it.

This cuss is dry like your lips (and that is very dry). It sounds like something my two year old sister would say.

18 You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

I would use this insult towards a very fat girl and lied about being on a diet. But she barely does any exercise at all, keeps on eating junk, complains about how fat and ugly she is by eating healthy and says "oh on a diet." She also LOVES to have a habit of harassing others by fat shaming people for no reason.

My brother ruins everything, after I told him this he said "I do know abcdefhjikmno.." Didn't tell him he left the letters g, l, v and X. He also twisted the letters I and j around, UST shows his stupidity!

I shared this with my family and they all laughed so bed my sister fell off her chair and carried on laughing.

At first I was confused then after the second time I read it I laughed so hard I think my chair broke. I think I am the one who is fat

19 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.

I am totally using this on some kid in my school in my third period class his head is so big and I can barely see board.

Laughed for hours! I used it in a little dissing fight sort of thing and I had the last say... The guy actualy ran away out of shame...

This is pretty much what you see at the theatres. Except the moon is the movie screen.

20 Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

Sounds like something that little bunny would say, I think it was happy bunny. It has one giant square with an insulting bunny

This is going to be amazing to use in future. I will definitely use this. Very good comeback.

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent

This is the best joke so far on here! I love it like it no love it!

21 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

I used this one on my sister and she lost it... She tried
Threatening me with A HOCKEY STICK and the
Started talking rubbish and what all other sisters do...
Storm off huffing and puffing like the gonna blow the
House DOWN. Now if your looking for a dis this is the one

This one is so good, better than the rest, use it on your friends during fights, that's what I did and she didn't have a come back! Continue doing what ever you call this because its EXCELLENT!

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

A very bad insult, I hope you like it.

22 Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )

This is funny1 I've never heard of this one laugh out loud, I will say this to people who have fake friends!

Hahaahahaaha that is so awesome wow that is just wow just amazing! So funny my friend said it to someone and he didn't have any comback!

23 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert

Oh boy this one is good my explanation is that she's so fat when she jumped into the antlantic ocean the water came out no water is there and it was a desert.

Ima use it on one of my friends enemy
He isn't my enemy though but I just feel like saying it laugh out loud!

We are having a disses match and I just found the perfect one love thank you for posting it.

It's a really cool one. I can use it on my enemies and annoy him and offend him REAL bad

24 Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

Hey! I like apes (though they're OK), but why use them as an insult? Why? By they way, I saw a little white girl calling a big and tall black man an ape.

Funny but how about this...
Me: you need to get a life
Person: I have one!
Me : oh sorry I probably should have been more persific for you, I ment one that matters x so sorry for the miss understanding x

This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!

One of the funniest insults I've ever read/seen/heard. Hilarious and rude!

25 Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example

I used this on a guy in my class that makes fun of my name. He said "oh yeah, well least I'm not the ugly one here! " Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback". He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me cameback bill

I did something to my friend, he got mad, and then I said if you did it its OK for me too and he said 2 wrongs don't make a right. And then I said, yeah, take your parents for example. He was pissed the whole day

I was roasting this one girl is is super rude for no reason and was trying to roast me then when I said this she was so destroyed she threw up in the trash(her face would have worked too, it might have even looked better).

Bruh This Is perfect for this kid that always gets in trouble in my school, he's a really big jerk I am using this one...

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