Top 10 Best Insults, Disses, and Burns

Alright, listen up, losers. We all know that one of the best things about being an alpha is being able to dish out some sick insults, disses, and burns. Whether it's telling someone their face looks like a pizza or their mom dresses them funny, there's nothing quite like putting someone in their place with a good insult.

But let's not forget that this art form has been around for centuries. Yeah, that's right, even our ancestors were dishing out sick burns. From the ancient Greeks to Shakespeare to modern-day rappers, people have been slinging insults since the dawn of time.

And now, it's time to celebrate the best of the best. We've compiled a list of some of the most epic insults, disses, and burns of all time. From classic movie one-liners to hilarious Twitter clapbacks, these are the insults that have stood the test of time and continue to make us laugh today.

But we don't want this to be just our list. We want to hear from you, the people. That's right, even you dorks who always get picked last in gym class. We want you to vote for the choices you think deserve to be at the top of this list. And who knows, maybe you'll even learn a thing or two and be able to step up your own insult game.
The Top Ten
1 You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

I'm going to so use this one! This one is the BEST I've heard so far.

This is the funniest diss I've heard all day!

I am going to use this insult on my cousin who does not know one insult. I tell her all the time to get a new insult book but she never does! I like this joke the best and I read all of them!

Come on, people, this is obviously number one! This is the greatest burn of all time. I've used it on my friend, and he was so shocked it looked as if he were electrocuted! Laugh out loud!

2 You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

This is absolutely amazing! Why isn't this number one? It's the most creative one I've seen that I haven't heard before. This is something to say to that person who bullies your friend or that guy who stole your bike. It's so original and I definitely will use this on all the Asses I have to deal with.

My favorite insult for debate, especially for a certain ass cap on my team who just loves being a pain in my neck. Whoever thought of this comment deserves to be a billionaire.

Love it, haha! This is great. I would probably use this insult with someone who is a pretty close friend; otherwise, it may backfire on you. Insulting someone's birth and their parents can potentially be devastating.

I wasn't sure about how good it was until at school we had insult battles just for fun. I used this last because I was behind. I used it, and I automatically won. Everyone was still laughing half an hour after I said it!

3 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

Great! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!

Nice! I actually laughed at this one. I might try it on a woman, although it will probably fail horribly. I want to see her reaction!

I just used this line in a battle of wits with my best friend! I laughed so hard when I heard this. He eventually lost the battle of insults, and this was my first stepping stone to victory! And yes, I would totally use this in any context. It's absolutely hilarious... It could get you into fights though.

There was a teacher in my school, and he almost gave me detention for telling someone the day. Later on, I got off the hook. But when I thought I was really still gonna get it, I told everyone I knew: "Mr. S will never be the man his mother was." And everyone cracked up. This insult is the best.

4 It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.

My sister told me this the other day, and she also said, "Hey, you must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down!" She also asked, "Did you fall from heaven because your face is seriously messed up?" Laugh out loud. Love her!

I'm right now picturing the perfect way to use this fabulous diss. Props to whoever made this because I'm dying of laughter! But, it's not one of those insults that will make the person you're insulting laugh out loud, too.

Oh man! I have never heard one like this before. The other ones in here are a little repetitive, but this one had me laughing nonstop. Absolute masterpiece.

5 Your family tree is a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

I'm going to have to use this one because it's the funniest one on here.

This is genius. Pure genius. I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate.

This is the best one on here. It should be at the top. It is so great, I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!

This works amazing! It doesn't offend anyone too much, but god, my friend's reaction was so funny! Whoever thought this one up deserves a certificate to commemorate their awesomeness.

6 You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

That was so tight, I couldn't even come up with that, and I'm Eminem.

I love it. I usually get called ugly at school and stuff by people, but those people are ugly on the inside. I know one day I'm gonna be so sexy that my charm will reach 95% of the guys. The other 5% are gay.

This insult made me and my friends laugh and settled the argument that we had with her ex-boyfriend. Thanks to this insult, I won, and he did not beat me. Keep the insults coming...

When I read this, I started crying because it was just funny. I might just be overtired, but either way, that's a good joke. Whoever came up with it should get a gold star!

7 You're so ugly when you popped out, the doctor said "Aww, what a treasure," and your mom said "Yeah, let's bury it."

This is so amazing. My mom laughed when I told this to my brother. We were in the kitchen, and my brother called me a dumbass. And then I said, "You're so ugly when you popped out of your mum, the doctor said, 'Aww, what a treasure,' and your mom said, 'Yeah, let's bury it!'" My mom laughed her ass off, and my brother was like, "For once in a long time, I actually feel insulted." Yeah, you feel insulted because you are embarrassed, as all the girls who used to like you now hate you because they see your Frankenstein hair. Haha!

This is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight.

This one right here seems like it could be a great thing for a comedy movie! Whoever came up with this insult needs to have that put in some sort of comedy movie or a comic strip or something.

I said this to a girl, and she borrowed someone's phone to call her mom and beg not to be buried. She takes everything so seriously; it's not even fun to insult her. It was funny to hear, though.

8 You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

I said this to my boyfriend, and he got so insulted. But he was impressed at how witty I was! I love Hello Kitty, though. It's a classic toy. This is so genius and easy to remember. I'm gonna use it all the time! Thanks to this website, my boyfriend is even winding me up so I give him more witty insults. Brilliant!

When I read this, I started laughing and I couldn't stop for a minute. When my parents asked me what was so funny, I tried to tell them but I couldn't because I was laughing too much. This isn't even that funny. I don't know why I laughed so much, but I will use this!

Best diss here! Laugh out loud, all the other ones are so straightforward, but this is so inventive for taking a well-known figure and using it against someone! Now I'm imagining Hello Kitty saying goodbye to an annoying boy in my class! Laugh out loud.

My fight ended with this! I love this - great thought to end the fight. Whoever first said this was a genius. Funny! I liked it. Bob. Mind-blowing.

9 Your mama is so fat not even Dora could explore her

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly.

Haha, that's so funny! I used this in a cuss fight with my enemy, and he was speechless! My friends and I were laughing our heads off, and he had his usual shocked face with his mouth stretched! It's even funnier because he wears glasses, but you can't say I'm being rude to people who wear glasses because I wear glasses myself! Hehehehe, I can't stop laughing. Way to go, girl! P.S. I don't care if you're a boy.

Yes, this diss is very good. However, I heard many people in my school say this to one another. Couldn't you have thought of any other disses? It's not really that hard.

So funny! Love it! Where do you get these wicked disses? They are totally EPIC, man! I will so totally use this on my devil friends! Yeah, mon!

10 Hey, you have something on your chin... 3rd one down.

I laughed so hard my face turned purple, and I blacked out for a second. Then I kept on laughing.

I did this to my mom as a prank because she always complains about her double chin, but now I'm grounded. Be careful what you say because it can get you to places you don't want to be.

This one is so funny! I used it on this guy at school after he told me to "go jump off the Empire State Building." It turned out to be true; he had something on his third chin.

I can't wait to use this on my friend. She always seems to insult me, but now I have a comeback! She's gonna get rhythmically told!

The Newcomers

? You make me pro-choice
The Contenders
11 Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world to manage to win the race against 100,000 others. It makes me wonder what all of those others would have made...

Hahaha, I said something like this to this boy in my class. I mean, seriously, some people were dropped as babies, but he was CLEARLY thrown at the wall!

I hope I can remember this next time I need a comeback off the top of my head. So far, out of all the comments, this is by far my favorite. Hilarious!

I think it is one of the best, shortest, and most complete insults. It says so much with so little. I will definitely be using it in the future.

12 Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

"I love this," I said to a friend, but they didn't understand. They responded with a puzzled "Uh, okay?" and I thought to myself, "Never mind..." I wish my friend had reacted better because I find it hilarious!

Haha, that's just amazing! This is very helpful to me because many annoying and boring guests come to my home to disturb me and my cool life! Uh, just hate those people! I will use it on each and every annoying guest!

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight remix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere!

I love this; it's great. I'd rate this higher than a three. The others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.

13 When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

That joke is like the funniest joke in the history of funny jokes. I just have to try it with somebody!

That is so hilarious. Now I know what to use on those creeps near my high school!

Hilarious! That burn includes the entire victim's family and throws him/her under the bus too!

Oh my God. This is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life!

14 Take that mask off, Halloween isn't until October

I like a lot of these! This one just seems like something you could use so often. On Halloween, you could say to your friend or enemy, "Oh, I see that you've already got your costume on. Oh wait..."

Yeh, honestly, a great roast is really funny and a great way to tell someone that they're ugly without saying it. The thing is, what if it's October or close to Halloween?

LOL! If I were to end that, I would try touching their face and peel it off, and then say, "This isn't a mask? Feel sorry for you. Your sibling must have superglued it on you when you were still young. At least your parents don't have to spend much money on your Halloween costume every year!" Sorry, it's a bit long, but I think I improved it a bit!

Super funny. I'm definitely going to use this. The problem is, the person could come back and say, 'I know, isn't my mask beautiful though?' Or something like that.

15 Your momma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.

Yo mama jokes? I was waiting for something better, but this is still awesome. I'm gonna use it on my bully. The website is awesome. Thanks, keep it up!

Haha, it's useful for stupid people who won't know what you're talking about. I laughed so much at this one! I'm going to use it on my enemy!

Ha ha. That is the best insult ever. This joke should be 1st best Diss not 20th best. I will use that everywhere.

I think I already heard this one in the yo mama jokes. I still like it!

16 Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first.

Please apply cold ice to burned area because you just got burned!

That would be a good one to use on me because I love nature.

I tried this on this really annoying kid.
Spoiler alert: Nobody heard it.

17 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

There are these boys in my school (who are a pain in the butt and annoying, but hey, that's boys for you). So we had a roast battle, and of course, I used this one. I nearly got in trouble because of this since they're such snitches.

I'm going to try that on my friend. We tease each other a lot, and he always pretends to get angry. Then I have to apologize, otherwise he won't talk to me.

This one is a good one for people who need to stand up for themselves if someone is dissing them.

This one good man, haters gonna hate, so you gotta drop it like it's hot, you know what I'm saying?

18 You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

That's so funny! I am laughing, and my mom walked in. She asked what happened, so I told her she peed her pants. I am voting for you because you have the best one. My friend is obsessed with chicken too.

At first, I was confused. Then, after the second time I read it, I laughed so hard that I think my chair broke. I think I am the one who is fat.

I shared this with my family and they all laughed so bad my sister fell off her chair and carried on laughing.

Like seriously, this is perfection. Like, you can diss someone if you see them eating a lot of KFC. Cool!

19 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stopped talking to me, and I also tried it with others, and it worked. So, thanks!

Laughed for hours! I used it in a little dissing fight sort of thing, and I had the last say... The guy actually ran away out of shame.

I am totally using this on some kid in my school in my third-period class. His head is so big, and I can barely see the board.

This is pretty much what you see at the theaters. Except the moon is the movie screen.

20 Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death, and everything in between. Excellent.

Sounds like something that Little Bunny would say. I think it was Happy Bunny. It has one giant square with an insulting bunny.

This is going to be amazing to use in the future. I will definitely use this. Very good comeback.

This is the best joke so far on here! I love it, like it, no, love it!

21 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

I used this one on my sister and she lost it. She tried threatening me with a hockey stick and then started talking rubbish, like all other sisters do. She stormed off huffing and puffing, as if she was going to blow the house down. Now, if you're looking for a diss, this is the one.

This one is so good, better than the rest, use it on your friends during fights, that's what I did and she didn't have a come back! Continue doing what ever you call this because its EXCELLENT!

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses. Like these would put people into shame. They wouldn't dare mess with you again. And I should know because I'm a star disser.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it.

22 Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it.

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (We all know someone like that, don't we?)

Hahaha, that is so awesome! Wow, that is just... wow! Just amazing! It's so funny. My friend said it to someone, and he didn't have any comeback!

This is funny! I've never heard of this one. Laugh out loud, I will say this to people who have fake friends!

23 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert

Oh boy, this one is good. My explanation is that she's so fat that when she jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, the water came out. No water is there, and it was a desert.

We are having a diss match, and I just found the perfect one. Love, thank you for posting it.

It's a really cool one. I can use it on my enemies to annoy and offend him real bad.

A good diss. In fact, it's so good my friends went crying!

24 Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

Haha! No one ever uses the term "visible fart." You're an awesome writer!

This one is pretty good. I'm surprised there are no comments!

One of the funniest insults I've ever read/seen/heard. Hilarious and rude!

I cracked up so hard! Never heard anything like that before!

25 Two wrongs don't make a right; take your parents as an example.

I used this on a guy in my class who makes fun of my name. He said, "Oh yeah, well at least I'm not the ugly one here!" Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said, "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback." He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me "Comeback Bill."

I was roasting this one girl who is super rude for no reason and was trying to roast me. Then, when I said this, she was so destroyed she threw up in the trash (her face would have worked too; it might have even looked better).

I did something to my friend. He got mad, and then I said if you did it, it's OK for me too. And he said two wrongs don't make a right. And then I said, yeah, take your parents for example. He was pissed the whole day.

Bruh, this is perfect for this kid that always gets in trouble in my school. He's a really big jerk. I am using this one...

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