Top 10 Best Insults, Disses, and Burns

The Top Ten Best Insults, Disses, and Burns

1 You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.


You to your partner: I have something to say to you.
Your partner: Yes?
You: You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen. - RoseWeasley

I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.

This is the funniest this I've heard all day!

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

2 You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

I Said This To My Low Life Of A Friend Who Would Always Take The Piss Out Of Me And He Said "What's A Condom? " I Instantly Replied "What Would Of Stopped The Biggest Mistake In The World"

This is awesome I love it I tried it on this girl and people around up cracked up laughing at her facial expression haha you should of been there when it happened hey I have a good one on how to annoy someone stare at them until they say what the hell are you looking at then you say I'll let you no when I figure it out

My favorite insult for debate. Especially for a certain ass cap on my team who just loves being a pain in my neck. Whoever thought of this comment deserves to be a billionaire.

This should be number 1 I may be a little stupid but if I was as stupid as you I'd go kill my self.

3 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!

I don't like insulting people. I guess I'm different from most people. - Oliveleaf

Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!

Amazing, I used this on an idiot from my school! I love this website, it's really cool.

That is true for bullying stand up to bullying with that roast

4 It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.

That was seriously funny who ever came up with that is a legend laugh out loud

I laugh so much at this one! Laugh out loud
Dude this was really cool

My sister told me this the other day and she also said hey you must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down! And she also said did you fall from heaven because your face is seriously messed up! Laugh out loud love her!

5 Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.

I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here

This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate

This is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!

Laugh out loud zoo funny I used it like 20 times all the night till a unicorn ate me the Christmas came laugh out loud it was so epic and awesome the intestines were mean so I said this and it crapped me out and I was like what is going on and he was like HUH?
Then I ate him he was like hi and I said hi and he said hi and hi said hi and he said go away and I said I was the origami killer and he was like I'm EATHWN MARS and I was like Sean is tasty. So then. I used the ari glasses and solved a crime

6 You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem

This is serious I'll use this one aww the person is gonna die when he hears this

this one is a killer by kush
hahahahaha who put you on this one man you got crack up connections

I'm SO using this one!
Dang that's a really funny/good one!

7 Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

This one is epic, can't believe no one has realized this yet! Great twist at the end

Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...

I couldn't stop laughing. This is a funny insult that I would use on a lot of people because their mothers would've said the same thing!

This Is amazing, I am so gonna use this on every person that is bullying me

8 You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. Im gonna use this on my enemy when the time comes... or maybe even tomorrow! LOLOL Love it. Whoever first said this was a genius. (:

And you will expect it to work? Good luck kid. Good luck in life in general. - GGGofluckyourself

Laugh out loud I used this comeback on a girl and she got offended badly she went crying to her mommy any way love THE COMEBACK

genious! lol this is a good one and I'm so gonna use it!

This was amazing I told it to my sister and she cracked up at the roast

9 Your mama is so fat not even Dora could explore her

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly. - cleverclogs0

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot you're so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

I would change mum to you are so fat but everything else is good

I'm going to say this to my mate, whose fat tomorrow, all them fat people,are usually just that fat, because of there mum, please DISGUSTING

10 Hey, you have something on your chin... 3rd one down.

I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing

lol! I used this on this guy at school and even HE laughed so hard he fell over!

Haha this is so funny I can't even stand it I love it so much lol! I'm gonna use that on my dad. Hopefully I don't get a slap lol

I mentioned an adversary upon whom the alphabet soup one would be extremely effective. The same applies for this one. I'm surprised my adversary hasn't won a world record for obesity or stupidity.

The Newcomers

? You ruined the world with your existence
? I would diss you but it will hurt my dignity


o yes


The Contenders

11 Take that mask off, Halloween isn't until October

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!

LOL! If I were to end that, I would try touching their face and peel it off and then say "this isn't a mask? Feel sorry for you, your sibling must of superglued it on you when you were still young. At least your parents don't have to spend much money on your Halloween costume every year! " Sorry it's a bit long, but I think I improved it a bit!

12 Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

Say it in a Mychonny accent and it becomes GENIUS AND WILL own ANYONE!

I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere! - leniv

I used this on one of my mom's friends. She is an absolute bitch. And her kids are horrible. She scoffed and ran out of the house. My mom looked really thankful actually being that her friend just likes to talk gossip. I haven't seen her for a month and I'm really grateful.

13 Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...

Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!

It's Hilarious! and a bit mean.. I could tell this to anyone I'm sure they will laugh as much as me :D... even my mother did!

I think it is one of the best, shortest & complete insults. Says so much with so little. I will definitely be using it in the future.

14 When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome - CaptainComedy17

K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend

Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!

Hilarious! That burn includes the entire victims family and throws him/her under the bus too!

15 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

Why are you calling me alien when you're the one that has a deformed alien forehead?

I hope this insult would help you win your dissing contest - cleverclogs0

I'm going to try that on my friend. We diss each other a lot, and he always gets fake mad, then I have to say sorry, otherwise he won't talk to me.

16 Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.

That's the best 1 I herd in a long time

I laughing so hard that I almost pissed on my pants and I could not talk

This is the best one I have heard so far. I'm going to use this. Thanks! P. S my friend used this and a guy cried. A lot of people use it at school

This is the best insult ever I use it on everyone why is this not number 1

17 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it. - cleverclogs0

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

So good I said that to a bully and I crying as a baby best disses ever

18 You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

Oh this is hot

I'm using this on my dad

That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too

So funny, I say this to everyone now! Haha definitely using this!

19 Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Call the fire department, cause you just got burned

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..

It is amazingly funny! I totally am gonna share this with my bff! AMAZING! HILARIOUS

I tried this on this real annoying kid
Spoiler alert: nobody heard it.

20 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

A very good insult. - cleverclogs0

I've personally never heard this one but it's so funny!

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.

It's so creative and so cool I tolled my friend this and he busted into tears

21 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

An obnoxious diss! - cleverclogs0

This doesn't make sense and you say the diss you are so bored with. Your life cause we are reading this I will never use or read these disses

Laugh out loud said that to my friend called me a no life he tried 2 fight back but he knew that he couldn't get me back with a diss like that!

22 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert

A cool diss - cleverclogs0

Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since

This diss is a total yes cause I'm gonna use it on everyone
Love this one

Hahah that's jokes, I'm gonna use it on someone!

23 Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent

Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself

This is the best joke so far on here! I love it like it no love it!

Seriously if someone dies because of this joke ill bury them in my back yard under the old oak tree please the reaction to some of these jokes makes me wonder how smart are you people if I were to tell this coma joke to my narcoleptic friend he would laugh his but off but remember that its how you deliver the joke that changes the way people take them try laughing directly after it makes a lot less room for tension

24 Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )

Wicked I would use that on nearly all my enemys

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it

That's hilarious I'm gonna use it on the know it all kid in my class and I'll probably be considered a hero

25 Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!

Hey! I like apes (though they're OK), but why use them as an insult? Why? By they way, I saw a little white girl calling a big and tall black man an ape.

HAHA, No one ever uses the term "visible fart". Awesome writer!

Lol you could just say You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart and it still be insulting

26 Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example

Laugh out loud definitely using dis one

I used this on a guy in my class that makes fun of my name. He said "oh yeah, well least I'm not the ugly one here! " Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback". He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me cameback bill

I said this to my mum and she said " yeah your right my mum is wrong" roasted by the way great burn

That was the worlds best diss I wish this true to all commenters but me

27 You're so stupid you got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out all the Ws.

O man! wait till I tell my friend about this 1!

Pretty funny, didn't expect to like any of these, but this one was great! ^___^

This is off the chart's funny! !

Yas! Best one ever, witty and not too offensive, just in case the guy is a tell tale...

28 I could wipe 90% of your beauty off with a wet towel

I love this one, I could use this in a lot of people from my class, all the girls in my class look like clowns, just so you know what I am dealing with here.

Jeez I'm so using this LMFAO rating is ten out of ten

I said that to my brother and he didn't get it even after I explained it to him - oceanbreezetheawesomewarrior

This would totally work on a bunch of mean girls in my class that wear so much make up but still look ugly. I mean, isn't make up supposed to make you look better not worse

29 Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has annulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.

Said it to my friend didn't have a clue but my teacher was cracking up!

Hilarious! I can't wait to use this the next time I'm in line somewhere. Wish I could've used this today when the stinky guy behind me at the bank hunched over me like he was about to hump. Lmfao, great one!

Wonderful! Another insult that will completely confuse people in my grade, making them think that I am actually smarter than I probably am. Best thing is, I can probably say this to a teacher of mine who isn't too bright and make my genius friend crack up, where everyone else is sitting there dumbfounded.

Amazing, the fact that you created that and made it to where the person you would be speaking to would seem like an even bigger idiot is just so appealing. I wish this would go up in ranks, it would be the perfect insult to a perfectly inconvenient idiot.

30 "why don't you go to walmart and get a new personality because clearly the one you got from k-mart has expired.

That is awesome! I can use it on a bully!

Best insult ever # I'm real#roar

Lol I'm gonna use this on this bully at school!

Lol pretty good m8 I'm gonna use this on my enemy called Idoge LOL I'm still laughing by the way just so you know I sorta like k-mart better than walmart but whatever still hilarious

31 Being a dick won't make yours any bigger

I'm in middle school, so everyone think they have a huge dick. I am definitely gonna use this.

This is the best thing I've heard I'm saying this to my friend

Seen this... hilarious!

Lol can wait to use this on my classmate!

32 Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?

That would make someone cry, I'm a hurtful person but this joke makes me seem like a nice person, It's funny and extremely mean



Whoa. Okay. Sure, I don't like this one, but it's a legend. Their face is their neck vomit nice.

33 You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

Another cool diss - cleverclogs0

HAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.


I said this to my teacher I got kicked out of class

34 Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.

Absolute AMAZING one! The lad went walking away like his mothers FAT backside

Oh my gawd! Hilarious, I said this to my little brother and he got really baffled because I don't think he even knows what eBay is! Whew, I'm still cracking up.

I said it to my crush (That I used to hate). All he can said is "stupid hoe". Lmfao! Then I said if he's so stupid that brain surgeon are having a hard time. God damn! He doesn't give any respond. He can't say anything!

I'm going to use this on my friend after we had an argument on discord

35 The closest thing you could get to a girlfriend is a disabled donkey.

But donkeys are related to horses and horses are awesome

... Good one. Good one

So good I said it to my bullie and then we had a fight and he got suspended

a dead one - Oliversky

36 (Phone ringing)... Excuse me it's your village, they want their idiot back

Lol dumb not funny but is

Ha! This is great. The feels. Lol

Lol I can't stop laughing


37 Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

That is so cool, I could use it against my enemy in bahrain!

Amazing. Just amazing. I have a feeling that a Chinese made that one up originally. This one needs to be fifth and traded out with that hello kitty one, cause those who don't watch hello kitty... Well 'me', wont get the meaning. But this one is great. Nice job.

I have used this on a couple of different occasions and I got the best reaction from it! :) And older sort of insult but still extremely funny and you will always get a great reaction from it!

THE WIT OF THIS. But knowing the remarkably low intellect of my peers, they probably wouldn't understand. - MaxAurelius

38 The only thing that goes erect when I'm near you is my middle finger.

This insult is so cruel that it could make your mother cry. If you ever say this to someone they will either punch you or burst into a weeping ball of nothing. Nobody can say this insult sucks!

Yes exactly! Only if someone who is really bad, done something bad, or if they deserve it you should say this - XxSEVEREDHUMANITYxX

Haha did this to some random girl that I liked and she was like I love you

One of THOSE people that like to kiss people that are angry at them. - 404_name_missing

Lolololololol 20 minutes later I'm still laughing. I'm going to see how many of my friends cry with this.

That is something you would say to a prostitute.

39 I would give you a nasty look right know but I see you have already got one.

Very cruel I love it!

Oldest trick in the book

40 Your mamma so poor she ran after a garbage truck with a shopping list

I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.

Ohh I can't wait to use it on a boy in my class

Laugh out loud totally usin this

Great to use in diss battles. I used this on my 1/4 cousin Carlos after he dissed me. My friends were like yeee.

41 You are so ugly when you were born the doctor said I'm gonna drop it, if it falls is a rat, if it flies is a bat.

Awesome! This one's gonna hurt.. But look at the bright side I guess this one's going to blow your enemy away.

That one is great! I said it to my friend who was severely premature, she slapped me.

I have a rat and there's a bat living in my shed. I don't like this one it's basically insulting rats and bats

Usually I can't tell a part a rat from a human, but for some reason I can't tell with you.🐀

42 Question: How could a person like you lose 50 pounds of ugly fat in 1 second? Answer: By cutting off your head!

This one is funny because it's so true. Especially about YOU! Thumbs up!

That is so mean laugh out loud

Haha I know someone stupid I could say this to, and they'd be like, "what? "

Oh lord this great for an enemy

43 Everyone is created for a reason. I never doubted that until I met you.

Hilarious! Definitely will use it sooner or later!

Nice one this should be in top 10

Funny, definitely will use on some pricks! of the best insults

44 Yo mamma is so fat, her pants size is Bitch lose some weight.

Oh my gosh! This is the best diss ever. Really got me laughing hella hard! What would the next size up in pant size be? Like: hey does anyone have some butter handy so this lady can fit into her pants?

Wow, this will actually encourage people to lose some weight!

Hahaa but um don't say this to someones mother it gonna to be a fight.

Can we have at least one good insult n the top ten, like this one? Lol

45 As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I started laughing like a maniac as soon as I saw this! My teacher took my phone of me...

It's really strange and a bit of an embarrassment. - Cyri

Oh my gosh, this is worth more than number 74!

Awesome! Will use this on my friend!

46 Your mum's like a switch, even a two-year old can turn her on.

Am I the only one who thinks pedophile when I hear this insult?

Naw more like sex offender

I don't get that one


47 Of all the mistakes your parents made, you take the cake!

Lol that's so funny I like this one Imma use it on my friend

Well... I guess... No one is perfect?

Imma use this on my friend


48 You're so ugly and smelly they had to call out a city wide evacuation.

Call th fire brigade! - oceanbreezetheawesomewarrior


Roasted boi


49 Gay? Well, I'm straighter than the pole your mother dances on.

Firstly, Joking about marriage equality isn't necessarily a good thing, because of all the debates going on these days. Secondly, as said before, a pole is/has cylinder curves

HAHAAHAH this one just almost made me piss my self

Lol, definitely will use this when people call me gay

A lot of my friends call me gay so this make me feel more secure about myself. Thank you so much

50 You're so ugly Medusa didn't want to look at you because she didn't want to be turned to stone

Got to use these

A guy said this to me and I was lurk oh ya, then y are u not stone!

I'm definitely voting for this one! Funny laugh out loud! My sister peed her pants when she read this laugh out loud that's no joke

Your sister likely needs to have her urinary bladder checked by a medical professional. - BillTedman

Its actually your so ugly that when you looked at medusa she turned to stone

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