Best Insults

heather

The Top Ten

1 You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.

I WILL USE THIS JOKE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON I SEE ANYWHERE I GO IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!

You better hope you don't see me then because ill punch you in the face - YOSHIA2121

I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.

This is the funniest this I've heard all day!

WOW THIS IS JUST AWESOME NEXT TIME I SEE MY BULLIES FIRST THING ILL SAY IS "You must've been born on a high way because that's where most accidents happen.

.

V 996 Comments
2 You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

I Said This To My Low Life Of A Friend Who Would Always Take The Piss Out Of Me And He Said "What's A Condom? " I Instantly Replied "What Would Of Stopped The Biggest Mistake In The World"

This is awesome I love it I tried it on this girl and people around up cracked up laughing at her facial expression haha you should of been there when it happened hey I have a good one on how to annoy someone stare at them until they say what the hell are you looking at then you say I'll let you no when I figure it out

My favorite insult for debate. Especially for a certain ass cap on my team who just loves being a pain in my neck. Whoever thought of this comment deserves to be a billionaire.

This is to much the person would never forget it

V 500 Comments
3 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!

I don't like insulting people. I guess I'm different from most people. - Oliveleaf

Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!

Amazing, I used this on an idiot from my school! I love this website, it's really cool.

I am so using this on my friend's friends

V 925 Comments
4 It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.

That was seriously funny who ever came up with that is a legend laugh out loud

I laugh so much at this one! Laugh out loud
Dude this was really cool

Great

V 320 Comments
5 Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.

I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here

This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate

This is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!

This is funny

V 636 Comments
6 You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. Im gonna use this on my enemy when the time comes... or maybe even tomorrow! LOLOL Love it. Whoever first said this was a genius. (:

And you will expect it to work? Good luck kid. Good luck in life in general. - GGGofluckyourself

Laugh out loud I used this comeback on a girl and she got offended badly she went crying to her mommy any way love THE COMEBACK

genious! lol this is a good one and I'm so gonna use it!

HAHA all my friends will cry over this nice one Garry NOG

V 481 Comments
7 Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

This one is epic, can't believe no one has realized this yet! Great twist at the end

Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...

I couldn't stop laughing. This is a funny insult that I would use on a lot of people because their mothers would've said the same thing!

Lol me and my frineds are readings these together

V 244 Comments
8 Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

Say it in a Mychonny accent and it becomes GENIUS AND WILL own ANYONE!

I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere! - leniv

I would think people would take this serious

V 176 Comments
9 Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.

I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing

lol! I used this on this guy at school and even HE laughed so hard he fell over!

Haha this is so funny I can't even stand it I love it so much lol! I'm gonna use that on my dad. Hopefully I don't get a slap lol

This is legendary

V 137 Comments
10 You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem

This is serious I'll use this one aww the person is gonna die when he hears this

this one is a killer by kush
hahahahaha who put you on this one man you got crack up connections

I laughed so hard at this and I am definitely going to use it

V 710 Comments

The Newcomers

? Patrick star called he wants his brain back

The Contenders

11 Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...

Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!

Yes

It's Hilarious! and a bit mean.. I could tell this to anyone I'm sure they will laugh as much as me :D... even my mother did!

V 52 Comments
12 When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome - CaptainComedy17

I love this one

That insult was hot

K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend

V 84 Comments
13 Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Call the fire department, cause you just got burned

I tried this on this real annoying kid
Spoiler alert: nobody heard it.

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..

Technically NATURE DIDN'T MAKE YOU LOOK HOW YOU LOOK! Nature is the phenomena of the physical world collectively, including plants, animals, the landscape, and other features and products of the earth, as opposed to humans or human creations. Your parents and genetics are what forms most of your problems ; the environment can affect it too, but only by pollution and stuff like that, which are caused by humans only. - 123fortandbree

V 57 Comments
14 Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.

That's the best 1 I herd in a long time

That is so cold

Oh yeah. This one is the best... got to use this on my enemy soon!

This is so clever. I'm saying it to my friend. - MaxAurelius

V 103 Comments
15 Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent

I have to use this one on Zande

Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself

This is the best joke so far on here! I love it like it no love it!

V 50 Comments
16 Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

Its good

I laughed so hard I didn't make noise

This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!

Hey! I like apes (though they're OK), but why use them as an insult? Why? By they way, I saw a little white girl calling a big and tall black man an ape.

V 15 Comments
17 Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )

ouch

Wicked I would use that on nearly all my enemys

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it

V 32 Comments
18 Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example

I said this to my mum and she said " yeah your right my mum is wrong" roasted by the way great burn

Laugh out loud definitely using dis one

I used this on a guy in my class that makes fun of my name. He said "oh yeah, well least I'm not the ugly one here! " Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback". He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me cameback bill

Oh my god. It's like a triple insult, because it insults the mother, father, and child. - MaxAurelius

V 57 Comments
19 You're so stupid you got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out all the Ws.

O man! wait till I tell my friend about this 1!

Pretty funny, didn't expect to like any of these, but this one was great! ^___^

This is off the chart's funny! !

Yas! Best one ever, witty and not too offensive, just in case the guy is a tell tale...

V 29 Comments
20 Being a dick won't make yours any bigger

I'm in middle school, so everyone think they have a huge dick. I am definitely gonna use this.

This is the best thing I've heard I'm saying this to my friend

Wow this is good

Lol can wait to use this on my classmate!

V 6 Comments
21 Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has annulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.

Said it to my friend didn't have a clue but my teacher was cracking up!

Amazing, the fact that you created that and made it to where the person you would be speaking to would seem like an even bigger idiot is just so appealing. I wish this would go up in ranks, it would be the perfect insult to a perfectly inconvenient idiot.

Your monkey face makes it seem your scent killed someone? - MaxAurelius

To those who don't understand, this is just comparing someone to a smelly ape. - Ashes

V 52 Comments
22 Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?

That would make someone cry, I'm a hurtful person but this joke makes me seem like a nice person, It's funny and extremely mean

OMG! I FREAKING LOVE THIS! I'M GONNA SAY IT TO YOU!

Loved it... can't wait to use this on my brother

Whoa. Okay. Sure, I don't like this one, but it's a legend. Their face is their neck vomit nice.

V 56 Comments
23 You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

Oh this is hot

I would use this insult towards a very fat girl and lied about being on a diet. But she barely does any exercise at all, keeps on eating junk, complains about how fat and ugly she is by eating healthy and says "oh on a diet." She also LOVES to have a habit of harassing others by fat shaming people for no reason.

I'm using this on my dad

I shared this with my family and they all laughed so bed my sister fell off her chair and carried on laughing.

V 87 Comments
24 "why don't you go to walmart and get a new personality because clearly the one you got from k-mart has expired.

Lol I'm gonna use this on this bully at school!

That is awesome! I can use it on a bully!

Best insult ever # I'm real#roar

Lol pretty good m8 I'm gonna use this on my enemy called Idoge LOL I'm still laughing by the way just so you know I sorta like k-mart better than walmart but whatever still hilarious

V 10 Comments
25 Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.

Absolute AMAZING one! The lad went walking away like his mothers FAT backside

Holy so funny

I'm going to use this on my friend after we had an argument on discord

Oh my gawd! Hilarious, I said this to my little brother and he got really baffled because I don't think he even knows what eBay is! Whew, I'm still cracking up.

V 85 Comments
26 (Phone ringing)... Excuse me it's your village, they want their idiot back

Hee hee hee.

Ah, the classics...they never get old. - truckturner

Lol dumb not funny but is

Ha! This is great. The feels. Lol

V 4 Comments
27 Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

That is so cool, I could use it against my enemy in bahrain!

THE WIT OF THIS. But knowing the remarkably low intellect of my peers, they probably wouldn't understand. - MaxAurelius

Come at me bullies! I’m armed with a book full of insults - oceanbreezetheawesomewarrior

This one's amazing - 445956

V 38 Comments
28 The only thing that goes erect when I'm near you is my middle finger.

This insult is so cruel that it could make your mother cry. If you ever say this to someone they will either punch you or burst into a weeping ball of nothing. Nobody can say this insult sucks!

I said this once and the other person didn't even understand. - MaxAurelius

Haha did this to some random girl that I liked and she was like I love you

One of THOSE people that like to kiss people that are angry at them. - 404_name_missing

HAHA! this is great, imma use it next time I come by an online bully!

V 54 Comments
29 I would give you a nasty look right know but I see you have already got one.

Very cruel I love it!

30 You are so ugly when you were born the doctor said I'm gonna drop it, if it falls is a rat, if it flies is a bat.

Awesome! This one's gonna hurt.. But look at the bright side I guess this one's going to blow your enemy away.

That one is great! I said it to my friend who was severely premature, she slapped me.

I have a rat and there's a bat living in my shed. I don't like this one it's basically insulting rats and bats

Laugh out loud nice one

V 10 Comments
31 Go away I was looking at something better than you

Absolute Classic. Something that can be said as though you yourself have come up with it.

epic

Like my fat dick

This is awesome!

V 34 Comments
32 Question: How could a person like you lose 50 pounds of ugly fat in 1 second? Answer: By cutting off your head!

Ima use dat

This one is funny because it's so true. Especially about YOU! Thumbs up!

I'm so using this nice one

Then they could easily respond, "That means I have a huge brain." - MaxAurelius

V 15 Comments
33 If I were your mirror I would commit suicide

Suicide is a horrible thing that has killed way too many young people

Suicide is NOT something you should joke about!

Using suicide as an insult is very horrible!

That user who wrote "If you can't take a joke get off the site", then guess what? Who ate you to tell others to get off the site!? Some people takes jokes, some don't! Understand that! Plus, people have their own opinions!

Also, there is this thing called the freedom of speech (if you are from America). - JoMama163

V 27 Comments
34 Everyone is created for a reason. I never doubted that until I met you.

Hilarious! Definitely will use it sooner or later!

Nice one this should be in top 10

Funny, definitely will use on some pricks!

Boss...one of the best insults

V 8 Comments
35 You say I look bad yet whenever I look at you, you give me pharyngitis.

My favourite insult of all time - ItsDaWorldOfSNuGGLEZ

Gonna use this all the time

Boy you got an ugly ass girlfriend who puts ugly ass birds on her hair

love it

V 4 Comments
36 As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

It's really strange and a bit of an embarrassment. - Cyri

Should b3 Number 1! Bloody hilarious - oceanbreezetheawesomewarrior

I started laughing like a maniac as soon as I saw this! My teacher took my phone of me...

Oh my gosh, this is worth more than number 74!

V 7 Comments
37 Your mum's like a switch, even a two-year old can turn her on.

Am I the only one who thinks pedophile when I hear this insult?

Naw more like sex offender

I don't get that one

LMFAO

V 4 Comments
38 Yo mamma is so fat, her pants size is Bitch lose some weight.

Oh my gosh! This is the best diss ever. Really got me laughing hella hard! What would the next size up in pant size be? Like: hey does anyone have some butter handy so this lady can fit into her pants?

Oh that's GOOD

Great insult!

Hahaa but um don't say this to someones mother it gonna to be a fight.

V 35 Comments
39 Of all the mistakes your parents made, you take the cake!

Well... I guess... No one is perfect?

Lol that's so funny I like this one Imma use it on my friend

Imma use this on my friend

good

V 1 Comment
40 You're so ugly and smelly they had to call out a city wide evacuation.

Call th fire brigade! - oceanbreezetheawesomewarrior

Dam!

Roasted boi

Ohh BURRRN

41 The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave

oh snap this is perfect thing for a girl to say to someone hitting on her, it's so cold.

Damn!

That is awesome. Really funny! I'll remember that one next time! Cause it is really hilarious!

Oh that hurts what an awesome brush off dude! - Bec

V 4 Comments
42 Please, I could remove 90% of your 'beauty' with a tissue

I love this one, I could use this in a lot of people from my class, all the girls in my class look like clowns, just so you know what I am dealing with here.

I'm gonnnaa use this all my life

LOL I AM ON THE FLOOR DYING!

Hahaahaaa this is the funniest thing ever

V 59 Comments
43 Your mother's teeth are so yellow, I cant believe it's not butter

Shut the front door. Legit DESTROYED

! That's just like, laugh out loud!, had the best argument with this nerd and I TOTALLY won!

, I'm laughing on silent mode!

Lol the best one I've seen and will destroy a dumbass bully with this genius roast.

V 30 Comments
44 Yo mama so ugly she scared the crap out of the toilet

Lol that made me laugh hard like hell

This is funny as hell me and my friend are reading these in class we supossded to be doing work but no were lauhging our ASS OFF

Hahaa! Good one!

! So funny I'm gonna use that some day

V 35 Comments
45 The moment you were born, a time paradox was created. The world will explode because of you!

Man that was so funny not

Why is this "joke" even in the top 50? It is not even remotely funny.

Whoever put this on here has a lower IQ then the place it got on this list! - oceanbreezetheawesomewarrior

This is so stupid, whoever made this got a low ego and an even lower IQ

V 20 Comments
46 If you had one more brain cell, it would be lonely.

Did an idiot tell you this? Oh, wait, you were describing yourself, right? I think your brain cell died from lack of use. That would explain the hollow sound your head makes when you fall.

Way too low for this quality

It’s maddly funny

Lol n1

47 Your mum didn't ask for you to be born. It's just that your dad forget to put on his condom so you were born an accident.

This one is the best brutal thing EVER

This is a amazing

That is one brutal insult.

What even

V 2 Comments
48 You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.

I'm surprised that this isn't in the top ten. This one made me jump from how good it is. - JoMama163

This is too good

Too harsh so good

I said this to a guy at my school and he actually cried afterward. It is so cruel that it could make anyone burst into tears at that moment! This insult has to be the greatest insult you can ever say to someone you hate!

V 25 Comments
49 Okay class! I'm here to make an unsuccessful attempt at saving you from following the path of your parents!

Um, what - oceanbreezetheawesomewarrior

To the people writing it's not good enough: There are some people that put in effort trying to make this list, and all that come from you guys is "not good enough" would you be able to make this up? Would you try? No? Exactly.

Good one but you should be a teacher to do this

If that was my teacher I would come to school everyday

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?!

V 3 Comments
50 I could remove 90% of your beauty.

I think this is in here twice.

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List Stats

79,000 votes
2,639 listings
13 years, 305 days old

Top Remixes (132)

1. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
PositronWildhawk
1. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
2. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
3. Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Elvisjackson
1. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
2. You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.
3. I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
guitar

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Yo mamma jokes
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