Top 10 Best Insults, Disses, and Burns

The Top Ten

1 You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.

I WILL USE THIS JOKE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON I SEE ANYWHERE I GO IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!

You to your partner: I have something to say to you.
Your partner: Yes?
You: You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.

I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.

This is the funniest this I've heard all day!

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

2 You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

I Said This To My Low Life Of A Friend Who Would Always Take The Piss Out Of Me And He Said "What's A Condom? " I Instantly Replied "What Would Of Stopped The Biggest Mistake In The World"

This is awesome I love it I tried it on this girl and people around up cracked up laughing at her facial expression haha you should of been there when it happened hey I have a good one on how to annoy someone stare at them until they say what the hell are you looking at then you say I'll let you no when I figure it out

My favorite insult for debate. Especially for a certain ass cap on my team who just loves being a pain in my neck. Whoever thought of this comment deserves to be a billionaire.

Yup, perfect for the idiotic trolls out there on YouTube so I really appreciate this. It was actually pretty funny on how I used it on the person, as now he is reverting to the argument as "entertainment"

3 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!

I don't like insulting people. I guess I'm different from most people.

Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!

Amazing, I used this on an idiot from my school! I love this website, it's really cool.

I just used this line in a battle of wits with my best friend! I laughed so hard when I heard this. He eventually lost the battle of insults, and this was my first stepping stone to victory! And yes, I would totally use this in any context. It's absolutely hilarious... Could get you into fights though.

4 It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.

That was seriously funny who ever came up with that is a legend laugh out loud

I laugh so much at this one! Laugh out loud
Dude this was really cool

My sister told me this the other day and she also said hey you must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down! And she also said did you fall from heaven because your face is seriously messed up! Laugh out loud love her!

5 Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.

I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here

This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate

This is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!

Laugh out loud zoo funny I used it like 20 times all the night till a unicorn ate me the Christmas came laugh out loud it was so epic and awesome the intestines were mean so I said this and it crapped me out and I was like what is going on and he was like HUH?
Then I ate him he was like hi and I said hi and he said hi and hi said hi and he said go away and I said I was the origami killer and he was like I'm EATHWN MARS and I was like Sean is tasty. So then. I used the ari glasses and solved a crime

6 You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem

This is serious I'll use this one aww the person is gonna die when he hears this

this one is a killer by kush
hahahahaha who put you on this one man you got crack up connections

my family loves disses when I told them this they could not speak hahaha

7 Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

This one is epic, can't believe no one has realized this yet! Great twist at the end

Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...

I couldn't stop laughing. This is a funny insult that I would use on a lot of people because their mothers would've said the same thing!

This Is amazing, I am so gonna use this on every person that is bullying me

8 You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. Im gonna use this on my enemy when the time comes... or maybe even tomorrow! LOLOL Love it. Whoever first said this was a genius. (:

And you will expect it to work? Good luck kid. Good luck in life in general.

Laugh out loud I used this comeback on a girl and she got offended badly she went crying to her mommy any way love THE COMEBACK

genious! lol this is a good one and I'm so gonna use it!

Holy crap, this is so awesome! Thank you so much for making my day! =D

9 Your mama is so fat not even Dora could explore her

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly.

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot you're so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

This diss is totally epic yo! I'm using this on a person who is really mean.

I would change mum to you are so fat but everything else is good

10 Hey, you have something on your chin... 3rd one down.

I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing

lol! I used this on this guy at school and even HE laughed so hard he fell over!

Haha this is so funny I can't even stand it I love it so much lol! I'm gonna use that on my dad. Hopefully I don't get a slap lol

I mentioned an adversary upon whom the alphabet soup one would be extremely effective. The same applies for this one. I'm surprised my adversary hasn't won a world record for obesity or stupidity.

The Newcomers

? Thanks captain obvious

The Contenders

11 Take that mask off, Halloween isn't until October

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!

I looked at this one and new it was perfects so I went to my enemy and said it and he was like it is October

12 Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

Say it in a Mychonny accent and it becomes GENIUS AND WILL own ANYONE!

I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere!

I used this on one of my mom's friends. She is an absolute bitch. And her kids are horrible. She scoffed and ran out of the house. My mom looked really thankful actually being that her friend just likes to talk gossip. I haven't seen her for a month and I'm really grateful.

13 Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...

Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!

It's Hilarious! and a bit mean.. I could tell this to anyone I'm sure they will laugh as much as me :D... even my mother did!

I think it is one of the best, shortest & complete insults. Says so much with so little. I will definitely be using it in the future.

14 When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome

K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend

Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!

Hilarious! That burn includes the entire victims family and throws him/her under the bus too!

15 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

I hope this insult would help you win your dissing contest

Why are you calling me alien when you're the one that has a deformed alien forehead?

I'm going to try that on my friend. We diss each other a lot, and he always gets fake mad, then I have to say sorry, otherwise he won't talk to me.

16 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it.

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

So good I said that to a bully and I crying as a baby best disses ever

17 Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.

That's the best 1 I herd in a long time

I laughing so hard that I almost pissed on my pants and I could not talk

This is the best one I have heard so far. I'm going to use this. Thanks! P. S my friend used this and a guy cried. A lot of people use it at school

This is the best insult ever I use it on everyone why is this not number 1

18 You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

Oh this is hot

I'm using this on my dad

That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too

So funny, I say this to everyone now! Haha definitely using this!

19 Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Call the fire department, cause you just got burned

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..

It is amazingly funny! I totally am gonna share this with my bff! AMAZING! HILARIOUS

I tried this on this real annoying kid
Spoiler alert: nobody heard it.

20 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

An obnoxious diss!

This doesn't make sense and you say the diss you are so bored with. Your life cause we are reading this I will never use or read these disses

Laugh out loud said that to my friend called me a no life he tried 2 fight back but he knew that he couldn't get me back with a diss like that!

21 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

A very good insult.

I've personally never heard this one but it's so funny!

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.

It's so creative and so cool I tolled my friend this and he busted into tears

22 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert

A cool diss

Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since

This diss is a total yes cause I'm gonna use it on everyone
Love this one

Hahah that's jokes, I'm gonna use it on someone!

23 Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent

Me:Stephen mom is shouting you
Stephen:I'm sleeping
Me:that's it

Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself

This is the best joke so far on here! I love it like it no love it!

24 Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )

Wicked I would use that on nearly all my enemys

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it

That's hilarious I'm gonna use it on the know it all kid in my class and I'll probably be considered a hero

25 Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!

HAHA, No one ever uses the term "visible fart". Awesome writer!

Lol you could just say You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart and it still be insulting

Hey! I like apes (though they're OK), but why use them as an insult? Why? By they way, I saw a little white girl calling a big and tall black man an ape.

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