Top 10 Best Insults, Disses, and Burns

The Top Ten
1 You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.

I'm going to so use this one! This one of the BEST I've heard so far.

"The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane."
Then say: Oh, look at you. Poor you. You've went down to your little friend's level--the highway. Your face got crushed--was anyone else hurt in the accident? "

This is the funniest this I've heard all day!

That is funny I am going to use that on my friends
This is the best dis ever made I don't even get the first one my friends will be so bored if I tell them seoriosly does anyone think that's even funny who ever does there lame and stink

2 You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

This was a great one and I will only use this one when it is really needed A.K. A fighting with my brother and he gets on my nerves, laugh out loud I hope that people will use this is only the moments that people think are necessary

My favorite insult for debate. Especially for a certain ass cap on my team who just loves being a pain in my neck. Whoever thought of this comment deserves to be a billionaire.

Yup, perfect for the idiotic trolls out there on YouTube so I really appreciate this. It was actually pretty funny on how I used it on the person, as now he is reverting to the argument as "entertainment"

I tried this on my friend and he said... Shut up and he walked away. I say this is a very good dis because it gets you enemies away from you for ever. Thanks website got giving me this!

3 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

GREAT! I love this! I am so going to use it on everybody! This is the best insult in the world! I don't think anybody will hate this diss!

Nice! I actually laughed at this one! I might try this one on a woman although it will fail horribly. I want to see their reaction!

I just used this line in a battle of wits with my best friend! I laughed so hard when I heard this. He eventually lost the battle of insults, and this was my first stepping stone to victory! And yes, I would totally use this in any context. It's absolutely hilarious... Could get you into fights though.

Best one yet I almost peed when I read this! (Not kidding) I usuallu use this when my friends are too aafraid to do something. Or if I'm being lazy I will use number 12. Whats funny is that they laugh so hard they sound like girls. I proceed to ask them why they laughed so much and they said that it was bevause I said it with a straight face! So I will be using tuat method with my other jokes. A

4 It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

This is absolutely brilliant. I can picture it happening. I really hope I can remember this one forever because I'm sure I'm going to need it eventually.

My sister told me this the other day and she also said hey you must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down! And she also said did you fall from heaven because your face is seriously messed up! Laugh out loud love her!

I'm right now picturing the perfect way to use this fabulous diss. Props to whoever made this because I'm dying of laughter! But, it's not one of those insults that will make the person you're insulting laugh out loud, too.

I'll punch the person who said that to me and say:, now you look as if a hog blew up your eye and some kid thought- why ain't this gigantic blueberry purple and painted it with a permanent marker.

5 Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.

Laugh out loud zoo funny I used it like 20 times all the night till a unicorn ate me the Christmas came laugh out loud it was so epic and awesome the intestines were mean so I said this and it crapped me out and I was like what is going on and he was like HUH?
Then I ate him he was like hi and I said hi and he said hi and hi said hi and he said go away and I said I was the origami killer and he was like I'm EATHWN MARS and I was like Sean is tasty. So then. I used the ari glasses and solved a crime

I'm gonna have to use this one cause it's the funniest one on here

This is genius... Pure genius... I have to use this the next time I see someone I hate

This is the best one on here should be at the top it is so great I'm gonna definitely use it all the time!

6 You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

That was so tight I couldn't even come up with that and I'm eminem

This is the best diss I've ever seen. Great Job who ever posted this and I did try this on someone on my school bus cause that perosn was like having a dissing compitition with me and I said this to him and everyone around me was all "OO" And the guys face turned all red, he was embarresed, thanks a ton to this site

The person who said he was Eminem at the comment about this isn't Eminem cause Eminem does use computers or smartphones. He doesn't use them and he has someone at shady records working his Facebook, twitter, instagram etc..

This is serious I'll use this one aww the person is gonna die when he hears this

7 Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

This is so amazing. My mom laughed when I told this to my brother. We were in the kitchen and my brother called me a Dumbass. And then, I said, "Your so ugly when you popped out of your mum the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it! " My mom laughed her ass off and my brother was like, "For once in a laugh time I actually feel insulted." Yeah, you feel insulted because you are embarrassed cause all the girls who used to like you all hate you now because they see your Frankenstein hair. Haha!

OMGGG THIS HAD ME LAUGHING FOR AGES! I always used to do burn battles with my friends and would always lose. :( This will SO make me win! Tysm! :D

Laugh out loud this is hilarious! This is funny in any situation and is also useful if someone who is butt-ugly is targeting you, but the results could get you into a fight...

Lol I said this to my friends boyfriend and he said something else I can't remember but it was mean and now I'm not talking to him and he is worried about me and is making his girlfriend jealous.

8 You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

I said this to my boyfriend, he got so insulted.. But was impressed at how witty I was! Love Hello Kitty though, classic toy. This is so genius and easy to remember, I'm gonna use it all the time! Thanks to this website my boyfriend is even winding me up so I give him more witty insults, brilliant!

When I read this I started laughing and I couldn't stop for a minute. When my parents asked me what was so funny I tried to tell them but I couldn't because I was laughing too much. This isn't even that funny. I don't know why I laughed so much but I will use this!

Best diss here! Laugh out loud all the other ones are so straightforward but this is so inventive for taking a well known figure and using it against someone! Now I'm imagining hello kitty saying goodbye to an annoying boy in my class! Laugh out loud.

This one's the best. Love! My friend and I said this to a guy but just told him he's bad at insults instead of that he's ugly and it was really funny Thanks for the epic comeback! I shall cherish is forever C:

9 Your mama is so fat not even Dora could explore her

HAHA so funny I used this in a cuss fight with my enemie and he was speech less! Me and my friends were laughing their heads off and he was like his usual shocked face with his mouth streched! It even funnier because he wears glasses but you can't say I'm being rude to peeps who wear glasses because I wear glasses myself! HEHEHEHEEH can't STOP LAUGHING WAY TO GO girl! P.S. I don't CARE IF your A BOY

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly.

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot you're so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

I laughed my head off a bridge in a while ago but the fact I can get it right away with the best of the year of high quality of life and the best of the year before the end zone. Drs Dora Dora dora

10 Hey, you have something on your chin... 3rd one down.

I laughed so hard my face turned purple and I blacked out for a sec... Then I kept on laughing

I mentioned an adversary upon whom the alphabet soup one would be extremely effective. The same applies for this one. I'm surprised my adversary hasn't won a world record for obesity or stupidity.

I did this to my mom as a prank because she always complains he has a double chin, but now I'm grounded. Be careful what you say cause it can get you places you don't want to be.

Haha this is so funny I can't even stand it I love it so much lol! I'm gonna use that on my dad. Hopefully I don't get a slap lol

The Newcomers

? You're not fat, your just horizontally tall
The Contenders
11 Take that mask off, Halloween isn't until October

LOL! If I were to end that, I would try touching their face and peel it off and then say "this isn't a mask? Feel sorry for you, your sibling must of superglued it on you when you were still young. At least your parents don't have to spend much money on your Halloween costume every year! " Sorry it's a bit long, but I think I improved it a bit!

I have a great diss ok so first you say are you gay? Then they will probably no, so then you have to ask does your momma know you gay then it's a choice. If they say no then that means their momma don't know they gay but if they say they still ain't gay then they ain't it doesn't have to be true but it's a great diss

I like a lot of these! This one just seems that you could use it so often. On halloween you could be like to your friend or enemy: "Oh I see that you've got your costume on already. Oh wait..."

Super funny. I'm definitely going to use this. The problem is the person could come back and say, "I know isn't my mask beautiful though? " Or something like that.

12 Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

I've always wanted to know how it was possible for some of the most horrible and stupidest people in the world managed to win the race against 100,000 others, It makes me wonder what all of those others would of made...

Hahaha I said something like this to this boy in my class I mean seriously some people were dropped as babies but he was CLEARLY thrown at he wall!

I hope I can remember this next time I need a comeback off the top of my head... So far out of all the comments this is by far my favorite. Hilarious!

I think it is one of the best, shortest & complete insults. Says so much with so little. I will definitely be using it in the future.

13 Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

Talking of actual insults Brilliant... In whichever way insult can be. Not even that funny but insidious, witty, natural-it could never sound practiced out (unless you're deadly anti-theatrical) and above all, so mean.

Haha that's JUST AMAZING! ! This is very helpful to me because many annoying and boring guests come to my home to disturb me and my COOL life! ! Uh just hate those people! ! I will use it on each and every annoying guest! !

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere!

I love this; its great. I'd rate this higher than a three, the others on the list didn't make me laugh as much.

14 When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

I like it. Understand it but it's a bit of a mouthful to remember sooo... Also if I forget when I'm using it I will sound like a fool.#don't wanna sound like a fool

Hilarious! That burn includes the entire victims family and throws him/her under the bus too!

That is so hilarious, now I know what to use on those creeps near my high school! Laugh out loud

Who ever made this comeback up I suggest you say this to your family and post it on youtube

15 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

There's these boys in my school (who is a pain in the butt and annoying but hey that's boys for ya) so we had a roast battle and of coursed I used this one. I nearly got in trouble because of this since they're such snitches.

I'm going to try that on my friend. We diss each other a lot, and he always gets fake mad, then I have to say sorry, otherwise he won't talk to me.

This diss is so good. Listen To it your mama is so fat when she jumped. Into. The ocean the whales. Started. To sing. We are. Family

16 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

This one is so good, better than the rest, use it on your friends during fights, that's what I did and she didn't have a come back! Continue doing what ever you call this because its EXCELLENT!

to of the chart but also funny yet not very much but I think it could work, yo mama is fat that every time she puts one foot forward she could even faint

A very bad insult, I hope you like it.

17 Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.

This is the best one I have heard so far. I'm going to use this. Thanks! P. S my friend used this and a guy cried. A lot of people use it at school

Yo mama jokes? I was waiting for something better but this is still awesome I am gonna use it on my bully. Website is awesome thanks keep it up

HAHA its useful for stupid people who wont know what you're talking about... I laughed so much at this one! Gonna use it on my enemy!

My crush and I were having a roast battle and said this to me but saying you're instead of my mum. Haha, nice try Harvey.

18 Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Call the fire department, cause you just got burned

The best now call the fire department to make sure they put out the burn on that poor kids life

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..

I tried this on this real annoying kid
Spoiler alert: nobody heard it.

19 You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

I would use this insult towards a very fat girl and lied about being on a diet. But she barely does any exercise at all, keeps on eating junk, complains about how fat and ugly she is by eating healthy and says "oh on a diet." She also LOVES to have a habit of harassing others by fat shaming people for no reason.

HAHA I used this on a kid at school that called me fat and the next day the school nurse came in and did something where she weighed everyone iam 43 kilos and she is 65 so I yelled it out and she ran away crying.

At first I was confused then after the second time I read it I laughed so hard I think my chair broke. I think I am the one who is fat

You are so fat when you sat on the right side of the plane it was hard to keep it in the middle it stayed on the right

20 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.

I am totally using this on some kid in my school in my third period class his head is so big and I can barely see board.

Gina use that on the tall big headed girl in my class that sits in front of me and I can't even see the board

Laughed for hours! I used it in a little dissing fight sort of thing and I had the last say... The guy actualy ran away out of shame...

21 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

This diss is really good. BUT like this is getting old and like everyone knows this diss by now. So unfortunately, this diss is not going to be number 1 :( Also, you know that this diss is long and you need something short, brilliant and that no one can have a comeback...
However, it is still a bit buff though.
See ya guys! :P.

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

Hilarious.. Gonna diss my crush with this he's been dissing me the whole day and I was like I'm not talking to you anymore and he was like ok it doesn't make a difference.. I was just like oh.

22 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert

Oh boy this one is good my explanation is that she's so fat when she jumped into the antlantic ocean the water came out no water is there and it was a desert.

Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since

We are having a disses match and I just found the perfect one love thank you for posting it.

I should have used that diss to diss this child at my school cause this diss was cold

23 Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

Sounds like something that little bunny would say, I think it was happy bunny. It has one giant square with an insulting bunny

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent

Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself

This is going to be amazing to use in future. I will definitely use this. Very good comeback.

24 Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )

This is funny1 I've never heard of this one laugh out loud, I will say this to people who have fake friends!

Hahaahahaaha that is so awesome wow that is just wow just amazing! So funny my friend said it to someone and he didn't have any comback!

25 Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

Hey! I like apes (though they're OK), but why use them as an insult? Why? By they way, I saw a little white girl calling a big and tall black man an ape.

This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!

One of the funniest insults I've ever read/seen/heard. Hilarious and rude!

I cracked up so hard! Never heard anything like that before!

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