Top 10 Quotes from the Bart Baker Parody of Ed Sheeran's "Shape of You"
Note that many of these quotes are converstations between Hobo Sheeran and the boxer lady; in these cases, the boxer lady's portions of said dialogue exchanges will be enclosed by parenthesesThe Top Ten
1 "(Why are you such a PSYCHOPATH?!) I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR BODY! Look, I even made a BUTT GRAPH! It's SHAPING up quite NICELY! (I'm gonna knock your teeth OUT, MAN!) This is MAKING me HORNY! Can I please cover all YOUR shapes with this LUBE?!"
2 "(Okay, this HAS to end right NOW, dude! I'm getting IN that ring with YOU; I'm GONNA beat your BODY! Objec-ti-FY-ing girls is RUDE! We have personalities too! We're more than just hot bodies-) SHOW ME YOUR BEWBS! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR BODY!"
Did I mention how much this song DESERVED this treatment?
3 "DOES ANYONE HAVE A SPARE TOOTH?"
4 "Um girl, yes of course I box! (Okay, then prove it; throw a LEFT hook at me!) CAN I first measure your FEET? (Wait, HOLD on, are those my pan-TIES?!) MMM-HMM-MMMMMM!"
5 "(Weirdo, weirdo, weirdo, WEIRDO! You're OBSESSED with my BODY!) Don't go, don't go, don't go, DON'T GO! What shape ARRRE your ni-PULLLS, PLEASE?!"
Obviously round, what else would they be
6 "I'm in LOVE with the shape of YOU; I made a BODY diagram too! Your stomach IS real flat and SMOOTH, and your BUTT'S round and BUBBLY! Last night I was in your ROOM, and I stole THIS red bra from YOU; that's how I figured out THE shape of YOUR BEWBS!"
Sounds like something every insane stalker would say daily.
7 "I watched for HOURS AND HOURS even when YOU took a shower, making mental pics of all of your SHAPES! I left a note in your LOCKER signed Your Body STALKER, let's both get naked, whaddaya say?"
8 "The CLUB isn't the best place to stalk a lover, so the gym is where I go! THAT is where I spy on you when you BOX; I pretend I box also! I've got a WEIRD obsession with the shape of your body; this CREEPY song is all ABOUT that!"
"Like your eyes, nose, and your ears, hips and throat, and the SHAPE of your mouth! "
9 "(Say boy, your head is MESSED up! Don't touch my waist! Why are you MEASURING me?!) BE-cause I love your body! (Um, OMG, you are a FREAK!) MM-HMM-MMMMMM!"
10 "MMM-mmm-MMM-MMMMMM"
The Contenders
11 "What size are your boxing gloves? Show me your HAND shape! (Hold on, WHAT, excuse me?!) Come on now, just let me see; I may be crazy, don't mind me!"
12 "Weirdo, do you even BOX? Or do you just come to this GYM to stalk me? AND inspect my body? Goddammit, stop mea-SUR-ing me!"
13 "One week in and you came back to the gym; was so glad to see YOUR BO-DAY! Watching from the distance so you wouldn't see me; it was like we were on our second date!"
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