New Subjects Schools Should Introduce

Hello you teletubby-loving communists. How’s it going? I hope you’re having it peachy, because I’m not.

It is common knowledge that whatever country we may be in, the school system is seriously screwed up. Students are measured on the basis of ink scrawled on paper and a caste system known as ‘grades’, rather than emotional intelligence, creativity to solve solutions, personality and character, ability to see situations more realistically etc.

It is sad that the world is like this.
But don’t worry. I, TwilightKitsune, have assembled a list of subjects schools should introduce. Hopefully, this list will be picked up by a teacher or something and shall be implemented as such.

Let’s begin!
#1: Mall Santa-ing
Mall Santa-ing is the most professional job one could have. Every year, about 28628763967728099 human beings dress as Mall Santas. Therefore it is only appropriate that ‘Mall Santa-ing’ becomes a formal subject. Medical degrees and Engineering distinctions? Pffft, who needs that? Being a Mall Santa is the only way forward in life!
In this subject, kids will learn how to be the PERFECT Mall Santa, and how to say the PERFECT things to the kids to keep them happy and earn tips from parents. They must also know how to handle crying kids and heavy presents. It is recommended the teacher should be Lord Voldemort.

#2: Spanking

Spanking has been rated the second fastest way to lose weight, the first being dying. Therefore if you are obese this will be the perfect subject for you, and you won’t have to feel bad about being fat because it benefits you.

The class will be divided into two groups, the spankers and the spankees.

The spankers will have these following weapons

-Wooden sticks
-Telephone poles
-The Asuramaru/Ashera Tepes sword

The spankees will have these following weapons


The two ensue in a fight and last one to die passes the class

#3: Obsessing over your boyfriend

Who here knows how to read? I do. In many Young Adult novels, if there’s a female protagonist there is a 39693920938777% chance she will be a whiny beeosh who obsesses over her boyfriend. Okay, it doesn’t always happen in YA Literature, it happens in anime and Western Animations as well but it’s most prevalent in YA books.

It happens so much it should be a subject.

Commentary on the class from our teacher –

“Bella Swan? Yes, you would throw a tantrum if your boyfriend leaves you even if it’s for your own safety and attempt suicide? Very good, 5 marks”

“Bloom? You’d ditch Alfea just because your boyfriend was cheating on you and you acted like it was totally his fiancee’s fault even though it was actually his fault for doing the cheating in the first place? Very good, B+”

“Asuna Yuuki? You’d have sex with a guy you just met and kill yourself for him? OVER 9000 MARKS!!!!”

Other students in this class are Ana Steele, Zoey Redbird, Barbie and the Toptens admin. Of course ‘obsessing over your girlfriend’ is also an open subject for males/lesbians. Have fun.

#4: Blogging

A good way to get to know someone is seeing their posts on social media. They show their true colors there.
See their comments, their attitude, their humour, etc. You can learn a lot.

Yes. This one’s actually legitimate.

#5: Winning Party Games

Students will be trained in ancient arts such as ‘Musical Chairs’ and ‘Pin the tail on the donkey’. This class is a dog-eat-dog world and not for the faint of heart. Anyone who fails shall be expelled from school in disgrace. Anyone who passes shall receive a free gift bag.

#6: Making fun of Sword Art Online

Best subject ever


90% of girls in my high school would pass obsessing over your boyfriend. And we have a social media class, but I won't take it, because I find the concept of making it a class idiotic. - Elric-san

Lol wut? Let's enroll them in class then, Bella Swan does need a study partner

There's seriously a SOCIAL MEDIA CLASS what

Anyway: Andi, for being a great person you get 10/10 - TwilightKitsune

Yay! :D - Elric-san

These are creative ideas. I personally think that new subjects for schools should be solely based on topics relating to lots of jobs.
For example: If someone wants to become a Mathematician, then they’ll go to math. If someone wants to become a Technician/Robotics Professional (something like this), then they can make a class on Robotics.
They’ll still have 6 classes a day, but their main one can be the job they’re considering the most. The other classes will be other jobs they’re considering as well. There can be required classes too, like learning how to use computers. Things like this can help a kid grow up and know how to do these jobs so that they can be successful in life. - visitor

Perfect - TwilightKitsune

the new lesson should be:
if you don't liek them
they can get sent to a lovely
Michael bay movies complication - iliekpiez

Wow - TwilightKitsune

New lesson: Listening to music - visitor

10/10 Post. - visitor

€Asuna Yuuki? You’d have sex with a guy you just met and kill yourself for him? OVER 9000 MARKS! ”?!?
*eating myself and my books* - BorisRule

Excellent curriculum. - Cyri

1. You’d make a better teacher than some teachers I’ve had.
2. New subject:
Fighting admin - RoseWeasley

I hope making fun of sword art online will become a real subject! - Dovewing303

The basics - Reading Writing, and Arithmetic, like originally! - shiphater