Top 10 Worst Symptoms of Depression
Guys, seriously, if you, or someone you know, suffers from these symptoms on a daily basis, please seek help. And if anyone wants to talk, just message me. I'm always here to help.
I haven't been clinically diagnosed with depression, but I have struggled with it throughout my life. I must say, thinking about killing myself and wanting to be dead are probably some of the darkest thoughts I have ever had. You feel so alone and down about life. You think about everything in the worst context possible. You start believing that whatever comes after death must be better than your life on Earth. You feel like there is absolutely no point to your existence and that you have no future.
That is at least my experience with these types of thoughts, told in the second person, I guess. Haha.
Just imagine practically everything you enjoy at the moment not interesting or making you happy anymore. Nothing seems fun. Imagine not even your favorite song making you want to sing along - not even hum to it.
Me.
I think no one loves me, not even a single bit.
I almost killed myself, but I didn't have the guts to do it. I am not useful. I can't even do the simplest things.
Sometimes I wish that I had ended myself that day.
Sometimes you have to force yourself to do activities you "enjoy" just to stay anchored. But finding the will to force yourself is hard when you're depressed. It's a catch-22.
A truly horrible feeling that engulfs everything about your life. You can't get up in the morning. You can't make the simplest observations or conclusions because you're clouded by sadness. You can't see any light at the end of any tunnel your life may take you through. And people claim that they've experienced this because they've had personal tragedies, like the loss of a child, but this is a disease that can stick with you for the rest of your life.
There are times when someone feels bad - after a heartbreak, being fired, or just simple things like not getting that A on the test. But you move on and start to gradually feel better over time. Feeling so sad every single day, along with the hopelessness, is just so mentally exhausting. It's so horrible. I've experienced it and am still experiencing this, and I would not wish it upon anyone else.
Sometimes, even asking for necessities makes people with depression feel like they're bothering others too much. I mean, I feel like such a burden when I ask my dad to take me to the library to return books. I would rather walk an hour to get to the library than bother my dad to drive me there. Even texting people feels like I'm bothering them from other important things.
When I watched the film Melancholia, I was really stunned by how they portrayed mental illness, how she could barely move, speak, or eat. People who have never dealt with that side of it may not realize how much it really affects your physical state. I used to be a climber, but my depression stopped me from climbing. I couldn't eat, I could barely pick up things or put my shoes on, and that's when I realized I needed help because I literally couldn't live with that illness anymore. Now I'm better, though. I hope all of you dealing with it won't give up on life.
These two things, whichever you may have, are bad. Poor appetite can lead to malnutrition and even more fatigue. Overeating can lead to other health problems as well. It's good to have someone at home who reminds you to eat if you have a poor appetite, or someone who moderates your meals and what you eat if you're overeating.
Sometimes I just starve myself because the thought of eating anything makes me want to throw up.
I can barely eat a bowl of cereal in the morning, let alone three complete meals.
Something I often feel under depression is that I'm not the intelligent, capable, and adaptable person I once was. The horrible paranoia that I'm losing my touch on what I've devoted my life to makes it seem much more likely that I'm going to fail, and end up in a position where I can't be the person I know I should be. These thoughts take over my thinking entirely. I've spent time desperately trying to prove myself to my peers, and when it affected my performance, I found myself desperately looking for any good news or consolation. Usually, what people would say to me wouldn't change anything, no matter how kind they were.
I literally can't sleep. It takes 1-4 hours for me just to fall asleep, and I wake up several times during the night.
With me, it's insomnia. How weird is it that I always feel so tired, but I can never seem to sleep?
I can't sleep most of the time, so I write poetry at night.
To me, it's still a huge surprise that I'm even passing my classes at this point. Sometimes I can't concentrate on what's going on in class, or even remember what someone told me a few minutes ago. It's hard to be suffering from this. It's difficult to accomplish daily tasks because you're not able to fully focus.
It's particularly overwhelming when you're trying to show yourself that you can do these things, and they're difficult no matter how simple they are. You also worry about how you've been affected by what you did in the moment because your future is even more chaotic than your present.
I verbally lashed out at a good friend once because he kept asking me questions in Economics class, and I was so down that I couldn't analyze the simple graph in front of me. I was terrified that day that I'd lost my friendship with him, even though I knew he understood I was at least stressed out. It has so far been the only time I've been irritable with him.
I am constantly tapping my foot, chewing on my nails, wringing my hands, and lolling my head around. I get irritated at the smallest things. For example, the simple clinking of a spoon against a bowl or my parents simply talking to me. It sounds like dumb reasons to get irritated, but I can't help it.