Best Insults


The Contenders: Page 2XW

21You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

this is so cool! who thought of this? I know someone like this and I never got to explain my thoughts about him. - lala222

Love it, this is a first class insult.

Best one ever I am so using this on my math class friend. It's hilarious

This is so low on the list. Now I know how to get back at a Math Braggart. Whoever thought of this is a legend. - BoltMarksman

V101 Comments
22You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit.

! Funniest thing I have Heard All Day! Still laughing! Ha Ha!

I said this to this fat jerk at my school and he literally cried

I'm going to us this on my friends if I ever get involved in a cussing competition! Genius!

Hella funny though

V45 Comments
23You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

I thought that was funny. I'm totally using that diss in a dissing contest

I am gonna use it on this 1 boy who has been bullying me if he thinks to say something back I will use number 25 on the list anyway live This insult

My friends were cracking up when they heard this joke this deserves al least top 10

Lol gonna use this on that stupid kid

V48 Comments
24Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Call the fire department, cause you just got burned

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..

It is amazingly funny! I totally am gonna share this with my bff! AMAZING! HILARIOUS

Ooh, I love these burns.

V44 Comments
25With a face like yours, I wish I was blind.


I did the same to my bro and he cry out loud

Say something bad but it still funny

Oh I said that one to a kid named seth carter and he kept his mouth shut when he heard me say what I just said.

It made my bully cry

V65 Comments
26The only positive thing about you is your HIV status.

This is a funny insult. DOUBLE HIT! I told this to my ex girlfriend. She was really sexy and she liked me, and now I can't talk to her. IT WAS STILL WORTH IT

WAY TOO EPIC! How did you even invent such a cruel insult? You must be such a d* in real life

This was surprisingly satisfying, not only does it offend them behavior wise but also offends them in a decent manner instead of trying to insult in a rude way..

Very good joke

V52 Comments
27Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?

That would make someone cry, I'm a hurtful person but this joke makes me seem like a nice person, It's funny and extremely mean



I really like it! I'm gonna use it on my arch nemesis at school

V37 Comments
28Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.

Absolute AMAZING one! The lad went walking away like his mothers FAT backside

Oh my gawd! Hilarious, I said this to my little brother and he got really baffled because I don't think he even knows what eBay is! Whew, I'm still cracking up.

I said it to my crush (That I used to hate). All he can said is "stupid hoe". Lmfao! Then I said if he's so stupid that brain surgeon are having a hard time. God damn! He doesn't give any respond. He can't say anything!

Ow... Ay can I get some aloe over hear? - Umm_akward

V58 Comments
29Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it

That's hilarious I'm gonna use it on the know it all kid in my class and I'll probably be considered a hero

Great for a kid at school that annoys the hell out of you

V21 Comments
30Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag.


Funny ill use it on everyone I know, almost as funny as number fifty eight

Why are the trying to tell people to tell other people to tell them about their mom

That so mean and horrible

V35 Comments
31Please, I could remove 90% of your 'beauty' with a tissue

I love this one, I could use this in a lot of people from my class, all the girls in my class look like clowns, just so you know what I am dealing with here.

Jeez I'm so using this LMFAO rating is ten out of ten

I wonder what would happen if one said this to Nicki Minaj? - Harri666

This would be even better if the person was wearing makeup. - NikBrusk

V35 Comments
32Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent

Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself

Seriously if someone dies because of this joke ill bury them in my back yard under the old oak tree please the reaction to some of these jokes makes me wonder how smart are you people if I were to tell this coma joke to my narcoleptic friend he would laugh his but off but remember that its how you deliver the joke that changes the way people take them try laughing directly after it makes a lot less room for tension

Pretty funny

V36 Comments
33Your momma so fat, when she went to a doctor, she stepped on a scale and the doctor said "Hey, that's my phone number."

Haha me and my bestie couldn't stop laughing 4 ages

This joke is a better version then the I asked your weight not your phone number who ever thought of this is a legend

This is the funniest thing on here! Why is it even number 33?!?!?!

This ones so funny

V80 Comments
34Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example

Laugh out loud definitely using dis one

I used this on a guy in my class that makes fun of my name. He said "oh yeah, well least I'm not the ugly one here! " Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback". He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me cameback bill

That was the worlds best diss I wish this true to all commenters but me

I am going to use this on so many people

V30 Comments
35Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!

Lol you could just say You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart and it still be insulting

I cracked up so hard! Never heard anything like that before!

This one is like for those who really want to insult

V10 Comments
36Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday.

It is so funny it made me fall of my chair because my brother started crying

This is epic - using it tomorrow for sure. Whoever made this is an epic genius

This ones a total puller when you wanna bust the hell outta your opponent in a crisp sentence...

I said this to my teacher and got 3 detentions but was worth it for I finally got one back at her- priceless facial expression

V42 Comments
37The only thing that goes erect when I'm near you is my middle finger.

This insult is so cruel that it could make your mother cry. If you ever say this to someone they will either punch you or burst into a weeping ball of nothing. Nobody can say this insult sucks!

Haha did this to some random girl that I liked and she was like I love you

Lolololololol 20 minutes later I'm still laughing. I'm going to see how many of my friends cry with this.

I might actually use some of these some day

V34 Comments
38I wish cancer on you and all your family.

That is like so mean! Especially if you family were affected by cancer! I would say never to use this! It is one of those things that you should o my ever use on a really really close friend...

I used to have a curable cancer and it was hell. I honestly am okay with cancer jokes though, and I make a few myself. But, to post it online so the world can see it? I'm sorry, I don't horridly dislike this, but people will get offended. You can bet your money on that, some people have actually had family members that got this disease.

Wow that's just the meanest thing I have ever read kick rocks and eat dirt!

This is not even a good insult, it's just plain mean and evil

V222 Comments
39Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

That is so cool, I could use it against my enemy in bahrain!

Amazing. Just amazing. I have a feeling that a Chinese made that one up originally. This one needs to be fifth and traded out with that hello kitty one, cause those who don't watch hello kitty... Well 'me', wont get the meaning. But this one is great. Nice job.

I have used this on a couple of different occasions and I got the best reaction from it! :) And older sort of insult but still extremely funny and you will always get a great reaction from it!

I love this and whoever made it up. I'm straight, but if it's a guy I guess I could make an exception haha - Umm_akward

V27 Comments
40If I wanted to kill myself, I could just climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

I think this should be added because it is witty with a gallon of humor. It's perfect if somebody just told you to die. This comeback is something they won't expect. - Dragonlindy

My response to this insult would be, "Said the person that just used the intelligence quotient and a form of human personality to represent a physical height." - zacktheripr

... And starve to death ON THE way down.

Hilarious used this on my friend when he said kill yourself my friends just broke down laughing

V40 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 27 Oct 2016

57,000 votes
2,519 listings
10 years, 346 days old

Top Remixes (111)

1. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
1. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
2. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
3. Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
1. You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

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