Best Insults

heather

The Contenders: Page 2XW

21When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome - CaptainComedy17

K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend

Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!

Love this one!

V46 Comments
22You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit.

! Funniest thing I have Heard All Day! Still laughing! Ha Ha!

I said this to this fat jerk at my school and he literally cried

I'm going to us this on my friends if I ever get involved in a cussing competition! Genius!

Best thing I have heard all day

V36 Comments
23You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

I thought that was funny. I'm totally using that diss in a dissing contest

I am gonna use it on this 1 boy who has been bullying me if he thinks to say something back I will use number 25 on the list anyway live This insult

Good I said it to my enemy and she just stood their and whispered I need a comeback

My bro laughed so hard

V41 Comments
24Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Call the fire department, cause you just got burned

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..

It is amazingly funny! I totally am gonna share this with my bff! AMAZING! HILARIOUS

Best diss ever ha ha

V38 Comments
25With a face like yours, I wish I was blind.

HAHA SO FUNNY! THIS IS FAR THE MOST BEST JOKE ever! I SAID IT TO MY BRO AND HE STARTED CRYING LIKE HELL

I did the same to my bro and he cry out loud

Say something bad but it still funny
Haha

Oh I said that one to a kid named seth carter and he kept his mouth shut when he heard me say what I just said.

Hah! So true sometimes.

V57 Comments
26Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?

That would make someone cry, I'm a hurtful person but this joke makes me seem like a nice person, It's funny and extremely mean

OMG! I FREAKING LOVE THIS! I'M GONNA SAY IT TO YOU!

THIS IS so AMAZING. PERFECT, ORIGINAL! CAN PICTURE SOMEONE THAT UGLY, ACTUALLY I KNOW SOMEONE THAT UGLY! BEST EVER!

I really like it! I'm gonna use it on my arch nemesis at school

V33 Comments
27The only positive thing about you is your HIV status.

This is a funny insult. DOUBLE HIT! I told this to my ex girlfriend. She was really sexy and she liked me, and now I can't talk to her. IT WAS STILL WORTH IT

WAY TOO EPIC! How did you even invent such a cruel insult? You must be such a d* in real life

This was surprisingly satisfying, not only does it offend them behavior wise but also offends them in a decent manner instead of trying to insult in a rude way..

Your hairline

V40 Comments
28Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.

Absolute AMAZING one! The lad went walking away like his mothers FAT backside

Oh my gawd! Hilarious, I said this to my little brother and he got really baffled because I don't think he even knows what eBay is! Whew, I'm still cracking up.

I said it to my crush (That I used to hate). All he can said is "stupid hoe". Lmfao! Then I said if he's so stupid that brain surgeon are having a hard time. God damn! He doesn't give any respond. He can't say anything!

I said this a lot

V50 Comments
29Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it

That's hilarious I'm gonna use it on the know it all kid in my class and I'll probably be considered a hero

I don't have a phone booth...

V15 Comments
30Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag.

Laugh out loud THAT WAS HILARIOUS THREE THUMBS UP MAN! BRAVO BRAVO!

Funny ill use it on everyone I know, almost as funny as number fifty eight

Why are the trying to tell people to tell other people to tell them about their mom

*claps slowly*

V33 Comments
31Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday.

It is so funny it made me fall of my chair because my brother started crying

This is epic - using it tomorrow for sure. Whoever made this is an epic genius

This ones a total puller when you wanna bust the hell outta your opponent in a crisp sentence...

Haha this I so funny this made me laugh for ages

V36 Comments
32Your momma so fat, when she went to a doctor, she stepped on a scale and the doctor said "Hey, that's my phone number."

Haha me and my bestie couldn't stop laughing 4 ages

This joke is a better version then the I asked your weight not your phone number who ever thought of this is a legend

Word that was so awesome what a dis man. Best one like ever it is very fantastic and excruciatingly mad funny you are awesome so epik if I wrote one damn this was real good

This is the funniest thing on here! Why is it even number 33?!?!?!

V67 Comments
33I wish cancer on you and all your family.

That is like so mean! Especially if you family were affected by cancer! I would say never to use this! It is one of those things that you should o my ever use on a really really close friend...

I used to have a curable cancer and it was hell. I honestly am okay with cancer jokes though, and I make a few myself. But, to post it online so the world can see it? I'm sorry, I don't horridly dislike this, but people will get offended. You can bet your money on that, some people have actually had family members that got this disease.

Wow that's just the meanest thing I have ever read kick rocks and eat dirt!

Lol all you guys mad

V194 Comments
34Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent

Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself

Seriously if someone dies because of this joke ill bury them in my back yard under the old oak tree please the reaction to some of these jokes makes me wonder how smart are you people if I were to tell this coma joke to my narcoleptic friend he would laugh his but off but remember that its how you deliver the joke that changes the way people take them try laughing directly after it makes a lot less room for tension

That is true so true

V31 Comments
35Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!

Lol you could just say You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart and it still be insulting

I cracked up so hard! Never heard anything like that before!

One of the funniest insults I've ever read/seen/heard. Hilarious and rude!

V9 Comments
36Please, I could remove 90% of your 'beauty' with a tissue

I love this one, I could use this in a lot of people from my class, all the girls in my class look like clowns, just so you know what I am dealing with here.

Jeez I'm so using this LMFAO rating is ten out of ten

I wonder what would happen if one said this to Nicki Minaj? - Harri666

I just used this on my brother and he just stood there with his mouth opened

V19 Comments
37Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example

Laugh out loud definitely using dis one

I used this on a guy in my class that makes fun of my name. He said "oh yeah, well least I'm not the ugly one here! " Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback". He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me cameback bill

That was the worlds best diss I wish this true to all commenters but me

10/10 One of the best!

V22 Comments
38The only thing that goes erect when I'm near you is my middle finger.

This insult is so cruel that it could make your mother cry. If you ever say this to someone they will either punch you or burst into a weeping ball of nothing. Nobody can say this insult sucks!

Haha did this to some random girl that I liked and she was like I love you

Lolololololol 20 minutes later I'm still laughing. I'm going to see how many of my friends cry with this.

I wonder what would happen if a girl was rejected in this way...

V26 Comments
39Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

That is so cool, I could use it against my enemy in bahrain!

Amazing. Just amazing. I have a feeling that a Chinese made that one up originally. This one needs to be fifth and traded out with that hello kitty one, cause those who don't watch hello kitty... Well 'me', wont get the meaning. But this one is great. Nice job.

I have used this on a couple of different occasions and I got the best reaction from it! :) And older sort of insult but still extremely funny and you will always get a great reaction from it!

This should be way higher!

V19 Comments
40Stop bullying fat people, they have enough on their plate.

This is awful... Awfully funny. I'm sorry... This made me laugh so ' hard. I mean, yeah, stop bullying people in general. But, MUAHAHAHA.

THIS MADE ME LMAO SO HARD ITS AWFUL BUT HILARIOUS! IT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I NEARLY CHOCKED! LMAO I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR ONTO THE GROUND! Love this one I'm gonna use it A LOT this is definitely my favourite joke YET :D oahahah if you didn't notice I'm still laughing.

Laugh out loud When I saw this, I cracked up! Best one I've seen here

That's very rude

V33 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 26 May 2016

51,000 votes
2,490 listings
10 years, 192 days old

Top Remixes (100)

1. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
PositronWildhawk
1. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
2. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
3. Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Elvisjackson
1. You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
THEN3RD

WRemix
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Yo mamma jokes
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