Top Ten Predictable Things Horoscopes Usually Tell You

Horoscopes... they're so predictable aren't they? Each one says exactly the same thing, just worded differently, but it all amounts to the usual...
The Top Ten
1 An old friend will reappear
2 You'll meet someone special
3 Watch what you spend

You damn right 'bout that, little lady. Them New York hoochies get all crazy when ya try payin'em with Confederate money. No sensa humor, a-tall.

4 You have an admirer

Haha sure I do. Who?! WHERE?! Do THEY know about it?

5 You'll be invited somewhere
6 Work may become stressful

And boils may become painful.

7 You'll be the peacemaker in a family argument

Oh, Beege. Nobody's ever accused me of that.

8 Don't believe everything you read

No...okay...I won't believe a single syllable that my overly predictable horoscope tells me. Thank you for the genius advice.

9 You will upset someone

This always makes me laugh. A lot!

10 Love is just around the corner

Actually this has happened to me! I read this once in some very reliable magazine. I got off the bus, turned a corner and bumped into a woman I knew. "Hello, love! " she said.
Can't fight fate, people ;).

The Contenders
11 The day you were born.

Literally the only thing horoscopes can actually tell you. Anything else is just complete BS/

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