Best Blonde Jokes!

List suggested and partially made by a blonde, so, relax you fellow blondes, and enjoy some laughs! Don't agree with the list? Vote for an existing item you think should be ranked higher or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on or create your own version of this list.

The Top Ten

How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours?
Give her a piece of paper that has the words "Turn Over" on both sides
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner
Giver her m&m's and tell her to make a word with them.


[Newest]Put her in front of mirror so she has someone to talk to.

2How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she canít find her pencil.
That's really funny but kind of disturbing to think about. Also kind of painful if it's a sharp pencil.
If her tampons behind her ear and she can't find her pen
[Newest]The one below would hurt and I'm a guy.


3How did the blonde get past kindergarten?
She walked past the kindergarten classroom.
She didn't the blond still is in kindergarten
That's not even good
[Newest]This is a totally awful joke

4How did the blonde die at the baseball game?
She drowned during the wave.
Its the funniest joke ever laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud
I tots like this one my fave!
[Newest]She died during the strike

5How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides
My cousin did this to my sister you think someone older would understand the joke instead of falling for it
Tell her to tell if your animal is a sheep or a dog
[Newest]Sit here in front of a mirror and say wave till the other person waves back.

6What do you call a smart blonde?
What do you call a smart blonde? There is only two simple little words to describe this joke and that is... A miracle...
Classic, but insulting to dogs. ;) I'm blonde myself and got that! Do I get a cookie?


Being a blonde myself I find them VERY funny-seem to ring a bell:)
[Newest]I'm blonde, and I'm the smartest kid in my class. (Not trying to brag, just trying to prove a point. )

7How do you drown a blonde?
You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool...


You put a cup full of water and put it in the pool and tell her don't come up till the water is gone.
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
[Newest]Tell her you're going to race her to the ocean floor, and never start.


8Why do blondes have brused belly buttons?
Because they have blonde boyfriends
I'm a blonde and I wouldn't get that if someone explained it to me a million time hee hee
O.K. Iím Blonde and I got That laugh out loud
[Newest]Not bad but not great

9Why did the blonde get kicked out of the M & M factory?
Because she kept throwing out the w's
Because she threw out all the w's
Laugh out loud! I love this one.


10A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops. They all hide in a barn.
The brunet hides with the pigs, he red head hides with the horses and the blonde hides behind a sack of potatoes. The cops enter the barn and shine a flash light on the pigs, the brunette says "oink oink" and the cops move on. The cops shine their flash lights on the horses, the red head goes "neigh neigh". Finally the cops shine a light on the sacs of potatoes and the blond says " potato potato".
That was funny I totally laughed at that one I'm not a blond
I love this joke I'm a blonde and I almost peed my pants because I probably would have done that myself.

The Contenders

11How do you get a 1 armed blonde to fall out of a tree?
Tell her to do pullups and get some one to wave at her
She'll wave back
Tell her that the branch shes on can replace her missing arm if she brakes it off
Tell her to climb a tree with one branch she will try and jump up to the top

12What did the blonde see when she looked into a box of cheerios?
A bunch of doughnut seeds!
I'm a brunet
The blonde gasps then says, Bagels?
Wow I think she said... Are those my glasses

13How are a blonde and a UFO the same?
Its supposed to say "how are a smart blonde and a ufo the same" and the answer would be that you keep hearing about them but never see them
This is website it funny and I'm a blonde
Neither of which are something you wanna come in contact with.

14What do you call a blonde who loves her boyfriend?
Love at first sight
A hopeless romantic without the romantic part
I really like the 3rd one its very nice

15How did the blonde commit suicide?
She brought her hair dryer into her tub.
By sticking a fork in a toaster to get the toast out
She put all her clothes in a pile and jumped off
[Newest]Give her a gun and tell her it's a hair dryer

16What's the difference between a smart blond and big foot
There has been bigfoot sightings
Snap that is funny and I'm a blonde. Yet I'm in honors classes.
Bigfoot is uglier but smarter

17How did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
She got cold and turned the fan off!
That's good and I'm a blonde

Took me awhile to figure out!
[Newest]She killed the pilot and tried to fly it herself

18What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell she's got a grenade in her mouth
Ah that was so good

19How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to hold it 400 to spin the house
None, no matter how many there are they still can't figure it out

20Why did the blond climb the glass wall?
To see whats on the other side!
A blonde is in her car she can't find her gas pettle, steering wheel... So she called the cops they came and she found out she was in the back seat of her car... Please commet!
That was good I like the fact that the blonde had the same amount of stupidity as the rest of the jokes
She thought she was looking at another room.

21How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ear

22What is the blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last years hide and seek champion
The 1979 hide and seek champion

23What does a blonde do when she is horny?
She cuts off a deer's antlers and glues them to her head

24What do you get when a blond dies her hair brunett?
Artificial Intelligence...laugh out loud :-)
This one is hilarious is it artificial intelligence. Mybciusin taaughte that I could not stop laughing for like a hour

25Why did the blonde got to jail when she got pulled over?
Because when the cop asked for her licence she said "don't you have one to look at? "

26How to keep stupid guy or girl (blonde) excited?
You write 'please flip' on both sides of a piece of paper

27Why do blondes go to church?
To learn about God
Because they think their pretty
They hail the pillars!

28How can you tell a blonde in school?
She erases her to notebook when the teacher erases the board
Yea I do that all the time

29Why can't a blonde make Jello?
Because they can't figure out how to put 2 cups of water in that itty bitty box.

30Why did the blonde on her way to Disney World never arrive?
She saw the sign DISNEY WORLD LEFT, so she turned around and went home.
I've been to disney world 6 times thank you very much.
And I'm blonde.
But this is funny.


Laugh out loud! I'm a blonde too!


31Why blonde opened a candy bag at the store?
Because she needed some assistance by an employee to figure out how to open it.

32A smart blonde and the tooth fairy jump off a cliff who gets to the bottom first?
The tooth fairy. The blonde needs to stop and ask for directions.
The tooth fairy, smart blondes don't exist
The tooth fairy of course because the blonde was light headed
[Newest]The tooth faith of course! Smart blondes don't exist!

33Two blondes were walking through the forest and they came upon a set of tracks. They began to argue about what animal had left the tracks. Ten minutes later, they were hit by a train.
I'm a blonde and I totally got it! That's something I would totally do!
Ha me and my sister rofled for like 20 mins haha she never laughs :LL LAWL
Bu we spent 5mins trying to get that joke :L hahahaa BLONDES!
Never heart this one before. This was the only one in the top ten that actually made me laugh.

34A blonde, red head, and a brunette are lost in the desert and find a lamp that gives them 3 wishes what do they wish for?
The blonde and the redhead wish to go home, the blonde says, 'i'm lonely I wish my friends were back! '
The brunette and the red head wish to go home and the blonde asks for her friends back

35A blonde is in the middle of a movie and she sees something she doesn't understand, what does she do?
I don't know eats an orange then walks back home to play some game about cooking instead of actually doing it because she is really really lazy so I guess that the world isn't going to end said the hobo but then it did and he was sad
She texts her friends, and then yells out to the whole theater "What's Going On? "


36What happened when the blonde tried to commit suicide?
She killed her twin sister by mistake!
Snort! Good one! Laugh out loud! I'm telling Catlin this, and she'll never regret it that bacon pig! SNORT ha! I love jokes
She's alive and well

37What do you get when you put a bunch of blondes in the freezer?
You get flavorless popcicles

38What does a blond do when you say, Look, it's a dead bird?
She looks up and yells Were?
Laugh out loud I laughed at this one because I had a blonde friend who actually did this! A friend yelled "Look! Dead Bird Flying! " And my friend quickly looked up and yelled back "WHERE?! " I died laughing!
I have done this plenty of times and I'm the stupid blonde out of all my friends too. So I guess it makes sense.
[Newest]She looks to the sky

39How do you get a blonde on top of a house?
Tell her the drinks are on the house

40How do you keep a blonde in supsense?
Give her a piece of paper saying "flip over" on both sides. That's on this list about 5 times.


Will tell ya tomorrow
Tell her the snake at the socket needs some water, because shes drying out.

41A blonde, red head, and a brunette were running from the police...
A blond, red head, and a brunette where running from the police and hid in a nearby barn. They found three body bags and hid inside of them. When the police caught up, they found the body bags and poked them with sticks. When they poked the one with the brunette, she made a noise: oink oink. The police left it alone. They poked the second bag(red head) and she made a noise: bark bark. They left it alone. When they go to the third bag, the poked it also. The blonde inside made a noise just like the other two: potatoes.
Haha I have heard this so many times and I laugh every time I hear it! I love Blonde jokes! Haha bhahabhahbhabhbahbhabhabhabahbahabhabhbahbahbahabhabahbhahb!

42Why blonde did the duckface?
She was trying to impersonate Donald Duck
She made it for Facebook

43Why did the blonde cross the road?
So she could get to the end of the rainbow to greet the chicken
This one is so funny. Should number one, I have told it to all of my friends lololololololololol.!

44How come the blonde could not dial 911?
Because she could not find the 11
That's so funny! :) it made me laugh a lot!
Haha! I'm much smarter than that and I'm a blonde.


[Newest]She forgot the number.

45Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
because they dont have the recipe!!!

46A blonde and a brunette jump out a window who hits the ground first?
The brunette hits first because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions tee hee
The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions
The Brunette because the blonde stops for directions.
[Newest]The brunette because the blonde is an airhead

47What's the difference between a blonde and a UFO?
You see blonde people everywhere. it's supposed to be What's the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
People have seen a ufo!
None they are always talked about but never seen

48How do you confuse a blonde?
You tell her to alphabetize a bag of M&M's
You paint her blue and throw forks at her

49How do you get a blonde to dye her hair?
you can't she will say "but I want my hair to live"
Tell her that brunettes are stupid too!

50How many blondes does it take to do 1+2?
The blondes had to line up in a line and count to three
1 : to go get the math teacher.


51What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Makes me laugh every time I see it.
It is what do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you run she has a grenade in her mouth

52Why do blondes like blonde jokes?
Because they feel famous
Because They don't get it and if they do its a miracle
You're a miracle. NOT!

53Why did the blond put makeup on her forehead?
To make up her mind

54How did the blonde do 15 push ups?
She grabed a push up ice cream bar and pushef it up 15 times
I don't no how

55How did the teacher know the blonde was cheating on her math test?
She copied the whole paper. Including the person she cheated off of's name
Good one you could of also said she passed :)!

56What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
The harder you bang them the looser they get.
There both see throgh

57How did a blonde get stuck in a mousetrap?
She saw a piece of cheese and thought she would go for it!

58Why couldn't a blonde be a pharmacist?
She would try to fit the bottle in the printer. (for the label)
~Hannah_loves_you33~ ~RUSHER_4_EVER! <3~

59Which blondes can get full marks in a test?
The ones that meet the teacher after class.

60How does a blonde get on top of a mountain?
She spray paints her ice cream green and steps on top of it

61Three people got captured by the police and are about to get shot on a windy island
One says Tornado! The shooters turn and look. She ran away.
Another says SUNAMI! And runs away
The blonde yells fire and she dies


62A blonde is in a boxing ring, the brunette keeps punching her, people tell her to punch back but she wont, why wont she?
She's afraid she'll get a red flag.

63A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are seeing if they can win a swimming contest.
The brunette makes it 1/4 the way and calls for a helicopter. The redhead makes it 1/3 the way and also calls for the helicopter. The blonde makes it halfway and swims back to the start. When asked why, she said, "I got to the halfway point, and I was getting tired, so I swam back."

64A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are told they can win $50,000 if they do not laugh at 100 jokes. The brunette laughs at #30. The redhead laughs at #68. The blonde makes it to #100 and laughs, saying: "I just got joke #1!"
This is really funny

65What did the blond's left leg say to the right leg?
Between us we can make a lot of money

66How did the blonde get an A on the test?
She dyed her hair brown and thought she was smarter.
Her name started with an "A"
Blinds don't pass tests

67Which M&M'S You Like Best?

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This list was created 9 years, 45 days ago and has been voted on over 2,000 times. This top ten list has been remixed 6 times and has been blogged about 3 times.

Updated Friday, April 17, 2015

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