Top 10 Funniest Conspiracy Theories that Don't Exist

What are some hilarious conspiracy theories you can come up with that don't exist? (Notice that this is for COMEDY only. I am not trying to offend anybody, and if I unintentionally do then I apologize.)
The Top Ten
1 Your parents are grains of sand disguised as humans that worship magic coffee tables

This would be funny, but also kind of saddening knowing that your parents have just been sand all your life.

All hail the magic coffee tables! Peace come to the mighty Tablans!

2 Walls are watching you, and are secretly part of the Illuminati

I'm sorry wall! I didn't mean to badmouth your organisation! Don't crush me!

So THAT'S why there's a whole in the wall of my apartment building!

But I thought I was part of the illuminati...

3 Everyone on TheTopTens are secretly part of an evil organisation and are plotting against you

Mwahaha! Fear me!
...And every other TopTenner on the site but you. Because... Reasons, I guess?

It's just like in the movies. I will tell you my whole evil plan and life story (why? Because I am a villain) and you kill me while I am doing it.

Maybe the high ranking users are part of it. You ever notice they don't tell their succes stories other than, "Work hard, do good"?

You caught me! Darn...

Oh no I was right

4 Cats are planning the apocalypse by making it rain cheese

If this happens I would just go out with lots of bowls and collect the food for my family. The world may be under attack, but at least we are full.

Oh no! Not the cheese! Anything but the cheese, it burns!

Stop cat discrimination please!

I hope it tastes good.

5 Everyone is actually hollow and their skin is made of ketchup

Bah who needs logic and evidence when you can have ketchup skin?

Where are the French fries?

6 The dictionary was invented by aliens in order to make us understand their language

What dictionary? What language, and why? Meh, who cares? Aliens rule all.

7 Your entire life was staged by McDonald's and you were born a second ago

I can understand that the first part is actually kinda believable (I watch Vsauce videos) but come on its McDonald's! Why would they want to stage the life of the public and how?

How would you know your life was staged if you were just born?

8 Water is actually the blood of a sacred sandwich in the sky

Mm! Just imagine what a sandwich, (especially a sacred one) will taste like!

That means we are all vampires. Okay. *keeps sipping the blood of sky dwelling food*

9 Cobwebs are portals into another dimension and spiders are the gatekeepers

I have put my hand through plenty of cobwebs. Does that mean that I am in another dimension now?

I've been through a lot of dimensions then.

10 We’re in a video game called The Game of Life

The Newcomers

? Switzerland is planning to take over the world by mind controlling people with its Swiss chocolate

This really funny

The Contenders
11 Trump did 9/11
12 Justin Bieber's "music" is the real Devil's music
13 Justin Bieber is part of the Illuminati

That's a load of crap

14 Justin Bieber's music is played on the radio so that humanity can be emotionally monitored
15 Dogs are actually carnivore-butterflies with bizarrely mutated bodies

Cats are liquids

16 The moon is made of sugar and if you eat a handful of it, you will get a superpower
17 Florida screws up so many things because it is shaped like a penis
18 Caillou is bisexual

Hey, I mean it's possible. Not saying that they'd find it GOOD representation. But still, it can't be ruled out.

19 Tiredness is when your head gets replaced by a giant baguette in another reality

I'm tired a lot. Does that mean my head is constantly a sandwich?

20 Lions have the power to change into Elmo's potty time books

Wouldn't it be so funny to be walking in the savannah, when sudennly you see a random Elmo's Potty Time book?

21 Pancakes are actually frozen acid blocks cut into circles and painted in light brown/orangish-brown
22 Alligators are actually Martians who came to earth to teach us boxing
23 Cats are genetically mutated humans who will one day turn back to humans and turn us to cats and we will be pets
24 There is a land south of Antarctica that has dragons
25 John Lennon and Britney Spears are secretly the same person
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