Top 10 Best Things to Say After You Fart

Letting loose a massive duck call can be a mortifying experience, or it can be amazing. You just have to own it. And what better way to take control of the situation than to have that perfect one-liner ready to let rip.
The Top Ten
1 Who farted?
2 Pardon, but who just died? It smells like a rotting corpse in here!
3 All things must pass

*Farts loud in the middle of class* "All things must pass."

4 I may or may not have farted out a rainbow, because I'm a unicorn!
5 There goes my lunch from yesterday!
6 He who smelt it, dealt it
7 Shut up, Meg

Is that the Meg from Phantom of the Opera? Oh my gosh, Meg, you need to warm up your voice a bit...

8 Oh, smells like I just farted out NyQuil, time to go to sleep!
9 Speak to me, oh toothless one. Share your wisdom.

My farts are very esoteric. It's not my fault that you can't understand their brilliance. Admittedly, I'm dumbfounded half the time myself.

The amount of knowledge that has been shared by the toothless one over the years is mind-blowing!

10 Will you marry me?
The Contenders
11 Do you smell cookies?

I can't wait to be baking up some cookies for my dearest family members during a road trip...

And then everyone in earshot takes a big hopeful whiff.

Replace cookies with popcorn for a fun little variant.

12 Ohh yeah
13 Did I just fart and unveil my secret that I am a unicorn? Oh, whoops...
14 It was me!

Haha! I love this! It's just the matter-of-fact tone you use when everyone is staring at you, while their jaw drags on the floor. Very, very funny. Love this list.

Classic Jim Carrey. Just make sure you can pull it off and that others are old enough to get the reference.

Ha ha! Best way to not get yourself ridiculed!

15 If you were stuck in there, you'd want out too

A very matter-of-fact excuse for why things are escaping from your bottom.

16 That's gonna itch when it dries
17 R.I.P me
18 Did you hear that?!

Summon your best Will Ferrell from Elf where he unleashes a righteous belch after chugging an entire 2-liter bottle of cola. Except this time, don't count on the little kid sitting next to you to be smiling.

19 Little too much choke, I think I flooded it

Might result in a few blank stares, but sometimes that's the risk of such exquisite high-brow humor.

Yes! I don't think many people would get this one unless they ride quads, motorcycles, dirtbikes, or anything like that. It's very amusing!

Only for the most liquid of farts may you embarrass yourself with this.

20 Whoops, I sharted!
21 I think I farted so loud, the people in China could hear me

Replace China with on the moon for a fun little variation.

22 Did that impress you baby?

Guy at work did this. Holly was disgusted.

23 Your voice my be deeper, but my breath is better

Of course, this is not applicable if you release a squeaker. Feel free to modify it to fit the situation and speaker.

24 Sorry dude I had to let it out
25 Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass!

Fat Bastard from Goldmember. Make sure you have the monologue memorized, complete with accent, inflection, and timing. Once you start, you have to finish. There wasn't enough space to add the entire thing, so look it up. Gotta start with "It did sound a little wet" and end with "That, plus crap." If you don't have them rolling in the aisles, either they have absolutely no sense of humor, or you did it wrong because this is gold.

HA! Oh man, this is a classic. One of the best fart scenes in a movie ever! If you can pull this off, you are AWESOME!

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