Top 10 Worst Ways to Try to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket

So there you are, bottle of whiskey in one hand, gun in the other, driving the wrong way down a one-way street, going 20 over the limit at night with no lights on when suddenly some jerk cop decides to pull you over. "Great" you think to yourself as you realize you'll never get to the parking lot to pick up your drugs on time.

You reluctantly pull over and start weighing your options. This cop is probably having a bad day and will try to pin this on you. You can't let that happen because adding these infractions to all your many others will just result in you losing your license and will make picking up a prostitute that much more difficult.

Below are some of the worst ways you can try to get out of this ticket. FYI, these will probably not work so you should probably not try these. Hence being the WORST ways...
The Top Ten
1 Curse at the Cop

Sometimes cops just don't know that you didn't want to get pulled over. Cursing at them should let them know you don't appreciate the hassle they're putting you through. Maybe they'll even apologize to you.

I literally died of laughter reading this list!

2 Pretend You Know Magic

I'm not talking about weak rabbit-out-of-a-hat stuff or card tricks, but real Harry Potter-style magic. Throw out some Latin words or anything else you remember from movies or books and try to scare the cop off. No cop wants to be turned into a frog, so the more serious you make it sound, the better.

Something tells me that that wouldn't work.

3 Warn the Cop That You Just Farted

Better yet, try to actually fart. Sharts are even better. The smellier you can make your car, or pretend it is, the more likely the cop will not want to approach and will walk away instead.

4 Pretend You Are Drunk

No cop would try to arrest or give a ticket to someone who isn't fully functional. The drunker you pretend to be, the more they will feel sorry for you and let you off the hook. Maybe they'll even give you a police escort to the next bar.

You would then get into even more trouble with the cops.

Haha, this is funny! You may even be let off for your cheek, but I doubt it.

5 Wave a Weapon

Maybe this cop will get intimidated and decide it's not worth stepping up to your vehicle. Then you can be on your merry way.

"I bet you aren't carrying a gun, right? See, I've got one."
You can only wish this were true.

6 Show Your Boobs

It only works for women. If a guy did that, he'd immediately go to jail.

7 Scream: "Don't you know who I am?!"
8 Fake Instant Death
9 Refuse to Give Over Documentation

If you make this as much of a hassle for the cop as it is for you, maybe they'll decide it isn't worth it and just walk away.

10 Tell Them You Are Their Boss

Maybe this cop hasn't heard the concept that your taxes pay their salary, so if they want to keep their job, they shouldn't mess with you.

I will probably always drive in a police uniform despite not being a cop.

The Contenders
11 Start Name Dropping

Tell the cop that you are either famous or know someone famous. If that doesn't work, tell them you know or are related to the mayor or chief of police. If even that doesn't work, tell the cop you are a government agent and know the president. Keep escalating until something works out for you.

12 Put on a Mask or Costume

This is when you pull out that Richard Nixon or Homer Simpson mask. You have two possible outcomes: either the cop will think they've pulled over a real-life celebrity, or they will appreciate your humor and know just how funny (and therefore nice) you are. Since famous, funny, and nice people generally aren't guilty of crimes, you should be in the clear.

13 Talk In a Jar Jar Binks Voice
14 Speed Away as Fast as Possible
15 Destroy Your Vehicle, Eliminating All Evidence
16 Try to Kill Them
17 Play Violent Music as Loud as You Can

Pick out your "Cop Killer" music and turn the stereo up. Cops like people who have opinions and respect those who aren't afraid to voice them. Telling them you don't like cops and wish they were all dead is a good way to earn their respect. You might just give this cop something to think about.

18 Give the Cops the Finger
19 Politely Apologize
20 Force-Feed Them a Donut
21 Commit Suicide
22 Run Away
23 Give the Cops Drugs
24 Try to Hook Up with Them
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