Top 10 Signs of Domestically Abusive Women

When we think of domestic violence or "DV", we’re automatically programmed to assume that a woman has been abused or beaten by yet another man because that’s what statistics show. But to contrary belief - the number of men being domestically abused physically, verbally and sexually is growing rampant. It’s been said that one out of every seven males has been domestically abused physically, and the numbers are growing daily.

We as men are programmed to see it as emasculating or "not a big deal" when a woman strikes a blow to her significant other. But it’s not just the physical abuse. Here’s a list of signs and "red flags" to watch out for that can lead to DV.
The Top Ten
1 Controlling Behavior

Remember that Martin Lawrence movie "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate"? When I see a controlling woman, that movie immediately pops into my head. The woman who is turned on by power or the emasculation of men, who lives a female-empowered authoritative lifestyle, and isn't used to hearing the word "no." Numbers are increasing, finding women to be more controlling and aggressive in relationships than men.

Don't get me wrong, having a fully confident and competent woman is extremely sexy, but our attraction can be used as a weakness in her eyes. They can tend to become bossy or portray themselves as our mother figure, telling us what to wear, how to eat, when to eat - a lifestyle followed by a standard of rules and guidelines that cater to her every whim. When her demands and opinions aren't met or welcomed, it is likely to become abusive verbally, physically, or sexually (number four, sex weapon), by withholding it. She either loses the little respect she had for you or no longer sees you as a man, becoming demeaning and turned off sexually by insubordination.

If you don't mind never wearing the pants in your relationships - preferring to be equal partners and both having a say - well, maybe this isn't an abusive trait for you. On the plus side, like the movie, it does come with a lot of materialistic perks.

2 Jealousy

Of all the signs previously mentioned, none could be complete without jealousy. Every existing sign of domestic violence roots from some form of jealousy. This is the Mecca and cornerstone, the alpha and omega of all ended or abusive relationships. No matter if the victim is male or female, some form of jealousy always plays a major role, and here's why.

This human emotion of insecurity doesn't always have to be about cheating or thinking your significant other may be loving another. No, no, no. We have been known to be jealous of everything from our girl making more money than us to spending more time at work or with the kids than she does with us.

Although ladies and men both share these same insecurities, statistically, men have been less likely to play FBI and detective on their spouses. We all have our ways. This is one of the easiest emotions to fuel the fire mainly due to the mind wandering and the fear of the unknown. So many scenarios begin to play in domestically abusive women's heads that they become enraged and furious whether we're innocent or not.

Number six (baggage claim) can alert a woman faster to this emotion, but some actions used when having these emotions and feelings are what make it abusive. Normally, depending on the accusation, we get either defensive because of our innocence or angered from being caught, which turns detrimental. In most cases, this is deemed unforgivable. Some end it right then. Others string it along for a few more months or years, but the trust is gone and so goes the relationship.

3 Using Sex as a Weapon

Now to be clear, this isn't always a bad thing when both equally agree to play it right. I'm not talking Fifty Shades of Grey or anything, but there are some clear signs of sexual abuse with your partner to be aware of.

The willing or unwilling. Often in relationships, one tries to use sex as a weapon: "Well, until you do this, you won't get this." Often, that is a woman's "go-to move," and it can be fun and playful when not used maliciously. While there's no law stating you have to pleasure your man this much, this long, and this often, the sheer lack of intimacy of any kind with your partner could leave a man to think questions like "Is there someone else?" or "Did I do something wrong?" This action could open a whole other window of insecurities, jealousy, and rage.

While there is withholding sex, there's also too much. On one hand, we have a girl who wants to be intimate with her partner all the time, and him being unwilling. If a man is unwillingly seduced by his girlfriend or wife, there's a far cry from claiming rape even if you wanted to. However, often we give in and do it to satisfy her because if we don't, we tend to have the fear of her cheating or showing signs of resentment and anger towards us. And we're all aware of the phrase, "Happy wife, happy life." In conclusion, it seems we're forced to meet their demands sexually.

4 Hyper-Sensitivity

Studies show that most abusers have very low self-esteem, so it doesn't take much for their feelings to become hurt or for them to "feel picked on." Hypersensitivity can manipulate a false sense or exaggeration of a comment or statement, which could very easily turn into a massive blow-up.

Therefore, as men, we always feel the need to walk on eggshells and are hesitant with our comments because of how they may be interpreted. It can be something as simple as "I'm a little tired, do you mind if we just stay in tonight?" Sounds pretty straightforward, right? While you're getting ready to lie down, she's up ruminating, "why doesn't he want to go out with me?", "is he hiding something?", "did I do something wrong?", "is there someone else?".

In some ways, this is a mental disease and may require some form of treatment or therapy. In other cases, it could be a combination of several of the aforementioned signs. The good thing for us men is that this is a trait that can be spotted early on in the dating stage, so we have that choice of whether to move forward in that relationship or not. Just be aware of what you are signing up for.

5 Split Personas

"Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry." For the comic book fans, I'm sure we all know what that means when Bruce Banner says those words in an austere manner. Similar to Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, this is considered one of the scariest warning signs of having an abusive partner.

When it comes to her having "The Hulk" persona, it can become very difficult for the outside eye to see it. To the world, she's viewed as a hard worker with a great career, or a great mother, girlfriend, or wife. She may even be an active member of the church and an outstanding community activist. An all-around amazing humanitarian whom many admire and look up to.

So naturally, we're deceived by the same qualities that drew us to her in the first place. When Mrs. Banner comes home and transforms into the "She-Hulk" by way of constant verbal abuse, lashing out, or breaking things, sometimes even physical abuse, we have a hard decision to make. When this is an ongoing theme in relationships, it is not healthy. Thinking "she'll change" or "oh, well, she's just stressed or having a bad day" can end very badly.

Get out before it's too late...

6 Baggage from Past Relationships

There is nothing harder than trying to give a new relationship a fresh start and not bring some of the old emotions and baggage into your new one. Unfortunately, that is part of being human and a human reaction. Although we all do it to an extent, it can be abusive when we (number seven) blame shift or say, "Well, I thought this because my ex did that."

Most girls with baggage tend to come with an abundance of past hurt and drama and are emotionally bitter or damaged. I'm not saying in most cases it's not for good reason (I'm sure we've all broken a heart or two), but there is a difference between caution and distrust. If she has no trust in you, without you giving her a reason, more times than not, it's due to how an ex treated her or it could be (number ten) daddy issues.

Women's past resentments can eventually start to weigh on us and our relationship to where all we do is argue and fight. Since most people in relationships do tend to come with some form of emotional baggage, avoiding it is almost inevitable. However, there are ways to look for warning signs and avoid certain types of baggage or damage, such as really getting to know the person and her past before we begin dating. Start slow, build, and gain trust as friends before committing to anything serious. Remember, dating is an investment, and like all investments, we should do our research before jumping in.

7 Blame Shifting

"You made me this, you made me feel that, or I did this because you or you always..."

Fellas (and ladies), I'm sure I don't need to tell you that if you've been in enough relationships, one way to keep the peace is to almost always be the one to apologize. No matter who's right or wrong, ABA… (Always Be Apologetic).

Now I'm not saying we should lie down and not have a voice or an opinion in our relationships. I'm simply stating, pick your battles.

Blame shifters are ones who have a difficult time accepting responsibility for their own actions or find little to no fault in their doings in the relationship. Confronting them with negativity or trying to get them to understand their wrongs doesn't work. I can tell you from my own past experience that nine times out of ten, it just leads to a bigger fight.

So how do you deal with this abusive sign? Some try therapy or reasoning, while others find the blame shifting so immense that they end the relationship altogether. Nevertheless, if the relationship is building up towards a monstrosity of blame where so much resentment has formed over time, then it becomes almost impossible to restore that bond, trust, and relationship.

8 Alcohol and Substance Abuse

Although drugs and alcohol know no gender, ethnicity, culture, economic, or social boundaries, typically, it's men who are presumed as the aggressors when some form of alcohol or illegal substance is involved. Over the past few years, studies show that statistically, women are more and more becoming the aggressors.

A good example of a red flag to us men of an abusive woman is if, after our lady knocks back a glass or two of her favorite wine, she gets that urge to feel "we need to talk." That talk occasionally involves her degrading, verbally abusing, or disrespecting us and our relationship. If this is an ongoing issue in relationships, then it is definitely time for some changes, as these behaviors only worsen.

It may not come in the form of alcohol. It may be something we think is as harmless as prescription drugs. This tends to lead to a more passive form of abuse by way of shutting down or shutting us out. Not all abuse has to be of a violent nature.

Prescription or "over-the-counter" drugs may be more of the drug choice compared to cocaine or heroin. It is still deadly in its own right. There is an overwhelming report on women who overdose or come close to it by way of prescription drugs. The abuse from women eighteen and older, misuse of prescription drugs in the past year (4.6 million women) is becoming an upward epidemic.

9 Quick Attachment

One sure-tell sign of a domestically abusive woman is instantaneous involvement. Now we have all dated a few - the female who, after the second date, is getting fitted for wedding dresses and picking names for children. She has "P.I.'d" (private investigated) you so much you'd think you were wanted by the law. She and her girlfriends (or guy friends) have social media stalked, Google searched, cyber stalked, been to your job, and gone through your phone all in the first week!

Most times, this anxious behavior stems from fear of being alone, also tying in with number ten (daddy issues). The idea of love or being in love with the thought of being in love is so strong it consumes them and becomes the focal point of their lives. They see it as "I love my boyfriend," but to the outside world, it's viewed as clingy, crazy, and not having a life outside of the person they are seeing.

Therefore, tread very carefully with this one. If your gut is telling you to run, then do just that... Run!

10 Daddy Issues

Now fellas (and ladies), don't get me wrong, daddy issues aren't all bad, which is why it's number ten. There are some perks given their low self-esteem issues, which bring a few temporary pleasures, but in most cases also generate long-term crazy and a need for therapy. Now if you're the type of man who likes crazy (there are a few of us out there), then this isn't a deal breaker for you.

Daddy issues are also the essential ingredient for clinginess, dating much older men, and in some rare cases, the Oedipus complex.

Most women with daddy issues don't even recognize what a "good man" is. Consequently, they plow through a bunch of "scrubs" that treat them horribly. When the "perfect one" comes along, he gets treated the same if not worse than the previous ones due to scars and emotional baggage. This is why it is so vital for us dads to be a positive influence in our daughters' lives.

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