Top 10 Worst Football (Soccer) National Teams
We always hear about the best in the world, but rarely about those sides that feature towards the lower end of the FIFA rankings. However the rankings aren’t always correct with how good a team actually is, and is calculated with points on which teams you play, the competition and the result. An example is Switzerland, who sit in 8th place in the rankings, whilst France are in 20th. Although most other countries are happy to see France so far down the list, it is a clear misguided table on how good each nation actually is. Looking at the wrong end of the scale, mostly not in the FIFA rankings at all, here is a list of the 10 worst national sides.Kiribati has played just 10 times, losing all 10 matches. Their results make for interesting reading. All their games came in the Pacific Games. They played twice in 1979, losing a combined 37-0, with their heaviest defeat being against host nation Fiji, 24-0. Their last run in the competition in 2011 was a little better for them, losing back-to-back 17-1 to Tahiti and Papua New Guinea, with a closely fought 3-0 loss to the Cook Islands.
An impressive 123 goals let in over just 10 games. A country you must go and see if you are a neutral. Well, I'm not sure how many of the island's 100,000 residents would actually see this.
The only reason Eastern Samoa is placed so high on the list is because they have actually won a few more games than the others below it. From 42 games, they have managed 2 wins. Yes, that's more than San Marino, but they are this low because, as any avid football fan will remember, they were on the end of the biggest international defeat in April 2001.
Coming off the back of an 8-0 loss to Western Samoa, they went into the game against Australia with little hope. They lost by an incredible 31-0, with Australian Archie Thompson scoring 13 times for his country (making him appear a world-beater by his stats alone). Things have gotten far better for Eastern Samoa, though. In their last 3 games, they have conceded just once in each, winning one, drawing one, and losing the other.
Surprising to say, 95% of the country is obese. At least they are number one in something.
They call football soccer. They don't know the real name and confuse it with rugby. Terrible at football. Just good at basketball and baseball.
I'm from the US, but here is the thing: they play horrible soccer. It is very ugly. Although they are doing well in CONCACAF, they still suck.
I doubt most of them even know how the sport works. They probably don't know how the offside rule works.
Not bottom of the list for a reason. This nation has only played twice, and both came in 1998 at the Micronesian Games. They do have a good goals-to-games record after scoring twice in each game, but conceding 15 goals in one and 11 in the other means it wasn't as close as you'd like.
The nations they played? Guam and Northern Mariana Islands, who themselves scored 11 out of their 25 overall goals in that game. Clearly, they don't pose a threat to anyone. Even the jellyfish on the island have lost their sting. Maybe the guys who are in our next side should give them a go.
In terms of expectation vs. reality, England is quite easily the worst of the bunch. In every major tournament, they come in with lofty expectations of making the semi-finals, but more often than not, they crash and burn to a team with passion. The England team hasn't put in a decent performance at a major competition since the 1996 Euros and really shouldn't be expected to, considering how little the team seems to care about their nation.
In addition, the fans are delusional and have a track record of hooliganism, although it has improved. It also appears as though all England fans love to bash the US when, in reality, we have consistently outperformed them when it matters most.
This landlocked country has the largest population out of all on the list yet rightly finds itself near the lower end. They've played 61 times as a nation, winning an impressive four times, with their last win coming in a 3-1 triumph over Afghanistan in June 2008. You can't help but feel Afghanistan may have been a little preoccupied. However, a win is a win.
On the Elo ratings, they find themselves 230th out of 233 nations, but with the government only lifting a ban on TV and the internet 11 years ago, maybe they thought they were one of the best?!
With the smallest population on the list, just 5,774 inhabitants, it was always going to be difficult for this little self-governing French territory. They have played just 7 games as a nation, all since 2010, in the French Territory Cup. Their results are impressive, though. They have scored just 2 goals while allowing their opponents to score 78, an average of 10.1 conceded per game.
Jose Mourinho would have a tough time with this nation. Their smallest loss to date is 7-0 to French Guiana, while their largest is a 16-1 defeat to New Caledonia. Still, at least they scored. With the island's three airports, at least they can escape the brutality of their defeats once they are over.
Who even plays for the Vatican? The Vatican only has 800 residents, and nearly all of them have jobs related to religion, like cardinals, bishops, and even the pope.
How can they even create a soccer team when they have like 1,000 people living there?
They are not even a member of FIFA!
People who act like this are a disgrace and should not be banned because they are incapable of showing sportsmanship.
Argentina are real bullies to Brazil and Chile. I love Argentina, but I hate the soccer team. They should be higher on the list.
The Newcomers
They really suck. They lost to three teams by more than 30-0 and had more than 100 goals conceded in just three games!
The U-23 team sucks, losing 46-0 and 38-0 in just two games. Worst team ever, hardly winning a match.
Tonga is another small nation in the OFC that will probably never qualify for the World Cup. With a population of around 100,000, the island nation doesn't have a huge population to choose from. Tonga once lost to Australia 22-0. AKA they are terrible.
They are currently tied for the worst national team in the FIFA rankings.
They are ranked last. I'm surprised that they have a team.
Another nation not on the FIFA rankings is Pohnpei, a small island located in the Pacific Ocean. They began playing football almost 29 years ago with very little to shout about. They came to light by many after two Englishmen, Paul Watson and Matt Conrad, took to the island after searching Wikipedia for the worst nation to become international coaches.
When they got there, it wasn't as easy as they thought. Ninety-one percent of the population was obese, and the island only had two pitches: one a swamp, the other a large slope. This didn't deter them, and while on a tour in Guam, they saw their only victory in a 7-1 win over Crushers FC. Still, it will be a long way until they can match the likes of Spain and Argentina.
They are the worst. I don't know how they made it to the World Cup.
South Korea is the team that tries to cheat and gets upset whenever they get caught.
Wow, I'm impressed! South Korea is very weak! You should train harder! By the way, I'm a varsity player! I'm just saying!
The only European side on this list is San Marino. They are the whipping boys of Euro qualification for major tournaments. With 0 points, they join Turks and Caicos at the bottom of the FIFA rankings, but with a far worse record.
Playing a total of 122 games, they have won just once, drawn three, and lost the rest. With a record of conceding an average of 4.36 goals per game and scoring 0.16, life doesn't bode well for the small nation. Besides their only win, they still celebrate scoring in 8 seconds against England in 1993. They lost 7-1, mind you. What do you expect from a country with just 31,000 citizens?
FIFA gave a penalty. They can't play anymore.
Bad forwards, bad midfielders, bad goalkeeper, and bad defense.
I'm from China. Since I was born, I've never actually seen the Chinese team make it into the World Cup.
With a population of 15,000 people, Anguilla should be proud of being above six other countries. They have won 3 times in their 48 outings as a national side. Their last win was as recent as 2010, in a Caribbean Cup fixture against Saint Martin, 2-1.
They have had a few big losses, with their biggest being a 14-0 loss back in 1998 to Guyana. For an island that is 16 miles long and just 3 miles wide, their stats are far more impressive than they appear.