Best Things to Say After You Fart

Letting loose a massive duck call can be a mortifying experience, or it can be amazing. You just have to own it. And what better way to take control of the situation than to have that perfect one-liner ready to let rip.

The Top Ten

1 Who farted?

If you are prone to farting, nobody will believe you - Solacress

So they will not

2 All things must pass

*Farts loud in the middle of class* "All things must pass". - funnyuser


3 Pardon, but who just died? It smells like a rotting corpse in here!
4 I may or may not have farted out a rainbow, because I'm a unicorn!

It'd true I'm a unicorn sorry

That's very funny

True avery on darts a raindow

5 Oh, smells like I just farted out NyQuil, time to go to sleep!
6 There goes my lunch from yesterday!

That literally smells like poop

, my family died from laughter!

Pfft! - PhilTheCorgi

Lol haha

7 Speak to me, oh toothless one. Share your wisdom.

The best

My farts are very esoteric. It's not my fault that you can't understand their brilliance. Admittedly, I'm dumbfounded half the time myself.

Best one. Literally laughed loud in front of my entire family

8 Did I just fart and unveil my secret that I am a unicorn? Oh, whoops...
9 R.I.P Me


10 Do you smell cookies?

I smell popcorn

And then everyone in earshot takes a big hopeful whiff.

No it smells like rotten eggs

Even Cookie Monster might notice.

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The Contenders

11 If you were stuck in there, you'd want out too.

A very matter of fact excuse for why things are escaping from your bottom.


12 That's gonna itch when it dries

It's true

13 Did you hear that?!

Summon you best Will Ferrell from Elf where he unleashes a righteous belch after chugging an entire 2 liter bottle of cola. Except this time don't count on the little kid sitting next to you to be smiling.

In regular show-
Mordecai: Did you hear that?
Rigby: What?
(Mordecai farts, Rigby clutches nose)
Rigby: Eeww.. Wait... I don't feel so good...
(Rigby faints and falls on ground)

In Regular Show-
Mordecai:dude did you hear that
(Mordecai farts, Rigby clutches nose)
Rigby: Ew..
I don't feel so good.. (Rigby faints)

14 Little too much choke, I think I flooded it.

Might result in a few blank stares, but sometime that is the risk of such exquisite high-brow humor.

Only for the most liquid of farts may you embarrass yourself with this. - PositronWildhawk

Liquid fart comes when we drink Coca-Cola - Animefan12

Lol I get this sadly only a certian percent of people will understand

15 Shut up, Meg.

Haha! This one made me die from laughter! - PhilTheCorgi

Ha I love family guy

I hate meg swell

16 I think I farted so loud, the people in China could hear me


17 Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass!

Fat Bastard from Goldmember. Make sure you have the monologue memorized, complete with accent, inflection, and timing. Once you start you have to finish. There wasn't enough space to add the entire thing so look it up. Gotta start with "It did sound a little wet" and end with "That, plus crap." If you don't have them rolling in the isles, either they have absolutely no sense of humor or you did it wrong because this is gold.

HA! Oh man, this, this is a classic. One of the best fart scenes in a movie ever, and if you can pull this off, you are AWESOME!

Who ever put this up. THANK YOU!

too long

18 Your voice my be deeper, but my breath is better.

Of course, not applicable if you release a squeaker. Feel free to modify to fit the situation and speaker.

19 It was me!

Classic Jim Carrey. Just make sure you can pull it off and that others are old enough to get the reference.

Ha ha! Best way to not getting yourself ridiculed! - Animefan12

Haha! I love this! It's just the matter-of-fact tone you use when everyone is staring at you, while their jaw drags on the floor. Very, very funny.
Love this list. - Britgirl

20 Sorry dude I had to let it out
21 Did that impress you baby?

Guy at work did this. Holly was disgusted. - bobbythebrony

It's a very interesting choice. um. to be honest, I really just lmao

22 Blame my lunch
23 Your voice is changing but your breath's the same
24 Excuse me



25 Wow, sounds like SOMEONE blew a raspberry on a baby's stomach. Or maybe they just dumped.

Thanks, you made me lol

26 Woogleboggle
27 I'm sorry, [person's name]

See if you can get them to play out the whole scene. And if you don't know what scene I'm referring to you need to do a lot more research before trying to be funny. In order to be great, you have to learn from the greats.

good one

28 It's April fresh *sniff a few times*
29 Shoot low sheriff, they're riding shetlands!


30 Who did that!?

I think I'll need to use this excellent excuse a lot #if you know what I mean #i do a lot😝

31 Oops. I caused an explosion
32 That was your mom!

Rude just rude makes me angry

33 That was two turds fighting, one knocked the breath out of the other


My wife told me that the other day. I died😂

34 Whoops, I sharted!

We all know it's true! - MissingNo

35 Felt that earthquake kids?

Haha. I imagine someone letting out a huge fart and it shook the ground! - funnyuser

Then what'd happen to the butt? - Animefan12

36 That isn't me. must be you.
37 Methane power... Activate!
38 It was Casper
39 I smell a delicious aroma... A mix of chocolate, fruit, and flowers! Take a whiff if you want eternal peace!!!!

More like eternal death

40 Ohh yeah
41 Oops! I think I followed through!
42 *sniffs 2X* stinky! (wave your hand)
43 And that's why you shouldn't pull my finger!
44 Will you marry me?
45 Now I'm a unicorn!!!!!
46 Eh, must've been the wind.
47 That was so fetch!
48 Don't rip it, I'll take the whole sheet
49 Ummmm. It was me leaking gas
50 Hey guys, its me (your name), I farted and I couldn't be more sorry
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