Best Things to Say After You Fart

Letting loose a massive duck call can be a mortifying experience, or it can be amazing. You just have to own it. And what better way to take control of the situation than to have that perfect one-liner ready to let rip.
The Top Ten
1 Who farted?

Hmm, that's a stumper

So they will not

2 Pardon, but who just died? It smells like a rotting corpse in here!
3 All things must pass

*Farts loud in the middle of class* "All things must pass".

4 I may or may not have farted out a rainbow, because I'm a unicorn!

That's very funny

5 Oh, smells like I just farted out NyQuil, time to go to sleep!
6 There goes my lunch from yesterday!
7 Speak to me, oh toothless one. Share your wisdom.

My farts are very esoteric. It's not my fault that you can't understand their brilliance. Admittedly, I'm dumbfounded half the time myself.

The amount of knowledge that hs been shared by the toothless one over the years is mind-blowing!

8 Do you smell cookies?

I can't wait to be bakin' up some cookies for my dearest family members during a road trip...

And then everyone in earshot takes a big hopeful whiff.

Did those cookies come from the garbage?

Even Cookie Monster might notice.

9 Did I just fart and unveil my secret that I am a unicorn? Oh, whoops...
10 If you were stuck in there, you'd want out too.

A very matter of fact excuse for why things are escaping from your bottom.

The Contenders
11 R.I.P Me
12 That's gonna itch when it dries
13 Did you hear that?!

Summon you best Will Ferrell from Elf where he unleashes a righteous belch after chugging an entire 2 liter bottle of cola. Except this time don't count on the little kid sitting next to you to be smiling.

14 Little too much choke, I think I flooded it.

Yes! I don't think many people would get this one unless they ride quads, motorcycles, dirtbikes, or anything like that, but it's very amusing!

Might result in a few blank stares, but sometime that is the risk of such exquisite high-brow humor.

Only for the most liquid of farts may you embarrass yourself with this.

15 Shut up, Meg.

Is that the Meg from Phantom of the Opera? Oh my gosh, Meg, you need to warm up your voice a bit...

Haha! This one made me die from laughter!

Ha I love family guy

I hate meg swell

16 I think I farted so loud, the people in China could hear me
17 Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass!

Fat Bastard from Goldmember. Make sure you have the monologue memorized, complete with accent, inflection, and timing. Once you start you have to finish. There wasn't enough space to add the entire thing so look it up. Gotta start with "It did sound a little wet" and end with "That, plus crap." If you don't have them rolling in the isles, either they have absolutely no sense of humor or you did it wrong because this is gold.

HA! Oh man, this, this is a classic. One of the best fart scenes in a movie ever, and if you can pull this off, you are AWESOME!

18 It was me!

Haha! I love this! It's just the matter-of-fact tone you use when everyone is staring at you, while their jaw drags on the floor. Very, very funny.
Love this list.

Classic Jim Carrey. Just make sure you can pull it off and that others are old enough to get the reference.

Ha ha! Best way to not getting yourself ridiculed!

19 Your voice my be deeper, but my breath is better.

Of course, not applicable if you release a squeaker. Feel free to modify to fit the situation and speaker.

20 Did that impress you baby?

Guy at work did this. Holly was disgusted.

21 Sorry dude I had to let it out
22 Blame my lunch
23 Your voice is changing but your breath's the same
24 Woogleboggle
25 That was two turds fighting, one knocked the breath out of the other
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