Best Things to Say After You Fart

Letting loose a massive duck call can be a mortifying experience, or it can be amazing. You just have to own it. And what better way to take control of the situation than to have that perfect one-liner ready to let rip.

The Top Ten

1 Who farted?

So they will not

If you are prone to farting, nobody will believe you - Solacress

2 All things must pass

*Farts loud in the middle of class* "All things must pass". - funnyuser

Heh.

3 Pardon, but who just died? It smells like a rotting corpse in here!
4 I may or may not have farted out a rainbow, because I'm a unicorn!

That's very funny

True avery on darts a raindow

It'd true I'm a unicorn sorry

Lol

5 Oh, smells like I just farted out NyQuil, time to go to sleep!
6 There goes my lunch from yesterday!

, my family died from laughter!

Lol haha

7 Speak to me, oh toothless one. Share your wisdom.

My farts are very esoteric. It's not my fault that you can't understand their brilliance. Admittedly, I'm dumbfounded half the time myself.

Best one. Literally laughed loud in front of my entire family

The best

8 Did I just fart and unveil my secret that I am a unicorn? Oh, whoops...
9 R.I.P Me

Rip

10 Do you smell cookies?

And then everyone in earshot takes a big hopeful whiff.

No it smells like rotten eggs

Even Cookie Monster might notice.

That's nasty

V 1 Comment

The Contenders

11 If you were stuck in there, you'd want out too.

A very matter of fact excuse for why things are escaping from your bottom.

Yup

12 Did you hear that?!

Summon you best Will Ferrell from Elf where he unleashes a righteous belch after chugging an entire 2 liter bottle of cola. Except this time don't count on the little kid sitting next to you to be smiling.

lol

In regular show-
Mordecai: Did you hear that?
Rigby: What?
(Mordecai farts, Rigby clutches nose)
Rigby: Eeww.. Wait... I don't feel so good...
(Rigby faints and falls on ground)

In Regular Show-
Mordecai:dude did you hear that
Rigby:What?
(Mordecai farts, Rigby clutches nose)
Rigby: Ew..
I don't feel so good.. (Rigby faints)

13 Little too much choke, I think I flooded it.

Might result in a few blank stares, but sometime that is the risk of such exquisite high-brow humor.

Only for the most liquid of farts may you embarrass yourself with this. - PositronWildhawk

Liquid fart comes when we drink Coca-Cola - Animefan12

Lol I get this sadly only a certian percent of people will understand

14 Shut up, Meg.

Ha I love family guy

I hate meg swell

15 That's gonna itch when it dries

It's true

16 I think I farted so loud, the people in China could hear me

yas

17 Your voice my be deeper, but my breath is better.

Of course, not applicable if you release a squeaker. Feel free to modify to fit the situation and speaker.

18 It was me!

Classic Jim Carrey. Just make sure you can pull it off and that others are old enough to get the reference.

Ha ha! Best way to not getting yourself ridiculed! - Animefan12

Haha! I love this! It's just the matter-of-fact tone you use when everyone is staring at you, while their jaw drags on the floor. Very, very funny.
Love this list. - Britgirl

19 Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass!

Fat Bastard from Goldmember. Make sure you have the monologue memorized, complete with accent, inflection, and timing. Once you start you have to finish. There wasn't enough space to add the entire thing so look it up. Gotta start with "It did sound a little wet" and end with "That, plus crap." If you don't have them rolling in the isles, either they have absolutely no sense of humor or you did it wrong because this is gold.

HA! Oh man, this, this is a classic. One of the best fart scenes in a movie ever, and if you can pull this off, you are AWESOME!

Who ever put this up. THANK YOU!

too long

20 Did that impress you baby?

Guy at work did this. Holly was disgusted. - bobbythebrony

It's a very interesting choice. um. to be honest, I really just lmao

21 Sorry dude I had to let it out
22 Your voice is changing but your breath's the same
23 Blame my lunch
24 Excuse me

Noo

amazing

25 It's April fresh *sniff a few times*
26 Wow, sounds like SOMEONE blew a raspberry on a baby's stomach. Or maybe they just dumped.

Thanks, you made me lol

27 Woogleboggle
28 I'm sorry, [person's name]

See if you can get them to play out the whole scene. And if you don't know what scene I'm referring to you need to do a lot more research before trying to be funny. In order to be great, you have to learn from the greats.

good one

29 Whoops, I sharted!

We all know it's true! - MissingNo

30 Felt that earthquake kids?

Haha. I imagine someone letting out a huge fart and it shook the ground! - funnyuser

Then what'd happen to the butt? - Animefan12

31 It was Casper
32 Shoot low sheriff, they're riding shetlands!

Amazing!

33 I smell a delicious aroma... A mix of chocolate, fruit, and flowers! Take a whiff if you want eternal peace!!!!

More like eternal death

34 Who did that!?

I think I'll need to use this excellent excuse a lot #if you know what I mean #i do a lot😝

35 Oops. I caused an explosion
36 Ohh yeah
37 That was your mom!
38 That isn't me. must be you.
39 Oops! I think I followed through!
40 Methane power... Activate!
41 *sniffs 2X* stinky! (wave your hand)
42 And that's why you shouldn't pull my finger!
43 Will you marry me?
44 Now I'm a unicorn!!!!!
45 Eh, must've been the wind.
46 That was so fetch!
47 Don't rip it, I'll take the whole sheet
48 That was two turds fighting, one knocked the breath out of the other

My wife told me that the other day. I died😂

49 Ummmm. It was me leaking gas
50 Hey guys, its me (your name), I farted and I couldn't be more sorry
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