Best Things to Say After You Fart

Letting loose a massive duck call can be a mortifying experience, or it can be amazing. You just have to own it. And what better way to take control of the situation than to have that perfect one-liner ready to let rip.

The Top Ten

1 Who farted?

So they will not

2 All things must pass

*Farts loud in the middle of class* "All things must pass". - funnyuser

Heh.

3 Pardon, but who just died? It smells like a rotting corpse in here!
4 I may or may not have farted out a rainbow, because I'm a unicorn! V 3 Comments
5 Oh, smells like I just farted out NyQuil, time to go to sleep!
6 Speak to me, oh toothless one. Share your wisdom.

My farts are very esoteric. It's not my fault that you can't understand their brilliance. Admittedly, I'm dumbfounded half the time myself.

Best one. Literally laughed loud in front of my entire family

7 There goes my lunch from yesterday! V 1 Comment
8 Do you smell cookies?

And then everyone in earshot takes a big hopeful whiff.

Even Cookie Monster might notice.

No it smells like rotten eggs

That's nasty

V 1 Comment
9 If you were stuck in there, you'd want out too.

A very matter of fact excuse for why things are escaping from your bottom.

Yup

10 Did I just fart and unveil my secret that I am a unicorn? Oh, whoops...

The Contenders

11 R.I.P Me
12 Did you hear that?!

Summon you best Will Ferrell from Elf where he unleashes a righteous belch after chugging an entire 2 liter bottle of cola. Except this time don't count on the little kid sitting next to you to be smiling.

In regular show-
Mordecai: Did you hear that?
Rigby: What?
(Mordecai farts, Rigby clutches nose)
Rigby: Eeww.. Wait... I don't feel so good...
(Rigby faints and falls on ground)

V 2 Comments
13 Little too much choke, I think I flooded it.

Might result in a few blank stares, but sometime that is the risk of such exquisite high-brow humor.

Only for the most liquid of farts may you embarrass yourself with this. - PositronWildhawk

V 1 Comment
14 Shut up, Meg. V 2 Comments
15 That's gonna itch when it dries
16 I think I farted so loud, the people in China could hear me
17 Your voice my be deeper, but my breath is better.

Of course, not applicable if you release a squeaker. Feel free to modify to fit the situation and speaker.

18 It was me!

Classic Jim Carrey. Just make sure you can pull it off and that others are old enough to get the reference.

Haha! I love this! It's just the matter-of-fact tone you use when everyone is staring at you, while their jaw drags on the floor. Very, very funny.
Love this list. - Britgirl

V 1 Comment
19 Did that impress you baby?

Guy at work did this. Holly was disgusted. - bobbythebrony

It's a very interesting choice. um. to be honest, I really just lmao

20 Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass!

Fat Bastard from Goldmember. Make sure you have the monologue memorized, complete with accent, inflection, and timing. Once you start you have to finish. There wasn't enough space to add the entire thing so look it up. Gotta start with "It did sound a little wet" and end with "That, plus crap." If you don't have them rolling in the isles, either they have absolutely no sense of humor or you did it wrong because this is gold.

HA! Oh man, this, this is a classic. One of the best fart scenes in a movie ever, and if you can pull this off, you are AWESOME!

V 2 Comments
PSearch List
71239

Recommended Lists

P