Top 10 Funniest Insults

Celestius

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The Top Ten

1
You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.
, that is a genius come-back! That is so SMART! Even I wouldn't have thought of that, though I am really bad at comebacks.
Great comeback used it so much at school
I'm using this one on The next person I see I hate
Well I got a joke that will kill you god made rivers god made lakes god made you hell everyone makes mistakes
[Newest]Your so ugly it looks like you fell down the ugly tree and hit all the branches down

2Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Another one is:Roses are red and violets are blue: I thought I was ugly until I met ya
Roses are red violets are blue I got five fingers the middle one's for you

PewDiePie

Why on earth are you here?! School doesn't allow litter.
[Newest]Using it every trash talk war!

3We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
Laugh out loud great for my main enemy that lies A LOT
It means. "Stop it man, you lie like ALL THE TIME! ".
Used it on my bro he got peed off
[Newest]I would love to use this on my enemy but I'm meant to be the "nice girl".

4The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
Wow this is perfect. "Yo mama" jokes are cruel and unfunny. But this? This is comic GOLD!
Laugh out loud this is hilarious!
That is a true burn. The one true burn. BURN! Be it Indian, Chinese or just leant on a soldering iron, it's a BUR!

PositronWildhawk

[Newest]This one is amazing! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

5You married Barney
"your birth certifercet is an apology for the condom factory"
You so ugly that santa paid you to kill yourself
I don't get it but I'm sure someone will find it funny...
[Newest]I bet Barney must have died

6Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror her reflection walked away
I love this so much
Laugh out loud so funny
Not funny as 1 time

7Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality
I'm so gonna use this classy one
I am cracking up with my friend ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Hahah so old mate but I will use it on my mates!
[Newest]That because you live in it

8Dumbass
My ass smells like cherry coke on a sundernesday because of the time I drove my donkey to work on a twinkie plane... I just said mommy in the bath tub with batman
I started laughing my ass off when all I saw was dumbass. That's a word not a insult
Just classic use of insults since it always leaves your enemy slack dropped of and pissed off. I did this on my mates and they were owned
[Newest]I always use this against people

9Hey, I looked up a hobo in the dictionary and the definition was you
Don't work out so will
Ha ha laugh out loud
Laugh out loud so funny!
[Newest]I tried that on my sister and got slapped.

10Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident
I love this one totally using it on someone from my school, totally gonna shut them up!
This is so funny I and totally going to use this when my uncles disses me again you wait because this insult will be used. I garden tee you that this is the best insult ever to be found please use it because I am
This is so funny! I am so going to use this on my friends when they're making fun of me again. I'll bet this will make them shut up.
[Newest]It's so good I'm going to use it on all enemies that are kinda friends.

The Contenders

11You have enough fat to make another human
Man, this is so offensive but it's also at the same time hilarious
Just thought of it
! This is the best thing I have heard in a while! This is so offensive but so bloody hilarious!

12I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
Nice one! :P Always wanted to try this, just waiting for the chance to try it! I totally agree with this one though.
Laugh out loud I should say that to my worst enemy!
Best one ever (after th eapology note from the condem factory

hello2

[Newest]I love this joke it is so funny. This kid who lives behind me always insults me and I insult him back!

13You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back
So funny laugh out loud
You were so ugly when you were born that the doctor told your mom what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it
Love it used it on my friend he was lost for words! Thanks man
[Newest]Laugh out loud this is the funniest one I've seen in awhile!

14Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
I love you man! This is the best come back of all time

15I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
This joke is way better than the ther ones. I t's funny it makes sense and it doesn't sound like some three year old isn't trying to make fun of you...
So good! This is probably one of the only comebacks which would actually work when it's not inside your head - reality stinks
hihihi I gotta try this one!
[Newest]I like this in best! Totally going to use it in my enemy!

16Your mums so fat not even Dora could explore her
This made me laugh but the others did not really
Dora annoys the crap out of me. Hope I'm not alone
Laugh out loud this is hilarious

17I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Used it already! Very good insult to use on people, love it you should use it to it messes people up a lot. Amazing!
THIS ONES ON A JAYJAYS T-SHIRT... ME BROTHER HAS IT...
its funny! plus.. Who whould say that?
Haha that's funny it would take a while for the person to catch on! Laugh out loud
[Newest]It's taking ME a while to catch on

18Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
Ohh! Major burn! I will have to try this. People always make fun of my pixie cut and the size of my nose so now i, ll always have a comeback!
Laugh out loud burn to any one who will try and insult me rotfl
You mom is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
[Newest]Ha ha hilarious some of these jokes are so funny

19Yo mama so stupid she still can't figure out how to tie her shoes
Maybe because they're Velcro :L

20I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
Very cruel. What if I tell my boyfriend this...

21Your so fat that the equator is 20000m times shorter than your belt
English tricky language...

Its: Your so fat that the equator is 20000 time shorter OR 20000 times shorter, not both mate
Are you Australian? You said the word 'mate. ' It's fine if you R. I'm attracted to cute Australians. Forget British accents!

22It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails, with a hunting knife, and he ran into me, backwards, 17 times.
Lol this is funny but if you actually said that to a cop man are you ever in trouble
Sounds extremely disturbing and awkward
I gotta use that...

23I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
Kind of like "I miss you, but my aim is improving. "

usmc650736

I'm doing this to this girl that is always a b*tch to me and my friends she is really fat and ugly and tries to fit in but she can't because she takes up the whole hallway oo burn
Good one! I'll use it on this really annoying kid.
[Newest]You always have that one friend that secretly annoys you.

24Hey, I just met you, girl you look crazy, what's brand's your makeup, crayola, maybe?
Saying this to nearly every girl I know
I'm a girl myself, but I must give this insult credit.
Laugh out loud gonna use it
[Newest]Lol I'm a girl but that's funny

25Ahhh!!! Run a bear, oh wait that's just your mom
Laugh out loud funny as ever

26Yo mama so poor she had to get her clothes from a dumpster
That's not so great.
That is very poor laugh out loud

27β€œMy husband and I divorced over religious differences.”He thought he was GOD and I didn't.

28Your so lazy that you ask someone to come to your house to change the tv channel
Really? I've heard popsicle jokes funnier

29Bunny kisser
Can't you put an animal more disgusting on there? Like a cow

30Yo mama so stupid she ate cereal with a knife
He messed up the cereal
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store overnight and starved to death
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor

31Your so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper

32I fart to make you smell better.
I'll tell that one to my older sibling. We'll both laugh out loud

33I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
Great. I used this as a 'comeback' at school when someone called me ugly.
Your family tree isn't a family tree it's a cactus because they're all pricks

34People who are stupid, are one of you

35Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
Telling that to my dictator teacher. Probably get suspended but what eves. My private school sucks anyway. GO PUBLIC SCHOOLS
I dare you to use this on your mother!
I would not have the balls to say that to my mom...

36I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

37You look like Justin Bieber
That is so mean to him laugh out loud
That is so cruel

38Why on earth are you here?! School doesn't allow litter!
Hey good one this will surely help me in insulting those fashion crazy bimbos
Who do so much make up that I actually once said to them " are you the ancestors of monkey because you look worst than that "
This one was so funny I'm gonna use it sometime this week lol

39Your so weak that you can't hold a grain of salt
I've heard funnier jokes like what is this a grain of salt? Come on. Be more original

40If ugliness were bricks then you would be the Great Wall of China
Laugh out loud! Fell off my chair!
I literally just dropped my apple chips all over the floor
This is pretty everyone's lol of the day!

41If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
I'll use this on the wife hopefully she'll divorce me
Divorce isn't pretty you know.

42If I wanted a bitch I would have bought a dog.
Laugh out loud this is hilarious!
Laugh out loud so funny

43Get yourself another face, my dog wants her ass back
I will defiantly use this!
LMFAO I JUST DIED
I just love this, why isn't it in the top 10?!?

44Everybody makes mistakes, even God did when he made your face
Best come back ever!
That is some epic cuss. I gotta use that tomorrow at school.
Aah aaah no that is good but god does not make mistakes and secondly it could be extanded

45Yo mama so dumb she got knocked down by a parked car
Laughed the heck out of me it's so funny!
Too funny I was laughing so hard...

46Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

47Your mama's so fat that when she told me her weight I thought it was her telephone number
Jesus this is unreal, if you want another one say to someone you are a dog that needs to be put down, it made half the people I told it to cry
This is kind of mean but funny... wait till I use it on my friend sshe would start crying
This is so ccrrazey! I bet my friend would faint if he hears this.

48Yo mama so fat when she jumped the earth dropped
Don't be ashamed to snort. Just not lethal drugs or anything
Laugh out loud good one
This just made me snort.
Oh, that was funny.
Humor at it's simplest.

49Hey I just met you, and this is crazy but are you sure you were a cute baby?
Love it because its totally Carly Rae Over and done. She is done with, this should be made into a parody! Laugh out loud!

50You look like a before picture.
Because I really believe that some people in this world deserve to be ridiculed for their appalling behaviour that is actually an insult to stupid people.
LOOP HOLE! What if it was before an accident then it would be better
... And you mama the after

51You're so dumb that when you got locked in a toilet for the night you pissed yourself.
Haha, that actually happened to one of my mates and no one stops talking about it!
What in the world was that? An insult or a foreign language?
I couldn't stop laughing for like five mins

52You so dumb that you won the lottery and ripped the ticket
You wouldn't need the ticket anymore if you've already won (duh)

53Shock me say something intelligent

54I think you need a licence to be that ugly
Brother told that to me and we laughed together

55Your birth certificate is an apology letter from a condom factory

56Your mum's so ugly that when she applied for a job at Tescos they said "sorry, due to our recent 'slip-up' no horses allowed"

57If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse
I woul have worded it, I would slap you
But that would be animal abuse, just so
It's not as awkward. Still funny though!
Why is it not up higher?
One of the characters in the book I'm writing says something like this to someone (she says "I would kick you in the groin for saying that. Would. Problem is, that'd be animal abuse, which is against the law. So consider yourself lucky.")

IzunaTheClanWarGuy

I know right? Still laugh out loud

58Your momma is like a door knob, everybody gets a turn
Did I get a turn laugh out loud

59Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven? It looks like you fell on your face.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

No. My boyfriend caught me

60From the moment I laid my eyes on you I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you
Laugh out loud made me fall off my chair
I will use this on a guy I hate

61OMG there's something hideous and disgusting on your shoulders! Oh, sorry, it's your head.
I heard one that says: what's that thing on your neck that looks like meatloaf? Like that one better.

62How are thou? Thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip-oil?
Thou est frying ones chips exquisitely

63Yo mama so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
HEY! At least she tried!
I guess you would then do m then w?

64You're so fat that when you sat on Walmart you lowered the prices
Wish Wal-Mart would lower prices

65You are living proof that humans can live without brains
Love it made me laugh out loud

66You're so fake even China rejected you

67You mama so hairy she went to the prom with big foot.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
At least brought a smile to my face

68If I was as ugly as you I wouldn't say hi to folk, I'd say boo
Is this Halloween or what

69You're so ugly when you got out the taxi, the taxi driver got a fine for littering
Laugh out loud these are so funny

70When you were born, the doctors said oh it's treasure... your mum said to bury it
Oh ha bit mean

71You have such a horrendous face I think Jesus kicked you out of heaven

72Your family tree is a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
Best one by a long shot
Sooo amazing best insult ever definitely gonna use it on... EVERYONE

73I would love to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
Probably the best comeback I've ever heard.

74Your grandma is like a library, she's open to the public
Wow this is a cool joke. I just this on my bully thanks
Most funniest insult about some one in your family


75Your mama's so fat that when she checked her weight it read one person at a time

76Your mum is so hairy that Bigfoot took her pic

77yo mama so ugly she gave Freddy Krueger nightmares
I think I'm gonna say that to my dad

78Yo mama has more chins than the Chinese phone book.

79There's something gross on your neck, it's so freaky and disgusting... oh wait that's your face
Classic Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

80You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you
Ha I tried and it made them run away this is good for your enemies try it!
I tried this on my brother, and he started lolling so hard, he sent it to all his mates

81You're So Cheesy, Papa John's Paid Millions for You

82You are so fat that you make a hippo look skinny

83Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to the movies she sits next to everybody

84Yo mama like Chinese food, sweet, sour and cheap

85If I wanted a brain transplant I'd take yours because I want one that's never been used before
Ah! Lovely piece of work, this one is.

86I just took a dump, I think I found your perfect lover, in the toilet bowl.
I used this on a this annoying little -----, she burst out in tears, so my friend told her "cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it."

87She wouldn't lick a stamp for you if you were dying of thirst

88It's not my fault that when you went to the ape habitat, the monkeys said "sorry we don't need any more ugly monkeys"

89What's it like going to a rodeo and seeing bulls sexier then you and able to keep a guy longer then you? At least you're not the only one getting paid for a 7 second ride.
That's just too mean
Funny but too long for me

90Your mama's so ugly, this much explains why Justin Bieber threw up on stage.

91Your mom is so hairy that when you were born you got carpet burn.
Very creative, but I don't I'd use this one

92Why are you here? Did someone leave your cage open?

93You're so poor that when you go to KFC you have to lick other people's fingers

94Man Move You Are Blocking the Frequensy

95Your mum's so stupid she sold her car for petrol money

96Your mum's so stupid she sat on the telly and watched the sofa
Not funny I was so tired I almost did this

97You're so stupid you got locked in ASDA and died of starvation

98You look so much like a zombie when I first saw you I got food and a shotgun
Laugh out loud use this on ugly people I tried and they ran away good for your worst enemies

99If you got murdered, I would write your parents a congrats card and your killer a thank you card
This is probably one of my favourite ones, I don't know why. It's hilarious when someone else gets insulted and not yourself. Definitely using this on someone in the future.

100I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey
This is the driest insult ever
One of the crappiest insults ever
Does that make any sense to you?

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This list was created 4 years, 238 days ago and has been voted on over 2,000 times. This top ten list contains 194 items, has been remixed 8 times.

Updated Thursday, March 05, 2015


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