Top 10 Funniest Insults


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The Top Ten

You married Barney
"your birth certifercet is an apology for the condom factory"
You so ugly that santa paid you to kill yourself
I don't get it but I'm sure someone will find it funny...
More comments about You married Barney

2You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.
, that is a genius come-back! That is so SMART! Even I wouldn't have thought of that, though I am really bad at comebacks.
Great comeback used it so much at school
I'm using this one on The next person I see I hate
More comments about You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.

3Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality
I am cracking up with my friend ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I'm so gonna use this classy one
Hahah so old mate but I will use it on my mates!
More comments about Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality

4We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
Laugh out loud great for my main enemy that lies A LOT
Used it on my bro he got peed off
It means. "Stop it man, you lie like ALL THE TIME! ".
More comments about We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

5Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Another one is:Roses are red and violets are blue: I thought I was ugly until I met ya
Why on earth are you here?! School doesn't allow litter.
Roses are red violets are blue I got five fingers the middle one's for you


More comments about Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

My ass smells like cherry coke on a sundernesday because of the time I drove my donkey to work on a twinkie plane... I just said mommy in the bath tub with batman
I started laughing my ass off when all I saw was dumbass. That's a word not a insult
Just classic use of insults since it always leaves your enemy slack dropped of and pissed off. I did this on my mates and they were owned
More comments about Dumbass

7Hey, I looked up a hobo in the dictionary and the definition was you
Don't work out so will
Laugh out loud so funny!
Ha ha laugh out loud

8The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
Wow this is perfect. "Yo mama" jokes are cruel and unfunny. But this? This is comic GOLD!
Laugh out loud this is hilarious!
That is a true burn. The one true burn. BURN! Be it Indian, Chinese or just leant on a soldering iron, it's a BUR!


More comments about The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

9Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror her reflection walked away
I love this so much
Laugh out loud so funny
Laugh out loud! Classic!
More comments about Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror her reflection walked away

10I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
Nice one! :P Always wanted to try this, just waiting for the chance to try it! I totally agree with this one though.
Laugh out loud I should say that to my worst enemy!
Best one ever (after th eapology note from the condem factory


More comments about I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

The Contenders

11Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
I love you man! This is the best come back of all time

12Yo mama so stupid she still can't figure out how to tie her shoes
Maybe because they're Velcro :L

13You Have Enough Fat to Make Another Human
Man, this is so offensive but it's also at the same time hilarious
Just thought of it

14You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back
So funny laugh out loud
Love it used it on my friend he was lost for words! Thanks man
Ahh laugh out loud an old classic!

15Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
Ohh! Major burn! I will have to try this. People always make fun of my pixie cut and the size of my nose so now i, ll always have a comeback!
Laugh out loud burn to any one who will try and insult me rotfl
You mom is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
More comments about Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

16It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails, with a hunting knife, and he ran into me, backwards, 17 times.
I gotta use that...

17Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident
I love this one totally using it on someone from my school, totally gonna shut them up!
This is so funny I and totally going to use this when my uncles disses me again you wait because this insult will be used. I garden tee you that this is the best insult ever to be found please use it because I am
This is so funny! I am so going to use this on my friends when they're making fun of me again. I'll bet this will make them shut up.
More comments about Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident

18Your so fat that the equator is 20000m times shorter than your belt

19“My husband and I divorced over religious differences.”He thought he was GOD and I didn't.

20Yo mama so poor she had to get her clothes from a dumpster

21Your so lazy that you ask someone to come to your house to change the tv channel

22I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
Kind of like "I miss you, but my aim is improving. "


I'm doing this to this girl that is always a b*tch to me and my friends she is really fat and ugly and tries to fit in but she can't because she takes up the whole hallway oo burn
Good one! I'll use it on this really annoying kid.
More comments about I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

23Bunny kisser
Funny with a capital F!

24I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
This joke is way better than the ther ones. I t's funny it makes sense and it doesn't sound like some three year old isn't trying to make fun of you...
So good! This is probably one of the only comebacks which would actually work when it's not inside your head - reality stinks
Love it gunna use it today in math
More comments about I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

25Yo mama so stupid she ate cereal with a knife
He messed up the cereal

26Your so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper

27Hey, I just met you, girl you look crazy, what's brand's your makeup, crayola, maybe?
Saying this to nearly every girl I know
Gosh carly rae jephson is gonna freak
Lololololololololol! So unbeileibly funny using this everyday


More comments about Hey, I just met you, girl you look crazy, what's brand's your makeup, crayola, maybe?

28I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Used it already! Very good insult to use on people, love it you should use it to it messes people up a lot. Amazing!
its funny! plus.. Who whould say that?
Haha that's funny it would take a while for the person to catch on! Laugh out loud

29People who are stupid, are one of you

30I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
Great. I used this as a 'comeback' at school when someone called me ugly.
Haga this reminds me of SHAUN BARLETT

31Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?

32Your so weak that you can't hold a grain of salt

33I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

34I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

35I fart to make you smell better.

36If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
I'll use this on the wife hopefully she'll divorce me

37Your mums so fat not even Dora could explore her
This made me laugh but the others did not really
Just funny nothing else

38Why on earth are you here?! School doesn't allow litter!
Hey good one this will surely help me in insulting those fashion crazy bimbos
Who do so much make up that I actually once said to them " are you the ancestors of monkey because you look worst than that "

39Yo mama so fat when she jumped the earth dropped
This just made me snort.
Oh, that was funny.
Humor at it's simplest.

40Ahhh!!! Run a bear, oh wait that's just your mom
Laugh out loud funny as ever

41You look like Justin Bieber

42You so dumb that you won the lottery and ripped the ticket

43If ugliness were bricks then you would be the Great Wall of China
Laugh out loud! Fell off my chair!
How did you think of that
Wow laugh out loud

44Everybody makes mistakes, even God did when he made your face
Best come back ever!
Hahah laugh out loud!

45Hey I just met you, and this is crazy but are you sure you were a cute baby?
Love it because its totally Carly Rae Over and done. She is done with, this should be made into a parody! Laugh out loud!

46You look like a before picture.
Because I really believe that some people in this world deserve to be ridiculed for their appalling behaviour that is actually an insult to stupid people.
LOOP HOLE! What if it was before an accident then it would be better
Lool before and after... When it comes to you there is no difference

47You're so dumb that when you got locked in a toilet for the night you pissed yourself.
Haha, that actually happened to one of my mates and no one stops talking about it!
I couldn't stop laughing for like five mins
It would be bathroom not toilet... ___.

48Yo mama so dumb she got knocked down by a parked car
Too funny I was laughing so hard...

49If I wanted a bitch I would have bought a dog.
Laugh out loud this is hilarious!
O.M.G... This one had me laughing for a whole hour.

50Shock me say something intelligent

51Get yourself another face, my dog wants her ass back
I will defiantly use this!

52Your mama's so fat that when she told me her weight I thought it was her telephone number
Jesus this is unreal, if you want another one say to someone you are a dog that needs to be put down, it made half the people I told it to cry
This is so ccrrazey! I bet my friend would faint if he hears this.

53I think you need a licence to be that ugly
Eish my friend kaylan naidoo died when I told him that Eminem why don't you come to South Africa at gauteng. At 2 November

54Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is
Perfect had me snorting farting and even fingering myself perfect ^. ^

55Your mum's so ugly that when she applied for a job at Tescos they said "sorry, due to our recent 'slip-up' no horses allowed"
That's so funny haha:')

56How are thou? Thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip-oil?
Thou est frying ones chips exquisitely

57If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse
I woul have worded it, I would slap you
But that would be animal abuse, just so
It's not as awkward. Still funny though!
Why is it not up higher?

58Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven? It looks like you fell on your face.

59OMG there's something hideous and disgusting on your shoulders! Oh, sorry, it's your head.
Laugh out loud I love this one!

60Yo mama so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order

61You're so fat that when you sat on Walmart you lowered the prices
Loic this is so funny shaka

62You're so fake even China rejected you

63Your birth certificate is an apology letter from a condom factory

64You mama so hairy she went to the prom with big foot.

65You are living proof that humans can live without brains
Love it made me laugh out loud

66If I was as ugly as you I wouldn't say hi to folk, I'd say boo

67When you were born, the doctors said oh it's treasure... your mum said to bury it
Oh ha bit mean

68You have such a horrendous face I think Jesus kicked you out of heaven

69Your grandma is like a library, she's open to the public

70Your mama's so fat that when she checked her weight it read one person at a time

71Your mum is so hairy that Bigfoot took her pic

72Your momma is like a door knob, everybody gets a turn

73Your family tree is a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

74Yo mama has more chins than the Chinese phone book.

75You're So Cheesy, Papa John's Paid Millions for You

76Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to the movies she sits next to everybody
Kikikiki this is so hilarious

77From the moment I laid my eyes on you I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you
Laugh out loud made me fall off my chair

78yo mama so ugly she gave Freddy Krueger nightmares
I think I'm gonna say that to my dad

79If I wanted a brain transplant I'd take yours because I want one that's never been used before
Ah! Lovely piece of work, this one is.

80You're so ugly when you got out the taxi, the taxi driver got a fine for littering

81You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you
Ha I tried and it made them run away this is good for your enemies try it!

82I would love to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
Probably the best comeback I've ever heard.

83I just took a dump, I think I found your perfect lover, in the toilet bowl.
I used this on a this annoying little -----, she burst out in tears, so my friend told her "cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it."

84She wouldn't lick a stamp for you if you were dying of thirst

85You are so fat that you make a hippo look skinny

86Yo mama like Chinese food, sweet, sour and cheap

87It's not my fault that when you went to the ape habitat, the monkeys said "sorry we don't need any more ugly monkeys"

88What's it like going to a rodeo and seeing bulls sexier then you and able to keep a guy longer then you? At least you're not the only one getting paid for a 7 second ride.

89Your mama's so ugly, this much explains why Justin Bieber threw up on stage.

90Your mom is so hairy that when you were born you got carpet burn.

91Why are you here? Did someone leave your cage open?
Why are you here? Did someone leave your cage open?

92There's something gross on your neck, it's so freaky and disgusting... oh wait that's your face
Classic Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

93Man Move You Are Blocking the Frequensy

94Your mum's so stupid she sold her car for petrol money

95Your mum's so stupid she sat on the telly and watched the sofa

96You're so stupid you got locked in ASDA and died of starvation

97I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey

98You're so poor that when you go to KFC you have to lick other people's fingers

99Your mama's so poor she keeps her food stamps in a money clip

100Nice face, where did you get it? A Cracker Jack box.

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This list was created 3 years, 282 days ago and has been voted on over 1,000 times. This top ten list contains 141 items, has been remixed 6 times.

Updated Friday, April 18, 2014

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