Top Ten Weirdest Times or Places to Masturbate

The Top Ten

1 In Class

Whoever would try to masturbate in class is stupid. You will obviously get caught.

I wonder how long you would get detention?

What kind of sane person would do that?!

They have kids there. They'll see it!

2 During a Funeral

My Christian relatives would be furious

And here lies common sense, he was a useless fudge hindering oir knowledge and anyway let us masturbate his grave to see how many Nobel Peace Prize I can get - CerealGuy

Nasty. - Powerfulgirl10

This is a sad death of *insert name*
Everyone: crying out loud*
Someone: (thinking) They can see/hear me masturbate (masturbates)
Everyone: stops and start laughing

3 At the Park

An old dude did that in a town near mine.

He is now in jail.


4 In Front of Your Parents

Hey honey. What did you do in school to- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Wow, what an appropriate place... - Turkeyasylum

They'll love it...

That would be awkward

5 In a Daycare Center

Don't bang the children... - Turkeyasylum

The children would be scarred for life. - Powerfulgirl10

How bout dancing naked on the tables. That's a lot worse and I haven't done yet - AlphaQ

What sick human being would do that. - egnomac

You'll blind the poor children. - Catacorn

6 On Britain's Got Talent

Simon: It's a no from me - Catacorn

For some reason, America's Got Talent can accept that kind of thing. - MaxAurelius

The scary thing is, it sounds feasible. - PositronWildhawk

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! Simon Cowell will NEVER let you move on to the next round. You'll be forever named: the Maniac Masturbating Magician from BGT. Sorry, but it's true. -girlsgotgame

7 In a Police Car

Remind me to try that one when I get arrested

Good idea! Let me try that next time!

I wonder what the cop(s) would do... - RogerMcBaloney

8 During a Play

Unless if you're playing a role where the character has to masterbuate.

Actor 1:I will masturbate at front of my bang bang darling
Actor 2:Fudge I'm skrewed
Actor 1:*Masturbates and head explodes* - CerealGuy

9 At the Movie Theater

I don't masturbate, but it would only be reasonable if the movie was Shrek.

It's actually common to find wet seats in certain theaters. The back of some seats can also we wet...

When during a sex scene, be free to moan all you want for the most chances to m0an out load during the movie I recommend 50 shades of grey

Unless it's a porn movie, lol

10 In the Car

The Uber driver is Jessica alba and she really turns me on *orgasms* - AlphaQ

The Contenders

11 In an Airplane

The only place you'll have any privacy is where you're most likely to be sucked out. - PositronWildhawk


That’s unsanitary - Nic427

12 In a Store
13 During a Skype Chat

Heck no! - Nic427

14 At a Wedding

My crazy religious relatives would kill me - Nic427

Guy: you may kiss the bride
Groom: *kisses bride*
Me: oh fk yea *beats meat*
Groom: whachu doing fam?! - AlphaQ

15 On the Hockey Rink
16 In a Swimming Pool
17 On a Date

I've been on a lot of dates. I tried masturbating once with someone and she dumped me. don't DO IT! - AlphaQ

18 While Getting a Haircut
19 In a Job Interview

Same thang as class. I don't know because I haven't finished school yet. I'm in 9th Grade. - AlphaQ

I think you'd get fired. Not sure. - Powerfulgirl10

The boss turns you on amirite fam? - AlphaQ

20 In the Bathroom at School

People in my school have done this. A lot. - AlphaQ

My boyfriend does this.. - silverdragon

21 On a Roller Coaster

It would ease my phobia of roller coasters, but I still wouldn’t do it - Nic427

Be sure to reach your orgasm right before a drop ladys you can scream from the pleasure there


22 When on a Computer at Your House Watching Sex Videos

This is obvious that people mostly do this while watching porn. - ElSherlock

I'm pretty sure that's what everyone does

Being home alone is the best experience ever. - Not_A_Weeaboo

I do that though

23 In Front of Your Sibling

This could end in 2 ways

Me: *masturbates*
Brother: ew gross
Me: what it’s fine
Brother: disgusting

OR (the worst case)

Me: *masturbates*
Brother: I’m telling
Me: *dies* - AlphaQ

24 In Front of the Child You Need to Babysit

Yup. This is an popular old favorite.

25 In the Woods

The bears turn you on, huh? - AlphaQ

Nature, a beautiful place filled with a variety of flora and fauna…and a great place to masturbate. - AlphaQ

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