Top Ten Weirdest Times/Places to Masturbate

The Top Ten

1 In Class

Why am I even on this list when I don't even do this stuff. - Luckys

I put my hand in my pants during class, 1 of my classmates noticed but I told him that my pants were itchy. - AlphaQ

I wonder how long you would get detention? - nintendofan126

I don't remember if this is true, but I think I took my penis out in class once underneath my desk in 4th grade. No one saw though. - Therandom

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2 During A Funeral

And here lies common sense, he was a useless fudge hindering oir knowledge and anyway let us masturbate his grave to see how many Nobel Peace Prize I can get - CerealGuy

Nasty. - Powerfulgirl10

This is a sad death of *insert name*
Everyone: crying out loud*
Someone: (thinking) They can see/hear me masturbate (masturbates)
Everyone: stops and start laughing - RoseCandyMusic

That’s pretty wrong…as long as it’s not Mia Khalifa’s grave. - AlphaQ

3 In Front of Your Parents

Why the F would anybody do that. - egnomac

Hey honey. What did you do in school to- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Wow, what an appropriate place... - Turkeyasylum

They'll love it...

4 In A Daycare Center

What sick human being would do that. - egnomac

Don't bang the children... - Turkeyasylum

The children would be scarred for life. - Powerfulgirl10

How bout dancing naked on the tables. That's a lot worse and I haven't done yet - AlphaQ

You'll blind the poor children. - Catacorn

5 At The Park

Why is this list a thing - SpectralOwl

6 On Britain's Got Talent

For some reason, America's Got Talent can accept that kind of thing. - MaxAurelius

Simon: It's a no from me - Catacorn

The scary thing is, it sounds feasible. - PositronWildhawk

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! Simon Cowell will NEVER let you move on to the next round. You'll be forever named: the Maniac Masturbating Magician from BGT. Sorry, but it's true. -girlsgotgame

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7 During A Play

Unless if you're playing a role where the character has to masterbuate.

Actor 1:I will masturbate at front of my bang bang darling
Actor 2:Fudge I'm skrewed
Actor 1:*Masturbates and head explodes* - CerealGuy

8 In The Car

The Uber driver is Jessica alba and she really turns me on *orgasms* - AlphaQ

9 In An Airplane

The only place you'll have any privacy is where you're most likely to be sucked out. - PositronWildhawk

10 During a Skype Chat

The Newcomers

? Next to Girlfriend

The Contenders

11 At a Wedding

Guy: you may kiss the bride
Groom: *kisses bride*
Me: oh fk yea *beats meat*
Groom: whachu doing fam?! - AlphaQ

12 On The Hockey Rink
13 On a Date

I've been on a lot of dates. I tried masturbating once with someone and she dumped me. don't DO IT! - AlphaQ

14 In a Swimming Pool
15 In a Job Interview

The boss turns you on amirite fam? - AlphaQ

Same thang as class. I don't know because I haven't finished school yet. I'm in 9th Grade. - AlphaQ

I think you'd get fired. Not sure. - Powerfulgirl10

16 While Getting a Haircut
17 In the Bathroom at School

People in my school have done this. A lot. - AlphaQ

18 On a Roller Coaster

Be sure to reach your orgasm right before a drop ladys you can scream from the pleasure there

19 On the Roof

Done it ONCE. Bleh it’s not much but you don’t want the seagulls to see your You-know-What. - AlphaQ

20 While Watching TV

"Oh're purple tail and curvy teeth really turn me on, OOH YEAH" - TwilightKitsune

Let’s pray that Barney won’t eat me… - AlphaQ

21 In a Police Car

Remind me to try that one when I get arrested

Good idea! Let me try that next time!

22 While Eating at a Restaurant
23 When Playing a Game

When the grind starts x)

24 When on a Computer at Your House Watching Sex Videos

Being home alone is the best experience ever. - Not_A_Weeaboo

I'm pretty sure that's what everyone does

It’s normal to do that. - AlphaQ

Doesn’t everybody do that? - AlphaQ

25 In Front of Your Sibling

This could end in 2 ways

Me: *masturbates*
Brother: ew gross
Me: what it’s fine
Brother: disgusting

OR (the worst case)

Me: *masturbates*
Brother: I’m telling
Me: *dies* - AlphaQ

26 At the Movie Theater

When during a sex scene, be free to moan all you want for the most chances to m0an out load during the movie I recommend 50 shades of grey

Unless it's a porn movie, lol - Neonco31

27 In Front of Your Kids

I don't have kids and don't want any. I don't have kids because I'm ONLY 15. - AlphaQ

Yeahhh... I'm pretty sure there's some legal issues there

Kid: Oh, daddy? What are you doing?

I'm pretty sure they'd also be scarred for life. - Powerfulgirl10

Kid: Daddy? What are you doing?
Me: Oh-uhh…guy stuff… - AlphaQ

28 In Front of the Child You Need to Babysit
29 On the Toilet
30 While Running
31 In the Woods

The bears turn you on, huh? - AlphaQ

Nature, a beautiful place filled with a variety of flora and fauna…and a great place to masturbate. - AlphaQ

32 On Broadway
33 In Jail
34 In Church
35 On Doctor Phil

I'm sure he wont have anything to say about that

Dr phil then watches you finish

36 In a Camera Warehouse

If you do this you are here by declared a full fledged retard

37 On a Tightrope

Guys gimme a dec, I gotta sit down *starts masturbating* - AlphaQ

38 In Antarctica
39 On Saturday Night Live
40 At Comic-Con
41 On Zebra Crossing
42 In a Store
43 Shopping Mall
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