Top Ten Weirdest Times or Places to Masturbate

The Top Ten

1 In Class

Whoever would try to masturbate in class is stupid. You will obviously get caught.

I wonder how long you would get detention?

I think I would get expelled if I did this

What kind of sane person would do that?!

2 During a Funeral

My Christian relatives would be furious

This is a sad death of *insert name*
Everyone: crying out loud*
Someone: (thinking) They can see/hear me masturbate (masturbates)
Everyone: stops and start laughing

And here lies common sense, he was a useless fudge hindering oir knowledge and anyway let us masturbate his grave to see how many Nobel Peace Prize I can get

That’s pretty wrong…as long as it’s not Mia Khalifa’s grave.

3 At the Park

An old dude did that in a town near mine.

He is now in jail.

4 In Front of Your Parents

Wow, what an appropriate place...

That would be awkward

They'll love it...

Why the F would anybody do that.

5 In a Daycare Center

The children would be scarred for life.

How bout dancing naked on the tables. That's a lot worse and I haven't done yet

What sick human being would do that.

You'll blind the poor children.

Don't bang the children...

6 On Britain's Got Talent

For some reason, America's Got Talent can accept that kind of thing.

The scary thing is, it sounds feasible.

Simon: It's a no from me

I’m not from Britain but I can do it on Australia’s Got Talent.

7 In a Police Car

Remind me to try that one when I get arrested

Good idea! Let me try that next time!

I wonder what the cop(s) would do...

8 During a Play

Unless if you're playing a role where the character has to masterbuate.

Actor 1:I will masturbate at front of my bang bang darling
Actor 2:Fudge I'm skrewed
Actor 1:*Masturbates and head explodes*

9 At the Movie Theater

It's actually common to find wet seats in certain theaters. The back of some seats can also we wet...

I don't masturbate, but it would only be reasonable if the movie was Shrek.

Unless it's a porn movie, lol

When during a sex scene, be free to moan all you want for the most chances to m0an out load during the movie I recommend 50 shades of grey

10 In the Car

The Uber driver is Jessica alba and she really turns me on *orgasms*

why if you can have sex in a car then you can masturbate in one to

The Contenders

11 In an Airplane

The only place you'll have any privacy is where you're most likely to be sucked out.

That’s unsanitary

12 In a Store
13 During a Skype Chat
14 At a Wedding

My crazy religious relatives would kill me

Guy: you may kiss the bride
Groom: *kisses bride*
Me: oh fk yea *beats meat*
Groom: whachu doing fam?!

15 In a Swimming Pool

as long as no one see you I think it ok

16 On the Hockey Rink
17 On a Date

I've been on a lot of dates. I tried masturbating once with someone and she dumped me. don't DO IT!

18 While Getting a Haircut
19 In a Job Interview

Same thang as class. I don't know because I haven't finished school yet. I'm in 9th Grade.

I think you'd get fired. Not sure.

The boss turns you on amirite fam?

20 In the Bathroom at School

People in my school have done this. A lot.

My boyfriend does this..

21 On a Roller Coaster

Be sure to reach your orgasm right before a drop ladys you can scream from the pleasure there

It would ease my phobia of roller coasters, but I still wouldn’t do it

22 When on a Computer at Your House Watching Sex Videos

This is obvious that people mostly do this while watching porn.

I'm pretty sure that's what everyone does

Being home alone is the best experience ever.

I do that though

23 In Front of Your Sibling

This could end in 2 ways

Me: *masturbates*
Brother: ew gross
Me: what it’s fine
Brother: disgusting

OR (the worst case)

Me: *masturbates*
Brother: I’m telling
Me: *dies*

24 In Front of the Child You Need to Babysit

Yup. This is an popular old favorite.

25 In the Woods

The bears turn you on, huh?

Nature, a beautiful place filled with a variety of flora and fauna…and a great place to masturbate.

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