Top Ten Absurd Things to Read In a Survival Guide

PositronWildhawk

The Top Ten

1 If you can't catch a rabbit, you will die. If you can't tie a slip knot, you will die. If you encounter an extraterrestrial cylinder with flashing lights, you will die. So, basically, seeya in hell. V 1 Comment
2 Written by the last survival experts to lose our peanuts. Or were we?

The words of a man nowhere near insanity... - PositronWildhawk

3 You have been stuck in the middle of nowhere, having to ration all resources, which would never have lasted anyway. It's your love life.
4 If you encounter a mountain lion, make yourself look delicious. You'll just speed up the inevitable process.

, how morbidly funny! - keycha1n

Reminds me of a sign I saw down in Florida:

ALLIGATOR MATING SEASON
If attacked, fake orgasm. - PetSounds

Hmmm... I think this guide is pretty good. - Delgia2k

5 If you encounter a Klingon, you are probably insane by now and should be put down.

And it's the right thing to do. - PositronWildhawk

6 It could be worse; your mother-in-law could be here!

Nah, an ex girlfriend is worse. - DapperPickle

7 All characters within this book are purely works of fiction.

And the tips we are going to give you now for survival purpose aren't for kids and immature people. WARNING: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. - Kiteretsunu

V 3 Comments
8 The most efficient way to hang oneself...

Oh, that sounds interesting! - CastlevaniaFanboy128

9 You can survive in Birmingham for an hour, you can survive in the wilderness for three days! V 1 Comment
10 At least you're not in New Jersey

The Contenders

11 A better survival guide can be found online. With a phone. So we can rescue.
12 In order to survive, you must mix two teaspoons of phosphorus with a drop of einsteinium

Well... einsteinium has a very low half life and it would be unlikely for this to happen. - errrr

13 In case of badgers, run around in a rectangular formation screaming "GIRAFFE!"

Probably the most effective on this list :P - Emberflight_of_StormClan

14 You Are Gonna Die Kill Yourself First
15 And you thought rush hour was hard
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List StatsUpdated 24 Sep 2017

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2 years, 202 days old

Top Remixes

1. If you can't catch a rabbit, you will die. If you can't tie a slip knot, you will die. If you encounter an extraterrestrial cylinder with flashing lights, you will die. So, basically, seeya in hell.
2. Written by the last survival experts to lose our peanuts. Or were we?
3. You have been stuck in the middle of nowhere, having to ration all resources, which would never have lasted anyway. It's your love life.
PositronWildhawk
1. If you can't catch a rabbit, you will die. If you can't tie a slip knot, you will die. If you encounter an extraterrestrial cylinder with flashing lights, you will die. So, basically, seeya in hell.
2. You have been stuck in the middle of nowhere, having to ration all resources, which would never have lasted anyway. It's your love life.
3. Written by the last survival experts to lose our peanuts. Or were we?
EpicJake

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