Best Chuck Norris Facts
The Top Ten
oh my god, this is by far the funniest of them all... couldn't stop laughing!
Swim on land... That's the best one there is here! I love it! I guess physics just got crapped on.
by far the best nobody can do this but Chuck Norris... I'm still laughing man. Chuck Norris is the best, better than the Zohan
Wow - IkuraV 38 Comments
This fact REALLY made my day!
I laughed so hard as soon as I read it!
Chuck Norris FTW!
P.S. : Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone... xD
Voters! Please get some sense of humor... This one should be at the TOP! Not down here! - Xion
TOO damn hilarious. This was the best fact ever created. So simple, yet so complex in it's true sentence. I probably just saw god... Okay no, not really. But this is better than any other, and some even get kinda... Blah? I guess, this never get's old.
"Now live report of how the Virgins Island got an earthquake and have a new island."
"You know why? "
"THE ISLAND LOSES IT'S VIRGINITY! WYWHAHSHSHSGSGWHSHHSHSHEHEHEHEHEHSHSHSHEGRGEUEUSUEUEJEUEJWHSHWHSHEHHEHEHEBEHEHSUEH."
"Chuck Norrised"... Haha! Virtual bouquet of flowers to whoever came up with this one! Awesome. Oddly enough, I haven't come across this one before, but as so many have declared--this one is gold.
Haha. Chuck Norrised... Love it. This ones a keeper for sure. CHUCK NORRIS for the win Pure awesomeness here
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY HAS THIS IN IT! (YouTube)
For some reason I find this funnyV 31 Comments
I always wondered what he was hiding from but the answer is quite simple.
This one never fail to make me laugh It's really funny! I think this one should be on the top 3.
Yeah, it's funny because waldo is so wimpy looking. - masterblaster
Yep. - Metalhead1997V 16 Comments
I love the added its a shame he never cried at the end. Laugh out loud This one is by far the funniest. I hadn't seen this one before but it rules.
I love this one! Its hilarious! (mike fizzle chisel has approved this message. )
Then the president of each country asks Chuck Norris to cut onions in a cancer hospital. He then got a Nobel prize. - Animefan12
Just wowV 13 Comments
all of these are great but this one is the best - moose4life19
I don't KNOW WHY THIS IS NUMBER 2 because ITS WAY BETTER THAN NUMBER 1!
ALSO WHERE IS DEATH ONCE HAD A NEAR CHUCK NORRIS EXPERIENCE! Laugh out loud
Laugh out loud this one is just so amazing. How can it be number four when it should be number one and then some with a side of chips well done and medium rare
Mind blown - RustyNailV 22 Comments
It's really only funny for those who have actually tried to delete the recycling bin.
This is just the best 1 out there! Props to whom ever made it up. How much trash do you have to write here to be able to Post?
This is so brilliant! The person who invented this is a genius. But not more of a genius than Chuck Norris. Definitely not... Who are you? NO! Please don't! I'm gonna -
A true god amongst men - EliHbkV 17 Comments
Well that is just really weird you know. I mean when I go to sleep the room is filled with boogiemen. I guess they chose to hide in my room. Laugh out loud
Well, everyone is afraid to be Chuck Norrised after all, but boogieman? Clever move chuck!
Hahaha undoubtably the funniest Norris joke ever, laughed just about every single time I have read it somewhere!
He’s a bad man!V 12 Comments
Simply laugh out loud... I laughed my butt off after hearing this one... Its simple and funny...
Simply the best, also the Jesus one is good
He won't tell us, though. I'm not saying he should. - Metalhead1997
Funny - DarkBoi-XV 8 Comments
Chuck Norris is very assertive with the way he acts, NOBODY can make fun of him even "natural phenomena" can't be a "smart ass" against Chuck.
.. Just brilliant; florence from Slovenia;
Best one in my opinion.
lol - YOSHIA2121V 6 Comments
This is the best one I have ever heard. The other good ones made me chuckle but this one seriously made me burst out laughing. Please go look up braille if you don't know what it is!
Lmao I can't believe this one isn't in the top 5. Do yall even know what braille is? Lmao
He can also speak French, in Russian. He can hear sign language too.
So he can speak to dots to blind people? GENIUS!V 7 Comments
AHAHAA that's just great, it says that he saw God and convinced him that HE doesn't exist!
For those of claiming that this joke is offensive to God/religion then your statement is also offensive to my religion of atheism
It's always funnier when everyone gets triggered.
This is genius if you think about it! - PugsfromMoonV 16 Comments
Laugh out loud, most of the Chuck Norris jokes are quite repetitive but this one is just plain awesome. Good job to whoever made this up
THIS THE ONLY CHUCK NORRIS FACT I'VE HEARD THAT HAS MADE ME LAUGH!
I LOVE IT!
This one is HILARIOUS! Literally made me laugh out loud laugh out loud! Cannot believe it's not in the top ten!
This ones EPIC!V 14 Comments
I cracked up the moment I heard this, in my opinion this is one of the best Norris jokes ever. - cyclone1248
That's so very true. Chuck Norris is always in control. - Kiteretsunu
SO AM I
yes - YOSHIA2121V 1 Comment
Man this jokes is awesome.
Family guy! Made me smile
What I don't get it
They aren't jokes. They are facts! 😠V 1 Comment
$ made me laugh so much! @@@ I love this one so much! - Froggy
I heard that a snake bit him and then after awhile the snake died
Although this one is a classic, I love it. - Kiteretsunu
The real question is: who is good enough to stab Chuck Norris? - HoneyBadgersV 8 Comments
I imagine when he was doing pull-ups. Maybe the sky is drawn down below -laugh out loud-
Chuck Norris is the funniest guy I've ever met. The #11statement is absolutely true. I Wish I get a chance to meet Chuck Norris someday!
Impressive! But he's not strong enough to hold a poo. Even HE has to drop it. - Britgirl
true - YOSHIA2121V 7 Comments
This is so awesome. All you people don't know math to see how funny this is. (It is impossible to divide by zero)
He can. But he never revealed the answer. Otherwise mathematicians will lose their morale. - Kiteretsunu
Math must be really easy for him... Haha.. Maybe he can find the exact value of 'i', sqrt(-1)
what - YOSHIA2121V 4 Comments
This is the most popular and the funniest... Simple and plain... Norris is a beast
This one isn't as good - YOSHIA2121
Who does he kill
I think it's really mean saying haB
Damn good one. I heard Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. But this is hilarious
Chuck norris is dead? NO - Harri666
That has to be the best fact. Hand down.
haV 3 Comments
Awesome! Imagine someone sleeping with their head on a gun and a pillow underneath! This one should have been rated way higher!
Simple but hilarious! The jokes that are only one sentence are always the most funny.
When Chuck Norris went to preschool, he graduated university. Then preschool started
Awesome joke! This joke is funny in 2 ways. - Animefan12V 1 Comment
Laugh out loud this one absolutely needs to be in the top ten^^
Imagine someone killing with a spoon!
LOLOLOLOL DUDE. THAT'S CLASSIC!
I wonder how that would feel?
Laugh out loud, that's so funny cause manslaughter is not supposed to be funny. He kills people.
So simple so funny
The only one thus far to have made me laugh except for the one talking about how he is in control and how he knows Victoria's Secret.
This is hilarious. He killed all the life out of it. That's why mars is red, it is covered by blood.
Absolutely correct. They met such a fate because they insulted Chuck Norris by addressing him as the "Norris of Chuck". - Kiteretsunu
Because he annihilated the planet. - Metalhead1997V 6 Comments
Laugh out loud.. Funny jokes dude... I can stop laugh after reading this one...
But the best jokes is at number 17...
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. - muhammadfajri
Nice I actually laughed at this one.
LOL! Fell off the chair! - Animefan12
CN Tower in Toronto looks very...phallocentric - Metal_Treasure
This one is different than the usually stupid Chuck Norris jokes. Love it. I actually laughed at this one.
Laugh out loud ill never look at a potato sack the same way.
I'm actually crying, this is one of the only ones on this list to make me laugh out loud. Love it
This makes no sense. Nice job this is funny.V 3 Comments
Because he punched a horse, it's neck got real long? Like a knock-your-block off robot? Meh. OK joke.
Ie he can change the dna of something just by touching it! Made me laugh!
This is actually the only thing on this website that made me laugh. The unbelievable stupidity...
Laugh out loud Tom Cruise invented pink. This made me laugh my butt off. - nintendofan126
Tom can do pink better than no man, laugh out loud
What about black metal? - Metalhead1997
Nice one bro... Tom cruz invented pink... Hilarious.. It's like christmus in july, norris invented all color except pink, because he is menliest man on earth..
never heard this one hahaha. There are other funny ones but this is new.
As a member of the revolving door's fan club, I gotta share this with the others! Laughed off asses will be everywhere!
That's good. Please, tell me. Who came up with this? Don't try and take credit, everyone. It's really good.
Hilarious. It's like "lol" what is he waiting for.. But deep down, you know.
Read this years ago... I still laughed, silently, as I didn't want to a"wait" Chuck Norris... Sh.
He's basically like a Terminator, in the sense that they don't sleep. - Metalhead1997
My favorite so far. Laughed out loud
I'm aliteracy only commenting because I'd like to point out how awesome it is that your 9. I'm a kid too. We like the same things as adults. GO KIDS!
So funny I am 9 years old and can count in Spanish to only 30!
I thought the answer was 11!
My favourite for ever
Best. One. YET! They're all great. But this one is awesome! I have one: " a bullet hit chuck Norris...
and the bullet said ouch" laugh out loud
To funny for words
I would say he cheated but... Chuck Norris - EliHbk
It's unloaded gun
Because the bullets all knew what would happen if they tried attacking him. They were scared. - Metalhead1997
I love it when these facts can come up in intense debates. Nothing better than throwing someone off with some Chuck Norris!
A very good one indeed, it really reflects Chucks longevity, he's been roundhouse kicking dinosaurs into extinction
Oh my Gosh! This is made my day. So damn funny
And the dinosaurs failed his test. - Metalhead1997V 5 Comments
To much laughter in one line :D
Wait... What? That's nasty... - Bubbyboop
The only one that has truly made me laugh. The it was came out six foot tall and had learned karate part was just brilliant
I agree! Its the only one that actually made me laugh its funny if you just imagine chuck doing that
God... I'll never look tmnt the same way again
This is different my friend :D It actually make me laugh :DD
I think he can carve his name on diamonds too! - Kiteretsunu
Should at least be in the top ten. This one and the Waldo are too funny. Waldo is #5 currently "Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. "
There's the yo mamas so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone joke - Harri666
Yeah, Go Chuck Norris you're the best! - Animefan12
:))) chuck norris is amazing! :)))V 1 Comment
This is funny savagery
That's the best in my opinion
Dying of laughter right now, I'm honored to be one of Chuck's victims - EliHbk
So is Chuck Norris God's father? - Metalhead1997
Aww, Died of laughter! Simply funny! - Animefan12V 2 Comments
I believe this fact to be true but don't forget about the other deadly animals at the bottom of his bed
He went to sleep with a teddy bear as well. Probably TED the teddy bear who curses a lot. - AlphaQ
Laugh out loud.. Wow
He goes to bed with paddington after he kidnapped him from the brown family - Harri666
And he kills the grim reaper every year - ToddHoward
Which should be EVERYONE'S goals. - Metalhead1997
This one was awesome. Really made me laugh. And all these years I thought superman didn't need a teacher!
This one is really nice. Superb! - Kiteretsunu
Lolcano this made me rofl no actually I rolled
On the floor laughing. Should be number 1
Imagine him doing that in a CITY. - Metalhead1997
This is hilarious
This is really funny
I wonder why it's not in the top 10's
Come on guys!
Related ListsBest Chuck Norris Movies Top Ten Fictional Characters Chuck Norris Should Roundhouse Kick Top 10 SSBB Characters Chuck Norris Is Most Like Fictional Characters Chuck Norris Should Team Up With Top 10 Characters That Should Battle Chuck Norris
11 years, 156 days old
Top Remixes (35)
2. Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died.
3. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
2. Chuck Norris Can Do a Wheelie On a Unicycle
3. All men are created equal. Equally inferior to Chuck Norris.
2. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
3. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.
View All 35