Top Ten Funniest Conspiracy Theories That Don't Exist

 What are some hilarious conspiracy theories you can come up with that don't exist? (Notice that this is for COMEDY only. I am not trying to offend anybody, and if I unintentionally do then I apologize.)

The Top Ten

1 Your parents are grains of sand disguised as humans that worship magic coffee tables

This would be funny, but also kind of saddening knowing that your parents have just been sand all your life. - BlueTopazIceVanilla

I'm a grain of silt what do I worship

All hail the magic coffee tables! Peace come to the mighty Tablans! - RaineSage

I laughed sooo hard I almost peed my pants

2 Walls are watching you, and are secretly part of the Illuminati

So THAT'S why there's a whole in the wall of my apartment building!

But I thought I was part of the illuminati... - styLIShT

Anyone reading this, PLEASE put this as new entry, as it does not let me. "You should trust everything the government and the media tells you because they know best and have your best interests at heart, they care for you and have the highest amount of respect for you, and put people before profit."

I'm sorry wall! I didn't mean to badmouth your organisation! Don't crush me! - RaineSage

3 Cats are planning the apocalypse by making it rain cheese

If this happens I would just go out with lots of bowls and collect the food for my family. The world may be under attack, but at least we are full. - BlueTopazIceVanilla

Oh no! Not the cheese! Anything but the cheese, it burns! - RaineSage

I hope it rains good cheese

I hope it tastes good.

4 Everyone is actually hollow and their skin is made of ketchup

Ketchup, Catsup, Ketchup, Catsup. - Mr Burns.

Bah who needs logic and evidence when you can have ketchup skin? - RaineSage

Where are the French fries?

its true

5 The dictionary was invented by aliens in order to make us understand their language

What dictionary? What language, and why? Meh, who cares? Aliens rule all. - RaineSage

6 Everyone on TheTopTens are secretly part of an evil organisation and are plotting against you

You caught me! Darn... - ObviouslyNotATroll

Oh no I was right - Toucan

Maybe the high ranking users are part of it. You ever notice they don't tell their succes stories other than, "Work hard, do good"? - BlueTopazIceVanilla

Mwahaha! Fear me!
...And every other TopTenner on the site but you. Because... Reasons, I guess?

It's just like in the movies. I will tell you my whole evil plan and life story (why? Because I am a villain) and you kill me while I am doing it. - RaineSage

7 Your entire life was staged by McDonald's and you were born a second ago

How would you know your life was staged if you were just born? - BlueTopazIceVanilla

I can understand that the first part is actually kinda believable (I watch Vsauce videos) but come on its McDonald's! Why would they want to stage the life of the public and how? - RaineSage

8 Water is actually the blood of a sacred sandwich in the sky

So that's why Slayer made that Raining Blood song... - UltimateHybridX

Mm! Just imagine what a sandwich, (especially a sacred one) will taste like! - BlueTopazIceVanilla

That means we are all vampires. Okay. *keeps sipping the blood of sky dwelling food* - RaineSage

9 Cobwebs are portals into another dimension and spiders are the gatekeepers

This is most ridiculous theory I have heard

I have put my hand through plenty of cobwebs. Does that mean that I am in another dimension now? - RaineSage

I've been through a lot of dimensions then.

10 Trump did 9/11

No Bush did 9/11 - BlueSphere

This one I can actually kind of see people believing there are already some people who think that it was the american government so thinking it was instead Donald Trump is not that much more of a stretch

Trump is actually a alien lizard from sargon21b he staged 911 to banish Muslims from the 5th dimension
u know its true

The Contenders

11 Justin Bieber's music is played on the radio so that humanity can be emotionally monitored

I love Justin Bieber!

12 Dogs are actually carnivore-butterflies with bizarrely mutated bodies

Cats are liquids

13 Justin Bieber's "music" is the real Devil's music

Rubbish

14 Justin Bieber is part of the Illuminati

He has satanic backward messages in his songs, this is proof enof for me

That's a load of crap

I know right

So is he

15 Florida screws up so many things because it is shaped like a penis

My god, this list is just excellent - styLIShT

16 We’re in a video game called The Game of Life
17 Tiredness is when your head gets replaced by a giant baguette in another reality

I'm tired a lot. Does that mean my head is constantly a sandwich? - RaineSage

18 Lions have the power to change into Elmo's potty time books

Wouldn't it be so funny to be walking in the savannah, when sudennly you see a random Elmo's Potty Time book? - BlueTopazIceVanilla

19 Pancakes are actually frozen acid blocks cut into circles and painted in light brown/orangish-brown
20 The moon is made of sugar and if you eat a handful of it, you will get a superpower
21 Alligators are actually Martians who came to earth to teach us boxing
22 Cats are genetically mutated humans who will one day turn back to humans and turn us to cats and we will be pets
23 There is a land south of Antarctica that has dragons
24 John Lennon and Britney Spears are secretly the same person
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